FR+/FU: My Dream Girl

[Ambiance]

I have posted a number of LRs and a handful of FRs, but I don't think I've ever posted a FU. Probably out of some flawed sense of ego. Well, here's one from last night.

(Note: I've never posted anything that's more important to me than this. As such, it is long. But worth a read. Also wasn't sure what to call it, FR or FU, since we did makeout.)

I met this girl while out shopping on Black Friday. Her name is Emma. I had already been approaching and had just gotten a few numbers so was riding the high from that. I was in line getting an early birthday gift for my sister and I noticed her in line right next to me. The line had made a U so while we were standing pretty much next to each other I was probably 20 people ahead of her. She was wearing her hair up and a hat and unrevealing clothing, but I could tell she was very attractive.

I opened Emma by asking to cut her in line haha. This of course confused her, which was the intention, and I made some lame joke about how "the longer I wait in line, the more likely it is I get checked out". We both laughed at this and I think I followed with something like, "Naw I just thought you were really cute and just had to say hi." She got pretty flirty, and I then I convinced her to sneak ahead to where I was in line. She and I have a very familiar vibe right from the start, as if we'd known each other awhile. As we're going back and forth, I quickly realize that she is one of the prettiest girls I've ever seen. A personal 10. I find out some stuff about her, including that she goes to school in Georgia and is in town for Thanksgiving. We eventually make it to the front of the line. I let her go ahead of me to checkout, thinking that it's better she waits for me than the other way around, but I end up finishing before her at the other checkout stand and am the one forced to wait. I pretend to be on my phone and post up at the front of the store. She eventually finishes and comes up to me, and we talk for a bit. It feels electric. After a but she tells me she is with her brother and has a time constraint so she has to run, but is in town until Monday and is pretty free this weekend and would love to meet up with me. Doing my work for me, huh. I tell her that we can grab a coffee, get her number, and we part ways with a smile.

I text her that night, expecting her to reply right away, but she doesn't. I start to wonder if I totally misread her, but then I have the idea to check her contact info and sure enough she only gave me her first 9 digits. I call all the possible numbers that could be her real number, and send each a text saying it was nice meeting her and that she only gave me 9 digits of her number.

One of the numbers I reached out to hit its mark, and Emma sent a long reply an hour later saying how she is so sorry and she thinks she spelled her last name wrong too and is so glad I figured out her real number. I had someone else pretend to be Emma earlier, so I have her call me to verify it is her, even though I was almost positive. Honestly I just wanted to talk to her.

We talk for a bit, I tease her a little, and towards the end of the conversation tell her I'd love to hang out with her tonight but I already had plans (had another date). We agree to hang out the following day, Sunday.

I hadn't been so excited about a girl since Megan, the girl who first broke my heart almost three years ago. Sure, I've been really excited with girls since that original heartbreaker, but part (or most) of that excitement was always tied to some sense of accomplishment or milestone I had hit with that girl, like losing my virginity or my first street pull. With this girl, it was completely centered around her.

She later asked for my Insta, and then my SC. I told her I had neither, and asked if she wanted a picture of me or something. I sent her one, and had her send me one back. I receive her picture, and she looks gorgeous. Yeah, earlier definitely wasn't a fluke. I end the conversation and go to sleep after texting a few other girls lol.

I texted Emma at 10 AM the next day. She had brunch with her family so I suggested a Starbucks nearby my house, and that we could swing by my country club if we got hungry. I had the house to myself for once so it seemed like fate was smiling on me. Unfortunately, she texted me saying she was having dinner with her mom and sister and that she could only do coffee, but that she would be back winter break and we could hang out a lot more then. Although disappointed, I was cool about it, and we met for coffee at 4:15

I arrived before she did, and waited in my car until I saw her pull up. I gave her a big smile and hug. God she is so cute. We ordered the same thing and sat indoors. Emma is a great conversationalist. I'm used to having to be in total control of the conversation and do a lot of the work for the other party, but Emma is a natural.

