A
Anonymous
Guest
Hey guys! I've been lurking around the site now for a couple of years and first off I gotta say I'm impressed at how much its grown and developed! I apologize in advance and Ill try to keep this as short as possible, I think I almost just need to write all this down. I've decided to actually post today because my GF of 3 months broke up with me two days ago. She said we were getting too serious, and since she wants to move out of this city to finish her school sometime, she would rather end it now than get even more serious and have to break up later.
3 months is not a very long time, I do realize this. We started out casual and that was the plan all along, but things went really well. Hanging out was always fun no matter what we were doing and the sex was great. All throughout the relationship we were both extremely open and honest about things, surprisingly so. During the past few weeks I realized I was starting to get more attached to her, and I could tell she was feeling the same (if not to the same degree maybe, that im not sure of).
We made plans to do some M for her and a friends birthday and go out and have a a fun night. Ive done it once before with her but that was about it. She gave me powder this time, and told me to take a key scoop of it, but I was super drunk by this point and had no idea how much I was really supposed to take. Turns out I took alot. It was about $60 worth by myself and I tripped the fuck out. Apparently I was just useless, but I have memory of this. She took me home and we rode it out at my place. The next day was a recovery day for both of us, we had a lazy day watched movies and talked in bed pretty much all day. At some point in our many conversations I casually mentioned that I wouldn't mind if we were exclusive. I dont think she was ready for that, in my mind it wouldn't change anything really between us but I think she thought it was a big deal and she said she wasn't ready for the commitment. We carried on through the afternoon and evening like before, had sex and went to sleep. The morning came and everything was normal, I went to work and dropped her off on the way. The next two days I felt extremely sad and depressed and I knew it was the MDMA.
I texted her on the second day, but she never replied until very late. On the third day she said she wanted to see me, but could only stay for a little bit. At this point I had a feeling something was off so I tried to act distant. She ended up coming over in the evening and we talked, I tried to downplay going steady, tried to push her away even because I knew I had scared her. She told me she couldn't see this relationship working long term because she wants to live in a different city at some point during school. She said she was scared to get any more attached to me because it would make breaking up later even more difficult. I tend to believe her as she was getting very emotional at this point. I didnt tell her how I truly felt, I just said that nothing is set in stone yet, neither of us know whats coming and it seems silly to quit before we even begin. She hugged me hard for a minute started crying and walked off. I turned went up to my apartment door and went inside. I held it together for a few minutes, then lost it and ran outside but she was gone.
Honestly ive never felt this way about anyone before in my life, and im not handling it so well. Whats worse is that I could tell without a doubt that she was feeling a connection as well. I feel like i played the breakup part right, downplaying everything and keeping calm, but I regret not telling her how I really feel. And I couldnt help but write this:
[Name] I was extremely sad tuesday and wednesday, and I am positive it was the M, I really hope you didnt make any decisions when you were feeling this way. I doubt I will message you again but I cant stop myself from sending this one. I tried to act nonchalant, cold almost, because I was scared of pushing you even further away. The truth is I actually care about you. This would be monumentally easier if I thought you didnt care about me too. When I reached the elevator last night I couldnt help it anymore, I turned and ran out to talk to you one last time, to tell you you're the first girl I actually feel for, to tell you things change enormously in a year. And yes ill probably be here for two years but I could leave tomorrow for westjet or stay for 6 years. Should you move away after a year that would be devastating, but maybe we would find a way to work it out, maybe we wont even last that long but you miss 100% of the shots you don't take, and it tears me up knowing we are still sitting on the bench. I think you are scared of what might happen but why aren't you scared of what might not happen? It felt as though we had a connection, just the start, but It seemed to be the inception of something beautiful. I wanted you to understand me better and I wanted to understand you. But I cant understand why you would throw us away without even trying. I don't need a reply to this I just need you to read it. Goodbye.
