First Impressions

[drewc94]

This is a bit of a minor sticking point/transition type of question but I feel like it impacts your entire interaction with a girl.

So recently I've been a bit confused on how to basically say "nice to meet you" or "good to see you" to a girl I have a first date with, only seen pictures of, and only texted (online game). This could also apply to a girl who you know very little about though.. I have 3 coffee first dates set up in the next 2 days with 3 different girls and I feel like depending on how comfortable I make them feel from the beginning will depend on how smoothly the rest of the interaction will go.
So my question is:
If you've talked to a girl briefly in person or online and haven't really built a ton of comfort with them, they come meet you at a coffee shop to talk and for you two to get to know eachother, what is the best way to say "nice to meet you"/"good to see you"?

I feel like shaking their hand is a little too formal, I almost feel like I'm doing a business deal. lol
If you see them for the first time and give them a strong hug is that too much or does it convey warmth from the get-go?
Once we get into conversation, deep diving, and chase frames it's smooth sailing but that first part of the interaction I feel like I struggle with making flow.

What do you guys do when you meet a girl for the first time on a date; or even when you're out doing day game, you get the number and you end the interaction?
Any examples or advice will be appreciated. Thanks!
-Drew

 

[Drck]

It is a business - you buy her a coffee and she will have sex with you. Later on you will be allowed to buy much more stuff, except this time for less sex, LOL.

I would decide how to meet her based on my overall frame. Watch your body language. For example, as a lover who aims for fast lay, I would most likely want to stand more dominant/erected yet relaxed, with relaxed smile and relaxed and slow/deep look into her eyes. You don't move your eyes away, just GENTLY smile while looking into her eyes (DO NOT STARE!! JUST LOOK). You want her to come closer to you (e.g. she does 2-3 more steps than you do), and you want to hug her, perhaps gentle yet firm hug will do it. Keep the hug just little bit longer, say 1 second longer than you would normally do to show dominance. Your overall attitude should be "I already know you, and you are a great person. Let's have great time together, today".

So your overall body language is say 70-80% of your communication. It took just couple of seconds to meet this girl, but you've already created a huge impression by your body language - you appear dominant, relaxed, sexy, and you've already laid a good foundation for being physical. You showed her that you are not afraid to keep a physical contact with her. The words is the rest 20-30%. You want your voice to be deeper, resonating, pleasant and more dominant, also slower and perhaps just slightly louder than norm. You want to be a 'warm' person so you could say something like: "Heey, it is great to finally meet you in person". The words itself are not really that important as overall body language and tone of your voice. You also want to make pauses between your sentences to keep the sexual excitement high. You don't want to make her too comfortable, let her blush and sweat, let her be nervous. She should be throwing lots of attraction signals at you. That is good, she is thinking about having sex with a new guy which is exciting, that's why she is so nervous. During the whole interaction, you don't necessary have to talk about sex, but you definitely want to think sex. I don't know how, but girls can read those thoughts.

If your frame is more friendly, more of "lets get to known each other first by talking" attitude, you could do a different approach. You can be more colder and more brief. You are not aiming to get laid the same day, so you don't have to worry much about expressing sexuality. You are a guy and she is a girl, thus you are already sexy enough. You want to make her more comfortable, so you may keep talking more to get over the initial anxiety fast. You can just shake her hand and give her half-hug. Better way is to monitor what is she doing, some girls are more proactive, she e.g. opens her arms for hug before you do, signaling a hug. Or she could be more reserved, rather stand back (you still want to touch her and get her some hug). So you kind mirror what she does. Words are not also as important (as you want to get her known better first), simple "good to meet you finally" with smile is good enough.

Also note that huging a new person might be a cultural issue. For example, Latinas are hugging everybody all day long, they have naturally more open, friendly and vibing personalities, so the same hug doesn't have exactly the same effect as if you hugged conservative white girl who never touched a guy.

I wouldn't try to focus the whole interaction on the first impression, but know that first impression is VERY powerful. By deep and sexy look that lasts just couple of seconds you can literally seduce a new girl. If she is open to meet a new guy, 80% is done right there, within the first couple of seconds.

Just over the weekend, I was in a restaurant. I gave that look as described above to a hostess. 5-6 seconds and she was done, seduced. Walked me to a table, and while I was sitting down she gave me another look. She was already blushing, all red. 5 minutes later she comes around, staring at me, nervous, just couldn't resist. No problem. Another 5 minutes, she comes around again, stands right next to me so I can see her ass, and pulls up her phone, pretending that she's texting. Right. Done right there, seduced... Excuse me, do you know where is the waitress? Heeey, what is your name? Also, eehm, give me your phone number, maybe we can go out this weekend - how is tomorrow? Smile. Finished! Done! Fucking pilot of commercial airline couldn't do so many things at the same time in those first 5 seconds!

At the same time, there is a huge problem with this kind of first impression. By presenting yourself as a fast lover, you are basically setting up high expectations for that girl, and if you can't fulfill those high expectation she will get disappointed fast. She simply thinks that you are that lover who she can sleep with fast, but then she talks to you and she'll finds out that you are really not that kind of lover... you only pretended to be... so now it is all awkward, she knows you are faking something, you are trying to be somebody who you are not - and just because of that she may dump you...

So the best way (IMO) is to have some sort of neutral frame at first. You want to be sexy and dominant, you want to have that overall sincere attitude "Hey, I'm a great guy, you seem like quite an interesting person, let's find out more about each other, and perhaps we can have lots of fun"... This way there is not too much of expectations from her side, you don't have to force yourself to do things that are not natural to you, yet you can still get her to her place the same day, should the "things between you" work out well...

 

[drewc94]

Thanks for the response man. That last paragraph is the exact frame that I try to set with each girl. Since I'm still at my parents house and my logistics aren't great (gotta get creative when I pull/come up with logistics on the fly) I usually don't go straight for the pull when I first meet up with a girl and I also don't try to give off that vibe that I'll go for the pull right away for the fact that it isn't entirely possible. I figure she'll probably end up disappointed that I couldn't/didn't so I don't even go down that path right now. Once I have my own place I feel like it'll be a different story because my fundamentals (body language, vocal tone, conversation skills, relatability, fashion, etc.) are handled pretty well at this point (3 years of sales experience to thank for that).

Pretty awesome to hear about your story with the hostess. Stay killin' it!

And thanks for clearing that up with the first impression thing. It always feels more natural when we hug vs. don't. Things tend to go a lot more smoothly and the touch barrier is already broken. Definitely going to hold the hug for a second or 2 longer from now on, I can see how that will display dominance/warmth at the same time.

Thanks again for another great clarification man.
-Drew