Getting laid, but can't keep girls around

[JimmyB]

Hi everyone,
Like the title says - I get laid pretty regularly, but I have difficulty keeping a girl around either as a friend with benefits or a girlfriend if that is what I'm shooting for. Maybe a relevant factor is I don't see much appeal in a relationship. One thing I accept about myself is that I love the challenge of going out to try to seduce a new girl to bring her back home and sleep with her. Where I have issues is if I manage to bring back a girl I really like, I don't quite know how to transition from a quick bar lay into, what, bringing her out on a date the next week? It feels inconsistent to me. I feel like girls are using me for sex and then done with me (kind of my fault for using them for sex..).
My question:

How do I reposition my approach to seduction to keep a girl I like around for longer or have more meaningful encounters with women?

 

[lao che]

fuck her right and she'll always come back for more. and keep pushing for more, too (like other activities besides sex) let her come back for sex, if you like her that much - LESS THAN ONCE A WEEK FREQUENCY is vital (i have some FBs who i might see once every month or even two, they all suggest lunch/breakfast dates/rollerskating/movies all of that couply kind of stuff) - she'll always push for more if you give her good times and good feelings. there's no secret technique, just be cool and not pushy and give her a rocking time whenever you see her. guaranteed she'll start pushing for more from you, then the ball's in your court as to whether you progress the relationship beyond just hanging out to fuck

 

[JimmyB]

Ok Drexel, I understand what you're saying and to not take them on a regular date. What I don't understand is what TO do. I have next to 0 control over whether they stay around - is this with every girl you mean? I do not communicate at all, but when I do let's say in a week or two, am I just booty calling them?
"Girls that go home with you the first night absolutely are using you for sex". This site advocates sleeping with a girl on the first date - is that any different? So is every girl just using me for sex? (not a terrible thing) But what if I want more of a relationship? If I'm never supposed to take it slow, but taking it fast disables any dating options, where does that leave things?

Thanks, this is a roadblock I keep hitting and I appreciate the responses.

 

[Franco]

Jimmy,

This site advocates sleeping with a girl on the first date - is that any different? So is every girl just using me for sex? (not a terrible thing) But what if I want more of a relationship? If I'm never supposed to take it slow, but taking it fast disables any dating options, where does that leave things?

Every girl wants sex when she's going home with you on the first date, but not every girl is using you for sex. In one sense, you don't really have any control over whether or not a girl decides to see you again. However, there are things you can do to greatly increase the chances that she does want to see you again. Obviously the quality of the sex is very important -- if she's not leaving your bedroom with her head spinning after multiple orgasms, then she's probably not going to be too inclined to stick around very long.

The next thing that matters is how you treat her after sex. Are you still warm towards her? Do you become at all suddenly needy (or too aloof) after sex? Your post-coital tone needs to feel the same as it was during the date when you were building up sexual tension toward your night. Usually when I'm finished having sex with a new girl, there's a period where I'm just lying there naked with her with one arm around her having a few laughs and maybe sharing a few interesting things about myself (as a reward for allowing me to sleep with her). After sex, she has to feel like there are more layers to you to uncover, and that she's only just learned enough about you to keep her interested.

After the girl leaves, it's also important to send her the post-sex text: "Hey Jane, I had a great time last night. Hope you did too " ...or something along those lines. This should be sent sometime during the middle of the next day as to keep her from getting in her head too much about how you feel about the whole interaction with her went down (i.e. she might be thinking "did I sleep with him too fast? does he like me? did he use me for sex?"). Assuming the entire interaction went well, she'll usually respond with something positive.

If you want to see the girl again, then this next part is important: you should contact her again within the next 3-5 days to arrange your next meet-up. If you do it too soon, it sounds a bit too needy, and she'll wonder if she accidentally slept with a guy who is super clingy. However, if you wait too long, you risk sending her into auto-rejection by making her feel like it was just a one-night stand (which is fine if that's all you want). But what you don't want to do is make her feel like it was a one-night stand by taking over a week to contact her, and THEN contacting her to see her again -- that's going to make her feel like you're just using her for sex. You can arrange for the meet-up to be the following week if you want to, but you need to contact her before a full week has passed.