We had a good conversation, but I was not anywhere near my capabilities. I was way too preoccupied trying to not be guarded, and then overcompensating by being too interested. I probably came across incongruous. Still, that chemistry was there, and we talked for about an hour. It is uncanny how much we have in common, or how alike we think. She seems pretty traditional, coming from a religious background. She had never been approached before, she told me. She had never had a boyfriend. She also said she didnt know anyone without social media. We talked about some other stuff too.

I then suggested we go for a walk, and I found a secluded spot where we watched the sun set. It was gorgeous, though I was too transfixed with Emma to care. We talked for a bit, I put my arm around her, and I made a moment and kissed her. Electric. I pulled back, we looked at each other, and she went back in again. I pulled back after a bit, smiled at her, and told her I wished she didn't have to leave. (She had to meet her mom at a restaurant around 6). She agreed and said we could hang out longer when she gets back in town. We talked a few minutes more, passionately made out for a little longer, and then I called it off and said let's go.

I walked her to her car and kissed her goodbye. My emotions were haywire driving away. Such a chaotic cocktail of antagonizing feelings, from ultra excitement over kissing her to sorrow since she was leaving to fear because I might never see her again. I went to my friends house and told him all about her, something I NEVER do.

I text Emma a little after 9, telling her it was really nice seeing her and to enjoy the rest of her stay and the early flight back. Surely she felt the magic I did, and has spent the past few hours wondering if she'll hear from me or if maybe she should text me first. She doesn't respond. I chalk it up to her going to bed early for her 3 AM flight, but of course there is that fear that she won't respond. I go home and text a few other girls including this really hot girl I met an hour before the girl I've been talking about. What the hell. It's not like i don't have any other options. I took a new girl to bed earlier this week. Yet here I am, losing my mind over One Special Girl who I had one coffee date with. Anyway, I go to bed with hopes I'll have a response waiting for me the next day. It takes me forever to fall asleep since I can't stop thinking about her. My life seems irrevocably different. Simplified. Nothing else mattered. I haven't felt that way in three years. Finally, i fall asleep.

I wake up this morning before my alarm, anxious to see if she replied.

No response.

Reveals a lot of holes in my game. A lot. I'd gotten real cocky these past few months, and broke through several plateaus. Doesn't matter now.

I shouldn't have gotten so caught up with a girl who is only in town for holidays, especially when I will be back in San Diego on the other side of the continent this January. Yet I couldn't help it. It feels like my game just went right out the window.

It doesn't hurt as much as it did the last time, maybe because this time around I gave it my best, and it wasn't the drawn out devastation like before, but God is it still so bad.

Writing this FR/FU was torture. I am so miserable right now. I dont care about any of the other girls in my life. It's been three years since I was so excited about someone, and now she's gone. I'm in a better place with girls than ever before, but what the hell is the point of it all if I can't have a girl like her?!?

...

(I wrote this part about an hour later)

I think I know what to do. Since losing that first Love at First Sight girl nearly three years ago, I have been too scared to go after girls who have that effect on me, and have deprived myself of relationships with girls who are perfect for me. I've gotten good with all other girls, but not the ones I, by far, value the highest. Recently breaking through several plateaus and the fact that I couldn't see Emma's face well before approaching her due to her cap got me over the gap, at least this time.

I never replaced Megan, that first girl who started all this madness. I came closest with my ex-gf Shanelle senior year of high school, the girl I lost my virginity to. And there were some really hot girls I hooked up with in college. But as much as I liked Shanelle, and hot as some of the girls I've been with are, I always liked Megan better. Finally I brought someone into my life who was a true rival to her, even if but for one night.

I need to attack this with everything I got. This has been eating at me for far too long. Gonna reread Chase's three articles on Love at First Sight, and double my approaching effort. I'm also gonna let my ego take a beating if need be.

As far as to why Emma didn't respond, i have a few ideas. The long distance thing, combined with my intensity, probably was a big part. I was incongruent at times. Maybe I shouldn't have kissed her since she is leaving, or further, maybe I should have treated the whole thing like an informational date and kept things very low key. That's probably it. Maybe after kissing her I should have let her know that I knew we probably shouldn't be kissing with her leaving and all, but I just can't help myself. Maybe I should have voiced how much I was into her so she doesn't think I do this with everyone. Maybe she doesnt want to encourage things since we live so far away. And perhaps she may end up texting me back at some point. There might still be a chance we see each other over Winter Break. But I'm not counting on it.

