Casual/FWB From casual to an actual relationshp

[Watsuabe]

Hey Girlchase Fourm,

So I've been "talking" (honestly dont get this term lol) to this girl for about since near the end of last November. And we've hooked up quite a bit so far and been texting since winter break (Were college students), she's really invested in me and I believe she is a:

Hopefull Romantic from Pandora's Box
Investor/ Denier/ Idealist

She told me on Dec 22, 2012 that " If the world ended today I want you to know I have the biggest crush on you lol"

And since this new year we've been hooking up causally, now she says she wants to get to know a lil bit more before we "official are gong out" the thing is she says see doesn't care if I hook up with other girls because were not "officially dating yet", but for the past week I've sleep with her 5 out of the 7 days last week and she always wants to cuddle (can't sleep for shit).

But I kinda know she's just saying that and I dont know whether I should see other girls on the side or just have "the talk with her" (advice on having the talk) and let her know i might be down for a relationship.

So main question is what does "were talking mean" and does this mean I shouldn't do anything extremely sexual with other girls (beside flirt and how can I move it forward from this point

Thanks for any response

P.S. any tips on texting with someone whos already invested in you

 

[trashKENNUT]

Hi Watsuabe,

*points below*

Zac

 

[trashKENNUT]

Hi Watsuabe,

Hopefull Romantic from Pandora's Box
Investor/ Denier/ Idealist

Ar, my recent one was this one. You need to be careful if you do not want her as a long term relationship. You might break her heart.

She told me on Dec 22, 2012 that " If the world ended today I want you to know I have the biggest crush on you lol"

And since this new year we've been hooking up causally, now she says she wants to get to know a lil bit more before we "official are gong out" the thing is she says see doesn't care if I hook up with other girls because were not "officially dating yet", but for the past week I've sleep with her 5 out of the 7 days last week and she always wants to cuddle (can't sleep for shit).

But I kinda know she's just saying that and I dont know whether I should see other girls on the side or just have "the talk with her" (advice on having the talk) and let her know i might be down for a relationship.

So main question is what does "were talking mean" and does this mean I shouldn't do anything extremely sexual with other girls (beside flirt and how can I move it forward from this point

You in a dangerous line here. Mainly because you have sleep with her almost the whole week. and any attempts to break off from her might also have her resent you, although this can also not happen and what she says doesn't matter so much. It seems like she has take a major liking for you. What do you want out of this, Relationship or Casual encounters?

IF you like her, slowly increase the amount of time spend with her, although you did too much here.
If you don't like her, you pulling out from here might be slight trouble.

"were talking" means you and her were dating, seeing each other, more than friends, less than a relationship.

Zac

 

[Chase]

Watsuabe,

Well, you know what she wants (a serious relationship)... what do YOU want?

That's going to determine a lot of what kind of advice anyone can give you, and what steps or actions you take.

Chase

 

[Watsuabe]

Hey Chase,

Yea i'm think about movin it to a serious relationship

Any advice to transition and keep attraction in a relationship while not giving her to much good feeling so she doesn't get comfortable.

 

[Watsuabe]

Hey Chase maybe your can give me some advice on this.

So since the last time i hooked up with this girl was Jan 11, 2013, and since we've been texting... were "talking" right now but today is jan 22 and we haven't hooked up since. I've seen here once and an while working at a bar but we haven't hooked up.

i didnt want to say this but during this week she asked me to "delete a pic she sent to me" and I think this sounds like im being played.

be striaght with me to I dont want to waste my time and mess my inner game.

The thing is I flirt with other girls and shit so I keep my mind off her, but I haven't hooked up with anyone else because I want to make this an "actual relationship"

and when ever i go out and drink with my crew i dont want to cheat so is thier anything you can recommend, I know I should try to communicate better but my text game is god awful.

