- Joined
- Jan 2, 2015
- Messages
- 1,107
Hi guys,
So, pretty crazy/educational night tonight for me. But a little backstory first:
The previous night, I metup with a girl via Tinder. She's literally one of the hottest girls I had ever met in my life. Unfortunetely, it didn't seem to work out. She either had no interest in getting to know me whatsoever, or she's the shyest person in the world. Being that she seemed to have TONS of friends and social connections, I would assume the former. The reason I say this is because every time I asked her a question, she would give me a one word answer. Basically, conversation threads which would normally last me at least an hour, came up to being only about 5 mins with her. Unfortunetely, I'm still at a place where I become VERY attracted to girls who are SUPER hot. Regardless of personality (something I'm still working on about myself). The following day (this morning), I sent her a text telling her I had a good time with her. She didn't reply. Also, she had either deleted her Tinder or unmatched me.
So anyways, back to tonight: By SHEER CHANCE I saw her at a club in a city which is AN HOUR away from where we both live. Which I think is pretty crazy in of itself. Unfortunetely, being that I wasn't prepared for this, my emotions kinda took over. So I started chasing (not just figuratively, I mean literally! I ran after her as she was going into the nightclub. No, I'm not proud of it!). Obviously, she was completely repelled by me. At this point, I got that super desperate feeling we all get when we're still beginners and we know we're losing a girl.
So after taking a 5 min break, I collected my wits, trying to figure out what to do. I decided that the best possible course of actions is to run a jealousy plotline/ achieve some sort of pre-selection. Good news is, we're at a nightclub, so this is reletively doable. Bad news is, I have HUGE approach anxiety. Like, until this day, I had NEVER EVER pulled a number in real life. I had only met girls via Tinder.
But today was different. My desperation, my want for this girl's attention and approval COMPLETELY OVERPOWERED my approach anxiety. So I opened a set. It was surreal. I've heard that even expert pua's feel at least a LITTLE bit of approach anxiety every time they open. I felt literally NOTHING. I was completely calm and in control of myself. I was so focused on the girl I was chasing, that I literally did not care in the SLIGHTEST about what happened with the set I was opening. I talked to the girl for a while, asked her if she frequents the area, complimented her tattoos and asked about them, I didn't really deep dive her, just stuck to pretty surface level topics. Then I asked for her number. She gave it to me. Unfortunately, I don't think the girl I was trying to make jealous actually saw all this happen, so the whole jealousy thing didn't really workout for me.
So I guess to conclude, I think one lesson to take from this is that in order to defeat approach anxiety, you MUST find something you emotionally desire more than you fear the approach, and that desire MUST only be achievable via approaching. Honestly, I'm not sure what that is. Because emotions are fleeting. Like, I'm not sure if I can repeat what happened tonight because my emotional desire for her approval was a very "in the moment/panicky" type thing. It was far more intense in nature than any emotions I have and can sustain throughout my daily life. Still though, this is a step in the right direction, and certainly worth investigating. Any thoughts on this?
P.S.
Here's another twist: The girl's number who I JUST GOT. Is on the girl I was chasing's FB COVER PHOTO! And said girl even saw me talking to the girl I was chasing all throughout at the start of the night (in fact, she even tried to cock block me at the start!). So I feel like she might ask me how I know her. Which could really fuck me over if I lie or try to hide it. Cause girl #2 might just ask the girl I was chasing about me. So if/when I see her, I'm not really sure what to do if the topic of my relation to girl #1 comes up! I hope this paragraph made sense! Haha
So, pretty crazy/educational night tonight for me. But a little backstory first:
The previous night, I metup with a girl via Tinder. She's literally one of the hottest girls I had ever met in my life. Unfortunetely, it didn't seem to work out. She either had no interest in getting to know me whatsoever, or she's the shyest person in the world. Being that she seemed to have TONS of friends and social connections, I would assume the former. The reason I say this is because every time I asked her a question, she would give me a one word answer. Basically, conversation threads which would normally last me at least an hour, came up to being only about 5 mins with her. Unfortunetely, I'm still at a place where I become VERY attracted to girls who are SUPER hot. Regardless of personality (something I'm still working on about myself). The following day (this morning), I sent her a text telling her I had a good time with her. She didn't reply. Also, she had either deleted her Tinder or unmatched me.
So anyways, back to tonight: By SHEER CHANCE I saw her at a club in a city which is AN HOUR away from where we both live. Which I think is pretty crazy in of itself. Unfortunetely, being that I wasn't prepared for this, my emotions kinda took over. So I started chasing (not just figuratively, I mean literally! I ran after her as she was going into the nightclub. No, I'm not proud of it!). Obviously, she was completely repelled by me. At this point, I got that super desperate feeling we all get when we're still beginners and we know we're losing a girl.
So after taking a 5 min break, I collected my wits, trying to figure out what to do. I decided that the best possible course of actions is to run a jealousy plotline/ achieve some sort of pre-selection. Good news is, we're at a nightclub, so this is reletively doable. Bad news is, I have HUGE approach anxiety. Like, until this day, I had NEVER EVER pulled a number in real life. I had only met girls via Tinder.
But today was different. My desperation, my want for this girl's attention and approval COMPLETELY OVERPOWERED my approach anxiety. So I opened a set. It was surreal. I've heard that even expert pua's feel at least a LITTLE bit of approach anxiety every time they open. I felt literally NOTHING. I was completely calm and in control of myself. I was so focused on the girl I was chasing, that I literally did not care in the SLIGHTEST about what happened with the set I was opening. I talked to the girl for a while, asked her if she frequents the area, complimented her tattoos and asked about them, I didn't really deep dive her, just stuck to pretty surface level topics. Then I asked for her number. She gave it to me. Unfortunately, I don't think the girl I was trying to make jealous actually saw all this happen, so the whole jealousy thing didn't really workout for me.
So I guess to conclude, I think one lesson to take from this is that in order to defeat approach anxiety, you MUST find something you emotionally desire more than you fear the approach, and that desire MUST only be achievable via approaching. Honestly, I'm not sure what that is. Because emotions are fleeting. Like, I'm not sure if I can repeat what happened tonight because my emotional desire for her approval was a very "in the moment/panicky" type thing. It was far more intense in nature than any emotions I have and can sustain throughout my daily life. Still though, this is a step in the right direction, and certainly worth investigating. Any thoughts on this?
P.S.
Here's another twist: The girl's number who I JUST GOT. Is on the girl I was chasing's FB COVER PHOTO! And said girl even saw me talking to the girl I was chasing all throughout at the start of the night (in fact, she even tried to cock block me at the start!). So I feel like she might ask me how I know her. Which could really fuck me over if I lie or try to hide it. Cause girl #2 might just ask the girl I was chasing about me. So if/when I see her, I'm not really sure what to do if the topic of my relation to girl #1 comes up! I hope this paragraph made sense! Haha
