Met her via cold approach. Initial impression: shy, cautious, socially inhibited -- a "comfort" girl. Texting, vibe, and previous experience point to "luke-warm" interest / at-best "maybe girl". I'm not expecting to close on this date.
1. We sit down and I start deep diving. I felt I did an OK job getting her to open up and reveal her core character; I felt I did an OK job or trying to "mirror" this back to her (framing her as an adventurous and courageous spirit for leaving her home country and pursuing her dreams of being an artist).
I lacked generating enough excitement to compliance test / kino her -- and only did it a couple times with mild success. I felt there weren't too many "high points" to ask for compliance. She talked about herself for 70%+ of the conversation (the connection side of things), but I lacked arousal (a big fun sexy vibe).
I look at my phone and can't believe an hour's passed. I feel the vibe is "flat" despite all the connection-building we've been doing. I know I'm going to end the date soon, but I want to end on a high note. I offer to walk her to the local city center. She follows.
2. We walk maybe 10 minutes and find a table & chairs in the city center. I surmise she must have a nice IG because she's an artist so I ask her to show me. I can tell at this point the vibe is *a little* better. Short walk, plus change of scenery, plus asking her to show me her art charges a *little* bit of energy into the interaction -- her body language is fully facing me / leaning in for the first time. This is probably as good as the vibe is going to get so I cash my chips in and start ending the date. I think there was some ambiguity over the frame during the date (maybe she wanted to connect as a fellow artist / creative? as opposed to get to know each other?) -- even though we hammered a ton of M-W topics. So I figured I'd throw my "hail mary" and make sure she 100% knew the frame moving forward -- even if it meant never seeing her again:
I told her something along the lines of why I think she's an interesting person and how we share a lot of similarities in how we see the world (100% true, btw), and that if we hang out again, and if I get to know her more, it's because I want to get to know her in the way a man gets to know a woman. She looked a little shocked, but not in the worst way.
I stand up to leave and we hug. Afterward, she told me she felt an emotional energy from our physical embrace. Again, she still seemed a little shocked. My best read of her: she was bearing witness to some late-stage attraction to me...but maybe not enough to override the mediocre 80% of the date. It was almost like she seemed conflicted. I end the date, and frankly, felt decent about it. At least I ended things on a high note.
My read: less than a 20% chance I see her again. That said, I'm still pleased I exercised some self-control by not chasing the pull at the end, and instead elected to end things on a high note.
3. The problem I described above -- lacking that exciting, teasing, sexual energy off the bat -- is the biggest sticking point in my game right now. I know it's a combination of a few things I need to work on and will take time to get better:
- Better voice (getting ideas out more clearly and smoothly)
- Attraction (getting into teasing mode more early and often)
- Sexual subcomms (setting the proper vibe and frame early in the interaction)
- Better comfort game (being able to mirror back the feelings and emotions from deep diving, probably one of the easier skills on this list for me, tbh).
1. We sit down and I start deep diving. I felt I did an OK job getting her to open up and reveal her core character; I felt I did an OK job or trying to "mirror" this back to her (framing her as an adventurous and courageous spirit for leaving her home country and pursuing her dreams of being an artist).
I lacked generating enough excitement to compliance test / kino her -- and only did it a couple times with mild success. I felt there weren't too many "high points" to ask for compliance. She talked about herself for 70%+ of the conversation (the connection side of things), but I lacked arousal (a big fun sexy vibe).
I look at my phone and can't believe an hour's passed. I feel the vibe is "flat" despite all the connection-building we've been doing. I know I'm going to end the date soon, but I want to end on a high note. I offer to walk her to the local city center. She follows.
2. We walk maybe 10 minutes and find a table & chairs in the city center. I surmise she must have a nice IG because she's an artist so I ask her to show me. I can tell at this point the vibe is *a little* better. Short walk, plus change of scenery, plus asking her to show me her art charges a *little* bit of energy into the interaction -- her body language is fully facing me / leaning in for the first time. This is probably as good as the vibe is going to get so I cash my chips in and start ending the date. I think there was some ambiguity over the frame during the date (maybe she wanted to connect as a fellow artist / creative? as opposed to get to know each other?) -- even though we hammered a ton of M-W topics. So I figured I'd throw my "hail mary" and make sure she 100% knew the frame moving forward -- even if it meant never seeing her again:
I told her something along the lines of why I think she's an interesting person and how we share a lot of similarities in how we see the world (100% true, btw), and that if we hang out again, and if I get to know her more, it's because I want to get to know her in the way a man gets to know a woman. She looked a little shocked, but not in the worst way.
I stand up to leave and we hug. Afterward, she told me she felt an emotional energy from our physical embrace. Again, she still seemed a little shocked. My best read of her: she was bearing witness to some late-stage attraction to me...but maybe not enough to override the mediocre 80% of the date. It was almost like she seemed conflicted. I end the date, and frankly, felt decent about it. At least I ended things on a high note.
My read: less than a 20% chance I see her again. That said, I'm still pleased I exercised some self-control by not chasing the pull at the end, and instead elected to end things on a high note.
3. The problem I described above -- lacking that exciting, teasing, sexual energy off the bat -- is the biggest sticking point in my game right now. I know it's a combination of a few things I need to work on and will take time to get better:
- Better voice (getting ideas out more clearly and smoothly)
- Attraction (getting into teasing mode more early and often)
- Sexual subcomms (setting the proper vibe and frame early in the interaction)
- Better comfort game (being able to mirror back the feelings and emotions from deep diving, probably one of the easier skills on this list for me, tbh).
