Gf and I are back together after her cheating. Any advice?

[DakenMarquis]

Hey guys, girl I was dating for the past few years just cheated after she went out with some family/friends for a dance night. She met a guy there and they hooked up within a day or so of meeting. She hid it and mentioned it either covertly/subconsciously and I had observed her odd behavior change that week. After I found out(her phone, which was always open to me, she reacted weirdly, and lo and behold she had done the deed).

She never mentioned during their interaction she was seeing someone. She felt remorse after we fought and sent me the text interactions and doesn't know why she went thru with it). I took her to the local clinic after we fought and had hurt each other. The hospital reported her side and I was questioned and arrested for DV, which was an overreaction in my state. No charges were filed, and i was released and the incident has likely been stricken from my record(No history of such things before).

A few details: she had deleted all contact info to him, apologized and made things up before we had another argument after I bailed from the holding. No fighting since but it was bad for that week or so. Things are calmer, patched up now but this whole situation has mee reeling. I'm an avid game and seduction reader/self-development enthusiast, but I never expected to behave this way or be in this predicament. Any advice?

Sincerely,
-Shook up, exhausted, feeling lost and somewhat ashamed

 

[Conquistador]

First of all…what has she done to deserve you taking her back? Zero tolerance for cheating is usually the best policy (I’m not remotely an RPer or anything, feel free to read my stuff).

If you’ve been dating for a few years already, I can understand wanting to try to save the relationship. If you want to do that, you’re going to have to sit down with her and have some honest conversations about how to make sure this never, ever, has the slightest chance of happening ever again.

It sounds from your description of the aftermath, though, that it’s too late. Do damage control on yourself, not the relationship.

Above all, understand this: healthy girls in healthy, committed relationships almost never cheat. Something had been going wrong for a while already. Probably multiple things.

You didn’t deserve this. No one does. But if I were you, I’d learn as much as I can from this experience. After all, that’s how life works. Good luck

 

[Will_V]

Hey guys, girl I was dating for the past few years just cheated after she went out with some family/friends for a dance night. She met a guy there and they hooked up within a day or so of meeting. She hid it and mentioned it either covertly/subconsciously and I had observed her odd behavior change that week. After I found out(her phone, which was always open to me, she reacted weirdly, and lo and behold she had done the deed).

She never mentioned during their interaction she was seeing someone. She felt remorse after we fought and sent me the text interactions and doesn't know why she went thru with it). I took her to the local clinic after we fought and had hurt each other. The hospital reported her side and I was questioned and arrested for DV, which was an overreaction in my state. No charges were filed, and i was released and the incident has likely been stricken from my record(No history of such things before).

A few details: she had deleted all contact info to him, apologized and made things up before we had another argument after I bailed from the holding. No fighting since but it was bad for that week or so. Things are calmer, patched up now but this whole situation has mee reeling. I'm an avid game and seduction reader/self-development enthusiast, but I never expected to behave this way or be in this predicament. Any advice?

Sincerely,
-Shook up, exhausted, feeling lost and somewhat ashamed

Sounds like a pretty crappy situation to end up in. I suggest at this point, since you've already taken some time to bring yourself into a better state of mind, to first determine where your absolute boundaries are when it comes to ending a relationship for good, regardless of any mistakes you might have made yourself. In these situations it's easy to think that because you both made mistakes it all evens out and things might be possible to fix, but the reality is that you have to evaluate her behavior regardless of anything that happened afterward, and judge yourself separately.

 

[DarkKnight]

I am assuming this was not an open relationship

Cheating = end. She has humiliated you by straying and none of you will forget this incident. Kick her to the curb and replace her. Staying in such a relationship will always feel fucked up to you and you will feel less like a man. That is why you are starting this post. She also has brought bullshit trouble on you due to HER straying.

This is one of the few moments there is no nuance. Protect your interests as much as possible and at the right moment kick her out. Some guys cock has gone in and out of her while she was happily clinging to him. Do you understand this betrayal?

Kick her out and show zero mercy and remorse and none of that oh baby I love you emotional bullshit. You have been betrayed. Replace her with someone better.

Also don't start reflecting this on your self esteem. This is on her, not you. But staying with her despite the infidelity is reflection you.

Emotionally disassociate and then kick her out. There is no other option.

 

[Ambiance]

Cheating is intolerable. So is physical violence. I know this sucks, but you NEED to end things immediately with this girl, and when you are ready figure out what led to her cheating lest you let it happen again with future girls.

