Getting back your mood after bad refusal - childish retort

[lux7]

Today, as I was already not so high in mood, I have noticed that a "no, I am not interested" really sank my mood for a long time.
My reply was "alright, I wish you a great day".

And while usually a refusal doesn't do much damage and I can naturally manage to shrug off in coolness and politeness, this time it felt like being slapped and... Me turning the other cheek, which had a lasting negative effect (my fault, sure, but this time couldn't help it).

Probably some of you will say it's weak looking for a retort rather than being stronger inside, and it's true.
Yet, the bottom line doesn't change.

I took a loss and my mood -and performance- was impaired.

I'm sure that if I had "protected my ego", at least this time, with something childish and stupid like "(surprised face) oh! t's ok if you're lesbian (slight smile)" and walked away, I'd have felt like coming out of it winning -or at least neutral-.

I really regretted having forced myself to "be nice" rather than going for a childish retort.

What do you think?

 

[trashKENNUT]

lux7,

I really regretted having forced myself to "be nice" rather than going for a childish retort.

What do you think?

Don't be so hard on yourself. It's a practice thing. People don't just stop drinking after so many years. IT's the same with anything else. You might give people a childish retort but it becomes lesser overtime.

Zac

 

[Franco]

lux,

You can really do whatever you want here, but I think you're focusing too much on "how can I make myself feel better?" rather than "why do I feel bad in the first place?"

If a woman is making you feel bad by showing a lack of interest, then that means you aren't meeting enough women at the moment. For someone who probably has no other involvement in your life other than a quick meet and phone number swap, this girl is obviously pulling emotional chords of yours that shouldn't even be accessible to her yet.

Focus on changing the source of the problem and not on fixing the aftermath of it. =)

- Franco

 

[Sub-Zero]

Today, as I was already not so high in mood, I have noticed that a "no, I am not interested" really sank my mood for a long time.
My reply was "alright, I wish you a great day".

And while usually a refusal doesn't do much damage and I can naturally manage to shrug off in coolness and politeness, this time it felt like being slapped and... Me turning the other cheek, which had a lasting negative effect (my fault, sure, but this time couldn't help it).

Probably some of you will say it's weak looking for a retort rather than being stronger inside, and it's true.
Yet, the bottom line doesn't change.

I took a loss and my mood -and performance- was impaired.

I'm sure that if I had "protected my ego", at least this time, with something childish and stupid like "(surprised face) oh! t's ok if you're lesbian (slight smile)" and walked away, I'd have felt like coming out of it winning -or at least neutral-.

I really regretted having forced myself to "be nice" rather than going for a childish retort.

What do you think?

I'm like this too bro, sometimes i can get pretty nasty which is why i don't really approach too too much. All in all if you're cool with your retort, it shouldn't be a problem.

Just don't go crazy n get mad because 1. She will probably tell someone on you, and you could be in trouble for harassment, you don't know who she knows.

2. You will get laughed at.

I never went crazy on a girl, but when i tell you i laughed so hard when i seen guys get rejected and get mad at the girl. It is so funny, and i never wanted to look like a fool, so i don't get too upset.

Best bet is to say something lowkey and funny, and to curse her out in your head lol. Helps me.

 

[Sub-Zero]

lux,

You can really do whatever you want here, but I think you're focusing too much on "how can I make myself feel better?" rather than "why do I feel bad in the first place?"

If a woman is making you feel bad by showing a lack of interest, then that means you aren't meeting enough women at the moment. For someone who probably has no other involvement in your life other than a quick meet and phone number swap, this girl is obviously pulling emotional chords of yours that shouldn't even be accessible to her yet.

Focus on changing the source of the problem and not on fixing the aftermath of it. =)

- Franco

I have problems like this too franco, how can i stop feeling like i have to shit on a bitch to feel better about getting rejected.

I seen that you said to get more girls, but you'll have to go through more rejections to reach that.

So what else can we do?

 

[Franco]

Sub,

I have problems like this too franco, how can i stop feeling like i have to shit on a bitch to feel better about getting rejected.

I seen that you said to get more girls, but you'll have to go through more rejections to reach that.

So what else can we do?

The answer is still the same: you approach more girls. Even when I was just starting out, I was capable of at least getting one date a week (even if that date didn't lead to sex on the first date). So think about it: if you've already guaranteed yourself a date for the week with a cute girl, are you going to spend a lot of your emotional investment and time shitting on another one who rejected you? Probably not.

So if you're still getting emotionally affected by girls rejecting you, it means you need to approach even MORE girls, experience MORE rejections, and guarantee yourself MORE dates per week. The more experience you have with all of those, the less you care about rejections from specific girls because there are so many girls rotating through your life that you don't have the time to care about the ones who don't want you.

