- Joined
- Nov 12, 2024
- Messages
- 67
Field reports are fun. I have two do to. This one just happened. I went to whole foods to return a product that didn't fit. then -- funny story i saw this red haired (dyed hair) person that looked bored at her desk. i wasn't that attracted but i struck up a conversation. That was just 5 or so minutes on this hot and sultry saturday evening. Anyway i kind of ejected as i was feeling kind of awkward and went to the supplements section or cosmetics. I didn't really have anything to buy but then i remembered i could use something for my feet. they've been so dry at night when i don't feel generally dehydrated. anyway i see this worker. i didn't notice her at first in terms of beauty but we just got in a conversation deeper and deeper. she's a blonde. She was present. She was interesting, deep and full of history and thoughts and ideas. She is 100 percent american, but she had an old world feel to her. She was at one point thinking of being not a nun but something like that, taking a vow of poverty. We talked about a lot. i found myself being more and more turned on by her-- her softness and humility and openness and all that stuff-- i hinted at one point she should travel up to quebec city with me- a quasi invitation, which i would follow through on btw but i knew this was too soon to not be 'ironic'. i guess even i can be ironic but in a different way- forward motion irony or fishing. I don't know what i'm doing. I have instincts, ideas and intuition but you learn as you go, right? right. I always did much better when women could sense my intentions and purposes and forgive me 'faults' that are not always even faults. That is not minneapolis. that is what happens when you are around your own people.
I meant to say this before i had this pick up but i'm 43, in a city that is heavily ironic, although i found out about the north loop,. which is a crazy refreshing oasis-- and i have a fr about going out last night and dancing there. Most of the clubs in this city are gay or ghetto but in that district there are a few nicer dance clubs- i finally found. it's not much but the music was good enough and the crowd was good enough but this city is broken in so many ways. Anyway I have good income, a good job, assets, but no community in a society that is wired against us. I just met this cool girl at whole foods without even trying. that's the best way. I like to meet people organically as i am going on my way and i like that she could bend the rules and talk to me, which she clearly wanted to do. i could tell she enjoyed talking with me. that's another thing, this rules based and systems based corporately owned society doesn't allow for connection- because people are on the clock. romance, death by clocks. i was getting a massage once years ago by a student masseus and i could tell she liked me. She was at the border of attractiveness but i might have dated her. But the thing is she was almost trying to get my number or something, i felt, or trying to connect after a session when one karen somewhere said- more to her than to me you know you can't date, or something, cause of ethics or the code or something. it's like bitch mind your own fucking. that shit is shit. We became a rules obsessed world and a systems obsessed civilization, where everyone is a peasant being watched. My life has been about sovereignty and freedom but the people i want to connect with are very much parts of these systems and they have these voices internalized.
Anyway we talked more- probably 25 minutes. It is hard to estimate the time when i'm talking to someone because it is highly subjective time so i will just say it is a subjective 25 and she kinda got hotter the more she talked. she is i guess you would say 'pious' in a way- she's not a believer now but we talked about that but there's this piety. piety doesn't come from Christianity. it comes from religion generally and in some religions, like maybe hellenic greek ones, you could be a monk or priest of a god and still married maybe or whatever. My point is we've connected piety to celibacy and sacrifice. We've split things apart and divorced natural states i think. Anyway i found that attractive as well as her face.
She kept looking back regarding needing to get back to work even though she was alone in her department and that's not even her store she was covering for someone. i know she was fine but out of respect, and as a bridge, i said, we'll let's continue this conversation later, and then she got kind of nervous and closed- she's not ready for .... xyz whatever but she took my facebook and i could tell she was happy. Actually we couldn't find her name on mine so she went back, got her phone and found me.
She would be fun. she would be fun to talk to, take out, get to know, whatever happens happens, she's a sister. would be fun to help her grow, tantra would be fun. i really believe in sexual healing and growth- and i can give it. i have skills in that area, to open her up erotically and in other ways in a way that is safe and empowering. I would have a lot of fun and who knows. She was a little on the older side i felt for having a family--- not older than me. younger than me but i saw the starting to cross that threshhold so that held me back a bit but she's sweet and all that but she has to have the courage -- women need courage to choose and surrender to a man. that is a thing and there's maybe not a lot a man can do about that but there is one thing- don't chase them away or pressure them. get them chasing you. chasing certain women makes them feel too hot shit and you too low value. chasing other women makes them think you are desperate or needy or something is wrong. chasing other women just doesn't necessarily make them think those things but does put pressure on them and they fear and collapse, but if they chase- i think this is a universal, among all types of women- spiritual, secular, partiers, homebodies, the one thing in common is if they chase --- i think they all chase in the same way or i think that is a universally powerful thing. i can tell there is some hardcore thing in her that is not on the surface, that she hinted at, former fundamentalism or whatever. I think she is neurodivergent in a way, at least in that she doesn't fit in society's boxes. I want to tap into her heart and emotion. like most people, when i mentioned let's talk about stuff, how to make more money she lit up! People say they don't love money but they complain about their job (not her but people). it's one dimension of life but it's a dimension people disown but then other people are mono-money, that's all they think about. this is where society gets fragmented and fractured but i don't know if we'll ever connect. it's kind of in her court-- although i'll probably have to message at some point. It's switched now to social media/dm but its her job now to get with me. she is so cute when she's opening, i would just like to get on her and contain her so her flame can grow or her flower can open.
