First Date Question

Silluger

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Nov 22, 2012
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7
Hey everyone,

I feel a bit awkward asking this (I usually just do all the research and figure out everything for myself) but I'm not exactly sure how to approach this. Recently, I've started asking out girls who I've known in school but never had the courage to actually ask them out.

I asked one girl out yesterday and I was surprised she agreed almost immediately. Thing is, I was chasing her a bit last year but she became quite cold to me so I just stopped. There were even times where I was talking to her on Facebook and without warning she would log off or stop talking to me. Yesterday, she decided to pick up on a conversation we started two months ago and after 10-15 minutes of catching up, she had hinted that she wanted to watch the new Twilight movie with me and some of our mutual friends. Obviously, I shut down her idea quickly since that would just be a terrible idea (we also don't really have any mutual friends per se) and proposed a meet up downtown instead a week from now. We exchanged digits and I told her I'll let her know of an alternative.

Now my question is - what should my dating template be? I was thinking of just getting some coffee and maybe walk around (Yeah I'm pretty clueless at this type of thing). I don't know if it's a good idea to invite her home since we're going to meet up at 2 in the afternoon. I had just read the good date/bad date post and I want to incorporate the 5 C's rule. It seems to me like she really wants to watch Twilight but I read somewhere else on this blog that it's a bad idea to agree to her requests when going on dates and that I should make the decisions. However, I also read that I should help her feel included in the decision-making process. Yeah, I don't really know what I should do...
 

Franco

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Nov 14, 2012
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Hi Silluger,

One idea you can suggest to her is that you grab coffee at a shop near a movie theater before the movie begins (preferably an hour or two before). Your first goal would be to eliminate the idea that you want to see this movie with mutual friends -- if she pushes for friends to go, it might be a sign that she wants to keep things platonic. Getting her out alone with you for coffee first will help you screen for that.

If she agrees to coffee with you, treat the coffee meetup as a date (use deep diving and build a warm connection with her). At this point, you should be able to gauge how she is feeling and what she really wants to do. If she seems like she's really having a good time with you and hasn't brought up Twilight once, then you can set a bold frame and say, "hey, you know what? Forget the movie. I know a place we can go that will be much more exciting..."

Know your logistics beforehand though... if you have a place you can get her alone, take her there and make your move.

This is just a template suggestion; if you think you have a better idea along the same lines, feel free to give it a shot!

Hope this helps.

- Franco
 

Silluger

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Joined
Nov 22, 2012
Messages
7
Hey Franco,

Thanks for the suggestion. I've already arranged a one on one meet instead and I will try to bring her home on the same day. One thing I want to ask is that is there a difference between escalating physically on the first date with someone that you know and doing that same thing with a girl you picked up just a few days ago? It's not really social circle game per se since we have at most 1 or 2 friends in common but on the other hand, I don't really know her that well either.

Also, if I were dragged into movie dates, how should I usually proceed with those? I'm actually the type that loves movies on its own so I would actually love watching them on the big screen (saw Skyfall with a girl two weeks ago) but I tend to not have the courage to do anything. I've screwed up my fair share of movie dates in the past.

Sincerely,

Silluger
 

Franco

Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
Joined
Nov 14, 2012
Messages
3,641
Location
Southern California
The only difference between escalating with a girl you already know vs. a girl you just met is that escalating with the girl you have already known will be much more difficult. This isn't ALWAYS the case, though, especially if she hasn't put you in the "friend zone" yet.

As far as a movie date goes, I would avoid any heavy escalation in the theater. This is where most newbies make their initial mistake... they go for a "make-out" session and remove all suspense and intrigue from the date. If you want to get comfortable and put your arm around her, I think that is fine (and it'll help ease your nerves--and possibly hers--and give you the confidence to escalate later).

Once the movie ends, if you don't have a good place to escalate, then escalate in your car! I think lots of guys tend to be afraid of making a move there for whatever reason, but if you do it in a smooth way (i.e. go in for the kiss in the front seat after some small talk and then command her to move to the back seat when the kissing starts to get heavy and passionate), you can make your close there! If you do this, just make sure to sound confident that everything will be fine... she will likely use resistance such as, "people are going to see us!" Reassure her that you two are alone and everything is fine.

And as a side note: make sure to park your car somewhere discrete and far away from everyone else!

Good luck!

- Franco
 
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