First time I've come across this.

[Lanny]

Recently met a girl whom I happen to have fallen in love with too soon. I'm convinced that she loves me too considering the topic we've been on about since the day we met. Awkward conversations when we meet. Talk then keep quiet for about 30sec or so, talk again then keep quiet again then talk. This happens a lot. I asked her Yesterday after she invited me over to the park. "Don't you ever get bored when meeting up with me, considering that I'm a naturally quiet person?" she smiled and said no, awkward pause again, but luckily we were about to reach our destination so I said my goodbyes.


While at the park, she pointed out her ex-boyfriend playing soccer and told me about how he managed to break her heart and stuff I wasn't really interested in hearing.

The girl knows absolutely nothing about me, yet she willingly tells me everything going on in her life without me even asking any of it. She doesn't bother asking questions about anything in my life which is somewhat odd.

"You seem to be in control of your life" I said... "but, if there's one thing that you'd want happen to you, what do you think that'd be?" she quickly answered "I want to fall in love". I don't know what exactly this Indicates, but she has told me exactly what she wants in a man - things that I cared not to ask. She's turning 16 in August, a year younger than I am, but you'd swear she's an 11 year old innocent girl in primary school. Quite Mature than some of my class mates.


I want to be that guy she falls in love with if she already hasn't. Do I tell her that I love her (never meant that before) or do I do what I usually do and go in for the kiss?

 

[Estate]

I'll save Tyme2k and post his link:
viewtopic.php?f=2&t=1563

You're what... 16? I don't think either of you even know what love is.
Definitely do not tell a girl you love her BEFORE you've even kissed!?!

By the sounds of your post though, it sounds like you are looking for relationship advice and have not been reading this site much.
If you want to begin meeting women and gaining confidence, read the articles on this site (there are hundreds to help you!) and don't fixate on this one girl.

 

[Lanny]

Estate, I highly appreciate your reply on my post, although I do feel like it would have been less insidious have I not mentioned my age and as to "I don't think either of you even know what love is." I think you're too old to understand the concept of love and the effect it has on teenagers like myself. Take a brief look at your past and tell me whether whatever you felt for a girl back then doesn't correspond with what you've recently felt for a girl in your Adulthood - that's if you HAVE been in love before.


I read on Tyme2k post a while back, so have I read on Ricardus Domino's Hot To Not Fall In Love Too Soon post which both have cleared my curious mind.


I recently moved from the city to live in a small town down in ZA. - where I'm dealing with less experienced, let alone beautiful girls compared to where I come from, so trust me when I say, I have all the confidence and little experience acquired have girls as potential lovers, friends with benefits and or as girlfriends (which I'm struggling with) around here.

"Tell me if you can relate to this…
You’ve met a girl that is somehow pulling all the right strings with you (…and if not, this article will teach you how to find, meet, get and keep her). You don’t know what it is with her (or maybe you DO), but she’s got your heart atwitter and your mind in a knot just thinking about her.
Your hard work has paid off… and you’ve hooked up with a girl who’s EXACTLY your type… both in terms of looks and personality.
Things couldn’t be much better… except, all the confidence and inner strength you had worked so hard to cultivate over the years are suddenly RIGHT out the window .
Maybe you’re even in a place where you know you could go out and pick up other girls if you wanted to, so it’s not an issue of scarcity (e.g., your girlfriend being hard to replace)… maybe you’ve had a lot of one-night stands, friends-with-benefits or open relationships before.
And in those situations, you’ve always been cool… coolio like Fonzie.
But around your new girl-friend, you’re suddenly weak at the knees … ESPECIALLY when something happens that gives you room for doubt… doubt whether she’s really as much into you as you are into her"
---This is what I'm actually going through here, Estate.-----

Kind Regards

 

[Clout]

Hey Lanny, by the language you use and the fact you have looked into this site shows you are likely intelligent for your age (if you are a teenager). This thing is, as a teenager I knew everything, at 18 I knew most things...and now in my early twenties I clearly know nothing. From someone who has been in love, it is the best experience I ever had. However it is a feeling and feelings fade.

