Girl is chasing me too hard

[Dirty dagger]

I have been on my first lover relationship for two weeks now. We hit the bed on the first date. On the second date she came straight to my place. This week I was a bit sick and told her she shouldn't come to our scheduled session.

She is going nuts over me and I have no clue how to deal with that. I find her dull and not that good looking. But I'd like to keep doing her because I still have problems with approaching women.

I'm afraid of hurting her and giving false expectations. All I want is to have sex with her. But she keeps throwing value at me and I don't know how to respond. She keeps constantly complementing me. Recently she said that she doesn't understand why I'm with her since it shouldn't be a problem for me to bed better women. Then she said that I'm, overwhelmingly, the nicest and most handsome man that has ever wanted anything to do with her.

Before I have been trying to keep up with giving counter complements. Now I'm just scared that I'll crush her or make her go nuts if I don't cut her off immediately.

We haven't exactly had a conversation of our relationship status or expectations. I think our relationship is pretty clear though. All we have done is a single date and then just sex.

Is this all normal? Does time kill her affection or should I try to tune it down? How can I tune down her affection? Should I tell her that I only want sex from her? Should I tell her how I feel about her behavior? Should I cut her off? Should I cut her off gently or hard? I'm completely helpless

 

[Franco]

DD,

Is this all normal? Does time kill her affection or should I try to tune it down? How can I tune down her affection? Should I tell her that I only want sex from her? Should I tell her how I feel about her behavior? Should I cut her off? Should I cut her off gently or hard? I'm completely helpless

It sounds like a typical case of not knowing how to manage a girl's expectations after sleeping with her. Since this is your first time, it's obviously completely understandable. Before we get into it though, I want to address this here:

I find her dull and not that good looking. But I'd like to keep doing her because I still have problems with approaching women.

Not a good reason to continue with this girl. As a matter of fact, it's BECAUSE you have problems approaching women that you should probably stop seeing this girl so that you can go out and continue to improve your ability to approach them and engage in more sexual relationships.

If you really know that this is going nowhere and it's holding you back from meeting more attractive women, then it would probably be best to just stop seeing her. If you've been returning compliments to her that are just as aggressive as hers, then you've already begun digging yourself into a deep hole. There are two ways to deal with this from here:

• 1) You can talk to her and tell her that you aren't looking for anything serious right now, and that it's best that you two stop seeing each other because you don't want to hurt her.
  
  2) You can just stop contacting her. It's only been two nights, which isn't terrible, but you definitely shouldn't have seen her a second time if you're not even remotely interested in her and you're looking to improve your pick-up skills.

With that being said, it's good that you DID indeed bed this girl, regardless of how unattractive to you she may be. You need to get experience under your belt, so lowering your standards to practice and gain some confidence is highly recommended. Dealing with what happens after sex is a whole different skill set. And for that, I'll link you to a few articles which will definitely be very helpful for the next few girls you bed:

• How Your Relationship With a Girl Changes After Sex
• 8 Friends With Benefits Rules You Must Obey
• Don't Hurt a Girl: The Importance of Expectations
• How to Date Multiple Women (with Zero Drama)

Enjoy. =)

- Franco

 

[PinotNoir]

Just a small thing to add to what Franco said....

I've known a couple of guys keep sleeping with a girl like you mentioned. They'll be like, "Eh, she's okay, kind of boring, but I like having sex." Then, next thing you know... after having sex for a year, she accidentally gets pregnant; they get married; and that's it.

I think you should really do #1 (or #2) and start approaching new girls like Franco said.

If you feel this strongly indifferent to her, right now it's not headed in the right direction. Not only will you be happier, but she'll be happier to be with a guy that actually desires her and wants to give her what she wants. By keeping it going, you're really hurting both parties. No reason to settle for the first girl that comes along; meet some better women.

 

[Dirty dagger]

Oh, I didn't explain my intentions for this girl. I was looking for having two active partners whenever possible. Then I'll be switching to better ones as I bed them.

I'm really trying to improve my sex skills and that's why I want to keep her around for now. I haven't noticed that keeping her around would have any impact on my approach skill improvement. In fact I think it's boosting my confidence.

Is it usual for seducers to stop after they find a single lover? I'm trying to learn, have sex and manage expectations. Isn't that what learning seduction is all about? Non-exclusivity.

What you want from a lover is good sex, right? By training on her I should be giving her exactly what she wants. The best sex she ever had. Definitely not the best sex that I could give since I'm trying to be careful with her level of affection. But she is still getting the best thing from this sort of relationship. Or at least I try to deliver that.

She told me that she isn't looking for a boyfriend so now the expectations are "agreed". Also she is on pills so there is a slim chance for me to get any preggy sex. I have thought the accident case through before. I'm gonna push for a pill and I'm gonna push for abortion. If nothing works I'm going to be that dick kind of a father who never shows up.

I agree that it probably will become harder to break up the longer you sleep with a girl. But shouldn't I train that too? I don't know if this sound stupid. I mean, some day I may have a girlfriend that I really used to love. How do I break up with her if I have virtually never broken up with anyone?

I'll read though those articles. Thanks for the links. I guess you only realize how important this skill set is when it's too late for the first time.

 

[Franco]

DD,

I'm really trying to improve my sex skills and that's why I want to keep her around for now.

Yeah, I kinda did that with one girl once. So if that's your reason, then I can at least see the logic behind it. It's up to you. As long as you're managing expectations as best as possible, then you can probably practice your technique with her.

Is it usual for seducers to stop after they find a single lover? I'm trying to learn, have sex and manage expectations.

