Funny Situation w/ fwb, feels bittersweet, need a diagnosis

[moom]

Long story short:

Was in Mexico (Acapulco) for a month in July with some friends, working remotely there. Slept with 3 girls in that month, liked one more than the other, so spent more time with her.

Left at the end of the month in good terms!

It’s December, felt like going to Mexico again. Was originally for my friends birthday and he bailed, but I still had the urge so I went. Went to Acapulco again, and hit up my girl. She pretty much bails on work all week, and comes to stay with me, dope. Here for a week, first 3 days are great.

To be honest, I had just read Alabaster girl for the second time, so I was feeling like treating her real special. My thought process was every girl deserves the world and this one too. So we’d do romantic things, I’m kind of romantic person myself. Drinks on the beach, dinners, nice views, etc.

She was staying at my hotel for the past 2 days, and today we’re laughing and having a great time. (side note about this pull: she speaks almost no english, and me no spanish, and we pretty much communicate via google translate with animated gestures and facial expressions lmao).
Anyways, I get her naked and escalate and some small things about her just irk me a little- for example, she tells me to clean my dick because we just got back from the beach, even though it was clean. I want to fuck her against the window and she says no. Her pussy is also super tight so she’s always in pain after we have sex, even when we use lube. and last night when we had sex, she told me to hurry up and cum (because she was in pain) but that was just a massive turn off for me so I stopped fucking her and told her we’d take a break that night.

Anyways, today, right before I was gonna put my dick in her, i just got turned off. I smiled at her, and just walked out to have a cigarette on the balcony. She comes out asking what happened, which I say I just stopped feeling like it. She asks if i want her to leave, to which i reply if she wants. She leaves.

So now I’m a bit bitter sweet. I had been having incredible sex with this other girl right before I came to mexico, and the sex with this girl just didnt compare. So my question is why do you guys think this happened? Hoping the answers help me get some self-awareness and understand her thoughts as well. It stings but I don’t really care too much about her leaving. She was super sweet, but no biggie.

1) I think i lost my desire because she kept saying no/ telling me what to do, is this valid?

2) Was I in the wrong for making her not feel desired that last minute, and I should have gone through with it?

3) She kept saying the one thing she hates about me is that I won’t settle and telling me how connected she feels to me, is it that she grew feelings and thus the sex got shittier? doesn’t make sense. I do remember the sex being better when I was here in July

Any diagnosis would be appreciated

 

[TomInHo]

Ah! Alabaster girl

I love Zan, but I think it's very easy to misinterpret his work

Here's the thing. Women want to feel special. But they can only feel special with a man that's a challenge.

In my opinion, spending that much time with her may have been overkill because she had done nothing to deserve it beyond sex. Which in reality is a mutual exchange

What did she do beyond sex to deserve so some much special treatment?

Because from my experience, women love romance but they love it more when they feel like they had to earn it. Girls love guys that they have to win over.

So maybe it's wiser to give here a little romance, then holding back to observe if she invests more into you before dishing out some more as a reward

 

[moom]

Ah! Alabaster girl

I love Zan, but I think it's very easy to misinterpret his work

Here's the thing. Women want to feel special. But they can only feel special with a man that's a challenge.

In my opinion, spending that much time with her may have been overkill because she had done nothing to deserve it beyond sex. Which in reality is a mutual exchange

What did she do beyond sex to deserve so some much special treatment?

Because from my experience, women love romance but they love it more when they feel like they had to earn it. Girls love guys that they have to win over.

So maybe it's wiser to give here a little romance, then holding back to observe if she invests more into you before dishing out some more as a reward

Yeah this is what I was thinking too- I think I took it a bit too overboard haha. Wanna figure out the line that I can draw to be more of a challenge while still being the alabaster girl definition of a lover. I can definitely be a dick and withdraw attention no sweat but want to understand that middle ground of being a true lover.

She was definitely investing, doing sweet things, cooking for me, buying me stuff, but I think I was investing more. Lesson learned.

Great to see another lover of the Alabaster girl @TomInHo Ho, what are some ways you show a girl love while still being a challenge?

I appreciate the answer brother

 

[TomInHo]

Yeah this is what I was thinking too- I think I took it a bit too overboard haha. Wanna figure out the line that I can draw to be more of a challenge while still being the alabaster girl definition of a lover. I can definitely be a dick and withdraw attention no sweat but want to understand that middle ground of being a true lover.

