Hi everyone,
First of all, pleased to meet you all.
This is my first post here. I’ll skip the formal introduction since I’m a friend of @Prometeo , who already shared his background in a previous post. What he said about himself pretty much applies to me as well. That said, I’ve read many of your contributions, and it’s clear to me that there’s a lot of wisdom in this forum. I’m here to learn, especially from those of you with more experience.
In this sense, I wanted to share a situation that happened to me today (and has happened in similar ways before), and I’m unsure about how to handle it properly in future occasions. Any thoughts or advice would be highly appreciated.
The Situation:
Today, after years without seeing them, I met up with some old university friends. We had breakfast and lunch together, then ended up at a busy outdoor bar — one of those open-air venues with lots of standing tables and quite a few well-dressed women around. It was crowded but lively.
At one point, I went to the bathroom, and when I came back, my friends were already engaged in a conversation with two foreign guys. I joined them, but because of the setup (a table and a lot of people in between), I ended up in the furthest position from the main group. A bit isolated.
Soon after, two attractive Spanish girls approached my friends from the side I couldn’t easily access — they opened the interaction directly with them. I was stuck in a less favorable position and chose not to move, as it was very crowded and any attempt to get closer might’ve come off as try-hard or needy. – Question 1: In these types of crowded social situations, where positioning isn’t in your favor, what do you usually do? Do you reposition even if it might look forced or needy? What would’ve been the smart move?
Later on, during the interaction, I was able to speak with the girls — especially one of them, a brunette, attractive (7/10), seemed like a good girl — by jumping into the conversation when relevant, but I still missed a lot due to distance. One of my friends started running strong “push and pull” game with this brunette. He’s a natural, witty guy who plays a very aggressive teasing game, sometimes even borderline offensive. It often works for him, though he sometimes goes too far. The girl was clearly intrigued, throwing some IOIs, but also seemed a bit wary of him.
Meanwhile, one of the foreign guys — very good-looking — also started a push-and-pull dynamic with her. Given the strong energy from both sides and the fact that I was tired, I decided to keep my vibe calm and centered, only contributing when I had something meaningful to say. I wasn’t playful or flirty — except once when I interrupted the convo to tell her “that accent you’re using is really sexy.”
Throughout the interaction, despite my relatively low engagement, the brunette girl made several remarks about me:
Which leads me to:
– Question 2:
How do you guys deal with this kind of feedback — being called “cute,” “nice,” “sweet,” or “such a good guy”?
I tend to be self-critical and don’t want to delude myself. I know those comments aren't necessarily compliments in the seductive context. In this case, I believe her real attraction was toward my friend or the foreigner, while I got categorized as the harmless, safe guy. I’ve received similar comments in the past relative to being sweet, and I suspect my vibe and maybe even my appearance sometimes contribute to this perception. I didn’t choose this face — and I don’t see it as a curse — but I’m starting to think it might hurt my chances when it comes to sparking genuine attraction.
As a side note, when I’m in a high-energy state, I’m usually playful, charismatic, and I naturally project a strong vibe. But if I don’t engage early on and I’m not synced with the rhythm of the interaction, I tend to fall into this “nice guy” vibe, and it becomes harder for me to break in.
It’s not that I think I always come across as harmless — but my question here is more about how to flip that “nice guy/good boy” frame once it starts to show. How can I reframe or redirect that perception when I notice it happening?
Thanks for reading this long post — looking forward to your thoughts.
First of all, pleased to meet you all.
This is my first post here. I’ll skip the formal introduction since I’m a friend of @Prometeo , who already shared his background in a previous post. What he said about himself pretty much applies to me as well. That said, I’ve read many of your contributions, and it’s clear to me that there’s a lot of wisdom in this forum. I’m here to learn, especially from those of you with more experience.
In this sense, I wanted to share a situation that happened to me today (and has happened in similar ways before), and I’m unsure about how to handle it properly in future occasions. Any thoughts or advice would be highly appreciated.
The Situation:
Today, after years without seeing them, I met up with some old university friends. We had breakfast and lunch together, then ended up at a busy outdoor bar — one of those open-air venues with lots of standing tables and quite a few well-dressed women around. It was crowded but lively.
At one point, I went to the bathroom, and when I came back, my friends were already engaged in a conversation with two foreign guys. I joined them, but because of the setup (a table and a lot of people in between), I ended up in the furthest position from the main group. A bit isolated.
Soon after, two attractive Spanish girls approached my friends from the side I couldn’t easily access — they opened the interaction directly with them. I was stuck in a less favorable position and chose not to move, as it was very crowded and any attempt to get closer might’ve come off as try-hard or needy. – Question 1: In these types of crowded social situations, where positioning isn’t in your favor, what do you usually do? Do you reposition even if it might look forced or needy? What would’ve been the smart move?
Later on, during the interaction, I was able to speak with the girls — especially one of them, a brunette, attractive (7/10), seemed like a good girl — by jumping into the conversation when relevant, but I still missed a lot due to distance. One of my friends started running strong “push and pull” game with this brunette. He’s a natural, witty guy who plays a very aggressive teasing game, sometimes even borderline offensive. It often works for him, though he sometimes goes too far. The girl was clearly intrigued, throwing some IOIs, but also seemed a bit wary of him.
Meanwhile, one of the foreign guys — very good-looking — also started a push-and-pull dynamic with her. Given the strong energy from both sides and the fact that I was tired, I decided to keep my vibe calm and centered, only contributing when I had something meaningful to say. I wasn’t playful or flirty — except once when I interrupted the convo to tell her “that accent you’re using is really sexy.”
Throughout the interaction, despite my relatively low engagement, the brunette girl made several remarks about me:
- That I give her good vibes.
- That I had a “good guy” face
- When we said goodbye, she kissed me on the cheek and called me “cute/sweet”
Which leads me to:
– Question 2:
How do you guys deal with this kind of feedback — being called “cute,” “nice,” “sweet,” or “such a good guy”?
I tend to be self-critical and don’t want to delude myself. I know those comments aren't necessarily compliments in the seductive context. In this case, I believe her real attraction was toward my friend or the foreigner, while I got categorized as the harmless, safe guy. I’ve received similar comments in the past relative to being sweet, and I suspect my vibe and maybe even my appearance sometimes contribute to this perception. I didn’t choose this face — and I don’t see it as a curse — but I’m starting to think it might hurt my chances when it comes to sparking genuine attraction.
As a side note, when I’m in a high-energy state, I’m usually playful, charismatic, and I naturally project a strong vibe. But if I don’t engage early on and I’m not synced with the rhythm of the interaction, I tend to fall into this “nice guy” vibe, and it becomes harder for me to break in.
It’s not that I think I always come across as harmless — but my question here is more about how to flip that “nice guy/good boy” frame once it starts to show. How can I reframe or redirect that perception when I notice it happening?
Thanks for reading this long post — looking forward to your thoughts.
"
" or something like that with a smirk
