Friend dates

[Amadeaus]

I feel kinda like a tool after last night...

I texted my friend, wednesday, to set up lunch for thursday or friday, just looking to grab a cheap slice of pizza downtown and catch up. I generally just do lunch with girls that are friends. If I'm going on an actual date, I usually just meet downtown and grab happy hour drinks. My friend called me thursday and told me she was sorry that she was so busy and asked if we could do dinner instead, I agreed and said that I would call her friday to finish the plans..

As I'm about to call her friday, she texts me. She suggests some places, all a bit nicer than what I expected, then asks me if I will pick her up. I started to get a little confused about weather or not it was a date at this time. I knew she had been dating a few guys lately and had specific intentions of settling down (not what Im into right now). So I figure that I ll just roll with it, b/c I like adventures and putting myself in awkward positions for the experience.

During the drive and the dinner, she seems to be in all out unwind mode. She tells me about all the cool stuff shes been doing, I just listen. We had a super awkward waitress too. When we get the check, she spits it with me (thank god!). She then invites me over to her place after, to watch a movie. I'm thinking "slamdunk". When we get there, she starts a fire, puts an action movie on netflix, and sits on the opposite side of the couch from me.

I made my body language relaxed and open to her, while hers was turned away from me. I invited her to sit next to me, but she didn't. One time she was at the fireplace and moved the logs around, I told her to come sit by me, she sat far away again.

I was a bit disappointed with the night. I have no problem cuddling up with any girl, especially if its 10 degrees outside. It was all a bit outside of what I do with friends. I felt like a little overinvested in the night. Friday nights are pretty value to me and I don't really get how you can invite a dude in and then be cold.

-Ama

 

[Thedoctor]

Ama,

It seems like you could have persisted more. Just telling her to come sit with you may not be enough. Especially if you didn't say it the proper way. The other thing is that you mentioned she's already a friend of yours. It's entirely possible she just sees the relationship you two have as completely platonic. So her inviting you in meant that she was inviting you in as a friend. Her expectation of you is that you to behave as a friend, not as a lover.

If you don't want to be just friends and don't really care about the friendship, I'd recommend making a more direct approach with her and be a bit more aggressive. You'll have an answer pretty quick and you'll know if you're wasting your time.

That aside, if you know she wants a long-term relationship and you don't, you may not want to do anything at all. It's absolutely impossible to move from the friend to the lover category. You'll only be able to move into the Bf category and if that's not what you want, you'll only end up hurting her.

-John

 

[Whizzy]

I agree with the doctor, finding out what she wants is simple. Ask her out on a date or kiss her, in this case the latter would provide an instant answer.