Estate wasn't trying to be mean, just logical. Love is a mixture of different things that lead to this emotion. Primarily though we evolved it for the purpose of mating. Humans take ages to become self-reliant unlike other animals we probably needed nature to step in.

If you like this girl and want a relationship you can go for it. She told you her ex "broke her heart" and that she wants to "fall in love"...sounds a little needy to me but oh well. As you age, hopefully you will become more in control of your emotions and sadly that means you don't get the higher highs but it doesn't mean life sucks, in fact I prefer it each day.

In the end you are going to do whatever you want anyway. I wouldn't tell her you love her until you are at least intimate. To get her into a relationship with you; get her alone, get cuddling/touching/kissing, after one-two sessions of this tell her you want to be exclusive. As you are young she would probably ask you first anyway, just remember to lead her.

 

[Estate]

Sorry Lanny,
I didn't mean to put you down.

I didn't mean to insinuate anything about your age either but I know myself, at 16 there was this girl Jane... Jane had a boyfriend at the time but she was always nice to me, we got along so great and her boyfriend seemed to be so mean to her.. she was perfect to me... in every single way. I was so frustrated I couldn't have her since I KNEW I was such a nicer guy than her boyfriend was. But it never happened. I genuinely thought I was in love with this girl, I had all the butterflies and everything when someone so much as mentioned her name.

I guess all I meant was, that was 12 years ago now for me. I wasn't really in love with Jane, we were only acquaintances. I've been in love since... It was 12 years ago and in those 12 years I've met lots of other girls.

I think all I meant was that this isn't a conventional "dating" website so usually topics started along the lines of "Help me get this one girl" just don't end up with the advice the person wanted to here.
A "dating forum" will usually give people advice like buy her flowers, chase after her, express your feelings whereas this website is something different...

It actually teaches guys that this ONE girls is NOT so special... there are so many other girls out there and until you are at a point where things are serious with you two (if that's what you want), you shouldn't be pining after her... since it often has the opposite effect of what you want (i.e. getting this one girl) because I know only too well how being "in love" as a teenager just wrecks havoc with you.

So there you have it I guess...
Maybe you don't think Tyme2k's post applies to you but I think it does. You don't have to drop this girl, if you want her, persue her... but you two haven't even kissed yet and you said you wanted to tell her you love her.
Believe me, when you are my age, you will realise, you do not love her... maybe if it works out you WILL later on but right now, that's not love. Nor is it the right approach to getting the girl. And that's pretty much the advice you'l get on this forum as opposed to a traditional dating forum.

 

[Lanny]

It's undeniably confusing to have absolutely no idea how to handle a situation you've encountered, countless times before Clout, considering that I already attain the advice you've just fed me, but for some mysterious reason, I failed to apply it when needed - I guess all I really needed was a constant reminder of how exactly to handle things. Before I say anything about virginity, (since Chase has mentioned sleeping with her before a development of fear possess her mindset) and how much of a big a deal it is for her to break it. I'll take a look at what the other fellas have to say about it, Estate, but if you have anything from your past experience when you were a teenager, particularly about bedding her, pray tell 'cause I'm the kind that respects a girl's decisions and although we didn't indulge much into talking about sex, (I could Tell that it's something she values) it's something that'll sooner or later have to happen. A close cousin of mine went into a relationship with his current girlfriend before having sex; she was also a hard virgin to crack. She gave him hell that he went as far as cold approaching strangers out there in order to get laid while actually waiting for his girlfriend to make up her mind - they've been dating since last December in 2011 and had only had sex a year later - so I'm thinking that's exactly where I might end up if I don't follow the correct protocol. Thanks for your replies.

Kind Regards

 

[Estate]

Honestly,
I feel you're a little young to be talking of the feelings that you are and also probably both of you are a little young for *some* of the advice and tactics on this site.