If you got this far, I greatly appreciate it and hope you found this report interesting. This has got to be the most important post I've put on here, by far. All feedback is very welcome. I don't want to solve all this stuff on my own.

Ambiance

 

[Hue]

Ambiance,

I've felt this too man. It's powerful stuff.

The fact that something as small as her not texting you back had this kind of effect on you at the level you're at with women speaks to how much you felt the connection.

I'm a little confused with her leaving town, does she not live there? She's just visiting?

Maybe you should wait a couple days and give her a call - try and see the reality of the situation (if visiting isn't that uncommon). Or, you could persist with a quick text and test the waters. Unless I read this wrong it's just one text she didn't respond to man.

I need to attack this with everything I got. This has been eating at me for far too long. Gonna reread Chase's three articles on Love at First Sight, and double my approaching effort. I'm also gonna let my ego take a beating if need be.

This will all help you, and idk where your ego is necessarily but a good beating can help tremendously in the long term. Just breathe man, and try to focus on something(s) else you're passionate about. Take a step back, calm those emotions and try not to over analyze - that's my advice. I've needed someone to tell me that when I've been freaking out from a girl before.

We had a good conversation, but I was not anywhere near my capabilities. I was way too preoccupied trying to not be guarded, and then overcompensating by being too interested. I probably came across incongruous. Still, that chemistry was there, and we talked for about an hour. It is uncanny how much we have in common, or how alike we think. She seems pretty traditional, coming from a religious background. She had never been approached before, she told me. She had never had a boyfriend. She also said she didnt know anyone without social media. We talked about some other stuff too.

Hector has said in one of his videos how when he held back his true feelings for a girl he liked, that she could tell and he lost her because of that. If you were very interested and showed it that's fine because you were congruent with your feelings. It breaks the rule of sprezzatura but in practice I think this is an exception, personally. Could you give more detail on how you were showing too much emotion?

Also, a girl that's a 9-10 never being approached, or ever having a boyfriend? That's extremely rare. I hope I'm not harping on the wrong strings but do you think she could have just been saying this for reason xyz?


And important to think that, worse case scenario, you'll learn something from this, and be able to get right back up and know what to do when another girl like this comes along again. As you've said, you have felt this way before.


Hue

 

[Ambiance]

Ambiance,

I've felt this too man. It's powerful stuff.

The fact that something as small as her not texting you back had this kind of effect on you at the level you're at with women speaks to how much you felt the connection.

There's nothing like it. I was totally blindsided by her. Didn't expect this happening at all. Which is crazy considering how often I have wondered when that next world-shattering girl will come along ever since it happened the first time.

I just knew that if I didn't get a response right away, I probably wasn't getting one. I was intense enough that unless she was still that intense things had probably crested and then imploded.

How many times have you felt this feeling? Have any success stories? I'd be super curious to hear them.

I'm a little confused with her leaving town, does she not live there? She's just visiting?

Yeah, she was visiting her mom for Thanksgiving. She goes to school in Georgia, and her dad lives out there. She told me she would be back in town for Winter Break.

Maybe you should wait a couple days and give her a call - try and see the reality of the situation (if visiting isn't that uncommon). Or, you could persist with a quick text and test the waters. Unless I read this wrong it's just one text she didn't respond to man.

Yeah think this is what I will do. I'll call her on Wednesday or something. If she doesn't answer maybe leave a nice voicemail, and perhaps ping her once Winter Break is here. I'm gonna try not to think about her otherwise.

The thought of never seeing her again saddens me deeply, but if that's the case I'll move on. I don't chase em I replace em after all. Life before meeting her was pretty good, and I don't need her to be happy much as I may want her.

