friendship, nice guys, transparency , selfishness

[disciple99]

hey guys how much do you think transparency in conveying your message is needed in best friends or deep friendships and how should you behave when a close friend wants you to supplicate (example ut your life or career on line) but he says it at last time and moreover you know he is nice guy ( or acts like one ) around girls and guys he perceives as alpha. will you supplicate or do what is best in your interest. He later may not want to be your friend or after your actions i.e. not giving what he want your friendship will never be same .
should one save that friendship. as you see its a friendship it means they also have invested in me and vice versa so how much does this matters .
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here I want answer for above question but my current situation is I have a notebook of my teacher with all important topic to review and my friends asked me to give it them at last moment 2 days left for exam and they are giving stupid reason for it they say its my moral duty to give it to them coz I have that notebook for a week but they never asked teach. ( coz they don't 'ave guts ) nor put it in my earshot at beginning of week they are gonna take it from me. But where is transparency here if they are asking it at last moment and giving reason of moral duty.
I will suggest them to get photocopy of notes if they want or cry at home and be bitter . I have already been kind and generous to them by give them a resource book (now if I review situation I feel I should have not given it so it feels good to say I have been generous hehe ) . what you people would in this situation. and for investment part they do have teached me a chapter

 

[trashKENNUT]

disciple99,

Seems to me like some classic school story where you don't borrow him your books or what. Anyway, it is important to have "enough" transparency, not selflessness. People want to be assured, not knowledge fed.

Zac

 

[disciple99]

should I have taken out my selfishness aside .
I think I have problem of shortsightedness and I am a blind person who cannot see long term implication of my actions in any kind of relationship friendship and family and it will follow with females too and I will hurt em too and I want to do FUCKING something about it .

 

[Mystique]

In this situation, it's simple - let them make photocopies of this notebook coz it's necessary that you use it too to prepare for exams. If at the last minute they ask you for it (all to themselves) when it's obvious that you need it, then I think they're selfish.

ZacAdam wrote:
Anyway, it is
important to have "enough"
transparency, not selflessness.

I think that nails the hammer in the head. You can't always be selfless to your own detriment. But make sure when you're selfish (for reasonable reasons), you let them understand why (maybe it's their fault it happened, or their request is ridiculous) and hold a strong frame that you're right and not wrong for doing it. But do be kind and helpful to your friends when possible (as long as it's not harmful to you), and even go out of your way to help them sometimes. The fact that you're so worried about it might be an indication that you're actually a nice person and have nothing to worry about. You might even need a little training on how to be an asshole.

 

[disciple99]

In this situation, it's simple - let them make photocopies of this notebook coz it's necessary that you use it too to prepare for exams. If at the last minute they ask you for it (all to themselves) when it's obvious that you need it, then I think they're selfish.

ZacAdam wrote:
Anyway, it is
important to have "enough"
transparency, not selflessness.

I think that nails the hammer in the head. You can't always be selfless to your own detriment. But make sure when you're selfish (for reasonable reasons), you let them understand why (maybe it's their fault it happened, or their request is ridiculous) and hold a strong frame that you're right and not wrong for doing it. But do be kind and helpful to your friends when possible (as long as it's not harmful to you), and even go out of your way to help them sometimes. The fact that you're so worried about it might be an indication that you're actually a nice person and have nothing to worry about. You might even need a little training on how to be an asshole.

well M I am not at all a nice guy but I am accused by most peoples in my life of being a selfish jerk this include my parents , my sister and some of my friends the way I see this is they expect something from me and I expect other thing from me.
other thing is I can charm people fro short term but if I am around them in long term problems start to occur like anger ,fights etc and now I feel no good as it is hard to maintain relationship I feel all my motivations lost to meet girls and guys .

I have recently met a guy while travelling who I found out to be state level cricket player and coach had I nice conversation grab contact best thing is he was willing to coach me cricket for free and said I am a very great guy and at this point I let convoy. died because I am going make him embarrassed for his generosity. same with girls.

 

[trashKENNUT]

disciple99,

should I have taken out my selfishness aside .
I think I have problem of shortsightedness and I am a blind person who cannot see long term implication of my actions in any kind of relationship friendship and family and it will follow with females too and I will hurt em too and I want to do FUCKING something about it .

Depends. Life is management. Society tells you to not be "selfish", and they have to. There cannot be too many WWE World Heavyweight Champion!

Zac