Any help cause I havent been in a relationship for about 2-3 months

P.S. were both in college and work at a bar

i'm a bouncer and she's a waiters

i dont think this is some inner game shit, but if this is some inner game shit, could u recommend something that I use to give me a "tougher mentality"

be books, articles, or whatever I just want to be mentalliy tougher in general

thanks

 

[trashKENNUT]

i didnt want to say this but during this week she asked me to "delete a pic she sent to me" and I think this sounds like im being played.

err this, what she saying indirectly right here can be two things:

- She doesn't want you to think of her as more than a relationship, She asking you to delete her pic might be you didn't handle it well after you hook up the first time, and she might be in auto rejection.

or likely,

- She found some other guys to hook up, and decided to throw you off, in a strange manner.

My thoughts.

Zac

 

[HitMeNone]

I think 75% she's just going into self-preservation mode, because she told you she "might" want a relationship, but you keep flirting with other girls?

Why haven't you invited her over to fuck and hang out lately?

 

[Watsuabe]

Thanks for your feed back ZacAdams!

Also HitMeNone I think you just opened my mind just now.

I just amused that she was in auto-recjtion

Thanks alot HitMeNone!


" she told you she "might" want a relationship, but you keep flirting with other girls?"

Any advice on this?

 

[trashKENNUT]

I just amused that she was in auto-rejection

i always have this tendency to put buyer's remorse with auto rejection. Argh. Anyway, i hope you handle it well after sleeping with her.

" she told you she "might" want a relationship, but you keep flirting with other girls?"

She's keen on a relationship, but provided she's too invested in you by sleeping with you for much of the week, 5 out of the 7 days. She feels that she's been giving too much, and that's good. But maybe you didn't reward her good feelings? and handle her emotions. I suggest spend more time with her gradually, cut slightly on flirting with other girls. Then you both can decide if the relationship will work. Just don't drop flirting with other girls altogether.

Zac

 

[Whizzy]

Anymore luck on this in the past 24 hours?

 

[Watsuabe]

Thanks again for the feedback Zac!

Yea I probable didn't give her as much good feeling as I should have and handle her emotions to. ( How can I fix that?)

You think taking to many pics with other girls is to much (55/45 percent of my friends are women)

* Any signs to show I'm still interested? (Don't want to go through her friends)

Seems like she's still invested even if it's just a little less (She still texting me out of the blue, and responding oh so smally with a "what's up" to my texts)

If possible I would like to get this cleared before valentine's, shit makes a man broke!( Almost feel like she wants me to chase her, it's weird)

Side Note:
Currently my fb doesn't show my relationship status, should I leave it the way it is or change it to single?

>>>>Wizzy

Hey bud,

So far I texted her this morning and said:

Me: Morning miss fashionista I've got a small favor to ask (She's a fashion major)
Gurl: what's up
Me: Know this is outta the blue but would u help me host a wine/game night

That's it so far

 

[trashKENNUT]

Yea I probable didn't give her as much good feeling as I should have and handle her emotions to. ( How can I fix that?)

viewtopic.php?f=3&t=53.

Here's another, that will be in better detail. https://www.girlschase.com/content/ego-d ... men-around

You think taking to many pics with other girls is to much (55/45 percent of my friends are women)

This isn't really a problem unless you let her scan your phone and you scan her phone. This is not very good especially when you both not in a relationship yet. Trust issues, RED FLAG. If it's facebook, i don't think it's an issue unless you put captions that write love or smiley emoticions that makes her feel insecure. Just not too much party or couple-like photos, although it's great for attracting other women, but what you want here is different, a RELATIONSHIP!

Seems like she's still invested even if it's just a little less (She still texting me out of the blue, and responding oh so smally with a "what's up" to my texts)

You have to move fast, i have this assumption that the feeling of resentment is slowly popping.

Currently my fb doesn't show my relationship status, should I leave it the way it is or change it to single?

Show her you care about her instead. in person.

Zac

 

[Watsuabe]

Hey Chase Team,

*ZacAdam*

Thanks for the article cuz!

