Hi guys,
I've been and on-again off-again reader of these forums for quite a while now. I'm wondering if I could get some advice a current relationship I'm dealing with.
I met this girl out and about around a month ago at a club, we had some mutual friends so we got chatting and I ended up taking her home that night and sleeping with her. The next time I saw her we happened to be at the same event by chance and I ended up sleeping with her again. The third time I saw her I met her out and about again we were both with friends but she ended up coming home with me at the end of the night. So at this stage we hadn’t been on a proper date but I’d spent some time at her place and she’d cooked me food and what not. The next time I saw her she invited me around for dinner and at the last minute told me her parents (who were visiting from out of town) were going to be there which was a bit of a surprise. I went along nonetheless as I’d already agreed to go and I got along with her family really well. Over the next two weeks or so I saw her about four or five times – including dinner at her place with her family again. Throughout this time I would have slept with her an additional two or three times. The last time I saw her was last week when I went over to her place. She was feeling a bit unwell so we didn’t sleep together, I just stayed the night and left the next day.
Anyway, since that night she has become really evasive. After I saw her then, I waited about two days before making contact with her. She ignored my message (which was the first time she'd ever done that - normally I'd get an apology if a reply was more than a few hours after I messaged her). I gave her a call the next afternoon which she also ignored. Eventually she messaged back much later that night and apologised, saying she was studying at a friend’s house that day and out of reception. This seemed a bit suss to me but I didn't reply. The next day I gave her a call again which she again ignored – I sent a follow up text asking her to call me when she had a moment which she also didn’t return. So by now I was starting to freak out a bit so I sent her a message asking if everything was ok because I sensed something was not quite right. (I realise now that I’d started to ‘chase’ her a bit here...)
But she he called me almost the second that message left my phone and was very apologetic and explained she was busy studying as she had an assignment due (which she just handed in) and she was flat out with that and work over the last few days. I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt on this as she had mentioned this assignment some weeks ago and she is often busy with work…
So despite her assurances and her phone call, it’s clear to me that things aren’t quite right between us at the moment. Over the last week or so, I’d suggested we just catch up for a coffee or lunch or something easy and she either had an excuse, or avoided the question entirely. So I’m just trying to work out why things might be a bit cold with her at the moment. I can think of a few reasons:
• She’s genuinely busy – this is plausible, I know she is really quite a busy person but she seemed to be able to respond and hang out ok in the past.
• She’s no longer interested/has met someone else – I’d be surprised if this was the case as she introduced me to her family which she wouldn’t do unless she was a bit messed up… But it still seems the most likely to me.
• She’s lost attraction/I didn't perform in bed – I moved fast with her and we had some really great sex so I’m not sure about this one either.
• I haven’t really taken her on a ‘proper date’ – Almost all of our meetings have been when we’ve both been at the same place with friends or just hanging out at each other’s place. I don’t think this would explain it though.
• Something else?
As I mentioned, none of these seem too plausible. Anyway, how do you guys think I should approach it from here? I quite like her and I’d like to keep seeing her. At the moment, I’m planning not to speak to her for a week, maybe longer and then get back in touch after some time apart. Is this the best approach or could she just drift further away?
Any insight or tips would be appreciated!
I've been and on-again off-again reader of these forums for quite a while now. I'm wondering if I could get some advice a current relationship I'm dealing with.
I met this girl out and about around a month ago at a club, we had some mutual friends so we got chatting and I ended up taking her home that night and sleeping with her. The next time I saw her we happened to be at the same event by chance and I ended up sleeping with her again. The third time I saw her I met her out and about again we were both with friends but she ended up coming home with me at the end of the night. So at this stage we hadn’t been on a proper date but I’d spent some time at her place and she’d cooked me food and what not. The next time I saw her she invited me around for dinner and at the last minute told me her parents (who were visiting from out of town) were going to be there which was a bit of a surprise. I went along nonetheless as I’d already agreed to go and I got along with her family really well. Over the next two weeks or so I saw her about four or five times – including dinner at her place with her family again. Throughout this time I would have slept with her an additional two or three times. The last time I saw her was last week when I went over to her place. She was feeling a bit unwell so we didn’t sleep together, I just stayed the night and left the next day.
Anyway, since that night she has become really evasive. After I saw her then, I waited about two days before making contact with her. She ignored my message (which was the first time she'd ever done that - normally I'd get an apology if a reply was more than a few hours after I messaged her). I gave her a call the next afternoon which she also ignored. Eventually she messaged back much later that night and apologised, saying she was studying at a friend’s house that day and out of reception. This seemed a bit suss to me but I didn't reply. The next day I gave her a call again which she again ignored – I sent a follow up text asking her to call me when she had a moment which she also didn’t return. So by now I was starting to freak out a bit so I sent her a message asking if everything was ok because I sensed something was not quite right. (I realise now that I’d started to ‘chase’ her a bit here...)
But she he called me almost the second that message left my phone and was very apologetic and explained she was busy studying as she had an assignment due (which she just handed in) and she was flat out with that and work over the last few days. I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt on this as she had mentioned this assignment some weeks ago and she is often busy with work…
So despite her assurances and her phone call, it’s clear to me that things aren’t quite right between us at the moment. Over the last week or so, I’d suggested we just catch up for a coffee or lunch or something easy and she either had an excuse, or avoided the question entirely. So I’m just trying to work out why things might be a bit cold with her at the moment. I can think of a few reasons:
• She’s genuinely busy – this is plausible, I know she is really quite a busy person but she seemed to be able to respond and hang out ok in the past.
• She’s no longer interested/has met someone else – I’d be surprised if this was the case as she introduced me to her family which she wouldn’t do unless she was a bit messed up… But it still seems the most likely to me.
• She’s lost attraction/I didn't perform in bed – I moved fast with her and we had some really great sex so I’m not sure about this one either.
• I haven’t really taken her on a ‘proper date’ – Almost all of our meetings have been when we’ve both been at the same place with friends or just hanging out at each other’s place. I don’t think this would explain it though.
• Something else?
As I mentioned, none of these seem too plausible. Anyway, how do you guys think I should approach it from here? I quite like her and I’d like to keep seeing her. At the moment, I’m planning not to speak to her for a week, maybe longer and then get back in touch after some time apart. Is this the best approach or could she just drift further away?
Any insight or tips would be appreciated!
I just am not in the right place to continue with whatever was happening. Hope you've had a good week and let's speak soon xx