Alright, in the 10 or so years I've been around this forum, people have suggested from time to time that I write field reports to help identify sticking points and improve. I've recently started taking audio-recordings of some of my infields... here's my first attempt at a write-up.
The interaction felt okay, but after reviewing it, I realize it's cringy and full of mistakes.
I'll use the "Report Writing Guide" as a starting point.
Setup
How were you dressed?
- T-shirt with a nice graphic on the front and pastel cotton shorts
What was she doing before you approached?
- sitting in the park journaling
How would you describe the venue(s) where you interacted?
- a city park with a moderate amount of people
Describe your verbal and nonverbal choices that supported each approach.
- not sure
Describe her verbal and emotional responses to your attempt(s) to open and hook.
- not sure how to describe
Outline the techniques, behaviors and strategies you employed during your seduction(s).
- step 1, build rapport, step 2, secure interest, step 3, move her or get contact info.
How would you describe her emotional or body-language responses to your attempt(s) to lead?
- very open and receptive non-verbally, but refused my offers
What were the specific topics you talked about with her during the seduction(s)?
- life balance and entrepreneurship
What were her verbal and emotional responses to these conversation threads?
- she largely drove the conversation, I was mostly listening, thread cutting, and responding
How did you attempt to physically escalate or ramp up the vibe?
- first through verbal suggestions, which she deflected, then through non-verbal suggestions, which she noticed but ignored
Interaction Break Down
She's sitting down on a blanket in the park, I walk up, standard indirect opener. She is smiley and receptive. Then:
Me
What are you working on?
HER:
I'm journaling
Me
What's your name?
[we exchange names]
I start pointing out what I notice about her setup, and then:
me
You've got like a whole feng-shui setup, right, you've got like the tree, and then you have fiction on one side, and non-fiction on the other, and you're just like, vibing
her
Yeah, and then like, the tree, the way it's like, it's kinda like hugging me, as I'm like, in it?
me
Yeah?
her
and it's like, it's nice, it feels like the earth is hugging me back *smiles*
me
Do you come here often?
her
No, actually I don't, and I want to, but... I don't. How often do you?
We small talk a bit more, then I ask:
me
What's brought you back?
her
*sigh... yeah, that's a good question, so... I've been going through a lot lately, and I think that -- and I'm really about like, balance, I mean I think you noticed that, like feng shui -- and so, you know, I've been getting off balance, it's been... and I've allowed myself to get off balance... and usually I don't, but...
here she spends about two minutes talking, almost in stream-of-conciousness, reflecting and such. I'm just doing active listening, my non-verbals are open and supportive. Finally, she sighs again, and says,
her
So what are you do -- like what brought you -- okay so you live across the street and yeah?
me
mmhmm. so I'm just kinda out walking around enjoying the weather, it's super nice
Here the conversation gets a little bit awkward, I'm not really sure what to say at this point.
<awkward pause>
her
Very nice! I ....
me
I... I just came through actually
<awkward pause>
me
sometimes I --
her
Are you originally from here -- oh sometimes what sorry?
me
no go ahead
her
So are you originally from _____, or?
me
ah, no, no I'm not, but I've traveled around a lot, and I'll be here for at least another couple of months now
her
oh nice! okay, so then... and then, you're gonna, move somewhere else, or?
me
probably, yeah...
From here the conversation proceeds back and forth for about 10 minutes, with a pretty natural flow. Eventually, I'm getting bored with it, so I try a verbal escalation:
me
Can I be honest with you?
her
yeah?
me
I find your perspective very refreshing, and I find your passion pretty sexy
her
*laughs* thank you, thank you.... yeah... I feel like, if everybody did... acted towards their passion... I think their passions are very telling of who they are.
me
yeah, yeah... and... and, it's good to be well-rounded.
her
well, do you think that passion is... makes a person well-rounded?
me
*I pause for a second here*: Not always, no, I think sometimes people's passion drives them to be super focused, and that's... that also is like, says something about them as a person that's not better or worse... but... I, I appreciate people who are well rounded, I guess. There's a beauty in that -- there's a balance in that, right? I think sometimes people's passions does drive them to an unbalanced place
her
yes, and that's where I was.
me
you think so?
her
yes... I had no choice, because... the series of events that led up to it, I had no choice but to make or break. There's something that happened, that I had no choice, and I... I had to do it -- maybe on day I'll share that story, you know, but... it's like those stories when people say like, 'you're pinned against the wall', like that was me, I was pinned against the wall, and I had literally do have no choice, and, you're... go for that *claps her hands once*
me
makes you feel alive, doesn't it?
her
*thinks for a second* I don't know if it made feel alive... MOMENTs, yes, oh my god, there were some moments I felt SO ALIVE. Like intoxicating. You know the wins are the wins, but the lows are the lows.
me
Even when you have a setback, to me, that still feels so visceral.
her
yeah, yeah...
me
you said you don't, you've always gotten like, business from people, or connections, that have come to you, and that you haven't quite gotten or explored yet that idea of going out and reaching for it?
her
I want to...
me
I do that, like, that's my thing, that's how I get business, that's... you might have noticed that I... like
her
-- yeah, you're very {can't tell what she says here}
me
... but, at the same time I, I was kinda interested in more of a personal connection with you than a business connection
her
so what do you do?
