Hola;
So apparently I have continued my difficulties when trying to determine whether a girl is just a horrible flirt, or if she's actually interested. I went out with a friend to a cabaret/concert this weekend. Free ticket, so although I wasn't feeling happy and social, I went and had an ok time. Ran into an acquaintance from highschool (which was ~15 years ago now), and he was there with his ex-gf. Apparently they've dated basically continuously for the last 7 years until semi-recently, although she later made it a point to tell me that he'd dumped her on a few occasions prior.
This girl was reasonably pretty - probably a 7 on the numerical. 5'8, 140 maybe? Curvy while not being a "big" girl by any means, though bigger bum than I enjoy. Brunette, partially native. Dressed to kill in leather. 24 years old. And the most social thing I've seen in a long time. Literally greeting everyone with huge hugs, taking group photos of everyone and individual photos with most, etc. Again, I wasn't in a particularly social mood, and she's not the type I usually chase (tiny, athletic, "cute" girls), so I wasn't putting in any effort. But the point is I really don't see anything different in the way she's behaving with me, vs with basically any other person there.
Eventually the cabaret closes around midnight, so we head to a nearby pub and drink for another few hours. Immediately upon arriving, she sits next to me, leans in, and starts talking exclusively with me. There's four of us there - me, her, my buddy, and her ex (my HS acquaintance). She's now focused solely on me, and asking why I'm single, etc. I tell her the truth (in the fall I split from my ~7 yr commonlaw) and then she gets this serious look, asking me if there wasn't more reasons why I stayed in a bad relationship so long, etc. I'm literally baffled as to what she's pushing for and eventually get her to come out with it, and she asks me if I'm gay.
I laugh out loud. Eventually dig into it and her rationale given is (a) I'm so well-dressed/stylish, etc (which generally is bullshit, and I'm working hard to correct the fashion. I was looking decent that night though, was wearing dark jeans w/ dress shoes, a belt w/ a shiny square solid buckle, and a black shirt w/ some embroidery under a leather jacket. Admittedly I have improved my fundamentals a lot over the last 6 months (lost the glasses for contacts, gained ~10 lbs, changed hairstyle and added a light beard to the prior goatee/moustache). So apparently, I'm "so fashionable" ....... and (b) I have been failing to pick up on her hitting on me all night. She goes on to actively proposition me, saying she's not looking for anything serious, etc.
My logistics were ridiculous that night (long story), plus I wasn't feeling social, and she was getting less attractive as she drank more, and her ex was 1 chair down from me, so I just let it slide. And, amusingly, she got PISSED at me, actually angry.
Long story short - I completely misread this girl from moment one. I can't tell when a girl is just a horrible flirt, vs when she's flirting with me, vs when she's actually just DTF. I got into a similar situation months ago (social circle girl, really sexy/incorrigible flirt, which basically got me started trying to learn GC material), and in that case I misread interest and got a "It's not you it's me, not looking for a relationship, yadda yadda" . (hadn't seen her for ~5 months until last week, and my new fundamentals actually might open that one back up, but I think I've fucked it up irredeemably).
Advice? I guess I can err on the side of boldness in casual, and on the side of discretion in social circle, but I would rather be able to actually read the situation better, as opposed to just managing the odds.
So apparently I have continued my difficulties when trying to determine whether a girl is just a horrible flirt, or if she's actually interested. I went out with a friend to a cabaret/concert this weekend. Free ticket, so although I wasn't feeling happy and social, I went and had an ok time. Ran into an acquaintance from highschool (which was ~15 years ago now), and he was there with his ex-gf. Apparently they've dated basically continuously for the last 7 years until semi-recently, although she later made it a point to tell me that he'd dumped her on a few occasions prior.
This girl was reasonably pretty - probably a 7 on the numerical. 5'8, 140 maybe? Curvy while not being a "big" girl by any means, though bigger bum than I enjoy. Brunette, partially native. Dressed to kill in leather. 24 years old. And the most social thing I've seen in a long time. Literally greeting everyone with huge hugs, taking group photos of everyone and individual photos with most, etc. Again, I wasn't in a particularly social mood, and she's not the type I usually chase (tiny, athletic, "cute" girls), so I wasn't putting in any effort. But the point is I really don't see anything different in the way she's behaving with me, vs with basically any other person there.
Eventually the cabaret closes around midnight, so we head to a nearby pub and drink for another few hours. Immediately upon arriving, she sits next to me, leans in, and starts talking exclusively with me. There's four of us there - me, her, my buddy, and her ex (my HS acquaintance). She's now focused solely on me, and asking why I'm single, etc. I tell her the truth (in the fall I split from my ~7 yr commonlaw) and then she gets this serious look, asking me if there wasn't more reasons why I stayed in a bad relationship so long, etc. I'm literally baffled as to what she's pushing for and eventually get her to come out with it, and she asks me if I'm gay.
I laugh out loud. Eventually dig into it and her rationale given is (a) I'm so well-dressed/stylish, etc (which generally is bullshit, and I'm working hard to correct the fashion. I was looking decent that night though, was wearing dark jeans w/ dress shoes, a belt w/ a shiny square solid buckle, and a black shirt w/ some embroidery under a leather jacket. Admittedly I have improved my fundamentals a lot over the last 6 months (lost the glasses for contacts, gained ~10 lbs, changed hairstyle and added a light beard to the prior goatee/moustache). So apparently, I'm "so fashionable" ....... and (b) I have been failing to pick up on her hitting on me all night. She goes on to actively proposition me, saying she's not looking for anything serious, etc.
My logistics were ridiculous that night (long story), plus I wasn't feeling social, and she was getting less attractive as she drank more, and her ex was 1 chair down from me, so I just let it slide. And, amusingly, she got PISSED at me, actually angry.
Long story short - I completely misread this girl from moment one. I can't tell when a girl is just a horrible flirt, vs when she's flirting with me, vs when she's actually just DTF. I got into a similar situation months ago (social circle girl, really sexy/incorrigible flirt, which basically got me started trying to learn GC material), and in that case I misread interest and got a "It's not you it's me, not looking for a relationship, yadda yadda" . (hadn't seen her for ~5 months until last week, and my new fundamentals actually might open that one back up, but I think I've fucked it up irredeemably).
Advice? I guess I can err on the side of boldness in casual, and on the side of discretion in social circle, but I would rather be able to actually read the situation better, as opposed to just managing the odds.