Having said that, we're only trying to help. It sounds like you'd be more likely to take advice from a conventional dating site, buy her flowers, worship her, wait until marriage, etc, etc...
Nothing wrong with that if that's what you want, no judging here... I'm just trying to get across the point that you're probably asking in the wrong place if you want to poo-poo the advice given.
This isn't your conventional "tell me your relationship problems" type of forum.

It's also pretty telling, that you feel more experienced or knowledgable than guys here with more experience, both in life and dating coming with sheer age and being through it all before, but sure... if that's the attitude, then whatever. We're just trying to help.

The reason I bring in age is becauase you seen a little starry eyed for this one girl... we're just giving you advice from experience... at 16 well all though too that we had everything figured out that that highschool girlfriend would be our wife my college and the world would fall into line, but life is not that way.
In terms of having sex with her, there are reasons this is true but since you both seem so young and inexperienced, if she is not already sexually active, I'm not sure how that advice applies quite frankly. I mean it does, but maybe even just kissing her may gain the same investment from her... it's down to her experience level.
Much of the time when we discuss girls here we are assuming we are all mature adults and neither we nor the girls are under any illusions.

 

[Lanny]

Your opinion =)

Like I said on my previous comment; if I hadn't mentioned my age, although you may mean well, your response would have been somewhat less insidious, Estate. I don't know what your problem is, exactly with teenagers and quite frankly I don't care anymore, but if you haven't realised that I'm not your typical 17 year old teenager who's fascinated by video games and obsessively envisioning his first kiss over and over again killing himself with masturbation and buying FLOWERS for his crush then I have nothing more to say to you.

“Rarely do we find men who willingly engage in hard, solid thinking. There is an almost universal quest for easy answers and half-baked solution. Nothing pains some people more than having to think .” — Martin Luther King Jr.

I'm not gonna sit and smile while reading your heuristic judgmental views because you're an adult. You've been a kid before, you should be able to relate to a simple 1 1 relationship-related question!


My childhood was taken away from me. I know EXACTLY how life is. Sacrifices made in the name of love, unimaginable problems thrown at you in the early hours of the morning and having only one solution to all the pain and terror you live by. Suicide, but I've made it to where I am today and it bothers me when adults look down on teenagers because they lack the experience to.

No point in saying anything further to a stranger who probably has absolutely zero decency to think that others literally have to start from the bottom to be wherever they destine themselves to be. I'll be off now. I'd be more likely to take advice from a conventional dating site, buy her flowers, worship her, wait until marriage, etc, etc...

Much of the time when ya'll discuss girls here you are assuming you are all mature adults and neither you nor the girls are under any ILLUSIONS, anyways.

 

[Estate]

Your opinion =)

Like I said on my previous comment; if I hadn't mentioned my age, although you may mean well, your response would have been somewhat less insidious, Estate. I don't know what your problem is, exactly with teenagers and quite frankly I don't care anymore, but if you haven't realised that I'm not your typical 17 year old teenager who's fascinated by video games and obsessively envisioning his first kiss over and over again killing himself with masturbation and buying FLOWERS for his crush then I have nothing more to say to you.

“Rarely do we find men who willingly engage in hard, solid thinking. There is an almost universal quest for easy answers and half-baked solution. Nothing pains some people more than having to think .” — Martin Luther King Jr.

I'm not gonna sit and smile while reading your heuristic judgmental views because you're an adult. You've been a kid before, you should be able to relate to a simple 1 1 relationship-related question!


My childhood was taken away from me. I know EXACTLY how life is. Sacrifices made in the name of love, unimaginable problems thrown at you in the early hours of the morning and having only one solution to all the pain and terror you live by. Suicide, but I've made it to where I am today and it bothers me when adults look down on teenagers because they lack the experience to.

No point in saying anything further to a stranger who probably has absolutely zero decency to think that others literally have to start from the bottom to be wherever they destine themselves to be. I'll be off now. I'd be more likely to take advice from a conventional dating site, buy her flowers, worship her, wait until marriage, etc, etc...