I need to attack this with everything I got. This has been eating at me for far too long. Gonna reread Chase's three articles on Love at First Sight, and double my approaching effort. I'm also gonna let my ego take a beating if need be.

This will all help you, and idk where your ego is necessarily but a good beating can help tremendously in the long term. Just breathe man, and try to focus on something(s) else you're passionate about. Take a step back, calm those emotions and try not to over analyze - that's my advice. I've needed someone to tell me that when I've been freaking out from a girl before.

You're so right, this is the best possible thing I can be doing right now. My emotions have definitely simmered down a bit. It helps that she is on the other side of the country (though I definitely wish she was here hahaha you know what I mean). I also am happy that I met someone I liked as much as if not more than Megan, that first girl. Silver lining if you will.

We had a good conversation, but I was not anywhere near my capabilities. I was way too preoccupied trying to not be guarded, and then overcompensating by being too interested. I probably came across incongruous. Still, that chemistry was there, and we talked for about an hour. It is uncanny how much we have in common, or how alike we think. She seems pretty traditional, coming from a religious background. She had never been approached before, she told me. She had never had a boyfriend. She also said she didnt know anyone without social media. We talked about some other stuff too.

Hector has said in one of his videos how when he held back his true feelings for a girl he liked, that she could tell and he lost her because of that. If you were very interested and showed it that's fine because you were congruent with your feelings. It breaks the rule of sprezzatura but in practice I think this is an exception, personally. Could you give more detail on how you were showing too much emotion?

Exactly. This is exactly what I was trying to say. I was afraid to show her too much, and probably came across a little calculated, ingenuine, and at times confusing. And the crazy thing is we still had a lot of chemistry even though I was holding back. I got a lot more comfortable once I was kissing her haha, but its the type of thing that can weird a girl out after the fact when she is looking back and no longer in your presence.

Also, a girl that's a 9-10 never being approached, or ever having a boyfriend? That's extremely rare. I hope I'm not harping on the wrong strings but do you think she could have just been saying this for reason xyz?

Haha I'm sure she has been approached many times at parties and bars and that sort of thing. This was the first time some guy came up to her like I did outside of a social/semi-social setting, and the way she told me this makes me believe her. She seemed to think it it was different and actually pretty cool.

As far as the boyfriend thing she originally told me she has had a boyfriend when I asked, and when I asked when she said sixth grade. I teased her a bit for that lol, and asked when else she has had one and she gave me a hesitant "Neverrrrr?" with a kinda nervous smile as if to see how I'd react. I probed, and she said guys are usually shy around her. But who knows, it didn't make much sense to me either. She was the type of girl to wear a purity ring, and when we talked about religion she didn't seem resentful at all about her upbringing or rebellious towards her parents views. Yet all her friends are really hot, which means they likely had plenty of boyfriends. And those boyfriends probably weren't your average church-goer. Maybe she never liked the kind of guys that her friends hung around, yet tolerated/appreciated hanging around them? I don't know. Need more information.

And important to think that, worse case scenario, you'll learn something from this, and be able to get right back up and know what to do when another girl like this comes along again. As you've said, you have felt this way before.

Right again This has taught me so much already. Yes there are girls out there that have the same all-consuming effect that Megan had on me three years ago, and I've been depriving myself from them out of fear all this time. My brain doesn't want to let itself fall for a girl because it ended so badly the last time that happened.

Fortunately, I am in a much better place today, with a greater understanding of my emotions, a lot more experience, and two dates already lined up for this week. I know there was never much of a future with Emma- best case scenario we have a blast over the holidays, miss each other all school year, see each other here and there, and then after a phenomenal future summer or some unforeseen crossroads she ends up moving out to be closer to me. What are the chances, like .5%? I will meet more girls like her, hopefully who live closer by

Thank you so much for taking the time to read and respond to my post. You came in my hour of need my friend

 

[Hue]

How many times have you felt this feeling? Have any success stories? I'd be super curious to hear them.

