Friends

[ocantu1987]

Hey guys, I was thinking today about myself and I thought wow I dont have any guy friends at all haha I don't like football or other sports...well MMA and NBA basketball, but I don't watch it anymore haha. I don't make friends easy, and if I do it is because we got something in common...GAMING.

I am wondering if I should handle this area of my life as well or do you guys think it should be a requirement or not important? Currently I only drink beer with my younger cousin as well as my dad and thats it. I am more concerned with getting laid than making guy friends, but do you guys think that guys who get girls make homeboys also?

Does anyone bang chicks and have no friends haha just playing...

 

[ProblemSolving]

Octano,

Having guy friends is not a requirement for banging chicks. No chick is going to be asking about your friends until you're long into a relationship with her. Even then it's not important. What IS important is that she knows you're very capable of getting other girls. You could have no friends, no family, but if she knows you're able to pick up chicks anywhere you go, you are golden to her.

Having guy friends does help you get out of the house and socialize which is important if you are not self-motivated though. In short, if you want to get good with women, get out of the house, start approaching, and check out GC articles to address your sticking points.

 

[ocantu1987]

Thanks ProblemSolving, I am starting the newbie assignment tomorrow

 

[PinotNoir]

I think if you're self-motivated it doesn't matter.

However, friends (male or female) are great for support, as wingmen/wingwomen, and for social functions (either going out more socially or for giving you more social value).

Without guy friends, I think a strict schedule is hugely important. For example, there must be at least 1 day a week (preferably more) you go out to meet women (day or night). No matter if you're sick or not feeling like it or whatever. The reason for this is because you will lack social pressure from a friendship. I have guy friends all the time that end up pressuring me to join some social function. I just didn't feel like it, but ended up going out and having a blast.

If anything though, going out alone and without guy friends will make you a very strong PUA. It will also add a huge amount of freedom. You KNOW that you can just leave town and live in a new city and meet new women, no problem. Sometimes, guy friends can be a help and sometimes a crutch.

I also suggest doing day game or at least some of it. For the solo man, it's just easier, plain and simple, but I know you're already doing this based on your posts. It's more difficult to approach, but the benefits are better, less competition, and the rejection is not as "public." I'm a big advocate of day game.

 

[ocantu1987]

Thanks man.

 

[Estate]

Ok, I'm going to go against the "PUA" grain here... YES focus on making friends!

Look, you can learn the skills and get laid by being alone... but in all honesty, it's miserable. And you're constantly fighting an uphill battle to meet women and impress them.

Earlier this year I was in the same situation, I was lacking friends and needed to get it handled. I went out there and joined all sorts of things and over time my social circle has grown exponentially. The funny thing is... since I'm not going around by myself all day, and bulding myself up for approaches... I've gotten laid more in that time than ever before! The reason is, I'm constantly around or in conversation with people. Either in person, phone, text, facebook, or whatever, I'm constantly social because I'm in demand.

Not every one of the guys is awesome with girls. Not every one of the girls is super hot. Some are, some aren't. But it doesn't matter. It's much more fullfilling to have people in your life who aren't all about gaming. If you are being social ALL day EVERY day, then when you DO go and approach that smokeshow, it is effortless. You're not all up in your head, you just do it because you're being social all day. When you have friends it opens up new connections, they have other friends and some of them are hot women or people who will invite you to do things and go meet more women. You now have warm approaches and not everything is a cold approach, or at least not stone cold, since social proof is a huge thing in and of itself.

To be honest... avoid "lairs" and PUA friends as much as possible. Years ago I went to a few meetups in Dublin and I can honestly say I never felt so uncomfortable in all my life. I felt like the ultimate creep. While you sometimes meet some cool guys, the majority are socially awkward robotic weirdo's and don't believe for a second any of them want to be your friend, they want you to baby them into approaches and have the girls for themselves.

 

[Richard]

Ok, I'm going to go against the "PUA" grain here... YES focus on making friends!

Look, you can learn the skills and get laid by being alone... but in all honesty, it's miserable. And you're constantly fighting an uphill battle to meet women and impress them.

