Getting out of pick up.

[Smith]

Hey guys,

I'm quitting pickup.

I''ve always considered GC as more of a seduction website rather than a PUA website. Thanks to GC, I have no problem meeting new girls now, but sometimes I still feel so lonely even though I'm going on dates with different girls, and it makes me wonder why.
I do feel content about my life right now and where it's going, so I definitely or at least try not to use girls to 'fill the hole' in my heart. I try to meet girls feeling whole.

Yesterday, after getting together with a new girl (https://boards.girlschase.com/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=8737&sid=1ee4b45afe3d45e0f8e87517cfe60365), I learned how important it is to give good sex to get the girl coming back! The girl in the report didn't reply to my text after sex, which kinda hurt my ego, because it probably means I didn't give her good sex. (Her hole was really tight, I couldn't get it in, so I fingered her good)

I knew she was leaving next week, so we both knew this was a casual fling and I was prepared to never see her again. I still kept the whole seduction romantic for both me and her sake. But it daunts on me how empty sex feels when it's a ONS. Sure it feels good in the moment, but after this girl left, it didn't give me the satisfaction I thought it would give me. We have each other's email and fb to stay in touch, but she left hurriedly in the morning after we had sex. I actually felt a little disappointed when she left. Then I reflect on the whole seduction, I felt a little manipulative when I was pulling her home. It was the right move to pull her home, but the place I was coming from was insecurity and control. I was afraid to lose the girl, and that was a needy mindset to have.

The feeling of emptiness also happened when I got my first lay as well. After the girl left, I was like "oh so was that it? How come I don't feel any different?"
Then after yesterday, this feeling happened to me again and only confirmed what I have thought about pickup.

A few months ago, I saw this video from John Cooper on pickup and how it's fundamentally needy, then now I finally understand what he means.

So I went out today and experience with the pure intent of sharing and giving good energy, I don't feel like I'm 'picking up' girls any more, and the girls can feel that too. I don't feel attached to the outcome. I still try to ask girls out, and even if they decline, most of them still say thanks.

Pickup was a good tool for me, but now it's time for me to evolve to something bigger.

 

[Richard]

Smith,

This realization you've come to isn't a sign to quit pick-up, it's a sign to change the way you use it. Like yourself I don't get much satisfaction from one night stands, having fuck buddies, or having friends with benefits. I only get real pleasure and meaningful experience from having a great girlfriend and more often than not the tools and techniques Chase and us other writers talk about help immensely in picking up these women.

I'm guessing that you've ran your game with the intent to get laid instead of getting a girlfriend and now it seems like the optimal time to change that. Seducing a girl with the intent to find out whether she's girlfriend material is a whole lot different than seducing a girl to simply fuck her.

I won't say more than this because it's your decision to make; I just ask that you look at this from a new perspective as well because you're at a point where you're evolving from pick-up into something a lot more natural and wholesome.

-Richard

 

[Mr.Rob]

I think once you get good it becomes less of "pickup" and more so just "how you meet girls".

 

[Eternity]

Don't. Learn relationship game and screen for g.f status instead of DTF status. Your time will feel more meaningful. If you do, you will become rusty and won't evolve to you full potential and end up in square one again. It's up to you though, just my 2 cents.

 

[Smith]

Thanks guys,

Even though I'm getting out of pickup, I'll still be meeting women everywhere I go (call it 'cold approaching' if you like). The reason I want to get out of pickup is that I'm having an internal shift about the way I look at meeting women in general. Like Rob said, over time, it becomes less of 'pick up' and more of just meeting girls.

I realized the other day that I don't need to do 'pick up' to meet women during the day. All I have to do is go up and say 'hi' and use the skills I've learned from GC. It just seems more natural to me and gives me less anxiety if I don't get any results, which is what pickup is mostly about. I have tried this and I actually enjoy 'rejections' when I'm having fun with these girls. It's still a win-win if we both walk away smiling and laughing.