Much of the time when ya'll discuss girls here you are assuming you are all mature adults and neither you nor the girls are under any ILLUSIONS, anyways.

This really isn't a forum I like to get into any heavy or critical debate on because most guys here are in a similar boat...
All working and trying hard to become better men and achieve the LIFE they are willing to work for...

But the post above.... WOW.

My opinions are "insidious".
I have a "problem" with teenagers.
My views are heuristic and judgmental.

Unbelievable....
I you'd like to trade stories about sacrifies, horrific life events and all you mentioned, then go ahead, I can list them all and I'm sure others here can too but we're not here for that. We are here to move past that.

"No point in saying anything further to a stranger who probably has absolutely zero decency to think that others literally have to start from the bottom to be wherever they destine themselves to be"
The above quote.... this is what EACH and EVERYONE one of us here is for... and that's why we trade opinions and treat each other with respect.


I think you're definitely on the wrong forum.
None of us are incapable of relating to a 1:1 relationship question but the fact remains that is not the point of this forum.
It's not a "solve my relationship problems" forum, it's a "become a better man and achieve confidence, abundance and the life you want" type of forum.

The the regulars here... Sorry, I'm trying to keep my cool and I really don't like to bring this attitude to this forum but this seemed to hit a nerve.

To the OP, I really don't know what you are looking for here?
You seem to have it all figured out already. Don't need our advice.

 

[Lanoa]

“Judge a man by his questions rather than by his answers.”
Do not come for advice if you only want to hear what you already think .

 

[Lanny]

This is a part of my life that I hate. Constantly engaging in offensive conversations with adults. Happens a lot in school and it's the worst feeling ever. I came on this site because I wasn't too sure of what move to make, no matter how stupid my question or how on a lower level of maturity/experience it may have seemed; I expected to be advised although this is not a conventional dating forum, regardless of my age. Disputing what was said to one another, I'd love to leave this site on a high note. Come back here when I'm adequately mature and have gained enough field experience. For now, it's time I focus on me and see where exactly my life is heading. My sincere apology for the misunderstanding of this site and the obnoxious attitude I presented - wasn't my intention. Take care.

Kind Regards

 

[Flames]

Your confusing awkward silence with tension building silence, that's all I can see. I can relate to your situation as at a similar age to you I also knew way too much about 'stuff' and knew very little about emotion/people etc. I recommend that you

a) Kiss this girl before you lose her and others to follow.
b) Don't let being smart hold you back, practice what your 'bad' at a little more. Believe me it gets a lot more difficult to break bad patterns the older you get.

There's a post on 'so you think your smart' on chases site, though I haven't got the direct link a search will probably be adequate.

Read as much as you can from Chases site it's about 99% correct.

 

[Clout]

This is a part of my life that I hate. Constantly engaging in offensive conversations with adults. Happens a lot in school and it's the worst feeling ever

I think this sums it up, it seems to be a pattern. Maybe you should look at it?

Like Estate says on here you are going to get 100% unbiased by emotion answers. Most people active here are trying to master seduction (most men will never come close), better themselves and have "control" in life.

A friend recently said to me after I pointed something out in his approaches "do you think fishes see water? I think it's hard, when you are swimming in your own reality". I respect this friend 100% because we both say what we think, I know anything he says is for the benefit of me regardless how harsh it sounds. Since meeting him I have seen major improvements in my pick up and more importantly...my life. Our true friends in life don't say what we want to hear...

 

[Penguin]

Lanny,
It's a good thing that she tells you all about herself. The more you know about her, the better she will think she knows you . It's also good to not give much away about yourself, and be mysterious/exciting/intriguing. You're a quiet guy anyway so you're probably used to listening more than talking. Your deep-diving question about what she wants was really good .

On the subject of love, just make sure you don't invest in her or tell her you love her before anything has happened. Guys who are starting out with dating stuff are at risk of becoming very attached to one girl because they don't yet see that there is an abundance of girls available.

Remember to be strong and fast, and go for/get what you want. Being a respectful Mr. Nice Guy tends to get guys friend-zoned.