Flakes

[bigelow]

I'm regularly getting girls to agree to hang out, maybe 2-3 times a week, mostly done through tinder or online dating. We'll chat, laugh, exchange pictures, etc. and then agree to get together. I'll text them the night before to see if we are still on for the next day, and then around lunch time the day of, and get "can't wait" and "definitely!" often. Then I'm flaked on within the hour of when we are supposed to get together. It is super frustrating and I'm looking to fix this. Any feedback?

 

[topcat]

Hey Big,

Try sending your confirmation text a few hours before your actual meet. That tends to be my method and I haven't had a flake yet.

I reason this works because it gets the girl wondering if you even remembered.
This investment tips things in your favour and paints you as higher value sub textually whereas, texting the night before comes off needy in subtext, because it looks like you're very invested in having the date happen - so much as to try and confirm it the night before.

Think: "o right, supposed to be going on a date with Stacey in two hours. Let's see if she's still game" vs "I hope Stacey hasn't forgotten our date tomorrow. Let's remind her.."

Hope it helps,

Topcat

 

[bigelow]

Topcat,

I hear he wildest excuses, including these. Each came from a different girl in the past few weeks, within 1-2 hours of meeting. But they DID confirm that they were up for it and seemed excited.

-forgot she had a ticket to a game
-her mom forced her to get drinks with her instead
-the classic complete silence
-I used to date a friend(who gave her permission to see me, by the way)
-distance became a problem(but wasn't for the 3 days we were talking beforehand, especially when the miles are right there)
-she just had to cover a friend's shift at work

The list goes on and on. And they really aren't fooling anybody. Though it's hard to continue to be nice, I do keep my cool every time.

I send the one the night before so they aren't caught off-guard the day of. And then the mid-day text to let her know that it's on after work. So you're saying just the one a few hours beforehand is sufficient with a few days silence beforehand?

 

[topcat]

So you're saying just the one a few hours beforehand is sufficient with a few days silence beforehand?

Exactly that.

With online chicks I usually suggest a date (say coffee or food) but don't specify a venue.
I figure out their general logistics, get their number and tell them I'll figure out a venue and get back to them closer to the date. It's not till about 4 - 2 hours before the date that I ask them if they're still down.
If they are then I tell them the venue to meet me at and "see you soon ".

Yet to have a flake.

I'm no expert by any means but this has worked for me, garnered from a mix of trawling the material on this site and forum, and experimenting.

Play with it and see what works for you.

Topcat

 

[bigelow]

The saying goes, if you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always gotten. I'll play with this and see where it gets me. Hopefully this minor tweak can have a big effect. Thanks dude.