She was definitely investing, doing sweet things, cooking for me, buying me stuff, but I think I was investing more. Lesson learned.

Great to see another lover of the Alabaster girl @TomInHo Ho, what are some ways you show a girl love while still being a challenge?

I appreciate the answer brother

Here's one of my favorite tactics to use in relationships to maintain some challenge

Slow Emotional Progress
I understand that a woman's main desire is to fully control her man's heart. But if I'm too easy, she will lose sexual desire for me. So I make sure to open up to her emotionally, but slowly over time to fulfill her need without losing her desire

So for example I will do gestures like
- Sleepovers
- Getting her a surprise gift
- Writing a poem for her
- Trying out one of her sexual fantasies
- Going on a trip together
- Meeting her family.... (I always start relationships as a secret lover. Gives me more wiggle room)
- Allow her to meet my friends
- Take a picture together
- Cook her a meal
- Give her a massage
- Have deep emotional talks about her childhood
- Help her with something in her life

The list goes on and on. But I make sure to not do too many at once and instead spread them out over time as rewards for her investment and good behavior. Think of it like intermittent reinforcement

This works because you get to be romantic but also give the girl enough room to chase you and not kill the excitement. Because in my opinion, the relationship is always healthier when the woman is pushing for more emotional progress than the man

 

[moom]

I like this alot, and I’ve always played it out this way.

Things in my life are a little weird though- I’m a digital nomad and tend to travel around quite a bit, sometimes months at a time. So that progression is super quick, we get super invested, and then I leave. Its a cycle.

I loved how you framed this “I understand that a woman's main desire is to fully control her man's heart. But if I'm too easy, she will lose sexual desire for me. So I make sure to open up to her emotionally, but slowly over time to fulfill her need without losing her desire”

BECAUSE you love women and understand them, you understand that you have to do things this way to do the best for them

 

[Alpha13SC]

Long story short:

Was in Mexico (Acapulco) for a month in July with some friends, working remotely there. Slept with 3 girls in that month, liked one more than the other, so spent more time with her.

Left at the end of the month in good terms!

It’s December, felt like going to Mexico again. Was originally for my friends birthday and he bailed, but I still had the urge so I went. Went to Acapulco again, and hit up my girl. She pretty much bails on work all week, and comes to stay with me, dope. Here for a week, first 3 days are great.

To be honest, I had just read Alabaster girl for the second time, so I was feeling like treating her real special. My thought process was every girl deserves the world and this one too. So we’d do romantic things, I’m kind of romantic person myself. Drinks on the beach, dinners, nice views, etc.

She was staying at my hotel for the past 2 days, and today we’re laughing and having a great time. (side note about this pull: she speaks almost no english, and me no spanish, and we pretty much communicate via google translate with animated gestures and facial expressions lmao).
Anyways, I get her naked and escalate and some small things about her just irk me a little- for example, she tells me to clean my dick because we just got back from the beach, even though it was clean. I want to fuck her against the window and she says no. Her pussy is also super tight so she’s always in pain after we have sex, even when we use lube. and last night when we had sex, she told me to hurry up and cum (because she was in pain) but that was just a massive turn off for me so I stopped fucking her and told her we’d take a break that night.

Anyways, today, right before I was gonna put my dick in her, i just got turned off. I smiled at her, and just walked out to have a cigarette on the balcony. She comes out asking what happened, which I say I just stopped feeling like it. She asks if i want her to leave, to which i reply if she wants. She leaves.

So now I’m a bit bitter sweet. I had been having incredible sex with this other girl right before I came to mexico, and the sex with this girl just didnt compare. So my question is why do you guys think this happened? Hoping the answers help me get some self-awareness and understand her thoughts as well. It stings but I don’t really care too much about her leaving. She was super sweet, but no biggie.

1) I think i lost my desire because she kept saying no/ telling me what to do, is this valid?

2) Was I in the wrong for making her not feel desired that last minute, and I should have gone through with it?