Two and a half times? Not any true success stories because I made silly mistakes with all of them. But, I dug up a post on how to reignite a flame after it's fizzled, and plan on doing so after the semester ends... so who knows (;

I don't want to go deep into them here, but I know what it's like to catch the love bug. Such bittersweet thing - one second you're glowing with joy at the thought of the girl and another you're overly fearful / angry / sad depending on the state of events and your outlook of the two of you's future.

Exactly. This is exactly what I was trying to say. I was afraid to show her too much, and probably came across a little calculated, ingenuine, and at times confusing. And the crazy thing is we still had a lot of chemistry even though I was holding back. I got a lot more comfortable once I was kissing her haha, but its the type of thing that can weird a girl out after the fact when she is looking back and no longer in your presence.

Found the video. The part I'm talking about is 6:00 - the end.

This is the downful of technical game IMO. You can look, do, and say whatever you need to get the girl, but if she's experienced to some degree and the ingenunity catches her radar, it fucks things up. The emotion connection is what the woman really wants - especially with really high quality chicks. To know that emotional connection and actually show it, you need to know yourself enough to be vulnerable. That you're not afraid to show your emotions when you find it appropriate.

She was the type of girl to wear a purity ring, and when we talked about religion she didn't seem resentful at all about her upbringing or rebellious towards her parents views.

This might be an obstacle to overcome, but before getting to how to change her possibly strongly rooted religious frame, I'd focus on forging your frame into steel, and if the opportunity arises with her again, proceeding accordingly.

My brain doesn't want to let itself fall for a girl because it ended so badly the last time that happened.

I'm still practicing how to be vulnerable without being weak / opening up a wound that hasn't healed yet. Takes time, self-love, and mental strength. Right there with ya bud.

Fortunately, I am in a much better place today, with a greater understanding of my emotions, a lot more experience, and two dates already lined up for this week. I know there was never much of a future with Emma- best case scenario we have a blast over the holidays, miss each other all school year, see each other here and there, and then after a phenomenal future summer or some unforeseen crossroads she ends up moving out to be closer to me. What are the chances, like .5%? I will meet more girls like her, hopefully who live closer by

Thank you so much for taking the time to read and respond to my post. You came in my hour of need my friend

Glad to hear it bud

Exactly man, play it by ear. And maybe have a wild romantic fling if the ember hasn't burnt out. She hasn't forgotten you, so you just need to pick a good time / way to persist with her properly. And given your connection I would recommend cold calling her. I've been a little bit dogmatic about this recently, but the only people I feel connection with while texting are already very close to me, as opposed to calling where I can feel the person over the phone. Try to not be upset if she doesn't pick up / you don't hear back. You can always send her one of those big "hey, where were we again? blah blah blah we should meet up" texts a few weeks down the road if you think the right move is backing off for a bit.

Keep ya head up,


Hue

 

[Seppuku]

Hey Ambiance,

Thank you for this nice post. Yes, it's a FU, but sometimes we learn more from one huge FU than from 10 average LRs. FUs are an essential part of the learning curve.

The one thing which strikes me here is scarcity and neediness - again. Yes, you get LRs and dates and girls, but when it comes to girls of this caliber, it is still scarcity mindset, with all the side effects associated - putting her on a pedestal, and leaking neediness in your sub-communication. I am ready to bet that, somehow, you were oozing neediness in your body language and behavior around her. Think about it and let me know if I'm right.

I strongly believe that, the more beautiful she is, the more essential it is to remain absolutely unfazed by her beauty. I can really see how this helped me to get my few 9s in bed. Such a girl lives in a world where 95% of guys are all losing their shit around her beauty, one way or another. She is craving to meet a guy that will *not* lose his mind around her. A guy who will remain calm and natural and himself around her, and who will not put her on a pedestal, and who will not have a supplicating behavior, and able to handle her. A girl like her? Boring. Business as usual. He can have ten like her anytime. Imagine the impact a message like that has on her. Chase calls it sprezzatura.

I am ready to bet that, at least unconsciously, you had something like this, to some extent at least, transcribing in your sub-communication. This must have been conflicting with your conscious behavior, and made you come across as non congruent, or non genuine, like you say from your own account.