As long as you understand that it's a learning experience, then there isn't much harm done. It's not necessarily "usual" for a seducer to find a single lover and get tied up, but it certainly does happen, and it's usually with less-than-desirable girls. Be sure not to settle for anything you don't want.

Isn't that what learning seduction is all about? Non-exclusivity.

Seduction is about being able to bring the quality of women into your life that you actually desire as well as being able to have short or long-term sexual relationships with them. As to whether or not you want to be exclusive to the girl has nothing to do with seduction, and that choice is entirely up to the guy. On this website, we believe in choosing the path that you want, and we just give you the tools necessary for following each individual path.

She told me that she isn't looking for a boyfriend so now the expectations are "agreed".

Well, it's good that you at least got her to say this, so she'll at least have to temper her expectations somewhat now. Although, this still doesn't mean that she won't try her best to change your mind! The main thing is that now she knows there's a possibility that this might just be a sexual thing that has a finite amount of time, which will greatly soften the blow when things finally end between you two. She won't be caught completely off-guard and heartbroken over it.

If nothing works I'm going to be that dick kind of a father who never shows up.

This statement might be the epitome of "easier said than done." If you live in the United States, she could easily rope you into paying for child support by court of law, and you would forever be binded to this woman (at least somewhat) for the rest of your life. Play it safe and use condoms every time if you can.

I agree that it probably will become harder to break up the longer you sleep with a girl. But shouldn't I train that too? I don't know if this sound stupid. I mean, some day I may have a girlfriend that I really used to love. How do I break up with her if I have virtually never broken up with anyone?

I don't think this is something you can truly practice. Breaking up with a girl you are not in love with is not even remotely close to the same feeling as breaking up with a girl that you ARE in love with (or was in love with), so that's only something you can really experience by going through the real thing. So I wouldn't worry about practicing "breaking up" with a girl you don't love since you'll find that it really won't help you much when you have to do it for real.

In essence, I wouldn't take any girl as a girlfriend that isn't absolutely up to your standards. Your first girlfriend should be a girl you're in love with.

I guess you only realize how important this skill set is when it's too late for the first time.

Yep! Just be glad you've found this website and this forum in time to practice them. These skills are tools that last you an entire lifetime.

- Franco

 

[Mr.Rob]

I've known a couple of guys keep sleeping with a girl like you mentioned. They'll be like, "Eh, she's okay, kind of boring, but I like having sex." Then, next thing you know... after having sex for a year, she accidentally gets pregnant; they get married; and that's it.

Haha that would suck dick.

I have a friend that did that same situation with a girl that was underage (16-17 at the time, he was 18) and fucked her for a week straight raw dawg.

I remember the night it happened he kept bragging jokingly that he kept cumming inside her and was going to make a baby... nice move Einstein.

He stopped seeing her for the most part and a month or two later she came back with a valid pregnancy test... he's now getting married to a girl that he isn't super attracted to and is basically forcing love to happen (he's in scarcity at this point so it's not that hard I guess).

Bottom line is he'll forever wonder what his life would have looked like if he would've used condoms during that one drunken week of debauchery.

 

[PinotNoir]

If nothing works I'm going to be that dick kind of a father who never shows up.

Come on, man. I'd hope that you'd be a better guy than this

In truth... if you feel like you'd be a terrible father that unleashes hate upon your child (and/or abuses alcohol), then yes, it is better for your son/daughter not to see his dad.

I know your comment was probably said in jest, and I hope I'm not starting a flame war.... but let's have a little perspective here and separate ourselves from PUAland a bit.... it's not your child's fault that he/she is born. At the same time, since you took the right actions, it's not your fault either. But, at the same time, you still took some action that lead to this consequence.

It's not about being an Alpha or whatever. But, you're the kid's only dad.

Of course, this is all hypothetical anyway But, if it ever happens, I hope you're a better guy than that, and I think you are. I am NOT saying marry the girl, but at least try to be a good dad. My brother got a girl pregnant, but he figured out that she wasn't the one and never married her, but he's still the best dad to his daughter....

We're not talking about some slut off the street or some woman that's treated tons of men bad. We're talking about an innocent child with no past; no reason to be "bad" to that....

 

[Dirty dagger]

We're not talking about some slut off the street or some woman that's treated tons of men bad. We're talking about an innocent child with no past; no reason to be "bad" to that....

Well, you know, I think it should be illegal for a women to have a child without zero consent from the father.

Of course, the kid has done nothing wrong. But does it make you a father that you happened to be the guy who had an accident while having sex with the wrong girl? Well, biologically it does. Certainly not in any other way. Especially since I did everything I could so that this kid wouldn't have born. Am I more responsible for this kid than anyone else simply because I happened to be there at the wrong time?

What if this girl finds a man who loves her and the kid? Does this kid need two fathers? Or three? Yes I would probably learn to love a kid. How useful is that for the kid, really?

This statement might be the epitome of "easier said than done." If you live in the United States, she could easily rope you into paying for child support by court of law, and you would forever be binded to this woman (at least somewhat) for the rest of your life. Play it safe and use condoms every time if you can.

Yeah, I do use condoms Women can do that in Finland, too.

Well, it's good that you at least got her to say this, so she'll at least have to temper her expectations somewhat now. Although, this still doesn't mean that she won't try her best to change your mind! The main thing is that now she knows there's a possibility that this might just be a sexual thing that has a finite amount of time, which will greatly soften the blow when things finally end between you two. She won't be caught completely off-guard and heartbroken over it.

That's a good point. Lovers having a finite amount of time.