Framing open relationship?

[Man-O]

Been in open relationship with a girl from speed dating for 2 weeks and I'd like it that way.
Told her at day 1 that I wasn't looking for a relationship and the reasons why. After a week she asks something like:

Her: "This might sound weird but.. uhh.. Just to be sure. This is plain open relationship?"
Me: "Yea, told you. I don't mind having fun times with you but not in a relationship-way."
Her: "Good"

When we meet we may go wild at it right away, particularly if none are home (kitchen, bath and couch etc.)
Now I spent a whole day with her and all her siblings have seen me now. As the flat was too crowded we tried it in a park with trees but no leafs and too many ppl made it impossible so ended up doing it on a toilet till the mirror got foggy. Afterwards dinner with two of her siblings. That's like 8 hours or something together in an open relationship in one day.

I'm just curious to know where the line goes. I don't want girls to fall in love with me as I want to avoid that for several reasons unless I rly want her.

More info: I'm not in love. She's only been with her x-bfs until she met me. The compliments I do give her are from the sex, not so much else.

 

[Franco]

Man-O,

Now I spent a whole day with her and all her siblings have seen me now.

This is a huge no-no with open relationships and it may have just driven a nail into the possibility of it lasting a long period of time.

The problem with siblings/close friends witnessing you two together is that they are now going to be asking her about what the relationship is... constantly. And if her answer isn't "I am dating him" or "we are together," then all of her friends will assume she's being "slutty" for just sleeping with a guy with no strings attached. Suddenly, she has more pressure to either make it something more "serious," or she has to cut ties with you to not receive social pressure again.

If she's relatively secure (and usually older), then it may not have had as much of a negative effect, but do try to keep things as discreet as possible whenever you two are together. No friends and no family. =)

- Franco

 

[Man-O]

I've had sex with girls every weekend for 6 months and never talked about "what kind of relationship is this"....always leave that conversation to the girl to initiate.

Don't see her for a week, keep the schedule of once-per-week, stop meeting friends and family, and don't talk about a relationship any more.

As I feared. Damn complicated when I don't have my own flat and she's even living with some family. So I shouldn't even mention I like my single life?

She just texted me saying the flat is all empty tomorrow as the rest are leaving for a short vacation. Should I say I'm busy until next week then?

Should I stop being seen in the flat and have her tell her friends/siblings that we broke off? Or should I just cancel it all and find another before she sees us as couple (if she doesn't alrdy)?

I feel so guilty now

 

[ray_zorse]

Hey guys, I've got a bit of a tricky situation on my hands too, which is similar to Man-O's, and I'd appreciate some advice. It's with the girl from this post:
https://boards.girlschase.com/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=8200
Yes, I know, that was October and it's now March 6 months later and I haven't slept with her, but, hear me out here

In accordance with the advice received I NEXTed her, but some months later she randomly called me up and wanted to hang out, sure I thought, and I pulled her home with plausible deniability and built a little compliance and started to escalate but she ran away. So I NEXTed her again, but then some months later randomly ran into her in a shopping centre and talked to her and detected a fair bit of lingering touch on her part... so hung out with her again and got a LJBF which I handled pretty adroitly if I do say so... by the end of the date she was cuddling up to me etc... lately she's been messaging me every night to say good night and messaging stuff like "want to see u" or "u don't miss me. but i miss u alots. hihi"... exchanged another text where she said she was in city to meet friends, and I replied "haha it's a shame we're not friends in that case" and she's replied "u should be glad about that. because u my bf. haha"... so basically it's very much the bf territory.

So what I decided to do was keep this pretty low-investment, in fact I only invite her over when I'm with my kids and I can't otherwise date. She came over yesterday and it went well, I was a little put out when I saw her on the couch fiddling with her phone and I thought "this is gonna be heavy going", however as soon as I prepared the meal she jumped up, served everything out, helped my children, cleaned, did the dishes etc... played with my children after the meal, etc, etc... lots of investment, she was also intiiating touch and so on. I had originally invited her to the night market before we decided to meet earlier, so we did that as well, and now she has met my housemate and some of my colleagues. So my question is basically this: Given I haven't met any of her family (only one friend but that was a long time ago), she won't be getting pressure right? So is it okay if she meets my kids, housemate, etc? Any pressure from that quarter I can deal with obviously.

Anyway, after all this I got her into my bedroom for a makeout and this went okay although she put the brakes on as I expected, I didn't make a big deal of this because she did in fact follow my orders after some token resistance (to kiss me, to touch me in certain ways, etc) and so I decided not to persist further, for fear of reaching a firm no and thus looking weak, and simply took her home as originally planned. Had an interesting discussion with her in which I asked what she'd told her aunt (she'd said she was going to night market with a friend and that the friend was male), and would aunt be worried about her staying out late (nope, my girl says she's an adult and she lives her own life, nobody tells her what to do). So I think as regards pressure from family and friends I'm probably pretty much in the clear. OTOH it seems I've communicated with my behaviour that I'm down for relationship and this is gonna cause problems.

What should I do? I did have a kind of a discussion with her in the context of the LJBF talk, in which she agreed she would not want some needy boyfriend ringing her all the time and insisting to hang out and wanting sex... but I feel that if I make love to her (possibly taking her virginity) and then afterwards give the "I'm not really down for relationship" schtick then this might be incongruent with my behaviour, and might hurt her, which I do not want. I do care about her, the only things stopping me from wanting LTR are (1) she hasn't put out yet, (2) her schedule probably wouldn't permit us to hang out often enough to satisfy my needs. What are my options here? I'm willing to take tough decisions if I need to.

-Ray

 

[ray_zorse]

I suppose DrexelScott's post here: https://boards.girlschase.com/viewtopic.php?f=45&t=9720 is something of an answer to my question.
-Ray

 

[Man-O]

So after having done the first round with her and now stroking her body she talks (annoys me I can't remember exact):

fb: "Erhm, Not sure if I should say this but figured I'd tell you. I'm going see my x in the weekend." looking to see how I react, but can't remember if she said after "is it alright with you?"
Me: I rly don't bother "Okay, just go see him" still stroking her.

I interpret this as if she sees us as more or less as couple (danger zone). I'm slowly cutting down on how many times I'm seeing her even though it has only been 3 weeks. We go have sex right off the bat when I visit, even though others may be home.

More info: Apparently to what she told me she's only had one bf.

What you make out of this? Should I approach this differently or maybe even overthinking?