When you do get in touch with her again, you want to invite her directly over to your place. If you suddenly decide to take her on a "date," that's actually going backwards in her mind, and it will only confuse her. So make sure to be very casual about it and say you'll cook dinner together (or whatever it is that you want to do). You pretty much rinse and repeat this process for several weeks; if she continues coming back, then she's obviously hoping she can turn it into something more.

Of course, you'll want to make sure that you're only seeing these girls again if you want to keep them around for a longer period of time. If a casual or long-term relationship is not something that you're looking for at the moment (which it sounds like you may not be, but that's up to you), then you can pretty much send her the post-sex text and leave it at that.

- Franco

 

[JimmyB]

Thanks for the response, Franco. What you're saying makes sense. So then if everything goes well with a girl and she leaves happy, is the best/only move to invite her back to your place within about a week? I'm sitting here thinking everything went well, but I can't know from her side - do I just text a "Let's hang out this weekend" and see the response? Would a girl never text me if she wanted to meet back up?

If you're inviting a girl back to your place mainly for sex...do you ever do other things with her? How/when would that happen?...months after you have fallen into a routine of sex? What if you want to go out and do things with her (dinner, movie, etc.) - how does that pan out?

 

[Franco]

JimmyB,

So then if everything goes well with a girl and she leaves happy, is the best/only move to invite her back to your place within about a week?

Pretty much. Remember, you don't need to see her again within the week, but you do need to contact her again.

I'm sitting here thinking everything went well, but I can't know from her side - do I just text a "Let's hang out this weekend" and see the response?

I wouldn't just send her a text out of the blue like that. You probably want to ease into it first with a text like, "Hey Ashley, how's your week going? " And then after a text or two back and forth, you can ask if she wants to get together that week. It should be much easier to set up a time to see her after you've slept with her as she'll actively be trying to free up time in her schedule to see you (rather than you having to chase her through her schedule like you do with most girls that you are trying to set up a date with the first time).

Would a girl never text me if she wanted to meet back up?

Girls will text you sometimes, actually. Most of them don't want to look too desperate/slutty, so they might send you a warm feeler text, similar to the one I told you to send them above. From there, they are likely hoping that you'll be the one to ask to see them again. If a girl has come over a few times and is starting to feel that maybe it's going to become something "regular," she'll tend to have more courage to text you first before you text her, but you shouldn't ever rely on it either.

If you're inviting a girl back to your place mainly for sex...do you ever do other things with her? How/when would that happen?

We do things at my place, mostly. We might go grab some takeout from somewhere and bring it back, but I don't really take her on "dates" unless it's pretty established that this girl is into me and wants something more, and I'm into her and also want something more.

What if you want to go out and do things with her (dinner, movie, etc.) - how does that pan out?

That's fine if the girl sees you as a potential boyfriend (and you see her as a potential girlfriend). But you should be seeing her rather regularly before you attempt this. You can't really put timetables on these things -- at this point, it should be pretty evident whether or not a girl is very into you or not. If she's jumping at every opportunity to see you for a month or so, then there's a pretty good chance she wants to keep seeing you for a long period of time.

However, if a girl seems like she wants something casual (or both of you have communicated that you want something casual), then you should just axe dates altogether and only invite her over for sex (and maybe a meal or something).

- Franco

 

[ray_zorse]

Why don't you also add more deep diving and relating before/during the pull. This tends to get forgotten in the helter skelter high pressure moving-fast atmosphere of nightgame. She needs to feel you "get" her (deep diving) and she "knows" you (relating).
-Ray

 

[JimmyB]

Franco, very thorough as always, thank you. I'll see how this pans out
Ray, you definitely have a point
I have a tendency to pull girls home and never get to know them. It's easy but doesn't make for anything lasting. I should put some more time into deep diving

 

[Lotus]

Jimmy it sounds like you have the oposite problem of everyone else here haha

 

[JimmyB]

haha brum that made me laugh. Maybe that's the case. I think I've implemented a lot of everything on this site and so I know how to get laid, but when you get efficient at that, it's hard to pull back and slow down.
Not trying to sound like a dick. I guess I can be a dick though, which is part of my problem I'm trying to adjust here, hence this thread.