This is again scarcity. You have abundance, to some extent, but when it comes to girls of her level, you're in scarcity again. The less you give a fuck, the more you fuck, and vice versa. In the meantime, I feel you man, and each one of us has been there, and it sucks and hurts.

On the brighter side of things, imagine that you made a date happen with a personal 10, out of thin air! Frankly, how cool is that? It's just awesome! Think about the possibilities. You made it happen once, you can make it happen again. Think about all the way you have gone since you started learning all this. You have extended the limits of what is possible. Just patiently persist, and you will finally crack the scarcity problem around your personal 10s.

One remark now about the kiss. In my experience, if there is no robust possibility of fucking her immediately, a kiss is actually a double edged sword. It has a good likelihood of losing you the girl: 1) you kill the mystery (now she knows...), and 2) it can act like a failed escalation. I now completely avoid it, until late into the final stage of physical escalation. But that's me...

Also, like Hue remarked, it's only one message she didn't answer - so far. It's worth trying again in a few day. But you need to avoid the pitfalls of chasing. Try once, then give it a much longer break if you don't have an answer. Or even better, move on.

Maybe after kissing her I should have let her know that I knew we probably shouldn't be kissing with her leaving and all, but I just can't help myself. Maybe I should have voiced how much I was into her so she doesn't think I do this with everyone.

Given that your likely problem here was scarcity and neediness, I would personally avoid all this altogether. You just risk giving into more of the same problem.

Alright Ambiance! In fact, this was an awesome experience. You made it happen, and that's what matters. Good job. On to your next 10 now!

Cheers,
Seppuku

 

[Ambiance]

I'll give a quick update before I respond to you guys.

So I ended up calling her. This decision was partially inspired by the movie Hitch (lmao I know, I know...) and Hector's video on treating her special vs treating her regular (PERFECT video Hue, thank you a bunch). I didn't want to just ping her through a text because that felt weak and chasey compared to what I ended up doing. I decided I was going to be real with her about my feelings and the situation without being needy. Just totally open. Here's my chin, you could punch it and knock me out if you wanted, but I'm sticking it at you anyway.

Called 7:30ish her time. Honestly wasn't expecting her to pickup, and had my voicemail all planned out, but she did and seemed happy to hear from me. Our conversation was very natural. We exchanged brief pleasantries and then I got to it. And it wasn't me just dumping my emotions on her. No, I was upbeat and laughing at myself for how silly it all is and she was laughing too, but I told her straight up that I really liked her, and that I may not have come across that way because of the whole distance thing but that past a certain point I was enjoying myself too much to hold back. I then told her that I would love to see her again even though it would only be over the holidays. I then exclaimed that maybe I was making a total fool of myself right now, as if it were the most hilarious thing ever, laughing at how I never do stuff like this.

She interrupted me here and said I wasn't and that she had felt it too. I then let her talk for a bit about how she'll let me know as soon as she is in town and that we'll be able to figure out where this is going then. She also told me that guys are never this vulnerable with her. She also mentioned that there is a guy she might have a thing with (the way she worded it made it hard for me to guess if there's some guy she is sleeping with or some guy who's chasing her for a relationship... let's hope for the latter lol) and that she was probably going to tell him about our date (she referred to it as a date, which I guess is good). I tried to be as outcome independent as possible and told her that she shouldn't let some guy miles away get in the way of her and a potential relationship, and that I had girls of my own I have to worry about. I then told her that I didn't want to talk much longer and that I'd let her get back to homework, but that I really would like to see her again and hopefully it works out, but if not, c'est la vie. She told me she was glad I called and we said goodbye.

So, seems like she is being very pragmatic about the whole thing. While I'd love it if she was texting me every day and just couldn't wait to see me again in spite of our situational predicament, I am content with this.

The conversation wasn't high stakes at all. I didn't need her to tell me she liked me back. I just needed to be real with her, and myself. Hopefully my vulnerability has the effect on my attainability I wanted it to have on her, and hopefully when she tells that other guy about me he freaks out and makes a pussy of himself lol

I'm not going to contact her again until either she contacts me first or Winter Break is already half over. My emotions are screaming at me but I am back in control, if only barely. I think there is a probable chance I see her again.