I try to push back teasingly, but I'm not sure how she takes it:
me
You ask me a question about business after I say that?
her
... I mean like... you say that you approach for work, so... [she kinda stammers a bit here, I can't really tell what she's saying]
me
I also do ....
her
Ohhh, so you get it...
She starts reflecting again. She starts to say a bit of this or that, like "life is... yeah" type stuff. she's not really sure what to say. Finally:
her
I don't... want like one -- the reason why I'm, I'm -- I'm stopping here or pausing here... taking this day, you know, just like.... I've gotta realllllly, pause life, and see... there's a lot of changes that are happening...
She sorta goes back into reflecting and the stream-of-consciousness talking like she did initially. I listen and then offer an extended metaphor relating to and explaining what she was feeling.
her
that's literally where I am right now... yeah, that's exactly it... that's literally where I'm at, that's exactly where I'm at...
Then she basically repeats what I said back to me but with her as the subject. Then she's talking more...
her
... and, I just need to reorient myself now... reorient myself -- and you know what, there's a lot of things about this, right, it's, it's... not only for myself, right, like... people are at a place where they need to like... reset themselves, or they're getting to... where they're not valid, or, you know, just thinking negative -- negatively of everything that's been happening... that's a huge indicator, that's a HUGE indicator, that either you're allowing your past traumas to now impede in the current moment, or, you're allowing it to be a trauma in the current moment.
Here I honestly lose track of what she's saying and have to ask her to clarify.
me
hmm. And what-- what's the sign of that?
her
when you're like *clears throat* when there's just like, you know, like, repeated negative mindsets, where you're talking down on yourself
me
-- oh, I see --
her
or you're just... everything is just... oh, you're super bummed out because that didn't work out, then that didn't work out, then that didn't work out, you know, and it's just like... yeah, that shit gets hard, especially if it's consecutively, of course. But, you start getting a little bit more into your head, on why it didn't work out... why not, what could have happened, why this or why that, because you then you start tying it to other life events or something else, and trying to make up some story about, "maybe that's why it didn't happen". Or, maybe you don't make up another story, and then, you... literally plant that story as a bad situation... rather than... to where now, I'm going to be soooooo, like, 10 times more scared to ever present again...
me
no you won't.
her
but you know what I mean? like I could do either of things. I could either allow it to turn into a trauma or let my past trauma succeed it forward.
me
I see.
her
yes
me
But you're already so aware of all this that you're going to be just fine, it's the people who aren't consciously aware of it that fall into those traps.
her
I mean, I wasn't aware of it, right? Until like, now... I'm taking a break today to read this... I'm feeling myself, feeling myself out, you know? Because like, I don't know, I just feel like I've put on these layers of myself, I guess, to kind of, put me in that focus mode, you know?
me
mmhmm. the horse blinders.
her
yeah. Because, I like who I [she starts to say, "was" --] am, who I am as a person, and I know... it's for the best... it's for the best...
<slight pause>
me
Will you get a drink with me sometime?
her
umm, I'm actually talking to somebody and I don't think he would like that.
me
Are you sure about that?
her
yeah.
me
How long have you guys been talking?
her
umm, talking... since like... January.
me.
okay.
<pause>
me
well I'll tell you what, I'll give you my card, and heaven forbid, if things don't work out, you can always reach out.
her
of course. (as I'm getting up: ) What's your tattoo say?
me
...
Then she asks me about my card as I'm trying to walk away. I tell her a bit about my business; we wind up talking for about a minute or so and then I say,
me
well hey, I'll let you get back to your journaling
her
it was nice meeting you _____
me
it was really nice to meet you, and I can't wait to see where your journey takes you
her
thank you, thank you so, good luck...
TOTAL INTERACTION TIME: Almost exactly 30 minutes.
Thoughts and Impressions
Listening to the recording of this interaction really gave me a perspective on things that I couldn't have gotten from analyzing in the moment. My main questions and take always are:
- metalbird
The interaction felt okay, but after reviewing it, I realize it's cringy and full of mistakes.
I'll use the "Report Writing Guide" as a starting point.
Setup
How were you dressed?
- T-shirt with a nice graphic on the front and pastel cotton shorts
What was she doing before you approached?
- sitting in the park journaling
How would you describe the venue(s) where you interacted?