Richard wrote:
I'm guessing that you've ran your game with the intent to get laid instead of getting a girlfriend and now it seems like the optimal time to change that. Seducing a girl with the intent to find out whether she's girlfriend material is a whole lot different than seducing a girl to simply fuck her.

Can you please explain how it's different?
Do you still move fast? because I found that when I move fast, most girls will start to question if I do this with every girl and it really kills the mood because I don't want them to feel like they're just another number, especially the ones that would be good gf material. Then I tell them when I get into a relationship, I'm in it for real, they still have their doubts and poke fun at me for being a player.

Cheers

 

[Eternity]

Are you still going to post here?

 

[Richard]

Can you please explain how it's different?
Do you still move fast? because I found that when I move fast, most girls will start to question if I do this with every girl and it really kills the mood because I don't want them to feel like they're just another number, especially the ones that would be good gf material. Then I tell them when I get into a relationship, I'm in it for real, they still have their doubts and poke fun at me for being a player.

Of course.

The fundamentals techniques are still the same; I move fast, I'm still sexual, I still treat them the same. When I'm looking for a girlfriend however, I weave in qualifiers and get to know her a bit more before fucking her opposed to me just wanting to fuck her where I skip learning a whole lot about her. Hell, I've fucked some girls without even knowing their names because I wasn't looking for a girlfriend at the time.

In the end, you still want to fuck her before you decide to make her a girlfriend. But, the difference is gauging her as a girlfriend before fucking her.

Then, after we fuck, if I determine that she's girlfriend material then I don't bring up a relationship at all. Never ever ever ever tell them a relationship, never voluntarily offer that information to her, just introduce relationship qualities (more often than not she will do that herself). The second you mention a relationship you offer her some control, and you start to put her on a pedestal and she knows it.

I'll give you two side by side examples so you can see the difference.

With my best and most wonderful girlfriend, Celestina, we started off as fuck buddies. But, I gauged her as a girlfriend and asked her questions to see how she stacked up to the qualities I look for in a girlfriend and she passed with flying colors. I still fucked her as if she was only a one-night stand option; in the back of my head I knew that she was a good gf candidate though so I started to introduce some relationship qualities (and she did the same). We'd invite each other over and not fuck, we'd watch movies, etc. and one day (Christmas Eve to be exact) we made it official.

Compare that to my other lays and fuck buddies where I pick them up, we go on a small date, the conversation is mostly sexual and flirtatious, and then we end up at my place, or hers, or some abandoned park.

The context and aim of the seduction changes; with a potential girlfriend, you learn more about her first before fucking (never letting her know that you might make her a girlfriend though), and with a fuck buddy... it's just sex and getting laid without learning personal information.

If you're moving fast and girls are calling you out on it then you're being too explicit somewhere along those lines. Most girls don't even logically realize what's going on because that part of the brain is not fully engaged unless you aid in engaging it. (For more info, check here) I've never had a girl call me out on moving fast and I've only dealt with slight drama that comes after sex where girls then have time away from the emotional roller coaster to reflect on what happened and then I handle that stress.

Then, the second you mention a relationship to a girl, you give her power because you're letting her know that you're thinking of a long term commitment instead of it just being sex and fun.

Make sense?

-Richard

 

[Smith]

Thanks Richard,

It makes sense to me now. =)

Never ever ever ever tell them a relationship, never voluntarily offer that information to her, just introduce relationship qualities (more often than not she will do that herself). The second you mention a relationship you offer her some control, and you start to put her on a pedestal and she knows it.

Made that mistake before. never gonna do it again lol

If you're moving fast and girls are calling you out on it then you're being too explicit somewhere along those lines. Most girls don't even logically realize what's going on because that part of the brain is not fully engaged unless you aid in engaging it.

You're right. I think I had been a little too explicit at times when I tell girls I like to meet new people wherever I go. It's subtle, but I think they can put 1 and 1 together. Thanks for pointing this out.

Cheers

- Smith