Girl acting differently in private than in public

[ramirezs316]

So I’ve been trying to figure out the interest of a girl I’ve been working with over the past couple of weeks. We hadn’t talked much until I was tasked with photographing her for our t-shirt marketing campaign (I work for a non-profit that also runs a charter school; she is a teacher.). I had known she was engaged, but decided to still put on some charm just for fun. She responds well to the first shoot and we do a second the following week, where she is much more comfortable; she lets me play with her hair and fix her clothes, and we tease each other.

From then on, every couple of times I see her (which is not much because we’re in separate departments), I make her smile or laugh. At a work assembly and event, as I’m taking pictures, she starts talking to me more and showing interest in what I’m doing, which she hasn’t done before. She leaves early from the event, but the next week we chat here and there (mostly about work stuff). I begin to suspect that her engagement has fallen through, so I ask her sort of friend, who tells me that she is single. The next few days she begins to act differently around me, so I decide to test her interest by giving her her favorite candy the day after Valentine’s Day (she was way too busy on the actual day). She seems surprised and grateful, but goes cold on me immediately after, not even saying hello to me. I find out new info from her friend that she has been seeing a guy, and that she was a little uncertain about my gesture, so I decide to back off a little. At a staff meeting later in the week, she seems more comfortable around me and continues to sneak looks at me here and there.

Then this week, less than three weeks since Valentine’s Day, I have to do another photo shoot with her, so I’m wary that she might be awkward around me. At first, she is embarrassed by some of her prior photos and refuses to be spontaneous and laugh for any shots. I take that as a challenge and tell her that I’ll get her to smile. During the shoot, she is totally receptive to me, letting me touch her, position her, and fix her clothes. I break any tension with some humor and conversation, and by the end, I’m getting her to laugh and smile whenever I need her and she’s following every direction I give and throwing suggestions out at me. The shoot lasts almost 90 minutes, and she wants to do others.

This girl is still seeing someone and she is still not acting as warm to me when other coworkers are around or when she’s busy as she was, but every interaction I’ve had one on one has been great. How do I reconcile these two sides of her, especially if she’s seeing someone? And are there any suggestions for how to maximize interactions when my window to see her is maybe 2 minutes every day, providing she’s not busy with her kids?

Note: this is a variation/update of my post from a few days ago, which was too unfocused.

 

[Light]

You're not moving fast enough, and you're not being the alpha male, showing her that you can just walk up to her and kiss her.
Maybe she was interested in you, but you took too long and now another guy steps in.
Maybe she is still interested in you, but doesn't know whether you like her or whether you're just too afraid to make a move. That puts you in a bad spot.
Be a man, and just do something. Make a move when you're both alone. At least that way you know where you stand.

 

[devlish]

you should have asked her to meet up ages ago

 

[skin_man]

I agree with Light. I think you could have taken her signals to you instantly. This is because you want to get over it about whether she's only being flirtuatious or if she's ready to step up things with you! Many times I believe we guys tend to appreciate the comfort of being admired by a lady so much that we almost tend to delay action.. cuz we dont want to bear rejection. But it's imperative that we strike while it's hot and get the moves going. Like an aquaintance of mine says: "It's either she wants the dick or not."

Enjoy!!

 

[ramirezs316]

I've been thinking back on our interactions, and I definitely could have asked her out at our work event. I was operating under the assumption that she was still engaged, but apparently she might have been seeing this new guy even then (which really makes our interactions confusing for me). Her friend (who is also my friend) says that she was with her fiance for two years, had converted to his religion, and changed her whole life, etc. Now it seems like she's breaking free a little. Though her friend seems to think she and this new guy are emotionally involved.

I've probably been too sensitive about the whole thing. That, and this is my first time trying to pick up at work, which, at a charter school with a school schedule, has been giving me high school flashbacks that I'd rather forget. The two of us haven't actively flirted or really been alone enough to explore anything (our photoshoots had to be done in the commons area of the school). Her friend said that the girl became really ambivalent about me when I gave her the valentine because she was seeing someone. I figure she's going to do everything to protect her social status after a failed engagement. The good news is that she warmed up to me on the last photoshoot. The bad news is that we just went to spring break and my momentum could really take a dive. Its still hard to determine if she wasn't just being flirty friendly with me, realized that she had led me on and backed off, so once I backed off, it made her more comfortable to work with me (her mindset being that I won't ask her out because I got the hint). Or she was flirting, backed off because of the new guy, and now I'm doing a good job of getting her to realize her crush.

I know I shouldn't be making it this hard (and I'm gonna straight up ask her out during the next good interaction), but at least in the bar scene, both parties now each others intentions.