Girl acting aloof and distant all of a sudden

[Youngberg]

Hey guys,

What do you guys do when a girl who previously showered you with all kinds of gifts and texted you constantly starts to pull back in the relationship a bit? Like she gradually stops confiding in you, stops the gift-giving, stops texting you like crazy, starts seeing you a little less. This is a 1.5 yr relationship.

Here's what I've done to try and remedy this:

1. Since I thought maybe she felt unappreciated or something just in general, I made sure to tell her maybe once a week how much I appreciate her and all the things she does for me.
2. Also thought that maybe my aloofness (sometimes I'd take nearly all day to respond to a msg) could have caused this, so I tried to remedy this by not taking quite so long to respond to her.
3. I thought it could be some kind of outside influence like work or social life. She used to tell me everything that was going on in her social life and at work, but she does not confide in me like this anymore. I have asked her if everything's ok with work and life in general, and she says yes it's all fine.
4. She had told me like 3 weeks ago that "it seems as we haven't been talking as much lately", and I'd just told her that we were probably just both very busy. Perhaps she didn't like my taking light of what she said. So, I decided to address this issue a couple of times with her directly, where I'd say the same thing and tell her I miss when we used to talk all the time. I sort of got an "awww I'm sorry baby", which is like a complete non-answer. I did not pry any further than this on the issue so that I would not seem needy.

So, I've made some changes to dial back my own aloofness (in case lack of attention/attentiveness was a problem) and I've also probed to see if there's any life issues or other things that she isn't telling me about for some reason. I've also addressed it directly and gotten a virtual non-answer.

What is the advice here? I feel like I've done all that I can do from my end. I think it is time to just stop worrying about it (because I apparently can not fix it) and just let things run it's course. Do you guys agree that I have done my fair share in trying to solve the problem? Or have I not adequately put in enough effort to figure out what's the deal?

She still texts me "I miss you" and things like that, and we still have great sex, so maybe its just that she's simply settling in to the relationship and I need not to worry so much?

-Youngberg

 

[NarrowJ]

For the next week, text her no more than once a day. Here's a good example of how your text should look:

"Hey babe, How's your day? Man, Bill has been pegging me at work a lot. Good fun though. That dude's a goofball. Love ya. - Ted"


So, the format is this: Greeting + question + new information about life (positive only) + signature

Make sure the "new information" piece is actually something interesting. No boring crap about playing video games and what not. Always ask a simple question after her name, but make it one that she doesn't need to answer if she doesn't want to. Here's some samples:

- How's your morning/afternoon/day been?
- Busy today?
- Hard at work?
- How's school going?


Pretty easy stuff, right? The new information piece needs to be positive and something that's actually going to interest her. Examples would look like:

- Went to Chase's party yesterday. I am so hung over. What a crazy night!
- Damnit! Rob is a maniac. Never going to Starbucks with him again haha.
- Hear about Mandy? Jeff had to call a press conference. Cramping her style, yo. Oh yeah, and Johnny Football's a homo!
- What's with the guy at the ice deli on Prather Street? He's crazy, but in a I like Jesus way. Had like a 2 minute chat with him today. Interesting lol...


What you're doing here is just trying to rebuild rapport. You basically want to keep a minimum connection with your girlfriend when she is out of it. Remember, you're not the fucking center of her world- just a part of it. My new girlfriend went through a really busy and stressful phase recently and I found this tactic, started using it, and then a week or so later when things calmed down she said it really brought her through (she wanted to contact me, but she was too stressed and felt like she was bringing me down - she's trying to get classes lined up still and her job is not going well right now). This turned out to be a powerful strategy, and women are just this way sometimes. If your girl is socially aware just by nature she'll tend to just get a little distant from you when they're feeling down and life gets heavy. They just do it so they're not acting all needy and scaring you off with drama queen texts and such. Also, doing this, if she does bring some drama and you don't text her for one day, she'll freak the fuck out. I'm not really suggesting you do that, though. You should probably just see her through it and wait for the ebb to flow, if you catch my drift

Anyway, do this. Just one per day and no follow up text unless she's pining to have a conversation with you. Let it gradually turn around and get things back to where they were before. This thing worked for me, so hopefully you'll get some results here. Although, this post has been sitting here for a while so hopefully my reply is useful to you still. If you've texted her any weird needy crap then you need to cut that out ASAP.

None of this is needy. You're just sending her a daily text because that's what you do.

Remember that as a man, you don't get to complain and whine and shit. We can set boundaries, but there's no puss-ass crying and flailing of the arms allowed. That's for little kids.

So, if you want to ask her what the issue is that is fine, but she'll probably just give you some non-answer like "I'm just so busy!". So, just remember- NONE of this:

"Honey, you are not contacting me. It makes me feel so sad. I feel like you don't love me anymore!"

You want this instead:

"Fine. Just let me know what's up on the daily, ok. You're my girl I need that from you."



Hope all works out!
J.J.

 

[Saintjah]

IMO girl distant and aloof = another guy. Women don't have to play hard to get, simply owning a vagina is enough for them to get what they want from men. We have to be the ones to set up the chase ^^