Girl going after me hard when drunk and trying to friendzone me when sober

[Damien]

Hey guys,

I'm having a very weird problem right now with a girl that I'm not seeing a real solution for at the moment. I'm going out a lot with the exchange students of my city since I'm a kind of mentor for them and I have a lot of time this semester. I've met a very cute ginger girl from Hungary there which I brought to my place on the first evening that I've met her (after about 60 minutes of talking). At my place, she didn't want to kiss me and told me she had a boyfriend back home. Back then (about 6 weeks ago) I was going through a hard phase of inflated ego and I decided to pursue her anyway. She's a party girl and kissed a lot of guys but was trying to friendzone me. I refused to be her friend and after a some attempts I managed to kiss her. Some evenings later I managed to bring her back to my place again but besides kissing nothing happened. By now I brought her to my place 5 times already with nothing happening and it's driving me mad. All the while along we were texting during the day "friend like" but at night making out quite often or she ended up at my place.

Since still nothing was happening I decided 4 days ago to stop texting her (and also turned of notifications for her messages) and I also told her to stop texting me. She kind of complied but started texting again when she was drunk. The problem is that I see her at least twice a week at social drinkings and when both of us are drunk she always starts pursuing me. Yesterday we partied in a city close to ours and I completely ignored her for about 3 hours. I just talked and flirted with other girls and she was always kind of hovering around me. On the way to the club both of us were pretty drunk and she started sweet talking me how different I am from the other guys that she's talking to blabla. Then in the club she really wanted me and we made out for like 1-2 hours in the club and then she started begging me to go with her in the train to our city since she lost her friends. I was stupid enough to go along and again brought her to my place. She was too drunk to do anything and I was way too tired. In the morning she was much more closed off and I just sent her home.

The main problem with this girl is that she kind of changes her character when she gets drunk. When she's sober she's a control freak (never seen such sophisticated ways of rejecting me when I'm trying to take her clothes off etc) but every time she drinks she gets super hammered and makes a 180° change and turns into a super sweet emotional girl. I like that emotional sweet girl but the sober one is fucking with my mind, cuz when she's sober she doesn't even want to kiss me properly. She's also one of the prettiest girls in the exchange group which it makes it quite tempting to try her again when I'm drunk and don't see better opportunities.

Background info: I'm still going through a down period (see viewtopic.php?f=3&t=17273) so I'm less confident than usual and making less approaches (especially cold approaches). The social circle stuff with the exchange students was always a good base for pre-drinking and partying but it feels toxic right now because every time I go there I have to see her.

Do you guys have some tips for me how to deal with this stuff? I started ignoring her because I was actually trying to put an end to this, but this got her even more determined to get my attention. I have no idea what she wants from me, my attention, my friendship, being her cuddle buddy, I really don't know and I consider myself pretty experienced by now... Any tips highly appreciated as usual guys

 

[Fuck This]

One of the first red flags to me is someone who is different markedly when drunk. That means they are insincere when sober.

She is not worth your time, Move on...

 

[Damien]

Okay yeah I guess it would be best to move on, however I will definitely still see her and it's probably gonna happen that we will be both drunk at the same party again and I know it's very likely that I will take her home again because I'm already feeling attached to her. How can I avoid that? Especially when she's chasing me down?

I'm already feeling much better since I started taking action again, but I'm afraid I will fall back if I again take her home drunk and nothing happens.

 

[andersen09]

Okay yeah I guess it would be best to move on, however I will definitely still see her and it's probably gonna happen that we will be both drunk at the same party again and I know it's very likely that I will take her home again because I'm already feeling attached to her. How can I avoid that? Especially when she's chasing me down?

I'm already feeling much better since I started taking action again, but I'm afraid I will fall back if I again take her home drunk and nothing happens.

I think you should just go through it but see be aware of how it ends without any attachments.
As in you need to have contingency plans for when things to go south and you get attached.
You're saying you're going out to meet other women, so have other women in your life.
But be prepared to have emotions for this girl and sulk over it as she's getting you invested.

I'd say go through it because your body goes through an experience and it'll know how to filter out certain types of girls in the future. Logically you may be thinking "Okay I shouldn't do it" but your body's like "PUSSY. LETS GET IT". And you want to get to a point where your body and head is in the same place. Right now you're in a place where your head is trying to suppress your body urges.