The Buyer's Remorse discussion with Chase and you was gold. Also the ego depletion article was basically what I think is going on.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So i'll give feed back about what happened:

Read both article and discussion you posted.
And decided I should just got to her place.(f**k it, tired of her games anyway)
So I had this BIG AS HELL furry stuffed dog I talk to her about a while back.
Grabbed it and went to her place.
Knocked on the door, roommate told me she was downstairs.
Went down, told her I just got back from helping a friend move.

The thing that caught me off the most was.... I was thinking she was gonna be cold or something, but
She was completely casual and was acting like her usual self.

Gave her the huge stuffed bear(she loved it) hugged and talked to her for bout 10 mins.
Everything seemed fine but when I went in for a kiss before I left she hesitated for one second. (Might have been surprised)


My overall thought is she might already be slumping into resentment stage (Did not want this because I work with her at the same bar)

or

I've over thinking the situation

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Regardless I think might be investing a little to much time in this girl, so I'm thinking I might put some space between us. (Or just cut it)

When were face to face (casual)
When were texting (not how it use to be)

If she wants to proceed I'll let her, but otherwise I'm not.

 

[trashKENNUT]

Hey Chase Team,

*ZacAdam*

Thanks for the article cuz!

The Buyer's Remorse discussion with Chase and you was gold. Also the ego depletion article was basically what I think is going on.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So i'll give feed back about what happened:

Read both article and discussion you posted.
And decided I should just got to her place.(f**k it, tired of her games anyway)
So I had this BIG AS HELL furry stuffed dog I talk to her about a while back.
Grabbed it and went to her place.
Knocked on the door, roommate told me she was downstairs.
Went down, told her I just got back from helping a friend move.

The thing that caught me off the most was.... I was thinking she was gonna be cold or something, but
She was completely casual and was acting like her usual self.

Gave her the huge stuffed bear(she loved it) hugged and talked to her for bout 10 mins.
Everything seemed fine but when I went in for a kiss before I left she hesitated for one second. (Might have been surprised)


My overall thought is she might already be slumping into resentment stage (Did not want this because I work with her at the same bar)

or

I've over thinking the situation

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Regardless I think might be investing a little to much time in this girl, so I'm thinking I might put some space between us. (Or just cut it)

When were face to face (casual)
When were texting (not how it use to be)

If she wants to proceed I'll let her, but otherwise I'm not.

I am not sure if the girl you like is usually casual. Some women are like that, very simple. They text casual, they talk casual, but if you ask them to do things or lead her, they will do. I suggest give her warmth text and meet her every three days within the two weeks to just eat with her or spend time with her. The third week you start making moves gradually to intimacy.

Don't be so hardened, you already won the game, giving her a stuffed bear and talk to her for ten minutes isn't going to fix things like before, especially you didn't handle it well the first time. Btw, I don't think she's in full resentment mode, likely she's at the doorstep towards resentment. You can change this, but if she's hesitant after two weeks to a month, i suggest let her be.

Zac

 

[Whizzy]

What would be a good way of getting her out of that resentment doorstep you think Zac?

 

[trashKENNUT]

Be extra caring. Spend time with her, without doing anything sexual. Have a time frame, and if she's still hesitant, you need to talk to her, bring her out on her hesitancy after the time frame you set. Here, even if she did not want anything to do with you again, she can at least look back and say good things about you.

Zac

 

[Watsuabe]

Hey Chase Team,

>>>>ZacAdam
[/quote]Don't be so hardened, you already won the game, giving her a stuffed bear and talk to her for ten minutes isn't going to fix things like before, especially you didn't handle it well the first time. Btw, I don't think she's in full resentment mode, likely she's at the doorstep towards resentment. You can change this, but if she's hesitant after two weeks to a month, i suggest let her be.[/quote]

Recent Feedback:
So had a pre game @ my place last night and went out with some friends to the bar I work at.(Always a great time with my crew)
Saw the waitress that I was talking to with her friends.
Went over to talk to her and but before I could all her friends jumped me and were telling me how they loved the bear I gave her.(Apparently no secret when it comes to gifts)
She told me again how she loved the bear.
Said no problem and pulled her to the side to talk to her (talked for a couple minutes and asked about the "hesitant kiss")
Told me she was surprised.
Her friends pulls me to the side and tells me apparently she's been distant and weird because past relationships and when she gets to close to someone she closes off blah blah blah(Auto Reject..no shit)

In the end basically set up a hangout session to watch tv at my place on Monday

I'll let you guys know how it turns out

 

[HitMeNone]

That's amazing dude.

