Friends with benefits - When to stop?

[Anonymous]

This post is mainly in reference to today's article here: https://www.girlschase.com/content/are- ... ack-or-not
Basically what I'm wanting to gauge some reaction on is when a girl is keeping a guy in "orbit," as Chase calls it here, but is also having sex with him occasionally in a friends with benefits relationship. At what point should one seek to end a relationship like this? Say the girl occasionally has sex with you but is also seeing another guy or guys. Should a guy take this sort of thing as demeaning in the same way a lot of girls would take it? Should the guy realize that, even though he is getting some sex, that he is also being kept on the back burner and should end this soon so that he doesn't seem like he is just putting up with whatever to be with this girl hopefully some day in the future?

 

[trashKENNUT]

Draco,

At what point should one seek to end a relationship like this? Say the girl occasionally has sex with you but is also seeing another guy or guys. Should a guy take this sort of thing as demeaning in the same way a lot of girls would take it? Should the guy realize that, even though he is getting some sex, that he is also being kept on the back burner and should end this soon so that he doesn't seem like he is just putting up with whatever to be with this girl hopefully some day in the future?

If a guy is not experienced with women, yes it is demeaning. If your expectation setting is there and you don't behave like a boyfriend would do, almost all girls are okay with casual relationships, although some might want you as their boyfriend over time.

Wouldn't a girl be also kept on the back burner because she has sex, but never gets a relationship out of him?

Zac

 

[longerjt]

Rookie here but what I am thinking is it all goes back to what you and her expectations are/were. If you both expected more and had discussed this than maybe you need to question, but if it was just casual then not. Otherwise I would gently try to understand what she is wanting, or expecting. I know Chase had an article on this (asking her what she wants). I would be low key about it next time you see her and your engaged in pillow talk.

 

[Chase]

Draco-

This post is mainly in reference to today's article here: https://www.girlschase.com/content/are- ... ack-or-not
Basically what I'm wanting to gauge some reaction on is when a girl is keeping a guy in "orbit," as Chase calls it here, but is also having sex with him occasionally in a friends with benefits relationship. At what point should one seek to end a relationship like this?

As soon as one decides it is no longer in one's interest or enjoyment to continue a relationship like this.

Say the girl occasionally has sex with you but is also seeing another guy or guys. Should a guy take this sort of thing as demeaning in the same way a lot of girls would take it?

As Zac noted, he probably will if he's inexperienced. He also probably will if he has an ego about it, or doesn't accept it for what it is - her keeping him there as a "sometimes" lover.

My personal preference has always been for women who are exclusive to me (regardless of my own levels of exclusivity or not). I used to be personally offended at women who didn't want to be exclusive with me. These days I realize there are all kinds of reasons for this - it isn't just that "you aren't awesome enough" (which is what the more inexperienced men and women think about this arrangement). It may well be that she thinks you're the most awesome man she's ever been with, but she doesn't think she can have what she wants with you, so she keeps her options open.

Or, it may be that you're not providing her with the best sex you could, so she isn't feeling as strongly toward you. It might also be that she's very high sex drive and/or cums very easily, so no matter HOW good you are in bed and in other ways she's always going to enjoy sex with lots of different people, and won't have any real desire to just pick one.

The "offense" you might take comes in thinking it's all about you, and in how she judges you. While you and how she judges you and how good the sex you give her are about half the equation, her and what she wants and whether she thinks she can get what she wants from you and whether she's a sexaholic who loves novelty (and novel men) are the other half, and every bit as important.

Should the guy realize that, even though he is getting some sex, that he is also being kept on the back burner and should end this soon so that he doesn't seem like he is just putting up with whatever to be with this girl hopefully some day in the future?

If he wants more from her than she wants from him, probably, yes. Otherwise, he's going to end up taking a confidence hit (from wanting more and not being able to get it and having that repeated failure constantly hanging in front of him every time she comes over), and he's also likely to get sappy on her, making himself feel miserable and her feel disgusted.

If he's fine with things the way they are though, there's no reason to end it if he's enjoying it.

Depends on him and what he wants / hopes for from her. If she can't provide it, then yes - it's good to get out.

Chase