I meant to say this before i had this pick up but i'm 43, in a city that is heavily ironic, although i found out about the north loop,. which is a crazy refreshing oasis-- and i have a fr about going out last night and dancing there. Most of the clubs in this city are gay or ghetto but in that district there are a few nicer dance clubs- i finally found. it's not much but the music was good enough and the crowd was good enough but this city is broken in so many ways. Anyway I have good income, a good job, assets, but no community in a society that is wired against us. I just met this cool girl at whole foods without even trying. that's the best way. I like to meet people organically as i am going on my way and i like that she could bend the rules and talk to me, which she clearly wanted to do. i could tell she enjoyed talking with me. that's another thing, this rules based and systems based corporately owned society doesn't allow for connection- because people are on the clock. romance, death by clocks. i was getting a massage once years ago by a student masseus and i could tell she liked me. She was at the border of attractiveness but i might have dated her. But the thing is she was almost trying to get my number or something, i felt, or trying to connect after a session when one karen somewhere said- more to her than to me you know you can't date, or something, cause of ethics or the code or something. it's like bitch mind your own fucking. that shit is shit. We became a rules obsessed world and a systems obsessed civilization, where everyone is a peasant being watched. My life has been about sovereignty and freedom but the people i want to connect with are very much parts of these systems and they have these voices internalized.
Anyway we talked more- probably 25 minutes. It is hard to estimate the time when i'm talking to someone because it is highly subjective time so i will just say it is a subjective 25 and she kinda got hotter the more she talked. she is i guess you would say 'pious' in a way- she's not a believer now but we talked about that but there's this piety. piety doesn't come from Christianity. it comes from religion generally and in some religions, like maybe hellenic greek ones, you could be a monk or priest of a god and still married maybe or whatever. My point is we've connected piety to celibacy and sacrifice. We've split things apart and divorced natural states i think. Anyway i found that attractive as well as her face.
She kept looking back regarding needing to get back to work even though she was alone in her department and that's not even her store she was covering for someone. i know she was fine but out of respect, and as a bridge, i said, we'll let's continue this conversation later, and then she got kind of nervous and closed- she's not ready for .... xyz whatever but she took my facebook and i could tell she was happy. Actually we couldn't find her name on mine so she went back, got her phone and found me.
She would be fun. she would be fun to talk to, take out, get to know, whatever happens happens, she's a sister. would be fun to help her grow, tantra would be fun. i really believe in sexual healing and growth- and i can give it. i have skills in that area, to open her up erotically and in other ways in a way that is safe and empowering. I would have a lot of fun and who knows. She was a little on the older side i felt for having a family--- not older than me. younger than me but i saw the starting to cross that threshhold so that held me back a bit but she's sweet and all that but she has to have the courage -- women need courage to choose and surrender to a man. that is a thing and there's maybe not a lot a man can do about that but there is one thing- don't chase them away or pressure them. get them chasing you. chasing certain women makes them feel too hot shit and you too low value. chasing other women makes them think you are desperate or needy or something is wrong. chasing other women just doesn't necessarily make them think those things but does put pressure on them and they fear and collapse, but if they chase- i think this is a universal, among all types of women- spiritual, secular, partiers, homebodies, the one thing in common is if they chase --- i think they all chase in the same way or i think that is a universally powerful thing. i can tell there is some hardcore thing in her that is not on the surface, that she hinted at, former fundamentalism or whatever. I think she is neurodivergent in a way, at least in that she doesn't fit in society's boxes. I want to tap into her heart and emotion. like most people, when i mentioned let's talk about stuff, how to make more money she lit up! People say they don't love money but they complain about their job (not her but people). it's one dimension of life but it's a dimension people disown but then other people are mono-money, that's all they think about. this is where society gets fragmented and fractured but i don't know if we'll ever connect. it's kind of in her court-- although i'll probably have to message at some point. It's switched now to social media/dm but its her job now to get with me. she is so cute when she's opening, i would just like to get on her and contain her so her flame can grow or her flower can open.