Some or all of these points will greatly help you going forward should you adhere to them:
- screen women for relationships better (https://www.girlschase.com/content/why-i-quit-dating-girls-who-club-party-or-drink , https://www.girlschase.com/content/21-signs-shes-psycho-you-should-ghost-bar)
- forbid girlfriends from going out without you amongst other things (https://www.girlschase.com/article/10-things-forbid-your-committed-gf-or-wife-doing), and/or
- learn when it is time to break up with a girl, as some girls who feel trapped in a substandard relationship will cheat to force a man's hand, whether it be to secure more commitment or get him to let her go (https://www.girlschase.com/content/knowing-when-break-girl)

Finally, men who strike their women are pathetic and just asking to be made an example of by the state in this day and age. There is no changing the past, and I can certainly understand why you reacted as you did, but for your own sake resolve to never do that again. Far more powerful to be able to walk away and go replace a bitch who has wronged you. Women will pick up on this outcome independence too, and adjust how they treat you accordingly.

This is a real shit thing you've gone through, but you can prevent it from ever happening again and go enjoy truly great future relationships, so try not to let it get you too down. Best wishes mate.

 

[James D]

Can You Approach 4 Girls Per Day for 30 Days?

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www.girlschase.com

 

[mist]

do this

 

[DarkKnight]

@mist I loved Michael Corleone subtle anger during the movie. This is such a masterpiece.

 

[Ambiance]

do this

One of the best movies ever made.

While typing my reply to OP, I was wondering if there ever is a valid time to strike a woman who isn't currently threatening you and I actually thought of this movie. I honestly have no idea of the proper way to handle such a fucked up situation as that!

 

[POB]

She broke the trust.
There's no going back from that.
End it, own the pain and move on.

 

[Regal Tiger]

If you take her back you only prove to her that she can get away with anything, including the ultimate disrespect. It's just going to happen again

 

[DakenMarquis]

I'm processing the responses here and will see how things develop. I thank you for the suggestions and humor so far.

 

[OldGuy]

The day or two later is important. That means she thought about it before doing it, not just spur of the moment.

 

[Rakehell]

Horrible, horrible, horrible thing to go through @D. Marquis glad you were able to make it out relatively clean, no charges pressed and so on.

I’ve never been in that kind of situation, so can’t imagine what that’s like. And i’m not quite sure of your reasoning for staying. The most logical question I think you could ask yourself now is are you comfortable with the current precedent and whether or not you’re able to handle what comes of it.

In your shoes I’d be trying to get out as cleanly as the circumstances would allow. At this point she’s cheated, there’s no getting past that, emotionally that was a big thing for you. So not only do you both have to live with that and try to sustain whats left of the relationship.

But you also both have to live with the fact that you reacted violently, both are things not easily forgotten.

It might be calm waters now but I can imagine if any rocky waters are to be had in the future, it will come back up again, and again, and again.

That kind of bitterness and betrayal never really goes away completely. Any future problem will be like picking scabs. If whatever bond you’ve built up to this point is worth the inevitable headache in the future, then I won’t judge you for trying to make it work.

But I can’t foresee any future where it won’t be damn hard to make it work if i'm being completely honest with you.

Seems dangerous almost, all things considered.

My 2 cents is get out and let by gones be by gones. Terrible thing either way

 

[mist]

While typing my reply to OP, I was wondering if there ever is a valid time to strike a woman who isn't currently threatening you and I actually thought of this movie. I honestly have no idea of the proper way to handle such a fucked up situation as that!

Sean Connery has an answer for you (peep the hosts reaction lmao)

"Might get some females" legendary

On a serious note just stick to the safest position. If you are unable to flee then do what you gotta do.

Legally you're fucked, if this is interracial...you're ultra fucked, and socially most the time you are fucked unless famous even then (Steve Austen beating his wife vs Chris Brown getting in a fight with Rihanna).

Discussion around laying your hands on a woman in any other context than self defense and even then in western society is not only taboo but reputationally nuclear.

There are some things on this forum that just cannot be discussed like say 4chan or with a group of trusted men offline.

Call your sister or a female friend to fight if it really must happen lmao...but admittedly you are probably in pretty trashy, low value, even potentially dangerous company like Sean states if it comes to that.

Like Sean says “Well then you’re getting into a different area.”

me personally, when it gets "Well then you’re getting into a different area.” bad

Leave

I say this as a man who got smacked by a chick I was in a situationship with publicly. Messy shit doubly so because interracial.

Been there as soon as she did that it was done.

I won't a expand either, as I said these subjects are touchy and I've learned long ago people sorta decide before you begin talking to give or deny you grace.

Fuck that frame.

Similarly to that

Op you have decided whether you will stay or not. Indecision is a decision.

So with that there isn't much else to say.

Sorta reminds me of that friend we've all had at some point or maybe we are the person in a horrible relationship everyone knows is bad news.

But guess what

They choose that relationship.

Birds of a flock flock together.

Wishing you well with the decision you make. Especially heart goes out to your kids if you choose to or get swindled into her getting pregnant

no need to feel shame though...I felt it too after things got physical.

Take power in the fact the choice is yours what possibilities you will allow into your reality going forward.

I mean shit

that Sean Connery frame could be yours.

Imagine how different life would be if you tapped into your masculine frame