3) She kept saying the one thing she hates about me is that I won’t settle and telling me how connected she feels to me, is it that she grew feelings and thus the sex got shittier? doesn’t make sense. I do remember the sex being better when I was here in July

Any diagnosis would be appreciated

I think you're just in your head. Their attention for hygiene and intimate parts is legit. We don't really care, because our dick just touch a lot of things and we're not used to clean it 10x times per day. Didn't you see the massive bunch of gels/shampoo/wtfisevennamed products for hygiene from their bathroom?

My ex used to tell me the same thing, I should wash my dick before bj. Can be irritating sometimes, but I just started to take a shower before a sexy time like this. Didn't affected our vibe. I actually got more bjs. Maybe just do a shower before.

Regarding pain, this can appear if you're too hard, or she's not wet enough. Yeah, you should use lube whenever you two need it, but also she should be wet when you're undressing her. Did she was? If not, did you do enough foreplay, got her in the mood?

The act must be enjoyable for her too. Being in pain isn't actually pleasurable. Before did she was experiencing pain also? What happened meanwhile? Are you doing something different?

For fucking her against the windows, maybe discuss dis with her. How does it make her feel, so there shouldn't be a problem. Or when you're into it, just do it, without telling her. A more natural transition.

So you stopped before penetrating her, went and smoke a cigarette, letting her wondering what the fuck is the guy she likes doing? And then, when she comes to you, showing some empathy towards you by "what happened?" you throw an answer and she felt undesired. Then, maybe her self esteem is too affected, asks you if you want her to leave, and you don't show like even care(which actually you don't care her about leaving). What did you expected?

I think there's another problem also here. So you wanted to make her feel special. Very good. Somehow, it appeared to me that because you wanted to do that, you were expecting in return for her to do whatever you want. That's some "nice guy" behaviour. You do those things because you want, not because you expect something in return.

1. You lost your desire because you felt entitled to some things, without caring about her.. A leader address her concerns also. It's your choice if you want to care or not about her, but giving her bad emotions repulse her.

2. It depends. Do you want to see her again and to have better sex? Yes, that was a mistake. Not actually caring? Well, it doesn't matter then.

3. I don't think feelings do the sex shittier. Contrary.

Regarding being a challenge, @TomInHo said some good things. Basically, not showing intimacy and attention every time. Let her invest more. Also, the romantic things like wine on the beach, dines, views, etc. I like to do dis things also, and I do them for me also. For us two to have the best experience. But I don't think this was the problem in your situation.


If you want to get as before, you must do one thing. LEAD. Give her a better experience, better emotions. It seems like you can do that. The feelings part you figure it out yourself. Check out @POB post about monogamy.
Alpha13SC

 

[moom]

I think you're just in your head. Their attention for hygiene and intimate parts is legit. We don't really care, because our dick just touch a lot of things and we're not used to clean it 10x times per day. Didn't you see the massive bunch of gels/shampoo/wtfisevennamed products for hygiene from their bathroom?

My ex used to tell me the same thing, I should wash my dick before bj. Can be irritating sometimes, but I just started to take a shower before a sexy time like this. Didn't affected our vibe. I actually got more bjs. Maybe just do a shower before.

Regarding pain, this can appear if you're too hard, or she's not wet enough. Yeah, you should use lube whenever you two need it, but also she should be wet when you're undressing her. Did she was? If not, did you do enough foreplay, got her in the mood?

The act must be enjoyable for her too. Being in pain isn't actually pleasurable. Before did she was experiencing pain also? What happened meanwhile? Are you doing something different?

For fucking her against the windows, maybe discuss dis with her. How does it make her feel, so there shouldn't be a problem. Or when you're into it, just do it, without telling her. A more natural transition.

So you stopped before penetrating her, went and smoke a cigarette, letting her wondering what the fuck is the guy she likes doing? And then, when she comes to you, showing some empathy towards you by "what happened?" you throw an answer and she felt undesired. Then, maybe her self esteem is too affected, asks you if you want her to leave, and you don't show like even care(which actually you don't care her about leaving). What did you expected?

I think there's another problem also here. So you wanted to make her feel special. Very good. Somehow, it appeared to me that because you wanted to do that, you were expecting in return for her to do whatever you want. That's some "nice guy" behaviour. You do those things because you want, not because you expect something in return.

1. You lost your desire because you felt entitled to some things, without caring about her.. A leader address her concerns also. It's your choice if you want to care or not about her, but giving her bad emotions repulse her.