- Franco

 

[lux7]

Yeah, but i wouldn't say it's only a number thing.

You can be the beat player in the world with a thousand games past you, but when the home crowd booes you, it can still hurt.
Personality is another big variable.
The situation, the mood, the modality.. It can happen...

And if you can avoid with a comeback rather than pretending all is good...

 

[Franco]

lux,

You can be the beat player in the world with a thousand games past you, but when the home crowd booes you, it can still hurt.
Personality is another big variable.

There's no crowd, though! I'm not really sure that analogy is a suitable one for this situation.

If you want to use sports as an analogy, then this is two players who have verbally agreed to face off in an arena with no audience. Then at some point before the match begins, one of the players forfeits and decides not to go through with it. Is the opponent upset? Well, that depends. If he has ten other people lined up to face him in the ring, then he has no time to worry about one opponent backing out. He just starts planning to compete in the next event.

- Franco

 

[lux7]

There's no crowd, though!

- Franco

Well, that too, depends.. .

 

[Chrome]

Long time lurker here but I had to register just so I can reply here, as I feel that this kind of mentality goes against what GC has taught for years. This might sound a bit harsh, depends on how mentally tough you are.

First, nobody owes you anything. The world doesn't owe you anything. If a girl is not interested, she's not interested. Period.

Why the need to inflict suffering on other people just so you can feed your own ego, which stems from your own weakness and insecurity? If that's the case, then the girls were right to reject you in the first place. Girls aren't attracted to insecure guys. In fact, girls can smell your weakness and insecurity from miles away.

Go and read Hector's 10-part series on how to become a genuine man. Learn to love people. Learn to love the rejections and take it as a sign that you have to keep improving your fundamentals. But then, even with perfect fundamentals, you will still get rejected. Most of the time it's not your fault. I can't remember how many times people come up to me just when I don't want to be bothered, not even the most beautiful woman can change that, especially when I'm not desperate. Remember, an average girl will almost always have more abundance than an average guy.

Even though I agree that being an asshole should be prescribed to the nicest pushovers out there, I don't think it means you should go out and actively inflict pain and suffering on other people, especially when they don't deserve it. Applied wrongly, some guys will just sink into a vicious cycle of becoming even more bitter as they continue to piss off the people around them. Anyone with a good sense of social skills should be able to get out of the asshole phase pretty quickly, especially with so many useful materials on this site. Instead, become the confident, genuine man that people respect and know not to fuck with, not someone who resort to childish retort. You think this is what someone like James Bond would do? Really? Go and read Hector's 10-part series on genuine man, again.

Only when you have achieved abundance that you will be able to consistently attract high quality women. It's hard to describe, but only when you are truly non-needy and are totally secure about your ability with women that you will start to attract girls with minimal effort. It's like girls have this innate ability to sense guy's insecurity and neediness. The more you care about their reactions, the more you won't get what you want from them. But once you have abundance mentality, you start to notice girls checking you out even when you don't want to, or don't care.

 

[lux7]

Long time lurker here but I had to register just so I can reply here, as I feel that this kind of mentality goes against what GC has taught for years. This might sound a bit harsh, depends on how mentally tough you are.

First, nobody owes you anything. The world doesn't owe you anything. If a girl is not interested, she's not interested. Period.

Why the need to inflict suffering on other people just so you can feed your own ego, which stems from your own weakness and insecurity? If that's the case, then the girls were right to reject you in the first place. Girls aren't attracted to insecure guys. In fact, girls can smell your weakness and insecurity from miles away.

Go and read Hector's 10-part series on how to become a genuine man. Learn to love people. Learn to love the rejections and take it as a sign that you have to keep improving your fundamentals. But then, even with perfect fundamentals, you will still get rejected. Most of the time it's not your fault. I can't remember how many times people come up to me just when I don't want to be bothered, not even the most beautiful woman can change that, especially when I'm not desperate. Remember, an average girl will almost always have more abundance than an average guy.

Even though I agree that being an asshole should be prescribed to the nicest pushovers out there, I don't think it means you should go out and actively inflict pain and suffering on other people, especially when they don't deserve it. Applied wrongly, some guys will just sink into a vicious cycle of becoming even more bitter as they continue to piss off the people around them. Anyone with a good sense of social skills should be able to get out of the asshole phase pretty quickly, especially with so many useful materials on this site. Instead, become the confident, genuine man that people respect and know not to fuck with, not someone who resort to childish retort. You think this is what someone like James Bond would do? Really? Go and read Hector's 10-part series on genuine man, again.

