Friend Zone and Cutting Contact at Work

[Riposte]

Hi all,

First time post, been reading the articles on the site for the last few months and I think the techniques are heads and shoulders above the rest.

My situation over the span of about the last 3 weeks: Met a girl at work,, started talking and tried to schedule a meetup. Her first night she already had plans with her friends but invited me to go with her so I went (bad decision?). Have since made out but things starting to fizzle now. Says she doesn't want to date anyone from work, has done so in the past with terrible consequences after they split. She's agreeable to meeting up 1 on 1 but our schedules clash and both of us are busy enough that we don't have a lot of time. Going to cut contact but how do I do so without looking so obvious? She'll still text me at work, if I don't respond she'll come talk face to face.

A friend of hers offered the opinion that she was looking for an LTR and with failed relationships and being a single mother was hesitant. I can see her giving me a series of shit tests to try my patience. Sound logical or BS?

 

[Big Daddy]

My expertise in office setting is non-existent, but maybe I can give you a few pointers before someone who has more experience steps in.

invited me to go with her so I went (bad decision?)

Probably. You should plan the date on your terms and you should always have an end goal in mind. Going to a "date" with her friends has several bad consequences:

a) She has to maintain her mask in front of her friends
b) You can't properly have a conversation with her unless you're 1-on-1
c) You have poor chances of hitting escalation windows and pulling her home
d) You can't communicate very well to her that sex is not a big deal to you

My take here is that you had your shot with her and missed the opportunity to escalate to the bedroom and she grew cold on you. Point (d) is particularly important in your case because she has to make sure nothing she does with you will interfere in her professional life; it's very high risk.

As to your question on how to cut contact, well, if you can't ask her to come for a dinner or movie at your place, just stop trying to move things forward with her. Respond to her texts if it's work-related and just act as if you never made out. You don't have to ignore the shit out of her... just go out and meet new women so you get this one out of your head.

EDIT: Oh, Drexel just replied before I did.

 

[Riposte]

Thanks for the welcome and quick responses guys.

I had intended on writing her off until I heard what her friend had to say.

As for going out that night, yes in the end not the best decision but I wanted to go out as well. She did indeed put on a mask in front of her friends so I separated from the group and just enjoyed myself, then left for a different venue alone. I saw her at work 2 days later and it was never brought up.

 

[Orelfius]

By going along with her friends, you put yourself in the Beta Provider category.

Then, for one reason or another, you probably don't match up to what she wants in a Beta Provider (trust me this is a good thing in the long run).

Even more simple: girls from works = Boyfriend category, because it's in social circule. From the get go you'e a furniture in her life so to speak. She cannot ignore the fact that people will be OK if she date you, but think very poorly of her if she's "the girl who sleep with everyone at the office".

Her reputation in such environnement is critical.

Ignoring her, at this point will just juin the day.

My advice:
Just tune down progressive contact, become scarce:
- take longer to text/call back,
- be too busy to meet her (a dinner tonight? well, I'm pretty busy, let me check my schedule and I comme back to you... and you just forget and let her ask you again about it)
- etc. (I'm sure you can figure the whole thing)

IF she have a genuine interest, she will have no choice but to move forward and chase you. If she only want to flirt and have an orbiter, she won't and you stop loosing time on this girl. In either case you win.

Good luck.

 

[Riposte]

Sounds right on the money Orelfius, thanks for the input.

 

[Big Daddy]

During this window, this conversation, you then drop some hint that you're a very discreet person, or tell a story which demonstrates your discretion. (Eventually you can get rid of that training wheel and they can just tell, but you have to start with that first). You must also escalate the vibe at the same time.

Then exchange contact info during that conversation and make sure to reinforce the Frame, something like "alright, back to normal" or "wipe that smile off your face before someone sees you and knows we were flirting." Something that reinforces to her, this is a secret. This is our little bubble and nobody else is part of it or needs to know about it.

Do you have to establish or reinforce that discretion frame after you fucked her for the first time as well?

I ran a couple of scenarios in my head imagining said situation and all of them came a little bit too exaggerated, but I want to make sure she understands I wanna keep fucking her secretly without our social circle having the slightest idea we're fucking.

 

[Orelfius]

You have a great point Drexel.

Unfortunately, in my experience, it doesn't works that way. Discretion doesn't save the day. May be it's the very liberal place where I work, in a very liberal country. But discretion seem to be only an effect of the girls character more than anything else, whatever what I try to communicate.