How to Get Your Girlfriend Back When She Thinks You're a Bore
Now here's the opposite problem - what do you do when she finds you uninspiring and unexciting?
Most guys who lose a girl this way chase their women down and do things all wrong.
They figure if they just promise her commitment, she'll stick around.
But that's not it. She finds them boring and constricting. The last thing she wants is to be trapped with them for a lifetime.
The solution here is not promising progress and your undying love, as it is for the man whose woman's in auto-rejection. Instead, the solution is providing that element she was missing from her life with you all along: excitement.
Of course, that's easier said than done. The keys are:
Get your fundamentals handled. Same thing you'll see everywhere else on this site: movement speed, posture, body language, walk, eye contact, facial expressions, facial hair, fashion, effort expenditure. General sexiness, a sexy vibe, and your "x-factor." Be smooth, be edgy, acquire some Byronic vulnerabilities and flaws, and create sexual tension. Become the man she dreamed about meeting when she left you. Will this take time? Yes. Is it necessary for getting her back in anything other than full-on stage 3 reflection (which she may never reach if another man scoops her up first)? Yes. The sooner you start turning yourself into the man she wants, the sooner you can be the man she wants - and get her back.
Get preselection. She left because she doesn't think you're all that desirable or stimulating. But women are social creatures, and they care very much about the opinions of others... and as soon as she sees you with attractive new women, she'll start wondering if perhaps she was wrong. This one's incredibly important - you don't want to rub it in her face, but rather find ways for her to notice it completely on her own - you've just moved on, and beautiful women want you and are with you... and she's obviously passed up on something every other girl wants. Whoops. If you're on social media (e.g., Facebook), this is one of the times that medium comes in handy... suddenly pictures of you with beautiful women are going up, and she just can't help cyber stalking you, wondering who those girls are, and what their relation to you is.
Let her see you as a new man. Whenever you find yourself in front of her or around her (assuming you have some social circle ties to her), you must let her see you as completely different from how she knew you before - the opposite, in many ways. Take anything she may have seen as "weak" about you and reverse it. If she was bored with you, constantly be doing exciting new things and pushing your boundaries (e.g., taking surfing / snowboarding / martial arts / skydiving / etc. lessons). If she thought you were too clingy, be completely nonchalant around her and don't care what she's doing or thinking or saying - not in a dismissive way, just in a polite, "Oh, that's nice," kind of way. You want her to see that you've reinvented yourself - and that she misjudged you the first time around.
Be aloof and seem not to need her or care. Building on that last, you cannot chase! Your instinct may be to crawl on your knees, plead, and beg, but you will not get her back that way. Chances are, you were too clingy the first time around... it's a part of why she left in the first place. You don't get her back by giving her more of the same - you must communicate that things have changed with you.
What specifically do you do to show her you've changed?
I recommend giving her a little radio silence for a while, so that she doesn't get the feeling that you're chasing after her. Then, reemerge - as a completely different man.
Start inviting her to group activities where you're doing something fun and exciting - ideally, sometimes things she specifically mentioned liking herself, though not always. And make them with groups. Invite her as you would any other friend - no lovey-dovey language or special treatment. Treat her like a guy.
If you can stomach it, even tell her you want to introduce her to a friend of yours, and try to set her up with someone (you probably don't want to make it anyone close to you, just in case they do get together... no sense damaging a friendship of yours, too).
And make absolutely certain she sees you with other women.
The object here is not to care. To virtually be pushing her away from you... in the most friendly sort of way.
Don't talk much with her in person when you see her. Don't give her any satisfaction into HOW or WHY you've so radically transformed. Building a mystery around yourself is what you need most here - it's one of the things she was missing with you.
Make it so that the ONLY way she can think of to find out what's going on with you and what's brought about this change and whether or not it's for real is by asking you to lunch or dinner and asking to spend time with you alone, one-on-one. And even if you agree, and even if you meet up with her, still you must not give her too much satisfaction.
Make her chase you.
What if things haven't actually changed with you? Can you fake it until you make it?
I've advised too-nice / unexciting / clingy friends on getting back mates who've left them before - both male and female friends of mine, in fact. And I always caution them that these new changes you make MUST be FOREVER. You cannot think you're going to get left because your mate was too bored and turned off by the clinginess... and then you're just going to ACT exciting and carefree for a while, and get him or her back... and then, once you have your old partner back, things go right back to like they were before.
There must be a new paradigm. You must ACTUALLY BE more attractive, more exciting, more desirable, a new person, and genuinely less needy.
Otherwise, as soon as the sheen wears off and you go back to being the you of yore, she'll go back to doing what she did last time, too - and get bored and leave.
If you want to get her back and keep her, you must meet her needs.
No two ways about it.
So, either forget about this girl who doesn't find you satisfactory for her and find a new girl whose needs match who you already are and what you've already got... or turn yourself into the man of your ex-girlfriend's dreams.
The choice is yours. But you must choose.
And who knows... even if you choose reinvention, you may just meet another girl along the way you hit it off with even better.
