Getting physical with a "jumpy" girl

[4AllEternity]

Hey, I have a "date" coming up with a girl I've been friends with on and off for a while (don't worry, I'm not emotionally invested; it's been a long time since we've had contact, she recently texted me out of the blue asking to hang out, and that she missed me). Based on the couple of conversations we've had over the past week I'm getting a vibe that she's sort of exploring the idea of dating me, but it's still just implied. The reason why I'm not surprised by this indirect kind of behavior is that she's the type of girl who tends to be nervous, overthinks things, and is very jumpy when it comes to commitment. She doesn't have much confidence in dating related things, and tends to shell up when a man approaches her directly. I'm sure you get the picture.

Anyways, so I'm sensing that I may have an in, which I would be interested to explore because we did get along very well when we used to hang out a year or so back. Anyways, so I have a few questions relating to the best approaches for a nervous girl who has a tendency to feel threatened easily.

Guys who have experience with nervous, "constantly mind-changing" girls, which style of approach worked best for you? Being strong and direct on one hand shows confidence, which tends to be infectious and can help raise her confidence, however I imagine it could potentially also do the opposite and push her into pulling away. Being more laidback and giving her some more control over the progression is safer, but also may completely fizzle if her lack of confidence causes her to not push by herself.

More specifically, what are some potential "maneuvers" I can use to escalate physically? With less confident girls have you had more success being direct, ala gently pulling her closer to you while sitting on the couch, or more laidback, ala inviting her to come closer? I realize there's no magic solution, I'm just curious to hear what's been the most successful for some guys.

I've got a good handle of the basics, GirlsChase has been a fantastic resource. I've had success applying it, however thus far I've mostly just interacted with confident girls who had what they wanted already in mind. I'm a bit shaky on the timid girl front.

And just to clarify, I'm not at all held up by the "friend" part of things. We've been apart so long, we don't really have a friendship to preserve. I'm a pretty confident guy so if things get awkward because of a miscommunication, I'll just laugh it off and recover the rest of the night, and then probably won't bother further pursuing that avenue in the future.

 

[Drck]

Girls that are interested in you will usually mirror you. They will mirror your emotions, which means you should focus on being emotionally calm, relaxed, cool, confident.... This way she can relax around you, everything is cool, talking is cool, sex is cool, inexperience is cool. No big deal, there is no judgement...

Her frame is simply high anxiety, and your frame is relaxation. You can perhaps even move into a meditative state, but I wouldn't over do it. Basically her anxiety is say 100, so you cool off to 80 (actually you increase your own anxiety little bit so she can find similarity with you, you are mirroring her first up to some point) and kind of wait till she cools off. She goes to 80, but now you are 60. She goes to 60, you go to 40.

Good enough, no need to go lower, some anxiety is good. It's half of what it was before, that's manageable. You don't want to go from 100 to 40 right away, she will not follow your frame.

She is anxious and mind changing... Therefore your frame is stability, coolness, relaxation... She's got to fall to your frame. But be careful, you don't want to make her too comfortable. Once she's too comfortable she may lose an interest in you, because now you appear as too much of a friend. She can relax around friend knowing that he will not do anything, there is no sexual tension... You don't want that, you want her to be little bit anxious about what will happen next.

Similarly with physical escalation. Start slowly, keep increasing, then pull back. Start again, move forward, when she gets too nervous pull back.... Cool, relaxed, and persistently moving forward frame...