Getting Past LMR

[Richard]

Hey gentleman,

It's been a little while guys, hope everyone is doing well.

Lately, more and more of my friends have been coming to me for advice with women, and most of my friends (including CollegeSophomore) have been having problems with LMR. In my times before having my girlfriend, I didn't deal extensively with LMR, and hears why.

One of the most common responses you'll get from a girl when you try to escalate is "I think we should wait until we know each other more..." or something to that affect. So, I'm going to give you guys a way to get past this.

Common responses to "I think we should wait until we now each other more..." from guys include:
-Admitting she's right and giving up.
-Superficially, and logically explaining that you do know her.
-Ignoring it and moving forward anyway.

But none of these actually work, so what do you do? YOU PREPARE AHEAD OF TIME!

Sadly enough, I've met quite a few guys who feel like it's their job to keep a conversation interesting, and keep things flowing by forcing and they focus on what to say next instead of focusing on what a girl says. When you actually listen to a girl speak you've just picked up ammo to use later if she has last minute jitters and gives you a bit of LMR. But what's the ammo?

The ammo consists of everything she's said to you.

When you're escalating with a girl it's usually highly emotional for her for one reason or another, and her emotional focus dictates her thoughts as well. She's thinking back to everything that lead up to the escalation and determining what kind of man you are and if it would be sound to sleep with you or not. When you're not listening to her, when you're not focused on what she's been saying, you're losing the battle, and that's when she says "I think we should wait..."

She doesn't want to sleep with you because she feels like you don't understand her, and she feels like you just don't "get" her - if you were listening to her you can prove her wrong.

To blow past this LMR, recount her with the meaningful things she's said while relating to them. Remind her of the connection the two of you actually have and she'll feel like the two of you know each other perfectly. I've used this myself with a few girls (without even thinking about it...).

Let's take a look at a real life example:
Her: "I don't know Richard, I like you I really do, but I'm not sure if this is what we should do... I want us to get to know each other better before we do this."
Me: "So you feel like waiting because you think I don't know you well enough yet?" <-- Get her to agree to a re-frame
Her: "Yes."
Me: "Well, that's where you're wrong, because I know more about you than you know. Like how you want to become a nurse to provide for your family which I thought was admirable because... and so on and so forth."

I rebuilt the connection because I actually paid attention while we talked over the course of a week or so and it pays to pay attention. So prepare to handle LMR by listening to women as they speak, it just might turn your night around

-Richard

 

[PrettyDecent]

Rich, hey, welcome back!

This post came up in the nick of time; I was having some night-ending LMR just a couple days ago. I have another date tonight, and if I'm getting LMR, I'll be using this.

The girl I was with the other night said something of a corollary: "I'm sorry...I just don't have sex the first time I meet somebody". As you're naturally much higher empathy than myself, maybe you could shed some light on this. Is the LMR she said and the one in your example of the same root-cause (i.e. she needs a connection to be rekindled prior to sex)? Or are there forces at play here?

Anyway, cool post

~Nick

 

[Pato]

Hey Richard, great to see you back on the boards! I really like using the deep-diving and the conversation we've had with the girl as a tool to beating LMR. It's like deep-diving has more "hidden" benefits and uses than one would think. It's good to know that I can use this in the future.

Like Nick said, I'm also curious to how to deal with girls who say that they won't have sex, give a bj, etc. on the first meet, date, or hook-up. And I also feel like younger girls in high school (even if I have known them well and/or known them for awhile) will be much less open to having sex so quickly, for whatever reasons they might have. How would you go about dealing with resistance from these younger girls? Anyways, thanks for the awesome post!

-Pato

 

[Richard]

Alright fellas,

When a girl says something along the lines of "I don't have sex on the first meet..." or anything to that effect - you've got a couple things going on.

1. You're making the sex too "known," and/or setting inconsistent expectations early on - When a girl says I'm not having sex with you on the first meet/date she's consciously processed the act, and she'll only do that if you've been a bit too explicit about it, or you've been explicit without using the proper sexy tone. The same thing with inconsistent expectations - you're leading her to believe or disbelieve a couple things, in this case (is he interested in sex, or not?). One of the reasons we set expectations is that it works as a screening tool because if you set the expectation of having sex on the first date properly and she shows up or agrees to the first date, she's going in knowing sex is going to happen.

2. You're trying to escalate at a low point - As my buddy Light says "strike while the iron is hot!" I know a couple guys who wine and dine their women, bring them home after getting their date all riled up and horny.... then..... waiting... tooooo... long.... to.... escalate.... Escalation should take place before the girl has time to cool down and think about her actions, when she's thinking about sex, it's time for you to take immediate action. On the date, if she's responding well to your sex frames, or sexual tension then you can definitely fuck her that night so long as you don't wait...

3. Believe it or not, you may have played your cards well, but not right.... you might be in the boyfriend category now. She could be thinking that if she sleeps with you on date 1, there won't be a date 2, and there won't be a boyfriend/girlfriend possibility anymore so she's going to withhold that sex from you until you're committed to her!

My personal remedy is to get sexual as quick as you can, and as fast as you're comfortable with. I simply don't even think twice about women who disregard my sexual frames (after a persistent two or three frames) and I do my damnedest to set sexual expectations early on.

After a little digging, I also found this article which gives a bit more information than I've posted: LMR by Chase

To Pato,

I don't generally do younger girls (I'm 19 and prefer older women, and my gf now is 22) for a few reasons.... high school PU is an entirely different world than regular PU because you have to factor in social variables, hormone variables, and girls in high school can be more concerned with college applications/ future plans than any immediate present-tense sexual fling.

High school does offer some benefits though because girls who party and girls who aren't focused intensely on their future lives are definitely living in the present and are very open to sex. Looking back on my senior year of high school, I realize that I could have slept with at least 4 different girls before graduation.

If I were you I'd first answer these questions:

-What kind of high school girls am I going after?
-What is it that I actually want from high school girls? If you only want sex, then you don't have to go after the girls focused on their college applications

Hope this helps gentleman,

-Richard =P

 

[Whizzy]

Hey Rich,

Another possibility is to have a quick "feeler date" such as coffee or something and end that relatively quickly. Therefore when she ends up at your place date #1 has already taken place, and if you paid attention during that time and a few exchanges in between (minimal texts) she can normally tell and puts up less LMR

 

[Richard]

Also very true Whizzy

Ordinarily guys don't have to deal with much LMR so long as they are actually listening, but even so, you'll run across girls who perceive the guy to be "just talking," and will still offer LMR. So even if you pay attention, she might not see it that way.

This post is simply made so guys can combat that.

But yes, you are indeed correct =P