Let us know more updates.

I think the stuffed bear was genius. I am actually gonna do that for valentines to my girl.

And yes, I think the problems most PUAs face when it comes to past the f-close, is not showing enough interest, since the usual "cool" vibe is attractive and they just go with that... Girls love that AFC shit (buying her a stuffed bear), FROM THE GUY THEY ARE ATTRACTED TO*

 

[Watsuabe]

That's amazing dude.

Let us know more updates.

I think the stuffed bear was genius. I am actually gonna do that for valentines to my girl.

And yes, I think the problems most PUAs face when it comes to past the f-close, is not showing enough interest, since the usual "cool" vibe is attractive and they just go with that... Girls love that AFC shit (buying her a stuffed bear), FROM THE GUY THEY ARE ATTRACTED TO*

Feedback:
We were suppose to watch tv and hangout monday but she came with a lame excuse sating she had to study (Auto reject still lol)
The next day went to "Pint Night" at the local bar I work at with a friend I meet at a liquor store while back. (Cute Redhead)
Redhead lost her job and her pup got hit by a car, so told her I'd get her out of her slump.
Guess who I see at the table right next to me with a bunch of her friends (Yep waiteress gurl I'm "talking" to)
She waves at me and me using some of Chases ("Law of Least Effect" wave back and continue my convesration)
She texts me 30 mins later saying "Hey Come over and say hi " (My mind she's jealous and see's I can get girls at anytime I want)

.....Now here is were I fucked up.

I texted her later and said "text me tommorw (I'm a lil tipsy, ok alot but because the games was not in the best mood) gonna go pass out". (And the thing is I really did! Had an interview the next day)

Little did I know my twin brother (best wingman) went to go talk to her and deep dive about how she is acting stupid.
(basically how all her friends are in love with me and think im a great guy and how I could have any other women I wanted and that I how I genuinely do like her)

I get a call later in the night from my brother (she's soooooo drunk) she sayin where am I and how she's been talking to my brother and shit looking for me. (Sad to say I was drunk and tired and said I was chillin drinkin water before I pass out)

I got a text at like 2:38 saying "Ummm no thanks" (prob because she saw I got a ride from my Redhead friend)
Not the best move in my part

The next morning I texted her and said "I got her call but was real drunk and I'll see her sometime this weekend"

Now yesterday Feb 09, 2013 I went out to the bar and my brother said he saw her( the waitress) and I went to talk to her for a little bit with her friends she seemed a little pissed (cold bodylanuge) but talked about her family and shit, also told her I had about my interviews and shit (#Did not belive me).

Mind you her friends are great wingwomen (keep whisperin in her ear about how if she dosen't snag me up someone else will )
Now the thing I find weird is ( the friends tell me her past realtionships are fucked up and she has this secraet, but thier trying to swaye her to be more open and not closed with me)
My response to all that is I'm not chaseing her and if only one party likes the other then it's best to move on but i'll keep that in mind ( Thanks Chase! Don't chase just replace)

#Funnything: Is I'm going to spring break with me and some bouncers, and her and some waitress are stating right across the hall from us

She seemed a little less cold, but not so much that I could take her back to my place.
Told me to text her on Monday and see her shechdule.

So back agaian! Tryin to transition from casual to realtionship

I'll keep tryin lil by lil but still and seeing if their is potential or not.

****I know this is long but maybe someone can learn from these mistakes and benefit in some way, also any anyazling would help.