2. It depends. Do you want to see her again and to have better sex? Yes, that was a mistake. Not actually caring? Well, it doesn't matter then.

3. I don't think feelings do the sex shittier. Contrary.

Regarding being a challenge, @TomInHo said some good things. Basically, not showing intimacy and attention every time. Let her invest more. Also, the romantic things like wine on the beach, dines, views, etc. I like to do dis things also, and I do them for me also. For us two to have the best experience. But I don't think this was the problem in your situation.


If you want to get as before, you must do one thing. LEAD. Give her a better experience, better emotions. It seems like you can do that. The feelings part you figure it out yourself. Check out @POB post about monogamy.
Alpha13SC

Very thorough response here Alpha, thank you.

Most of the assumptions are correct except the entitled part. I don’t say it out of ego, I didn’t expect any sex, and I always let it happen naturally when it did. Only thing is, it’s a massive turn off for me in bed when girls try to tell me what to do. I’ve always had a problem with authority and I think that translates to my sadistic, dominant side in bed. So what happened was I literally lost my boner when she was waiting for me to put it in her, and then I just walked out.

Anyways, story ended well- she texted me 3 hours later and the night/ rest of the week ended on a great note.

It may be something I need to work on internally, I’ve noticed it with my ex as well but she was super submissive so she would always go along with what I say.

 

[Alpha13SC]

Very thorough response here Alpha, thank you.

Most of the assumptions are correct except the entitled part. I don’t say it out of ego, I didn’t expect any sex, and I always let it happen naturally when it did. Only thing is, it’s a massive turn off for me in bed when girls try to tell me what to do. I’ve always had a problem with authority and I think that translates to my sadistic, dominant side in bed. So what happened was I literally lost my boner when she was waiting for me to put it in her, and then I just walked out.

Anyways, story ended well- she texted me 3 hours later and the night/ rest of the week ended on a great note.

It may be something I need to work on internally, I’ve noticed it with my ex as well but she was super submissive so she would always go along with what I say.

I m glad to hear that. It seems that she really likes you.

I know what you're saying, I have a problem with that too, somebody, especially a woman telling me what to do. In those moments, I j analyze, is there a concern from their side and they tell me from a position of vulnerability something? Because in this situation, I m still in a position of power and this shouldn t affect me, only if I let it. Otherwise, if it really is something that made her think she can command me, then I ll approach things differently. And 2nd situation didn t happen.

Another thing to do, @Chase had in a a post from here, read it yesterday, but don't find the link. It's a tech to establish more dominance and put in a different light things that she doesn't like or see them in a bad way.

Ex: For example she saying to you "you're an asshole" for whatever reason.

Next time you're fucking her, hard, she s ready to climax, ask her in a strong, masculine way "Am I still the asshole?" "Do you like how this asshole fucks you?" Or maybe in dis situations "Do you like how my dirty dick make you feel?" So now she doesn't have another option but to enjoy it and next time she ll see your dick full of sand she ll remember this.

This is what I remember. Didn't tried it yet, but I want to.

 

[moom]

I m glad to hear that. It seems that she really likes you.

I know what you're saying, I have a problem with that too, somebody, especially a woman telling me what to do. In those moments, I j analyze, is there a concern from their side and they tell me from a position of vulnerability something? Because in this situation, I m still in a position of power and this shouldn t affect me, only if I let it. Otherwise, if it really is something that made her think she can command me, then I ll approach things differently. And 2nd situation didn t happen.

Another thing to do, @Chase had in a a post from here, read it yesterday, but don't find the link. It's a tech to establish more dominance and put in a different light things that she doesn't like or see them in a bad way.

Ex: For example she saying to you "you're an asshole" for whatever reason.

Next time you're fucking her, hard, she s ready to climax, ask her in a strong, masculine way "Am I still the asshole?" "Do you like how this asshole fucks you?" Or maybe in dis situations "Do you like how my dirty dick make you feel?" So now she doesn't have another option but to enjoy it and next time she ll see your dick full of sand she ll remember this.

This is what I remember. Didn't tried it yet, but I want to.

I like this tech- I've already left Mexico so won't be able to try it with her but will try with my girls back home.

Thanks Alpha