This is a thing I keep experience both in business and dating. I get experiences where things they have done really frustrate me and therefore I want to cut it off. When taking the discussion would you bring up the issues or just leave the frustrations behind, and just get going?
Getting your frustrations out or just cutting it?
- Thread starter Toby2030
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Depends. Are the frustrations violations of your principles, or just incidental things that annoy you?
With women, I prefer to bring things up. Because I like to take every opportunity to reinforce my frame inside her mind, and women's 'defenses' against the right combination of honest words and emotions is usually very weak, especially in combination with sexual domination.
Guys are a bit different, I think it's better to do more silent evaluation and judgement of character. If he is unaware of the fact that it annoys me, I might bring it up very casually, but if he can tell it annoys me and does it anyway, I will reevaluate the relationship - how it came to this point, if I am operating with an effective attitude, if it's likely to get worse etc. Sometimes you have to accept a working relationship with someone who doesn't operate the same way you do, as long as any problems can be contained and do not spread.
In the end, if I really don't like something, I usually bring it up with everyone in some form or another, unless I have good reason to suspect someone of being simply malicious. Because I have made the mistake in the past of taking things too much at face value and reading too much into them, and finding out later that the other person's perspective was quite different from mine and perhaps had some validity. I like to always give people a chance to express themselves directly, unless doing so is likely to cause me a lot of further trouble.
With women, I prefer to bring things up. Because I like to take every opportunity to reinforce my frame inside her mind, and women's 'defenses' against the right combination of honest words and emotions is usually very weak, especially in combination with sexual domination.
Guys are a bit different, I think it's better to do more silent evaluation and judgement of character. If he is unaware of the fact that it annoys me, I might bring it up very casually, but if he can tell it annoys me and does it anyway, I will reevaluate the relationship - how it came to this point, if I am operating with an effective attitude, if it's likely to get worse etc. Sometimes you have to accept a working relationship with someone who doesn't operate the same way you do, as long as any problems can be contained and do not spread.
In the end, if I really don't like something, I usually bring it up with everyone in some form or another, unless I have good reason to suspect someone of being simply malicious. Because I have made the mistake in the past of taking things too much at face value and reading too much into them, and finding out later that the other person's perspective was quite different from mine and perhaps had some validity. I like to always give people a chance to express themselves directly, unless doing so is likely to cause me a lot of further trouble.
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you need to be able to have boundaries and be able to be a bit polirizing... of course with calibration, i totally believe it will help you with biz, relationships, and will allow people to open themselves more to you, couple of books on the subject are: "crucial conversations", models, no more mr. nice guy... Of course with calibration, this works...
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Business demands assertiveness DML, there is no easy way around it except for taking consecutive small losses.. You have to train yourself to tackle these things head on. It is annoying and takes up mental reserves, but it has to be done although choosing your moments is important as well. It is best to show assertiveness with real dealbreakers.. this will have a trickle down effect unto other aspects of your relationship because the other side learns to respect your wishes and thus does less detrimental stuff.
With women I too struggle with this. Some girls are very intuitive and understand your mimicry and act accordingly, but some of them are dumb as brick or just unexperienced and need to have things spelled out. Ofcourse a lot of women LOVE ambigituity because it gives them plausible deniablility and room to maneuvre, which in some situations is no big deal, but in other situations can let them get away with small jabs on your boundaries. On such situations (if the social situation allows it), it can be better to spell things out.. otherwise ignore them to get them compliant/submissive again.
With women I too struggle with this. Some girls are very intuitive and understand your mimicry and act accordingly, but some of them are dumb as brick or just unexperienced and need to have things spelled out. Ofcourse a lot of women LOVE ambigituity because it gives them plausible deniablility and room to maneuvre, which in some situations is no big deal, but in other situations can let them get away with small jabs on your boundaries. On such situations (if the social situation allows it), it can be better to spell things out.. otherwise ignore them to get them compliant/submissive again.
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First of all, sorry about the late reply. It have been a very business week.
I work really hard myself and set very high standards for people around me. Normally I tell people what's on my mind but I experience that a lot of people can't take critique even though it isn't always directed directly towards them but even when it's based on something that they have made/done. Assertiveness isn't really a problem here as such, it's mostly the calibration between when to bring up your frustrations and when to ghost and dump that I have a lot of trouble with atm. I state my standards and opinion to girls once or twice, and if they keep breaking it I ghost and dump. Whereas, in business my go to have mostly been always bringing it up. Calibration probably is the answer here and this was probably a post I wrote a bit in frustrations over one of my business partners. I probably shouldn't have posted it. Nevertheless, thanks for your time guys! It gave me room for thoughts.
I work really hard myself and set very high standards for people around me. Normally I tell people what's on my mind but I experience that a lot of people can't take critique even though it isn't always directed directly towards them but even when it's based on something that they have made/done. Assertiveness isn't really a problem here as such, it's mostly the calibration between when to bring up your frustrations and when to ghost and dump that I have a lot of trouble with atm. I state my standards and opinion to girls once or twice, and if they keep breaking it I ghost and dump. Whereas, in business my go to have mostly been always bringing it up. Calibration probably is the answer here and this was probably a post I wrote a bit in frustrations over one of my business partners. I probably shouldn't have posted it. Nevertheless, thanks for your time guys! It gave me room for thoughts.