I am waiting at least a week to send it, but I am not sure I should even pull the trigger at all. I know spilling my guts makes me sound weak and pathetic and I know that's the worst way to handle it, however I just have this irresistible feeling to share in the hopes she resonates with it and we try things out. I have read both the articles on this site regarding ex's but felt neither of them clicked. Surely I am not the only one who has had something like this happen.
3 months is not a very long time, I do realize this. We started out casual and that was the plan all along, but things went really well. Hanging out was always fun no matter what we were doing and the sex was great. All throughout the relationship we were both extremely open and honest about things, surprisingly so. During the past few weeks I realized I was starting to get more attached to her, and I could tell she was feeling the same (if not to the same degree maybe, that im not sure of).
We made plans to do some M for her and a friends birthday and go out and have a a fun night. Ive done it once before with her but that was about it. She gave me powder this time, and told me to take a key scoop of it, but I was super drunk by this point and had no idea how much I was really supposed to take. Turns out I took alot. It was about $60 worth by myself and I tripped the fuck out. Apparently I was just useless, but I have memory of this. She took me home and we rode it out at my place. The next day was a recovery day for both of us, we had a lazy day watched movies and talked in bed pretty much all day. At some point in our many conversations I casually mentioned that I wouldn't mind if we were exclusive. I dont think she was ready for that, in my mind it wouldn't change anything really between us but I think she thought it was a big deal and she said she wasn't ready for the commitment. We carried on through the afternoon and evening like before, had sex and went to sleep. The morning came and everything was normal, I went to work and dropped her off on the way. The next two days I felt extremely sad and depressed and I knew it was the MDMA.
I texted her on the second day, but she never replied until very late. On the third day she said she wanted to see me, but could only stay for a little bit. At this point I had a feeling something was off so I tried to act distant. She ended up coming over in the evening and we talked, I tried to downplay going steady, tried to push her away even because I knew I had scared her. She told me she couldn't see this relationship working long term because she wants to live in a different city at some point during school. She said she was scared to get any more attached to me because it would make breaking up later even more difficult. I tend to believe her as she was getting very emotional at this point. I didnt tell her how I truly felt, I just said that nothing is set in stone yet, neither of us know whats coming and it seems silly to quit before we even begin. She hugged me hard for a minute started crying and walked off. I turned went up to my apartment door and went inside. I held it together for a few minutes, then lost it and ran outside but she was gone.
Honestly ive never felt this way about anyone before in my life, and im not handling it so well. Whats worse is that I could tell without a doubt that she was feeling a connection as well. I feel like i played the breakup part right, downplaying everything and keeping calm, but I regret not telling her how I really feel. And I couldnt help but write this:
[Name] I was extremely sad tuesday and wednesday, and I am positive it was the M, I really hope you didnt make any decisions when you were feeling this way. I doubt I will message you again but I cant stop myself from sending this one. I tried to act nonchalant, cold almost, because I was scared of pushing you even further away. The truth is I actually care about you. This would be monumentally easier if I thought you didnt care about me too. When I reached the elevator last night I couldnt help it anymore, I turned and ran out to talk to you one last time, to tell you you're the first girl I actually feel for, to tell you things change enormously in a year. And yes ill probably be here for two years but I could leave tomorrow for westjet or stay for 6 years. Should you move away after a year that would be devastating, but maybe we would find a way to work it out, maybe we wont even last that long but you miss 100% of the shots you don't take, and it tears me up knowing we are still sitting on the bench. I think you are scared of what might happen but why aren't you scared of what might not happen? It felt as though we had a connection, just the start, but It seemed to be the inception of something beautiful. I wanted you to understand me better and I wanted to understand you. But I cant understand why you would throw us away without even trying. I don't need a reply to this I just need you to read it. Goodbye.
I am waiting at least a week to send it, but I am not sure I should even pull the trigger at all. I know spilling my guts makes me sound weak and pathetic and I know that's the worst way to handle it, however I just have this irresistible feeling to share in the hopes she resonates with it and we try things out. I have read both the articles on this site regarding ex's but felt neither of them clicked. Surely I am not the only one who has had something like this happen.
