BACKGROUND
Just getting into the scene. My wife and I are in line with me having sex with other women, but I've never taken the step to do so. This is that step. I spent a couple hours cold approaching last week, talking with 4 girls. Two said they have boyfriends, one said she was late for yoga and couldn't talk (she was in a rush and carrying a yoga mat), and the fourth one is the FR below.
PEOPLE
Me: 6'2", Caucasian, slender, reasonably handsome, age 30
Her: Maybe 5'5", Caucasian, petite, cute face, dark hair, age 25
THE MEET
Cold approach, on the street. Let's call her Suzy. She was walking her dog. When I approached her and said hi, she was surprised and confused, until I said I know it's forward but I thought she was cute. Then she relaxed and we joked about how she felt bad about thinking she should know me. She introduced herself and her dog. I asked what she was up to and she said taking her dog to the park to meet a friend. I asked about the dog park and she said it was nearby and had beer. We joked that everything has beer in [town]. She asked me a lot of questions, like where I'm from and what I do. We discussed Seattle and the Bay Area and then what she studied. She sounded guilty that she studied marketing and she works for [company], so I teased her about that. She said she was late to meet her friend at the dog park, so I asked for her number. She gave it and teased me about being mysterious regarding where I'm from. She was already heading away, so I didn't get physical again.
Analysis: I didn't hold her hand after shaking or step in to close distance. As a key mistake here, I asked for her number and not a date. I'm also sure I could've kept her longer and escalated further to make a stronger first impression.
TEXTING
Me (icebreaker, couple hours after cold approach):
Analysis: I think the ice breaker and then jumping right into setting up the date worked well. I tried to tease her about the same thing we discussed when we met and I don't think it was effective; I've read about avoiding teasing during texting and this is a good lesson on it. Next time I would just focus on building rapport and say I hope her dog walk was fun and mention what I did that night, then move on to scheduling.
FIRST DATE
Met at a pie bar at 20:00 on a Sunday night. I lead her in, touching the small of her back, and chose seats in the back next to each other so we could be close. I got a beer, she got a mixed drink. She told me she went to Oktober fest the day prior and had way too much beer, so no more beer for her. We split a piece of pie which she chose. We talked about her day, then about work. I hit most of the big 8 topics Chase recommended, focusing on what she likes. I focused on eye contact while she's talking and while I am. Meanwhile, I physically escalated to having my hand on her leg, rubbing her thigh. She didn't acknowledge it, so I kept my hand there, rubbing her thigh as we spoke, for the duration of the date.
After one drink she said she wouldn't have another, but that I could, so I had another and we kept chatting. I made a mistake here in that I wasn't keeping track of the time, so 2 hours flew by really quickly.
There were some disconnects in the way we see life. For example, she asked what I do with the long weekends I have (semi-retired) and I listed some things, like studying languages, playing music, and reading philosophy. She summarized philosophy as old people writing long books and arguing (somewhat true), but it didn't seem much in jest. This sort of thing happened a couple of times, first with philosophy, then with being bored, where I said I don't mind being bored and I can sit on the beach and just watch people and the water and boats for a few hours. She said she can't be alone with her thoughts and she takes medicine for depression and anxiety. I tried my best to play these off coolly and move on to the next subject, and I don't think they would be show stoppers for a more skilled seducer, but they didn't help me. She definitely did the majority of the talking, and I didn't want to focus on myself, but she often took the initiative to ask me things, so I would answer them and then turn it back to her.
I tried the "You're a very interesting girl" line, when things died down, and she seemed uncertain as to whether it was a compliment. I joked that it certainly wasn't an insult and she said "interesting" can mean "odd" and have negative connotations. I said there's nothing wrong with "odd", but the "interesting" line didn't land very well. At this point, about 2 hours in, she was clearly looking to wrap things up. I tried my hand at the yes ladder toward pulling her, but she said she had a 07:30 call in the morning to present to execs and it would determine her promotion, so she needed to get home.
I walked her home at 22:00 and we chatted some more. Once there, she gave a quick hug. I had positioned my hands so one was on her back, one was on her head, and I was looking to start with a kiss on the neck there, but she pulled away quite quickly and said good night.
After I returned home, I sent her a text saying I was back, that it was fun, and wishing her best of luck in her meeting.
Analysis: All in all, a few things I can spot:
1. I may want to schedule for 19:00 instead, so things don't go too late
2. I need to keep an eye on the time, either to pull or bounce
3. Her not wanting another drink may be a good indicator to bounce
4. Both times we clashed, it was because she asked me about me and didn't necessarily like what she heard; I'm not sure if I need to deflect/redirect those questions more or if I just need to not talk about certain things
5. Since she was fine with the leg rubbing, I could have progressed further
6. I didn't identify the high point at which to pull and I think we blew past it
QUESTIONS
1. Is it worth trying for a second date here, if the goal is a LR?
2. How do you avoid talking about yourself and the things you do in a way which may not jive with her?
CLOSING
First date, after one day of cold approaches, I'm not surprised that this isn't a LR. I've been out of the game for over a decade. Can't say I wasn't optimistic, though. Happy to get feedback from you guys while I get out there and try again.
Just getting into the scene. My wife and I are in line with me having sex with other women, but I've never taken the step to do so. This is that step. I spent a couple hours cold approaching last week, talking with 4 girls. Two said they have boyfriends, one said she was late for yoga and couldn't talk (she was in a rush and carrying a yoga mat), and the fourth one is the FR below.