Earlier this year I was in the same situation, I was lacking friends and needed to get it handled. I went out there and joined all sorts of things and over time my social circle has grown exponentially. The funny thing is... since I'm not going around by myself all day, and bulding myself up for approaches... I've gotten laid more in that time than ever before! The reason is, I'm constantly around or in conversation with people. Either in person, phone, text, facebook, or whatever, I'm constantly social because I'm in demand.

Not every one of the guys is awesome with girls. Not every one of the girls is super hot. Some are, some aren't. But it doesn't matter. It's much more fullfilling to have people in your life who aren't all about gaming. If you are being social ALL day EVERY day, then when you DO go and approach that smokeshow, it is effortless. You're not all up in your head, you just do it because you're being social all day. When you have friends it opens up new connections, they have other friends and some of them are hot women or people who will invite you to do things and go meet more women. You now have warm approaches and not everything is a cold approach, or at least not stone cold, since social proof is a huge thing in and of itself.

To be honest... avoid "lairs" and PUA friends as much as possible. Years ago I went to a few meetups in Dublin and I can honestly say I never felt so uncomfortable in all my life. I felt like the ultimate creep. While you sometimes meet some cool guys, the majority are socially awkward robotic weirdo's and don't believe for a second any of them want to be your friend, they want you to baby them into approaches and have the girls for themselves.

I most definitely agree with Estate here, and while the others above are right, you don't need friends to bed women,it's worlds better when you have friends.

Socializing is a key ingredient in happiness, being around people, interacting with people is an ingredient of a happy/meaningful/fulfilling life. When I started out, I was solo dolo all the time, and I was picking up women, but so what? Women are women, they're a dime a dozen... but friends provide so much more to your life than a girl does.

Having a variety of people in your life is never a bad thing, and again as Estate said, avoid making friends with guys who are all about gaming because what happens is, all they want to talk is game and women, and it gets boring really fast. But when you've got high quality friends around you, you're life is always fresh and exciting.

Women are just women, but friends are something more glorious.

Take Estate's advice on this one.

-Richard

 

[trashKENNUT]

ocantu1987,

I want to pitch in.

Having a lot of friends is great, it gives you a lot of a different worldviews, but let me note that you have to move forward and find quality friends. "Quality" friends depends on what you value, this is a personal thing. YOu will tend to settle down once you find friends, I guess that's why some guys don't believe in finding friends, So it's good to always know what you value and make friends with people that are like minded.

Chase advice to me was finding beautiful, quality female friends. and i tell you they teach you social things that not a lot of people teach.

Zac

 

[ocantu1987]

Thanks guys! actually tonight I made an attempt at my new gym, which is a power lifting gym. I broke the ice with everyone there (including some women) with questions like how did you get into powerlifting, What is your PR in the squat, and everyone was cool with me, I think I never tried hard enough to make regular friends lol. I talked to a cute chick named melissa. wow! she has got a nice ass whooooo! Of course I talked to her, she can do power clean like a champ and she wanted to show me how to do them lol

 

[PrettyDecent]

Insightful advice by people who are good at both fields! Happy to see GC is something more than just gaming women.

Meeting women and gaining new friends are synergistic goals. Very practically can you meet new, cool guys and girls while you're getting socially "warmed up" for Pickup. In fact, doing so as a means to prevent seeking emotional validation in your approaches (i.e. that the girl likes you, is giving warm reception, etc.) gets you better results, as you become more outcome independent on any particular girl.

Would be educating to see a "starting a social circle from scratch/while meeting women" type article from the guys who already commented.

~Nick

 

[BarryS1]

Hey guys, I was thinking today about myself and I thought wow I dont have any guy friends at al

Octanu,

I had the same feelings after starting pick-up in August. I thought, “What’s the point of talking to guys?” Besides work, college, meetup.com seminars, and family, the only human interaction I experienced was picking-up girls at department stores and lounges. Up to that point, it was the happiest time of my life, I was finally taking control of my weaknesses.

I began seeing the drawbacks of the lifestyle choice while picking-up girls. By the end of September, I was able to speak my lines smoothly, but could not change the dialogue on the spot. My approach got some girls talking, but memorized lines failed continuing the conversation in many interactions. I would go silent, cut the conversation, and walk away whenever the interaction did not go in my favor.