- a city park with a moderate amount of people
Describe your verbal and nonverbal choices that supported each approach.
- not sure
Describe her verbal and emotional responses to your attempt(s) to open and hook.
- not sure how to describe
Outline the techniques, behaviors and strategies you employed during your seduction(s).
- step 1, build rapport, step 2, secure interest, step 3, move her or get contact info.
How would you describe her emotional or body-language responses to your attempt(s) to lead?
- very open and receptive non-verbally, but refused my offers
What were the specific topics you talked about with her during the seduction(s)?
- life balance and entrepreneurship
What were her verbal and emotional responses to these conversation threads?
- she largely drove the conversation, I was mostly listening, thread cutting, and responding
How did you attempt to physically escalate or ramp up the vibe?
- first through verbal suggestions, which she deflected, then through non-verbal suggestions, which she noticed but ignored
Interaction Break Down
She's sitting down on a blanket in the park, I walk up, standard indirect opener. She is smiley and receptive. Then:
Me
What are you working on?
HER:
I'm journaling
Me
What's your name?
[we exchange names]
I start pointing out what I notice about her setup, and then:
me
You've got like a whole feng-shui setup, right, you've got like the tree, and then you have fiction on one side, and non-fiction on the other, and you're just like, vibing
her
Yeah, and then like, the tree, the way it's like, it's kinda like hugging me, as I'm like, in it?
me
Yeah?
her
and it's like, it's nice, it feels like the earth is hugging me back *smiles*
me
Do you come here often?
her
No, actually I don't, and I want to, but... I don't. How often do you?
We small talk a bit more, then I ask:
me
What's brought you back?
her
*sigh... yeah, that's a good question, so... I've been going through a lot lately, and I think that -- and I'm really about like, balance, I mean I think you noticed that, like feng shui -- and so, you know, I've been getting off balance, it's been... and I've allowed myself to get off balance... and usually I don't, but...
here she spends about two minutes talking, almost in stream-of-conciousness, reflecting and such. I'm just doing active listening, my non-verbals are open and supportive. Finally, she sighs again, and says,
her
So what are you do -- like what brought you -- okay so you live across the street and yeah?
me
mmhmm. so I'm just kinda out walking around enjoying the weather, it's super nice
Here the conversation gets a little bit awkward, I'm not really sure what to say at this point.
<awkward pause>
her
Very nice! I ....
me
I... I just came through actually
<awkward pause>
me
sometimes I --
her
Are you originally from here -- oh sometimes what sorry?
me
no go ahead
her
So are you originally from _____, or?
me
ah, no, no I'm not, but I've traveled around a lot, and I'll be here for at least another couple of months now
her
oh nice! okay, so then... and then, you're gonna, move somewhere else, or?
me
probably, yeah...
From here the conversation proceeds back and forth for about 10 minutes, with a pretty natural flow. Eventually, I'm getting bored with it, so I try a verbal escalation:
me
Can I be honest with you?
her
yeah?
me
I find your perspective very refreshing, and I find your passion pretty sexy
her
*laughs* thank you, thank you.... yeah... I feel like, if everybody did... acted towards their passion... I think their passions are very telling of who they are.
me
yeah, yeah... and... and, it's good to be well-rounded.
her
well, do you think that passion is... makes a person well-rounded?
me
*I pause for a second here*: Not always, no, I think sometimes people's passion drives them to be super focused, and that's... that also is like, says something about them as a person that's not better or worse... but... I, I appreciate people who are well rounded, I guess. There's a beauty in that -- there's a balance in that, right? I think sometimes people's passions does drive them to an unbalanced place
her
yes, and that's where I was.
me
you think so?
her
yes... I had no choice, because... the series of events that led up to it, I had no choice but to make or break. There's something that happened, that I had no choice, and I... I had to do it -- maybe on day I'll share that story, you know, but... it's like those stories when people say like, 'you're pinned against the wall', like that was me, I was pinned against the wall, and I had literally do have no choice, and, you're... go for that *claps her hands once*
me
makes you feel alive, doesn't it?
her
*thinks for a second* I don't know if it made feel alive... MOMENTs, yes, oh my god, there were some moments I felt SO ALIVE. Like intoxicating. You know the wins are the wins, but the lows are the lows.
me
Even when you have a setback, to me, that still feels so visceral.
her
yeah, yeah...
me
you said you don't, you've always gotten like, business from people, or connections, that have come to you, and that you haven't quite gotten or explored yet that idea of going out and reaching for it?
her
I want to...
me
I do that, like, that's my thing, that's how I get business, that's... you might have noticed that I... like
her
-- yeah, you're very {can't tell what she says here}
me
... but, at the same time I, I was kinda interested in more of a personal connection with you than a business connection
her
so what do you do?