Only when you have achieved abundance that you will be able to consistently attract high quality women. It's hard to describe, but only when you are truly non-needy and are totally secure about your ability with women that you will start to attract girls with minimal effort. It's like girls have this innate ability to sense guy's insecurity and neediness. The more you care about their reactions, the more you won't get what you want from them. But once you have abundance mentality, you start to notice girls checking you out even when you don't want to, or don't care.

Hey man, I had to stop at the first lines to be honest.

You're preaching against a straw man, read again and tell me where we've been talking about any "harsh" reaction that would "inflict pain suffering" on anyone ("inflict pain suffering", God .

The topic is simple: at least for someone, no matter how good you get, no matter how many women you get, it's not impossible you still get hurt at some rejection. And it's much more likely to happen when you're NOT that good and DON'T have that much of an abudance mentality. It shouldn't be a taboo to talk about the fact you CAN get hurt. Period.

How to prevent that a rejection will dampen your mood for an extended period of time with a (subjectively) witty remark rather than pretending all is good was the topic of this thread. Period.

 

[Smith]

Lux,

If a girl "rejecting" you hurts your ego, it means you're still seeking her validation. Here's an advice from RSD julien: Interpret her reaction in your favour, positively reframe it as "I was too awesome. she couldn't handle it", while taking any lesson you can out of that interaction. It's delusional, but a little positive delusional can go a long way. It's just like GC's advice on assume attraction, it's delusional but it makes you more confident and reassured. Just remember you can interpret any reference experience as positive, negative or neutral.

 

[Chrome]

Hey man, I had to stop at the first lines to be honest.

You're preaching against a straw man, read again and tell me where we've been talking about any "harsh" reaction that would "inflict pain suffering" on anyone ("inflict pain suffering", God .

The topic is simple: at least for someone, no matter how good you get, no matter how many women you get, it's not impossible you still get hurt at some rejection. And it's much more likely to happen when you're NOT that good and DON'T have that much of an abudance mentality. It shouldn't be a taboo to talk about the fact you CAN get hurt. Period.

How to prevent that a rejection will dampen your mood for an extended period of time with a (subjectively) witty remark rather than pretending all is good was the topic of this thread. Period.

Doesn't matter. Like Franco said, you're trying to treat the symptoms rather than curing the root of the problem.

Getting good at childish retorts just so you can make yourself feel a little bit better after rejection, will not help you in the long run. Girls who you don't even know still hurt your ego, and it won't stop until you found the source of the problem and fixed it.

 

[lux7]

Hey man, I had to stop at the first lines to be honest.

You're preaching against a straw man, read again and tell me where we've been talking about any "harsh" reaction that would "inflict pain suffering" on anyone ("inflict pain suffering", God .

The topic is simple: at least for someone, no matter how good you get, no matter how many women you get, it's not impossible you still get hurt at some rejection. And it's much more likely to happen when you're NOT that good and DON'T have that much of an abudance mentality. It shouldn't be a taboo to talk about the fact you CAN get hurt. Period.

How to prevent that a rejection will dampen your mood for an extended period of time with a (subjectively) witty remark rather than pretending all is good was the topic of this thread. Period.

Doesn't matter. Like Franco said, you're trying to treat the symptoms rather than curing the root of the problem.

Getting good at childish retorts just so you can make yourself feel a little bit better after rejection, will not help you in the long run. Girls who you don't even know still hurt your ego, and it won't stop until you found the source of the problem and fixed it.

True, not in the long run indeed.

And yes it's weak. But it can help you that day. This is a short makeshift fix were talking so you can keep doing and learning so much more in that same day and keep striving towards a level that doesn't need short fixes anymore

 

[Franco]

lux,

And yes it's weak. But it can help you that day. This is a short makeshift fix were talking so you can keep doing and learning so much more in that same day and keep striving towards a level that doesn't need short fixes anymore

I wouldn't really call it a short-term "fix" either. Maybe this is somewhat of a "glass half full vs. glass half empty" argument, but retorting like that actually makes you look weaker than not saying anything at all (which is going backwards from what we want you to do here, which is become emotionally stronger). Essentially, we want you to resist the urge to retort because it's actually slowing down your progress in the long run. The "quick fix" is actually more of a crutch than a fix.

The topic is simple: at least for someone, no matter how good you get, no matter how many women you get, it's not impossible you still get hurt at some rejection.

I think you'd be pretty surprised how resilient you can become... these days, if a girl "rejects" me, I'm usually thinking things such as, "damn, I guess that girl wasn't as horny as I thought. It was worth a shot!" And then I'm off to meeting the next girl. =)

- Franco