FR+ FR + : 16 Years Older Woman

[johnydones]

I will try to make this short, but it most likely wont be :S
I hooked up with 16 years older woman on Saturday , im 26 and she is 42 , i did not realize this until she told me today , i thought she was like 34-35
She texted me next day how she had a great time with me and how cool i was. so i invited her today to join me for a drink.
She accepted and i was like , great , i will get some feedback about what was so cool about me and if i get sex even better.

We went to a bar and had a great chat , huge difference then younger girls , i asked what would she be if she had the option to do anything in the world (works great on young chicks , not so much on older woman) and she looked at me like WTF. She repeatedly told me how cool i was to her on Saturday and gave me feedback what she liked (She said : you smile so sexy , you look at me with those eyes of yours and you were so confident when you approached , i knew you are not just another guy) . How awesome is when you get a feedback.

When we headed out of the bar i asked
ME: "Hey , are you in a hurry , we can go grab a drink at my place"
SHE: *Smiles knowingly * "Let's not" *laughs*
ME: *i stopped her, took her hand* "Why not, we can talk a bit more, its more quiet then the bar"
SHE: "do you know how older i am then you ....16 years..."
ME: *cheek kissed her* "do you think that matters to me"
SHE: *kissed me back* "it's some sort of rule that i have , i just can't , its too much"
ME: *silence* (when i do not know what to say i keep quiet)
SHE: I agreed to go out with you because i truly think you are awesome guy

In the next 10 minutes i was persisting , we kissed , and when i hugged her i could feel her hearth pounding and breathing became faster, so i invited her again

ME: Ok , let's go now
SHE: *pause* I really can't , i will take a cab home , ok ?
ME: No need, i will take you home
SHE: It's ok really , ill take a cab home , i really had great time with you *moves in for another kiss*
ME: you should enjoy more in what life throws at you
SHE: I know ... *starts walking* Cya

So ,i persisted for like 15 minutes , i could see she was having internal dialog , and at the end answered with No , so i guess no more persistence could help . I messed up with invitation i think (forgot about stupid Yes ladder and it was too obvious i invited her for sex)

Do you think i could have done anything differently here , because i have no idea what.
O yea , do you think that it's too much downside if you have to drive to your place ?

Anyway , it was nice to go on a date with her , XP is always nice

 

[Franco]

JD,

Your persistence here is admirable, and I think others here should take note of the fact that he DID get a second meet-up because his persistence was turning her on. Again, for her, it's that factor of, "what if I had said yes...?"

Anyway, if she's very experienced, there may not have been much else you could do, regardless of how experienced you are. But, one thing I would work on is making your persistence a bit smoother. Come up with some reasons that a girl should come home with you that aren't so obvious. Inviting her to your place for a drink is not really enough of a scapegoat for her to use as an excuse to come over.

One thing that might get you started is to find something very interesting for your apartment/home/place of living. Maybe that can be a cool painting, or a fish tank with some interesting fish, or some kind of decoration that sounds elaborate and would intrigue anyone if you told them about it. During deep-diving, you can bring it up and make it sound really cool. Then when it comes time to pull, you can say something along the lines of: "Before you head back, let's check out my XYZ together. I think you'll really enjoy it." And then from there, you can persist.

If you can't think of anything good or you're low on funds, then even suggesting a TV show or a movie is slightly better than asking her to come back to your place for a drink -- preferably a TV show or movie that you two enjoyed discussing during the date.

Also, you should look into using a "Yes Ladder" during your persistence... it helps!

Plausible deniability is very important to women. Make sure to find ways to give it to them.

- Franco

 

[johnydones]

Thanks for great answer Franco,

I was always beating myself for not persisting enough , this time i was but it was not as smooth as i planned. Good idea about home decorations , i will think about it for sure , nothing crosses my mind at this moment but i will try to come up with something.

The thing i noticed about me was that i had control on whole date since i had quite a few dates these days , but when it came down to invite her home , it was as rough as my first approaches when i started several months ago. XP solves a lot of things.

 

[Marty]

Hey Franco,

Quick one... Why does JD need plausible deniability if (so far as I can tell from the narrative) he was on a one-to-one date with the chick, no friends in sight?

Whom exactly would he be fooling, in other words?

Thanks
-Marty

 

[johnydones]

Hey Marty ,

I think that you always do need plausible deniability , woman need that for themselves more then for her friends, so that tomorrow she will tell herself "o well , we went to see a movie at his place and it just happened"
If you don't go smooth here , like i did sadly , you hit a tripwire in her brain and her wall goes up a mile high (just my 2 cents on this)

-JD

 

[Franco]

Marty,

JD has the right idea here. The plausible deniability is more for the actual girl herself than anything else.

A girl will suspect that things are leading toward sex (which is what she wants if she's attracted to you), but not knowing for sure is what not only (1) gives her plausible deniability that she was going back to your place to "do something else" and then "things just happened," but also (2) keeps the suspense building by not knowing for sure if you're going to sweep her off of her feet.

Since so many guys pussy out when it comes time to make a bold move, sometimes taking a girl home doesn't necessarily mean in her mind that you're going to have sex. That's why we teach guys to do things like "manhandle kiss" when in a private escalation zone because it's confident, it turns her on, and it lets her know exactly what is going to happen next. But it's best to leave her guessing until you do that...

- Franco

 

[Marty]

Thanks Franco.

I suspected that the ambiguity was directed at the girl herself; but the reason I asked was that Girls Chase normally advocates being clear about my intentions with a woman and not misleading her.

I guess sex is the exception to that rule, as causing her to start thinking about sexual activity might get her overly excited or prematurely nervous and cause her to mess things up for both of us. Is that right?

-Marty

 

[Franco]

Marty,

but the reason I asked was that Girls Chase normally advocates being clear about my intentions with a woman and not misleading her.

Well, in the beginning, yes. When we talk about being clear with intentions, we are usually referring to your approach or setting up a date over text (as opposed to "hiding the banana" or texting girls to make them laugh rather than set up a date).

If a girl is over at your place after pulling her from a club or a date, then you can believe that the intent is already there in her mind. She knows this action is supposed to be a "romantic" interaction -- not a platonic one. So at this point, it has nothing to do with the intent and a lot more to do with protecting her reputation.

It is just a matter of whether or not the culmination of the romantic interaction (sex) will occur or not. And it's up to you, as the man, to make it happen.

- Franco