Dear All,
i was together with her for 7 years, allmost 4 of those we we're married. We were the perfect couple and would say "soulmates". She's gorgeous, intelligent, passionate, empathic, lovable, likable and all over a very warm and sociable person to be around with. She is a disappointed dreamer.
We are now apart for 3,5 months. The relationship went downward spiralling because of my personal unhappiness (numb in feelings) and drainage from overvorking. We were madly in love for 4-5 years, but the last 5 years i have worked my ass of building a company (from 8am - 1am for 3 years), she was unemployed for 3 years (on and off) in the 7year period in the time. And she told me that if I will not take time for her for us, that we will grow apart. I convinced myself that i need to work so that we will be able to eat and left myself and threw my feelings in a cage down the drain. Slowly over time she began to get colder and colder loosing respect toward me. And did not have a lot of fights, but mostly the fights were either me pissed of when she did not do something we agreed on or a stupid fight where I saw how much unsrespected i was in her eyes - literally putting me to 0. But I was still the ego maniac and convinced my self all will be ok, that we just move on and we'll have much more time and fun when we are financially stable. She told me several times that once its over its over and that this is important. Well turned out that last year we went on a trip and after the trip we broke up. I was literally running from my shadow being tense and inauthentic. We got back together after 2 months, after i courted, had some great dates, with her not avoiding me, although she was back at her parents house. When we got back together in a matter of 2 days i was back to my old self not caring much for her and taking her for granted. I did not see that she was unhappy. And this made the energy more and more negative in the house. We had only conflicts regarding her not working and what to do. 2 months before the breakup she called from the job urgently to say to me that she thinks i am betraying her. When I explained that my acts were because of the job and the stress (coming home to put on a dress, having more activities, or coming home 5-6p.m.), we we're like an old couple in full love for 2 days again when we talked it over - as if we kind of fell in love again. We went to look for parcel for house etc., but quickly the energy faded in a matter of days and boredom, unhappiness returned to us both. She mentioned that she was crying when she was alone at home and that she was unhappy. I did not support her endeavours or even negated her lust for gemstones, tarot, talks. We did mostly communicate on routine - what to eat and small things..I was numb in feelings going on living the routine. 3,5 m ago she came to me and said that she does not want to be together with me any more and would like to debate and clear what went wrong, saying ending marriage was still indefinite. My reaction was panic and began to debate with her about gemstones and made some stupid remark, she got angry/offensive and i got pissed off and said its over and better to pack her stuff. Went totally numb and went away next day for two days while she moved back home.
1st week she called me once if i had a new girlfriend - and me with my ego smiling and sayin no...After a week she began to flourish and realised that she was a lot happier without me and after we got together to "analyse" what went wrong - 3 weeks after the breakup, it was me who was crying in remorse and apologizing to all the bad feelings i caused her. And she did not sweat a tear and said sorry my tears were all drained before and don't have any more feelings for you. I would of left 2 years ago if i had more self asteem. And that she still wants to be friends with me, because she holds me dear in her heart - but no more feeling of love. When we parted the hug was really cold and friendly - shivers ran down my spine.
After then I was back to a wreck - on a mission to get her back. Did little to no contact, and after a month she left to work for 4 months abroad. And we only heard each other the last day before she went. Me begging if there has a micron of hope in her heart not to give up. After that i did NC, and broke contact after 14days with daily messages of sr i should understand that its over and that i should move on (in our relationship she told me once it's over in her its over - really a woman with strong character and constantly working on herself), then did NC for a month taking a trip to find myself and change myself - gotten to know a lot of women, models, all kinds of girls, a couple of which fell in love with me but I was not able to move an inch in matter of romance or anything - still beeing faithfull to marriage...When i got back i did contact again but with no reply.
After talking to her parents to bring them a gift from the trip, and sending her a message (thought of you how we danced etc) i got a call from her to leave the parents alone and that my messages dont make her happy but sad and to book a date for the divorce when she gets back - that that is her only wish. Me saying I will still fight for you calmly and said, if you will tell me 1000x no i still will fight for you. She said you can send all the planes and romantic gestures and nothing will change a thing - I have no more feelings for you.
I feel/realised that she is really indifferent in her feelings toward me, not angry and am panicking if there is still a way to get my soul mate back...I really need magic. I know I can be alone in life and I am kind of happy like that. But I want her. I thought a lot about all of this (I neglected her feelings, criticised her, did not defend her in public when beeing forced to tell why not children yet, and a lot more), and I wan't her and make her happy 100x more as she was. She is by far the best woman I ever met in my life! I changed a lot and know how how to handle a new relationship. But to warm her heart again, to open her a little to me - here i am lost...
Any really quality help, additional questions from you guys is much appreciated.