I try to push back teasingly, but I'm not sure how she takes it:
me
You ask me a question about business after I say that?
her
... I mean like... you say that you approach for work, so... [she kinda stammers a bit here, I can't really tell what she's saying]
me
I also do ....
her
Ohhh, so you get it...
She starts reflecting again. She starts to say a bit of this or that, like "life is... yeah" type stuff. she's not really sure what to say. Finally:
her
I don't... want like one -- the reason why I'm, I'm -- I'm stopping here or pausing here... taking this day, you know, just like.... I've gotta realllllly, pause life, and see... there's a lot of changes that are happening...
She sorta goes back into reflecting and the stream-of-consciousness talking like she did initially. I listen and then offer an extended metaphor relating to and explaining what she was feeling.
her
that's literally where I am right now... yeah, that's exactly it... that's literally where I'm at, that's exactly where I'm at...
Then she basically repeats what I said back to me but with her as the subject. Then she's talking more...
her
... and, I just need to reorient myself now... reorient myself -- and you know what, there's a lot of things about this, right, it's, it's... not only for myself, right, like... people are at a place where they need to like... reset themselves, or they're getting to... where they're not valid, or, you know, just thinking negative -- negatively of everything that's been happening... that's a huge indicator, that's a HUGE indicator, that either you're allowing your past traumas to now impede in the current moment, or, you're allowing it to be a trauma in the current moment.
Here I honestly lose track of what she's saying and have to ask her to clarify.
me
hmm. And what-- what's the sign of that?
her
when you're like *clears throat* when there's just like, you know, like, repeated negative mindsets, where you're talking down on yourself
me
-- oh, I see --
her
or you're just... everything is just... oh, you're super bummed out because that didn't work out, then that didn't work out, then that didn't work out, you know, and it's just like... yeah, that shit gets hard, especially if it's consecutively, of course. But, you start getting a little bit more into your head, on why it didn't work out... why not, what could have happened, why this or why that, because you then you start tying it to other life events or something else, and trying to make up some story about, "maybe that's why it didn't happen". Or, maybe you don't make up another story, and then, you... literally plant that story as a bad situation... rather than... to where now, I'm going to be soooooo, like, 10 times more scared to ever present again...
me
no you won't.
her
but you know what I mean? like I could do either of things. I could either allow it to turn into a trauma or let my past trauma succeed it forward.
me
I see.
her
yes
me
But you're already so aware of all this that you're going to be just fine, it's the people who aren't consciously aware of it that fall into those traps.
her
I mean, I wasn't aware of it, right? Until like, now... I'm taking a break today to read this... I'm feeling myself, feeling myself out, you know? Because like, I don't know, I just feel like I've put on these layers of myself, I guess, to kind of, put me in that focus mode, you know?
me
mmhmm. the horse blinders.
her
yeah. Because, I like who I [she starts to say, "was" --] am, who I am as a person, and I know... it's for the best... it's for the best...
<slight pause>
me
Will you get a drink with me sometime?
her
umm, I'm actually talking to somebody and I don't think he would like that.
me
Are you sure about that?
her
yeah.
me
How long have you guys been talking?
her
umm, talking... since like... January.
me.
okay.
<pause>
me
well I'll tell you what, I'll give you my card, and heaven forbid, if things don't work out, you can always reach out.
her
of course. (as I'm getting up: ) What's your tattoo say?
me
...
Then she asks me about my card as I'm trying to walk away. I tell her a bit about my business; we wind up talking for about a minute or so and then I say,
me
well hey, I'll let you get back to your journaling
her
it was nice meeting you _____
me
it was really nice to meet you, and I can't wait to see where your journey takes you
her
thank you, thank you so, good luck...
TOTAL INTERACTION TIME: Almost exactly 30 minutes.
Thoughts and Impressions
Listening to the recording of this interaction really gave me a perspective on things that I couldn't have gotten from analyzing in the moment. My main questions and take always are:
- Was this girl ever a lay possibility at any point, or did I just fail to screen for availability?
- Regarding the close, I didn't think she was lying about talking to someone at the time, but after listening to the recording, it definitely sounds like she was lying about it.
- Why did she drag the interaction on for so long if she wasn't interested?
- Was her early question about me living across the street a cue for me to ask her back to my place right there? We had been talking for maybe 2 minutes at this point, and personally, I don't even feel comfortable moving that fast with a woman I don't know. That was the first point where the conversation seemed to loose steam.
- I can't tell what she felt when I made that comment that I found her passion sexy. In the moment, her response felt vaguely dismissive. But listening the recording, I can't make up my mind. I can't tell if her laugh is more dismissive or submissive.
- Why does she launch into this very visual description of her being pinned against a wall after I bring up passion? Hasn't she has already lost interest in me by this point? What is going on here?
- metalbird
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