PEOPLE
Me: 6'2", Caucasian, slender, reasonably handsome, age 30
Her: Maybe 5'5", Caucasian, petite, cute face, dark hair, age 25
THE MEET
Cold approach, on the street. Let's call her Suzy. She was walking her dog. When I approached her and said hi, she was surprised and confused, until I said I know it's forward but I thought she was cute. Then she relaxed and we joked about how she felt bad about thinking she should know me. She introduced herself and her dog. I asked what she was up to and she said taking her dog to the park to meet a friend. I asked about the dog park and she said it was nearby and had beer. We joked that everything has beer in [town]. She asked me a lot of questions, like where I'm from and what I do. We discussed Seattle and the Bay Area and then what she studied. She sounded guilty that she studied marketing and she works for [company], so I teased her about that. She said she was late to meet her friend at the dog park, so I asked for her number. She gave it and teased me about being mysterious regarding where I'm from. She was already heading away, so I didn't get physical again.
Analysis: I didn't hold her hand after shaking or step in to close distance. As a key mistake here, I asked for her number and not a date. I'm also sure I could've kept her longer and escalated further to make a stronger first impression.
TEXTING
Me (icebreaker, couple hours after cold approach):
Her (2.5h later):Wonderful to have met you today- J
Me (next day):Definitely the most random encounter of my day.it was nice to meet you, too!
- Suzy
Her (later that day):Hey Suzy, I know you're currently scheming to get 100M people watching the next [company] show, but what's your availability to meet up for a bite and some drinks in the next week or so?
Me (1.5h later):
Her (1h later):
Me (5m later):
Her (10m later):
Me (20m later):I am! I've only been the pie bar in [other town] though
Her (15m later):Yep, I am. Been to this pie bar once; it seemed good!
Alright, I'll see you on Sunday, Suzy.
Analysis: I think the ice breaker and then jumping right into setting up the date worked well. I tried to tease her about the same thing we discussed when we met and I don't think it was effective; I've read about avoiding teasing during texting and this is a good lesson on it. Next time I would just focus on building rapport and say I hope her dog walk was fun and mention what I did that night, then move on to scheduling.
FIRST DATE
Met at a pie bar at 20:00 on a Sunday night. I lead her in, touching the small of her back, and chose seats in the back next to each other so we could be close. I got a beer, she got a mixed drink. She told me she went to Oktober fest the day prior and had way too much beer, so no more beer for her. We split a piece of pie which she chose. We talked about her day, then about work. I hit most of the big 8 topics Chase recommended, focusing on what she likes. I focused on eye contact while she's talking and while I am. Meanwhile, I physically escalated to having my hand on her leg, rubbing her thigh. She didn't acknowledge it, so I kept my hand there, rubbing her thigh as we spoke, for the duration of the date.
After one drink she said she wouldn't have another, but that I could, so I had another and we kept chatting. I made a mistake here in that I wasn't keeping track of the time, so 2 hours flew by really quickly.
There were some disconnects in the way we see life. For example, she asked what I do with the long weekends I have (semi-retired) and I listed some things, like studying languages, playing music, and reading philosophy. She summarized philosophy as old people writing long books and arguing (somewhat true), but it didn't seem much in jest. This sort of thing happened a couple of times, first with philosophy, then with being bored, where I said I don't mind being bored and I can sit on the beach and just watch people and the water and boats for a few hours. She said she can't be alone with her thoughts and she takes medicine for depression and anxiety. I tried my best to play these off coolly and move on to the next subject, and I don't think they would be show stoppers for a more skilled seducer, but they didn't help me. She definitely did the majority of the talking, and I didn't want to focus on myself, but she often took the initiative to ask me things, so I would answer them and then turn it back to her.
I tried the "You're a very interesting girl" line, when things died down, and she seemed uncertain as to whether it was a compliment. I joked that it certainly wasn't an insult and she said "interesting" can mean "odd" and have negative connotations. I said there's nothing wrong with "odd", but the "interesting" line didn't land very well. At this point, about 2 hours in, she was clearly looking to wrap things up. I tried my hand at the yes ladder toward pulling her, but she said she had a 07:30 call in the morning to present to execs and it would determine her promotion, so she needed to get home.
I walked her home at 22:00 and we chatted some more. Once there, she gave a quick hug. I had positioned my hands so one was on her back, one was on her head, and I was looking to start with a kiss on the neck there, but she pulled away quite quickly and said good night.
After I returned home, I sent her a text saying I was back, that it was fun, and wishing her best of luck in her meeting.
Analysis: All in all, a few things I can spot:
1. I may want to schedule for 19:00 instead, so things don't go too late
2. I need to keep an eye on the time, either to pull or bounce
3. Her not wanting another drink may be a good indicator to bounce
4. Both times we clashed, it was because she asked me about me and didn't necessarily like what she heard; I'm not sure if I need to deflect/redirect those questions more or if I just need to not talk about certain things
5. Since she was fine with the leg rubbing, I could have progressed further
6. I didn't identify the high point at which to pull and I think we blew past it
QUESTIONS
1. Is it worth trying for a second date here, if the goal is a LR?
2. How do you avoid talking about yourself and the things you do in a way which may not jive with her?
CLOSING
First date, after one day of cold approaches, I'm not surprised that this isn't a LR. I've been out of the game for over a decade. Can't say I wasn't optimistic, though. Happy to get feedback from you guys while I get out there and try again.
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