So I guess this might not be a FU after all

Hue-

Two and a half times? Not any true success stories because I made silly mistakes with all of them. But, I dug up a post on how to reignite a flame after it's fizzled, and plan on doing so after the semester ends... so who knows (;

I don't want to go deep into them here, but I know what it's like to catch the love bug. Such bittersweet thing - one second you're glowing with joy at the thought of the girl and another you're overly fearful / angry / sad depending on the state of events and your outlook of the two of you's future.

Yeah we're so close in age so that seems right. If you could pull off a turnaround on one of your old flames that'd be legendary!

Your description of infatuation is right on the mark haha. That was me all day. I love it and I hate it, and I wish I could be with her but know I can't.

Found the video. The part I'm talking about is 6:00 - the end.

This is the downful of technical game IMO. You can look, do, and say whatever you need to get the girl, but if she's experienced to some degree and the ingenunity catches her radar, it fucks things up. The emotion connection is what the woman really wants - especially with really high quality chicks. To know that emotional connection and actually show it, you need to know yourself enough to be vulnerable. That you're not afraid to show your emotions when you find it appropriate.

I watched that video 3 times hahaha... that and your advice here helped so much; you can probably tell.

This might be an obstacle to overcome, but before getting to how to change her possibly strongly rooted religious frame, I'd focus on forging your frame into steel, and if the opportunity arises with her again, proceeding accordingly.

I'm still practicing how to be vulnerable without being weak / opening up a wound that hasn't healed yet. Takes time, self-love, and mental strength. Right there with ya bud.

Dude if we ever get back together it is going to be so on, there's no way she would be able to resist the tidal wave of passion that awaits her

Funnily enough just reread that article and took notes on it about a week before meeting her. Now I just used it full force

Glad to hear it bud

Exactly man, play it by ear. And maybe have a wild romantic fling if the ember hasn't burnt out. She hasn't forgotten you, so you just need to pick a good time / way to persist with her properly. And given your connection I would recommend cold calling her. I've been a little bit dogmatic about this recently, but the only people I feel connection with while texting are already very close to me, as opposed to calling where I can feel the person over the phone. Try to not be upset if she doesn't pick up / you don't hear back. You can always send her one of those big "hey, where were we again? blah blah blah we should meet up" texts a few weeks down the road if you think the right move is backing off for a bit.

Keep ya head up,


Hue

Excellent idea as far as cold calling her. Things have stabilized. Hopefully I see her again. In the meantime, business as usual, though I'm sure I'll be thinking about her a bit. Who knows, maybe I'll meet someone just like her

Seppuku-

Thank you for this nice post. Yes, it's a FU, but sometimes we learn more from one huge FU than from 10 average LRs. FUs are an essential part of the learning curve.

A recent FU post of yours comes to mind This has been so informative, both getting yours and Hue's input and me opening my eyes to this concept of absolute abundance.

The one thing which strikes me here is scarcity and neediness - again. Yes, you get LRs and dates and girls, but when it comes to girls of this caliber, it is still scarcity mindset, with all the side effects associated - putting her on a pedestal, and leaking neediness in your sub-communication. I am ready to bet that, somehow, you were oozing neediness in your body language and behavior around her. Think about it and let me know if I'm right.

Hell to the yeah. I was also at times guarded. You see right through me haha

I strongly believe that, the more beautiful she is, the more essential it is to remain absolutely unfazed by her beauty. I can really see how this helped me to get my few 9s in bed. Such a girl lives in a world where 95% of guys are all losing their shit around her beauty, one way or another. She is craving to meet a guy that will *not* lose his mind around her. A guy who will remain calm and natural and himself around her, and who will not put her on a pedestal, and who will not have a supplicating behavior, and able to handle her. A girl like her? Boring. Business as usual. He can have ten like her anytime. Imagine the impact a message like that has on her. Chase calls it sprezzatura.