I've been in positions where I knew I shouldn't do something but I was so tempted. For example, my ex girlfriend was extremely insecure and psychologically manipulative. But she's also extremely beautiful and VERY charismatic personality, because of that she's pretty known figure on Youtube.

With that being said, me and her broke up, and every year I came back in town, this was the cycle.

1. She would hear I'm back in town.
2. She would invite me out to a party and get me drunk or "run into me".
3. We'd talk about the times we had.
4. We'd have "revenge" sex.
5. Next morning, I would actually want to see her and call her.
6. She would be busy and never call back.

This was a cycle that lasted for about 4-5 years for me. And it used to drive me INSANE because EVERYTIME I would be like, we're done, she would come running back. But when I told her genuinely "Look, I think you're a cool girl and I've spent time with you. Let's hang out" she would run for the hills.

When she was sober, she'd act aloof. When she was drunk she'd be all over me and we'd be having sex.

It drove me nuts and it was VERY unhealthy for me.

But I'll tell you this, these are the behaviors of a girl that has low self-esteem and manipulative. She'll chase after you due to validation and playing games with you because she doesn't feel secure about her self. No matter how beautiful she is.

So you know the advice is

"Just don't do it man" it's not worth it. But you're still asking, but how can I stop myself from fucking her? I know it might happen when I'm drunk.

The truth is, if you really didn't want it to happen, you just wouldn't put yourself in that position which tells me you have your temptations.
And in truth, I do think you're going to go through it regardless.

So all I invite you to do, is have a plan B when things to go south. Who knows? You two might fuck and she might be a really cool girl, she just wanted to be a girl and play games. That's about 5%.

Have a plan B. Don't put your eggs in plan A for that 5% chance. Be prepared for that she'll be psychologically insane and you get attached.
Have other women in your life ready so that when you start thinking of her, you text the girl that's healthy and into you.

You can give into your temptation, but be ready to defend your psychological health also.

 

[Damien]

Thanks for the long reply andersen! I have to admit I do have the desire to fuck her, especially because she's a challenge.

This was a cycle that lasted for about 4-5 years for me. And it used to drive me INSANE because EVERYTIME I would be like, we're done, she would come running back. But when I told her genuinely "Look, I think you're a cool girl and I've spent time with you. Let's hang out" she would run for the hills.

It's exactly like this, when I'm texting her she's happy to have my attention and but when I don't she gets crazy, like sending more messages, asking me why I don't want to talk to her anymore. That's also how I got her chasing after me at parties, because I never made the first move except a couple of words in passing.

Yesterday I saw her and she was even being nice to me while sober and it freaked me out even more (I told her I like her nice drunk personality). I didn't have control over myself anymore so I left the bar, she texted me like 30 min later and asked me why I left. I explained her it's because I'm not myself around her and I don't wanna loose control because when I take her home nothing happens and it makes me feel like shit. She didn't show much empathy and just said "I think it's because of your ego because you're not used to it". I have to agree with that, normally I just move on after one or two tries, but also normally the girl doesn't want to keep me investing regardless of refusing me inside her.

Anyway she again texted me today, asked me how my day was, if I'm going out etc. I just opened the message and ignored it. This action of leaving yesterday gave me a feeling of control and I'm feeling a lot better today, however I will definitely feel tempted to try again once I see her again. (Probably in 5 days).

Do you guys see any better method of trying to fuck her than taking her home drunk? Cuz every time she does that, she immediately falls asleep (or pretends to), but I know I will be tempted to try again. I was contemplating inviting her for cooking, but then she will be even more in control and I don't think that makes it likelier to get it.

 

[Damien]

Just a quick update for you guys: After ignoring her for 3 days + blatantly flirting with other girls when she was around she got even more crazy for me and on halloween we hooked up drunk. She was still pretty reserved when she woke up sober (conscious kicking in I think, I was her third guy and she said she hates feeligns lol and she still has a boyfriend), but I got it. I'm still quite invested but she said she doesn't care when I sleep with other girls which is good and she has a strong bi-sexual tendency (like going for girls and making out with them when drunk.), so there could be some threesome action in the future. But I don't wanna start to mentally masturbate here. If you're interested in how this stuff continues I'll be glad to post it here!