Forcing positive mindset and self esteem.

[Estate]

Hey guys,
I'd love if the experienced guys tackled this or even if it was an article on the site.

Here was my biggest stumbling block when starting out. Now, I've obviously largely over-come it. But there's still times to old me can rare it's head. I've been down with the flu the past two weeks, I went out this weekend but I felt a bit sloppy, still sniffling a little, hadn't been able to work out in those 2 weeks and the bitter New England weather meant I was bundled up more out of function than being able to wear my favorite outfit.

So there I was... out in a busy bar... hot girls all over... and this crappy feeling came over me. Something I really hadn't felt since I was a clueless college kid. I felt sloppy, aweful, felt I must look terrible and wasn't getting an vibes from girls whatsoever. Obvioudly my mind was a bit down and it was projecting in either how I looked or acted or... well, I probably still looked pale a sick, haha.

Anyway, we all have off days. But when I started out my biggest stumbling bloack wasn't "what to say" or "how to act"... I read all the material. But what it really came down to was self-worth, self-image, self-esteem... whatever you want to call it. It's popping up on a few newbie threads in the last few months. "How do I get X type of girl".
See, "X" girl is no different from anyone else. She's a human being. She's a woman.

All the material on fundamentals, what to say, what to do... it's all here.

But the problem is this: You look at that girl. She's your "10". You know what to do... but the voice in your head just does not believe this girl would ever be into you, all the game in the world would not change it. It's a terrible belief.

Now, I ask because like above... I do occasionally fall back on this pattern if I'm not feeling 100%. Like, I've missed a workout, or something has made my day go bad.
For whatever reason I sometimes seem to let my moods and feelings like this be driven by what's happening around me. Like if I hookup with a hot girl... I feel I can meet any woman. If I've been down and out for a week or so like the past 2 weeks... I haven't been meeting any women. And I start feeling sucky about myself.

 

[Lotus]

Estate,

This is a sports based example that I think you can directly apply to "gaming".

As you know confidence fluctuates on a day to day basis. Not just in picking up girls but in almost anything including sports.

So you know where I am coming from. I have played soccer my entire life, including 4 years in college as a forward/striker/goal scorer(senior year I was named captain). I was and always have been a 100% confidence player. When I was scoring goals(ie: taking girls home) I was confident and all was good. When I wasn't scoring( taking home girls, being sick) and confidence was down life sucked and it was frustrating. Very similar to your current situation.

You feel like your in a rut and you get cant get out, but confidence is all mental and you are the only one that can get yourself out. What worked for me was replaying the goals I scored in my head and hyping myself up.

Maybe that is something that could work in pickup depending on your personality. Just continually remind yourself of all your smooth pick ups and lays where girls ate up everything you did until you have you "swagger" back.

 

[Drck]

There is always a difference between (theoretical) knowledge and real life. On one hand you may have this great understanding of girls, you may have clue of what you should say and how to behave, you may know all the warning signs or how windows of opportunity appears, you feel great and confident, even around most girls... And all is working, with all the girls - who are not your 9 or 10...

On the other hand, one of those nice days when you don't expect it, suddenly this new, hot, and sweet, and sexy girl appears right in front of you... You just feel that she is your 9, perhaps 10... Your heart starts pumping because she is looking directly at you and smiling... What to do, what to do..? How to approach and what to say? Perhaps your balls are gone. You look around to find your confidence - it is gone too... What now?

It happens, it happened to me several times. I usually blew it up because I was unprepared even though I already knew lots of seduction stuff...

You have to have exact plan, specific mindset for situation like that. You have to know what kind of frame you have to setup right from the beginning. Perhaps it is much easier if you are in "seduction mode" every day because your mind is simply ready, but when you are not thinking about girls and she appears suddenly, it is not so easy.

It is like if you are doing squats or bench with heavy weights. If you are training say 5-6 times per week, week after week, you won't even notice any muscle pain. But if you don't train say for 3 months you may not be able to squat the same weight at all, or your body will go soar and you won't even be able to walk the whole week. At the same time, you don't really have to be at top form all the time and training 6x wee - you can just do maintenance with lighter weight say just 1-2x week.

Your brain is the same, your 10/10 girl is like this heavy weight you have to be ready for, otherwise you'll mess up. No need to be in seduction mode 6 days a week, but some lighter effort should be there.

I used to write lots of seduction notes for myself before, and then simply went through it several times just to keep my mind in that mode. Then I rewrote the notes, choose the most important ones, perhaps wrote down just couple keywords. Today I'm just using memorized keywords that are most important. I'm trying to "review" my frame pretty much every day, and if I need to I go over my older notes and rewrite them again.

This way I keep my mindset ready and I know what to do. It is actually quite simple, the more you repeat your frame it the stronger it will become. Just like muscles. You simply have to be ready with your mind because you don't know if your 10/10 appears today or couple of months from now...

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Specifically to what you wrote: "but the voice in your head just does not believe this girl would ever be into you...." Yes, it is a terrible belief, and you can change it. Work on "Assume Attraction" and change your current belief by affirmations.

For example, say that your current 10/10 girl is Carla. She is a specific girl that you know, and your current belief is: "Carla is 10/10, she is really hot - and she would never be into me". This is your negative mindset, you are assuming that she is not attracted to you. You are beating yourself with negativity, you are putting yourself down - before you even talk to her. Even if you find balls and talk to her, you are already limiting yourself with negative attitude. Basically you are going after her - while assuming rejection.

Change it to something like this: "Carla is 10/10 girl, she is really hot, and I used to think that she would never be into me. But now I know that she could be very attracted to me because I am really great guy and I can talk to her easily. She would be happy to talk to me"

Now your mind is neutralized, there is no negativity, you are not putting yourself down. As a matter of fact, your brain now thinks that there is a good possibility that she is attracted to you. Huge step forward, if you find balls and talk to her, at least your mind is neutral (not assuming rejection)

Then you meet another 10/10 girl, say after couple of months. You don't really know this girl, but she is a specific person that you can interact with at work or school. So change your belief to something like: "This girl <at work> is 10/10, she is really hot, and she really wants me. She is amazing, she is after me and she wants to talk to me".

This gives your mind new expectations. You see a new hot girl, and your mind "expects" or "assumes" that she should be attracted to you. In reality, this may not be true (e.g. she is not attracted to you at all), but because you are expecting it it will be reflected in your attitude towards her, and she may actually become attracted to you - just because of that positive expectation. Amazing stuff.

By repetition and affirmation your mind gets used to that any 10/10 can be very attracted to you. So now you should be able to make another step further, prepare your mind for future 10/10. You simply don't know this girl but she may appear in your life sometime in the future: "Any cute and sexy 10/10 is very attracted to me and she really wants to talk to me. She is really excited and eager to meet me. She wants to date me, sleep with me..."

Now your brain expect that every 10/10 that you meet is very attracted to you and that she really wants to talk to you. Again, in reality it may not be true at first - but with firm belief (strong frame) you can actually change her mind and feelings. Isn't it amazing?

So just keep repeating your new beliefs till your brain gets used to them, find your negative ones and turn them around...

Hope it helps