So here’s one that I should have included in retrospect. It happened a month or so ago.
I volunteered at my community college at a dinner for the people living in the night shelter. I was assigned in the face painting booth. I’m a terrible face painter XD. But I was having fun with the
other people there including a cute Iraqi girl. As the night goes on, I get her number.
We meet up a week or so later for a coffee near my place. We’re having a good time, getting to know each other. I’m generally doing really well to be relaxed and not over-reactive. I check the time by taking her wrist and checking her watch. She mentions her ex-husband and how she has two kids with him. She married at sixteen and had her first kid at eighteen. I get the sense that she’s a person who missed out on a lot of fun things when she was younger because of her marriage and doesn’t want to let go of those possibilities yet. This I gathered from her cute clothes, abundance of make-up, and interest in belly-dancing. She says that though she is in school, she still has no idea what to major in or what she wants to do with her life.
I invite her to my place to hang out and she agrees. We take my car there and we joke around a little bit. Outside my place, I take her hand and interlink my fingers with hers. She does the same and I’m thinking so far, so good.
I’ve realized that my previous attempts at moving things forwards with girls failed because I was too single-minded, I had too much of an agenda i.e. “Sleep with her”. But women can sense when you have an agenda. I resolved to, instead, try to take things moment by moment and have fun. Sex is not an option that I’ve crossed out, but no longer will I pursue it single-mindedly and treat women like objects for that purpose anymore.
We get to my room and I tell her to take off her shoes. She does this then I get on my bed and lean against the wall and tell her to come sit down next to me.
Old Tom Gray would have told her that forcefully and commandingly giving no thought for how she might think or feel. I would have just done what I had been told by countless pick-up websites not realizing that it’s totally out of sync with the mood and unnecessary. Instead, I said it like it was no big deal like one would say “Hand me that pencil”
We sit on the bed next to each other and I put my arm around her waist while we listen to music on my laptop. She invites me to start dancing and I join her. I’m a pretty crappy dancer but so is she. We’re having fun so I decide to kiss her. She leans away. Old Tom Gray would have just tried to push more. New Tom Gray said no big deal and continued having fun.
We get back on my bed and keep listening to music. I kiss her on the cheek. Almost immediately, she tells me she has to go to pick up her kids. I see this as some resistance and try to convince her to stay without being pushy (which is hard). She says that she does have to go and I decide to just chalk this one up to a learning experience.
When I drive her to her car, I try to give her a goodbye kiss but she avoids me again and just gives me a hug. After that, I sent her a few texts to which I got slow responses or none at all and when I suggest that we meet up again two times, I get radio silence. I’m guessing that this one is lost.
To improve on: I could have expressed my insight into her personality. People love it when they sense that you understand them.
I could have asked her when she wanted to leave: “You’re having a good time, right? So stay” or something to that effect.
Anything you gentlemen might have to add?
I volunteered at my community college at a dinner for the people living in the night shelter. I was assigned in the face painting booth. I’m a terrible face painter XD. But I was having fun with the
other people there including a cute Iraqi girl. As the night goes on, I get her number.
We meet up a week or so later for a coffee near my place. We’re having a good time, getting to know each other. I’m generally doing really well to be relaxed and not over-reactive. I check the time by taking her wrist and checking her watch. She mentions her ex-husband and how she has two kids with him. She married at sixteen and had her first kid at eighteen. I get the sense that she’s a person who missed out on a lot of fun things when she was younger because of her marriage and doesn’t want to let go of those possibilities yet. This I gathered from her cute clothes, abundance of make-up, and interest in belly-dancing. She says that though she is in school, she still has no idea what to major in or what she wants to do with her life.
I invite her to my place to hang out and she agrees. We take my car there and we joke around a little bit. Outside my place, I take her hand and interlink my fingers with hers. She does the same and I’m thinking so far, so good.
I’ve realized that my previous attempts at moving things forwards with girls failed because I was too single-minded, I had too much of an agenda i.e. “Sleep with her”. But women can sense when you have an agenda. I resolved to, instead, try to take things moment by moment and have fun. Sex is not an option that I’ve crossed out, but no longer will I pursue it single-mindedly and treat women like objects for that purpose anymore.
We get to my room and I tell her to take off her shoes. She does this then I get on my bed and lean against the wall and tell her to come sit down next to me.
Old Tom Gray would have told her that forcefully and commandingly giving no thought for how she might think or feel. I would have just done what I had been told by countless pick-up websites not realizing that it’s totally out of sync with the mood and unnecessary. Instead, I said it like it was no big deal like one would say “Hand me that pencil”
We sit on the bed next to each other and I put my arm around her waist while we listen to music on my laptop. She invites me to start dancing and I join her. I’m a pretty crappy dancer but so is she. We’re having fun so I decide to kiss her. She leans away. Old Tom Gray would have just tried to push more. New Tom Gray said no big deal and continued having fun.
We get back on my bed and keep listening to music. I kiss her on the cheek. Almost immediately, she tells me she has to go to pick up her kids. I see this as some resistance and try to convince her to stay without being pushy (which is hard). She says that she does have to go and I decide to just chalk this one up to a learning experience.
When I drive her to her car, I try to give her a goodbye kiss but she avoids me again and just gives me a hug. After that, I sent her a few texts to which I got slow responses or none at all and when I suggest that we meet up again two times, I get radio silence. I’m guessing that this one is lost.
To improve on: I could have expressed my insight into her personality. People love it when they sense that you understand them.
I could have asked her when she wanted to leave: “You’re having a good time, right? So stay” or something to that effect.
Anything you gentlemen might have to add?
