Getting back and getting results (long read)

[Godsninja]

I don't know how to ask this question, I just think that I used to be way more...moving..with women. You guys know what I mean? Does ANYBODY know what I mean? I had the mojo, and girls would just be into me. Now a days, even though I am going out and actively meeting tons of women, I can't seem to get the same fire going, and get rejected by every girl lol. I laugh now, I used to cry, but I can't help wonder, what if they ALL reject me? I would rather be the weird guy who gets rejected by all the girls, than be the guy who's alone, but STILL, who would want to be the (weird?) guy who gets rejected by ALL the girls? Haha...

I always hear certain people in my life trying to get me to "let the girls come to me", or to "just let it happen", etc (after persistent depression from/after rejections). And I see what they mean in a way, but for the most part, the guy has to act. It can still be a "let it happen" situation, but you still have to act...

I don't want any responses saying "oh ya man that's easy, you just have to be in the mindset to let it happen" (but I am definitely open to suggestions for how it would be easier to 'let it happen' to so speak, like the being in the right place, sortta vibe).

I am NOT talking about when a girl is so obviously showing you her interest, in a cool environment, I'm talking about making it happen cold approach style.

I'm talking about going out, approaching women, and having them actually digging you, like you, and want to physically get together with you.

I want to get laid, and believe I have a cool abundance mentality with tools that follow suite (and the goal of getting physical), but if she doesn't digg me, like me, and does NOT want to get together with me, there is most likely nothing going to happen between us. The odds are against me. I want the odds to be with me, like I believe they used to be a few years back, but I don't know what happened to these odds. It's like I was a class A racing horse, and now I am no longer even in the race, due to some sort of illness that I am by far unaware of. This is not how I see myself, I just have results that are kind of disgusting. I was raised to be very polite with women, and so I respect them, but that's the very thing that held me back.

I used to conform to using true indirect behavior, and I think have built some flawed reference points in my mind, but I have a strong desire to get it done (now that I am more aware, especially sexually). I think that I am someone who others might call, or probably more correctly, used to call, "clueless". About a year or so ago back, I was at a dive bar, and had my hands in between a girls legs, and she was cool and ok with it (my hands were cold, what can I say). I was chatting with her and her friend, and smoking a cigarette (she used her hands to feed me the smoke, perhaps I had my other hand in between her friends legs too, I can't remember, probably, even worse) and then after like 5 minutes they both got up and quickly left. I didn't know who they were.

I am talking about losing a mindset, losing game, losing confidence, losing the sense of dominant sexuality, losing the ability to find women who are interested in you sexually, losing the ability to properly and accurately calibrate yourself to your own expectations, responsibilities, and desires, and essentially losing what it is about you that other women find incredibly attractive. I'm not saying I've lost all these things, but in order to be successful with women, all of those things are important, and I can feel myself lacking in these fields, especially the ones I've bolded.

Any suggestions?

Tomi

 

[Godsninja]

I feel like there's sort of no point in actively going out and approaching women (not out of fear, but time management). I know this sounds completely counter intuitive to the idea of actively going out and cold approaching unknown women (which I know, can be very fun), but maybe there's a point where the idea itself can be built up. I think there's something wrong with my vibe, and that consciously thinking about 'Girls Chase' material...might be psyching me out? Thoughts?

p.s. I think it's worth noting that I live 15-20 minutes from town, and there's no bus where I live.

 

[Drck]

You might be overdoing things. When you knew less you were doing less. Now (by reading GC) you know much more and you are trying to utilize every little thing. She may perceive you as too knowledgeable about seduction and too desiring to get laid, thus she might not feel comfortable enough around you.


Why are you NOT talking about when a girl is so obviously showing you her interest, in cool environment – but instead why do you want to make it happen cold approach style, by actively going out and approaching tons of women? Because you don’t want to “wait”, you don’t want to be more passive. Instead you are putting a lot of activity and energy into it. You might be projecting too much of aggressiveness rather than coolness, you are basically on the “hunt” – and she feels it, and it makes her run away.


You also still have the “sense of dominant sexuality”, you still want to be a class A racing horse, and you have the “GC material on your mind”. You “want to get laid”, and you are aware of it, especially sexually. Which is great on one side, but add it all of the above: Now you are projecting strong sexual desire while you are actively on a “hunt”, and every of your movement is sending her strong signal that you want to get laid… Wouldn’t you run away?


In my opinion, you are simply doing too much…

 

[Godsninja]

Why are you NOT talking about when a girl is so obviously showing you her interest, in cool environment – but instead why do you want to make it happen cold approach style, by actively going out and approaching tons of women?
...
You might be projecting too much of aggressiveness rather than coolness, you are basically on the “hunt”...

Because when a girl is interested, there's no real question or problem, because the odds are in my favor and I just need to handle logistics, which I think I am very good at, and would be advanced at, if I only had more practical experience to prove to myself. These girls are long and gone, where I made mistakes of not acting.

I don't have any chick friends, and guy friends are always busy, and far and in between, so cold approaching is really my only option (it used to be the other way around, being in a social circle, now I don't really have one, at least one that I am familiar with, you know, like High-school. That circle is split, and gone forever).

I can't disagree with the 'hunt' thing, though I'm not giving off the aggressive vibe at all. Perhaps I used to, when I was really inexperienced and didn't know of GC, but now I'm purely trying to overcome my anxiety, and have a more cool vibe that I'm in the process of uncovering.

I'll take you advice and calm myself, and will try to find my balance in cold approaching as well... never thought this would ever need balancing...