girl cools off after first date sex

[mindful]

hey guys, this post relates back to a girl I met off tinder a few weeks back. It was actually right after my Wed night date (thurs). So i had back-to-back tinder date lays. It's something that's been on my mind and just wondering if anyone has any insight.

So i made this girl break her "rule" of not hooking up with a guy on the first night. Honestly though, she gave me no resistance after we were back at my apt. It was on within 5 mins of chillin on the couch. Anyway, this seduction took longer than expected so I had her stay over. It was late and cold as fuck so I didn't wanna drive her back. I told her she could stay over and I'd bring her home in the morning before work.

In the morning, I didn't have sex with her. I woke up and jumped in the shower. We flirted and talked a little before I brought her home before work. As when she gets out the car she says "call me sometime". I've had this happen to me before with a girl saying that and never saw her again so I don't take it at face-value. Just a polite thing to say in the moment I guess.

So anyways, I texted her later that day after work, just saying I had a good time with her and hope she wasn't falling asleep at work(to ease her mind about sleeping with me). We go back and forth a little bit and then it stops. She texts me like an hour later after I didn't respond back to her last text saying, "so what was the movie we weren't watching last night?". I responded in the morning since i fell asleep early that night. I told her the movie and then said "maybe we will finish it sometime soon ".

She never responded to that. And she has the read receipts on her phone so I know when she see's a message.

Anyways, I text her 3 days later saying i hope her week is going well and that I was looking forward to seeing her again sometime soon.

She responds like 20 mins later and says...

"I didn't think I would hear from you again".

I reply with: "well, I'd like to see you again. what are you up to tomorrow?"

No response.

Was I too cold with the last text? I was trying to be direct and probably could have added more warmth.

 

[D_Smooth1900]

I'm sure your mistake was not sleeping with her in the morning. She probably thought you weren't that into her. I'd say just move on to the next one.

 

[Franco]

mindful,

Not sleeping with her the next morning sometimes affects the outcome, but it sounds to me like this girl was still very receptive to you the next day anyway. Assuming the "no morning sex" thing wasn't an issue, I can pinpoint a few other areas that might have affected things:

Anyways, I text her 3 days later saying i hope her week is going well and that I was looking forward to seeing her again sometime soon.

I wouldn't text her something like this. If you're going to text her, it should be to actually schedule a day to see her again. Telling her you "hope to see her again sometime soon" is almost like saying "well, that was a fun random hook-up we just had the other night; maybe we'll run into each other randomly again [and fuck]." You want to be warm and direct if you're going to contact her again. Otherwise, you're better off just not contacting her again after you send your "warm" text the morning after.

"I didn't think I would hear from you again".

I reply with: "well, I'd like to see you again. what are you up to tomorrow?"

She was trying to bring up a concern here and you completely ignored it (which makes it seem like you don't care what she thought). Instead -- assuming you want to see her again -- you should ask, "oh? Why is that?" Depending on her personality, she may respond with an angry text or a "worried" text, but if she responds at all, it is likely to test you. Keep in mind that the period where you contact a girl after the first night of sex is very fragile because she's extremely worried about how you view her, so you need to be delicate in the way you handle things (and generally err on the side of "warmth" rather than "aloof" since you've already slept with her).

So yes, I'd say the last couple of texts you sent her were a bit "cold" in her mind (even if that wasn't your intention). Make sure to always address a girl's concerns if she's already slept with you!

Hope that helps!

- Franco

 

[mindful]

Thanks Franco.

I knew deep down i should of said something different but went with that anyways. I think it points to a bigger problem I've been having lately, which is not getting the higher quality girls that I really want. So I tend to be a little more cold and less warm with the "so so" girls that are cute but not what I fully desire. Not always, but in this case it definitely was. I guess I was being selfish, I didn't want to have anything with this girl longer term but was still trying to see her again and totally disregarded her feelings.

 

[mindful]

So this girl sent me a Facebook friend request lol. What should I do? I was thinking of sending her a text that frames her as a chaser. Not sure though.

 

[Franco]

mindful,

So this girl sent me a Facebook friend request lol. What should I do? I was thinking of sending her a text that frames her as a chaser. Not sure though.

Sounds like too much again to start framing her as chasing when she might have felt like you were being cold to begin with -- the teasing might put her off. I would personally just accept her friend request and see if she contacts you.

- Franco

 

[ray_zorse]

It sucks when they use you and dump you

On the subject of chase framing I just thought I'd refer you to Chase's ebook which says "chase frames are dependent on attainability being in place" -- exactly as Franco has pointed out, but the ebook advice is more general and I wish I had had this advice recently when I had a delicate situation with a girl who went cold on me during an insta-date, but was still responding a little, and I chase framed her and nothing after that. So I can say definitely it's really important to heed this.

-Ray

 

[mindful]

She already told you the answer--she didn't expect to hear from you again. They never expect to hear again from a guy who was able to fuck them right away, because they know that if he did it with them, he does it with many women (or at least they assume as much).

I'm glad you pointed this out. Not sure why I couldn't articulate this in my response. This was the reason I responded in a somewhat straight forward "cold" manner. Besides that, I think this girl is looking for more (relationship) and realizes she wouldn't be getting it with me. I only mention this because when I asked her what her story was, she made it blatantly clear she was looking for love, which she probably thought wasn't happening with me.

But yeah, I appreciate the responses and have since moved on and laid a few more girls