Then I remember Estate’s words from a previous post, “pick-up has a weird way of making guys …well…weird.” Here’s the link: https://boards.girlschase.com/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=3323

Despite approaching different demographics and numbers of girls, I needed some zest to “get over the hump.” My lifestyle became stale and pick-up performance stayed FLAT.

In October, I contacted people (guys and girls) from Meetup.com seminars and old friends for weekday luncheons. I booked two lunches for 30 min. 2X per week the ENTIRE month in addition to dating girls.

Meeting women and gaining new friends are synergistic goals.

PrettyDecent, I was able to develop similar skills as well. For example, I started practicing deep-diving in the beginning of October and hanging out with friends helped. I would ask a question and just rolled with it the entire conversation. Practicing this helped continue the conversation while doing pick-up and on dates.

Long story short – social interaction helped me get better with pick-up (especially deep-diving). I definitely recommend getting back into the social scene.

 

[metomeya]

Ok, I'm going to go against the "PUA" grain here... YES focus on making friends!

Look, you can learn the skills and get laid by being alone... but in all honesty, it's miserable. And you're constantly fighting an uphill battle to meet women and impress them.

Earlier this year I was in the same situation, I was lacking friends and needed to get it handled. I went out there and joined all sorts of things and over time my social circle has grown exponentially. The funny thing is... since I'm not going around by myself all day, and bulding myself up for approaches... I've gotten laid more in that time than ever before! The reason is, I'm constantly around or in conversation with people. Either in person, phone, text, facebook, or whatever, I'm constantly social because I'm in demand.

Not every one of the guys is awesome with girls. Not every one of the girls is super hot. Some are, some aren't. But it doesn't matter. It's much more fullfilling to have people in your life who aren't all about gaming. If you are being social ALL day EVERY day, then when you DO go and approach that smokeshow, it is effortless. You're not all up in your head, you just do it because you're being social all day. When you have friends it opens up new connections, they have other friends and some of them are hot women or people who will invite you to do things and go meet more women. You now have warm approaches and not everything is a cold approach, or at least not stone cold, since social proof is a huge thing in and of itself.

To be honest... avoid "lairs" and PUA friends as much as possible. Years ago I went to a few meetups in Dublin and I can honestly say I never felt so uncomfortable in all my life. I felt like the ultimate creep. While you sometimes meet some cool guys, the majority are socially awkward robotic weirdo's and don't believe for a second any of them want to be your friend, they want you to baby them into approaches and have the girls for themselves.

Thumbs up on this post Estate!

Also, I agree with the meetup groups. Man those guys are creepy.

 

[Estate]

I wouldn't totally write off Meetup.com. If you seriously feel you have NO real friends then at the very least its a way of forcing you to be social without necessarily having the whole pickup thing hanging over you... so that helps.

But yeah, I tried meetup and met some strange characters. Its not all bad but the premise for meetup is a lot of people who don't have friends to do stuff with and probably spend all day online, all go and "meetup" and its like a room full of sociallly awkward penguins. The upside being that since THEY are also nervous and not so talkative it gives you the chance to step up and take the lead, lead conversations, introduce people, social butterfly. At the very least it got me out from behind a computer and actually talking to more people.

Meetup can be a hit though if your town has any sort of groups who do regular bar crawls or drinks. I don't like advocating drinking too much if your not into it but the very nature of the group means they often draw big crowds and after a few drinks people get talking... so those sorts can be fun. Not everyone on meetup is antisocial, there's many like myself who are just new in town or their own friends don't enjoy the same activities.