This is where I get confused. On the one hand, I totally agree it is far better to not lose your mind over a woman's beauty. Where this gets complicated in my mind is when you have the girl who isn't just super hot or whatever, but the phenomenon Chase talks about in his Love at First Sight articles where a girl is your perfect match in every way, and vice versa. Are you saying that at absolute abundance you meet girls like this and *don't* lose your mind around them? I guess that would be overall a good thing, but let me tell you, I would miss that powerful all-consuming energy that makes you wonder how you possibly ever lived without the girl you're nuts over. If so, that's kinda like one of the trade-offs as you grow more smooth: you don't get excited so easily, but you are way cooler for it.

I am ready to bet that, at least unconsciously, you had something like this, to some extent at least, transcribing in your sub-communication. This must have been conflicting with your conscious behavior, and made you come across as non congruent, or non genuine, like you say from your own account.

This is again scarcity. You have abundance, to some extent, but when it comes to girls of her level, you're in scarcity again. The less you give a fuck, the more you fuck, and vice versa. In the meantime, I feel you man, and each one of us has been there, and it sucks and hurts.

Dead on again. Girls like Emma and Megan are so precious to me, even though I am doing not too shabby with women in general. I touched on this in my post. I have been guarding myself from girls like her, since it was so painful the first time around with Megan. It really is assuring to be reminded that you and all the other advanced guys on the forum have been through this.

On the brighter side of things, imagine that you made a date happen with a personal 10, out of thin air! Frankly, how cool is that? It's just awesome! Think about the possibilities. You made it happen once, you can make it happen again. Think about all the way you have gone since you started learning all this. You have extended the limits of what is possible. Just patiently persist, and you will finally crack the scarcity problem around your personal 10s.

I know it is so awesome!!! I finally got to kiss a personal ten too!! (more on that below) I've dreamed of doing this for sooooo long... part of me wondered if it would be years before this happened. I cannot wait to bed a personal ten, and to date one. My favorite dreams all involve this. After my girlfriend Shanelle and I split in HS, I promised myself I would only go exclusive with a personal 10. I can't wait to have my own place and have some girl I am totally enamored with spending the night and fucking her senseless 5 times a day. Nothing entices me more.

One remark now about the kiss. In my experience, if there is no robust possibility of fucking her immediately, a kiss is actually a double edged sword. It has a good likelihood of losing you the girl: 1) you kill the mystery (now she knows...), and 2) it can act like a failed escalation. I now completely avoid it, until late into the final stage of physical escalation. But that's me...

Also, like Hue remarked, it's only one message she didn't answer - so far. It's worth trying again in a few day. But you need to avoid the pitfalls of chasing. Try once, then give it a much longer break if you don't have an answer. Or even better, move on.

Maybe after kissing her I should have let her know that I knew we probably shouldn't be kissing with her leaving and all, but I just can't help myself. Maybe I should have voiced how much I was into her so she doesn't think I do this with everyone.

Given that your likely problem here was scarcity and neediness, I would personally avoid all this altogether. You just risk giving into more of the same problem.

Alright Ambiance! In fact, this was an awesome experience. You made it happen, and that's what matters. Good job. On to your next 10 now!

Cheers,
Seppuku

The choice of whether or not to kiss her was initially a hard one to make. On the one hand, generally I have found exactly the same outcomes as you when I kiss a girl and don't sleep with her. On the other hand, I wasn't afraid of it coming across as a failed escalation since with no logistics I wanted to kiss her and nothing more, and I wanted to make sure she understood that we were not friends. Chase mentions in his Get a Girlfriend in Two Weeks (I'm pretty sure, but may have been another article...) that ending a date with a kiss is a viable option if you keep it at that, which I thought counted double since she was leaving town. Something memorable to end on, if you will.

This decision became ridiculously easy to make once she was in person lmfao... how could I not kiss her?? Maybe once I have absolute abundance I will have more discipline

Hugely appreciate your advice. You are so good at it- you get right to the root and don't hold back, but you present it in such a succinct and understanding way and then give plenty of positive feedback as well to manage my spirits. Very glad you still have a presence on the boards even with the completion of your journal

Whew, what a day.

Ambiance