Sincerely thankful - lost 1/2 of my soul...
i was together with her for 7 years, allmost 4 of those we we're married. We were the perfect couple and would say "soulmates". She's gorgeous, intelligent, passionate, empathic, lovable, likable and all over a very warm and sociable person to be around with. She is a disappointed dreamer.
We are now apart for 3,5 months. The relationship went downward spiralling because of my personal unhappiness (numb in feelings) and drainage from overvorking. We were madly in love for 4-5 years, but the last 5 years i have worked my ass of building a company (from 8am - 1am for 3 years), she was unemployed for 3 years (on and off) in the 7year period in the time. And she told me that if I will not take time for her for us, that we will grow apart. I convinced myself that i need to work so that we will be able to eat and left myself and threw my feelings in a cage down the drain. Slowly over time she began to get colder and colder loosing respect toward me. And did not have a lot of fights, but mostly the fights were either me pissed of when she did not do something we agreed on or a stupid fight where I saw how much unsrespected i was in her eyes - literally putting me to 0. But I was still the ego maniac and convinced my self all will be ok, that we just move on and we'll have much more time and fun when we are financially stable. She told me several times that once its over its over and that this is important. Well turned out that last year we went on a trip and after the trip we broke up. I was literally running from my shadow being tense and inauthentic. We got back together after 2 months, after i courted, had some great dates, with her not avoiding me, although she was back at her parents house. When we got back together in a matter of 2 days i was back to my old self not caring much for her and taking her for granted. I did not see that she was unhappy. And this made the energy more and more negative in the house. We had only conflicts regarding her not working and what to do. 2 months before the breakup she called from the job urgently to say to me that she thinks i am betraying her. When I explained that my acts were because of the job and the stress (coming home to put on a dress, having more activities, or coming home 5-6p.m.), we we're like an old couple in full love for 2 days again when we talked it over - as if we kind of fell in love again. We went to look for parcel for house etc., but quickly the energy faded in a matter of days and boredom, unhappiness returned to us both. She mentioned that she was crying when she was alone at home and that she was unhappy. I did not support her endeavours or even negated her lust for gemstones, tarot, talks. We did mostly communicate on routine - what to eat and small things..I was numb in feelings going on living the routine. 3,5 m ago she came to me and said that she does not want to be together with me any more and would like to debate and clear what went wrong, saying ending marriage was still indefinite. My reaction was panic and began to debate with her about gemstones and made some stupid remark, she got angry/offensive and i got pissed off and said its over and better to pack her stuff. Went totally numb and went away next day for two days while she moved back home.
1st week she called me once if i had a new girlfriend - and me with my ego smiling and sayin no...After a week she began to flourish and realised that she was a lot happier without me and after we got together to "analyse" what went wrong - 3 weeks after the breakup, it was me who was crying in remorse and apologizing to all the bad feelings i caused her. And she did not sweat a tear and said sorry my tears were all drained before and don't have any more feelings for you. I would of left 2 years ago if i had more self asteem. And that she still wants to be friends with me, because she holds me dear in her heart - but no more feeling of love. When we parted the hug was really cold and friendly - shivers ran down my spine.
After then I was back to a wreck - on a mission to get her back. Did little to no contact, and after a month she left to work for 4 months abroad. And we only heard each other the last day before she went. Me begging if there has a micron of hope in her heart not to give up. After that i did NC, and broke contact after 14days with daily messages of sr i should understand that its over and that i should move on (in our relationship she told me once it's over in her its over - really a woman with strong character and constantly working on herself), then did NC for a month taking a trip to find myself and change myself - gotten to know a lot of women, models, all kinds of girls, a couple of which fell in love with me but I was not able to move an inch in matter of romance or anything - still beeing faithfull to marriage...When i got back i did contact again but with no reply.
After talking to her parents to bring them a gift from the trip, and sending her a message (thought of you how we danced etc) i got a call from her to leave the parents alone and that my messages dont make her happy but sad and to book a date for the divorce when she gets back - that that is her only wish. Me saying I will still fight for you calmly and said, if you will tell me 1000x no i still will fight for you. She said you can send all the planes and romantic gestures and nothing will change a thing - I have no more feelings for you.
I feel/realised that she is really indifferent in her feelings toward me, not angry and am panicking if there is still a way to get my soul mate back...I really need magic. I know I can be alone in life and I am kind of happy like that. But I want her. I thought a lot about all of this (I neglected her feelings, criticised her, did not defend her in public when beeing forced to tell why not children yet, and a lot more), and I wan't her and make her happy 100x more as she was. She is by far the best woman I ever met in my life! I changed a lot and know how how to handle a new relationship. But to warm her heart again, to open her a little to me - here i am lost...
Any really quality help, additional questions from you guys is much appreciated.
Sincerely thankful - lost 1/2 of my soul...
watched tv and had a good time but time flew away and we did not look into each other - things gotten slowly more and more routine. Me not knowing how to deepen the relationship, the trust, the respect...