Its always great to have a few "bros" though, for that I really recommend joining a sports team. There's lots of co-ed and social leagues around here. I love sports myseld but the ethos of these leagues is more about having a beer after than the actual score of the game... after a few games you'll have a bond going with the other guys as a team and see who's game for doing drinks the following weekend. This one was magic for me. But it doesn’t have to be a sport, it can be anything.
Friendships form over time not over-night. I am passionate about this topic because it was a big win for me this year. I learned a lot gaming solo and I still do it. But when you are solo, you are basically in your own head, then build yourself up to walk across the room for a big approach and then have to find a way to work it. While, with friends its as easy as turning to the girl next to me and opening with “Hey, how’s your night going?”
Another easy way to make othe guy friends is to use your skills with girls infront of them. DON’T boast, or show off. That’ll make them think you’re a dick. But if you can just chill with the guys and then turn to the girl next to you and get her group of friends engaging with you, then you seem like a good wingman. Guys like to go out with other guys who can bring girls to them.
And lastly… don’t make everything about game. If you went to a meetup, hit on every girl there, you soon have found yourself at a dead end. But if you go, make friends with a few, get invited to more outtings, then meet some of them and their seperate groups of friends outside of a meetup, then your circle grows exponentially. Its almost like a pyramid scheme If you have 5 friends, who introduce you to 5 of their friends, who in turn introduce you to 5 of their friends… you see where this is going
Decide when and when not to game. Sometimes it’s better to just say that today I am going to this event to make friends who I can meet again, not hit on every girl until I run the place dry. At other times, decide to go picking up and go do it. Just decide.
And I’ll also add… don’t totally write off girls who are not 10’s as friends. Don’t write off guys who aren’t incredible PUAs themselves… judge people on their own merits and if they seem like people you can hang with, bring them into your circle, independant of PUA.

 

[Supah]

So many great things have been said in this topic already.

Aside from all the benefits you gain from friends, the motivation for me to have friends is just because it's fun. You do cool things together, experience thing that you never would without friends. I personally have had amazing things happen to me because i went out with friends and just had these unique experiences. I can't imagine my life without my friends i would feel miserable.

The benefits of having friends for meeting women should not be underestimated as a lot of guys already pointed out above. This week i got invited to a house party by a friend of me, i didn't know any of the other guests or just some very vaguely. So i arrived there, said hi to those that were already there, which were only guys.
My friend told me that he invited the girls a bit later, just so they wouldn't arrive when nobody was there yet, which was not a bad idea, especially for quite exclusive house party's. Anyway, later that evening the girls arrived, only about 6 or 7 but they were stunning. I'm not going in to the detail here but the point is if you don't have a lot of friends you don't get invited in to things like this which are of course opportunities that you would miss..

Cheers, Supah

 

[PinotNoir]

Yeah, I think everyone's pretty right about friends. Especially early on, you'll have a lot of failures or you may get depressed, but you'll still be enjoying life with your friends. I was only saying that it's possible to be good with women without friends, but I didn't say that you would be happy necessarily. Especially if you have never had a close friend, you'll be missing out on an important experience in my opinion. Later in life, you may not care as much as you focus on your ambitions and dreams, but it's always good to have friends.

As far as getting friends, I can't really help you there. I've just always had friends naturally. I went to college not knowing anybody, and I just made really close friends (never joined a frat). I went to a new job after college not knowing anybody, and I again made some really close friendships. And, I'm a non-christian that went to a private, christian college and I'm a little weird, and I even made friends, so I'm sure you can too.

I don't think you should get too caught up in trying to force a friendship though; like, if the guy is a jerk, don't be friends just because you want friends.

If anything, the best way is to just find hobbies that you really enjoy. I've made friends running. I've made friends playing sports. I've made friends at bars (talking about our favorite beers). But, this isn't your girlfriend; a lot of my friends are the complete opposite of me.

And, there may be guys on the forums near you. You never know. I'd be interested in meeting people and hanging out on here.

Lastly, you can sometimes make friends through your girlfriend. This way you kill two birds with one stone Especially if she knows that you're new in town or something. Don't be afraid to even make friends with a girl (you could even use an indirect approach).

It sounds like you're already on your way with the people at the gym. I'd definitely try to befriend that girl at the gym (seemed nice and wanted to show you correct form). If you're not interested in dating her, just make it clear that you want to hang out as friends sometimes, see a movie or go to some event/bar, with a group.

 

[metomeya]

I don't know. I've done a lot of meetup events with different interests. But each time I just didn't mesh with the people compared to people I've met randomly, through other people I already know, or through school/work. They just seem to be a lot more...normal/sane to me.

Not everyone should write-off Meetup.com, but as for me I am done >p