FR Girl is chasing me

[Nothing]

So... yea... I'm a computer science major so "Cute" let alone "hot" girls rarely appear in any of my classes. However, it seems times are changing because I'm noticing there are more and more girls each year. One of these girls happens to be in a ton of my classes this semester and she is WOW. I know that beauty is relative based on your environment, but this girl FINE. Anyways, things have turned out such that we will be studying together Tuesday or Wednesday. I think during that time I will just sieve out where or not she is single. If she is, I'll compliment her and tell her boyfriend is lucky to be with her. Otherwise, I'll tell her to grab lunch with me sometime so I can find out what she is really like in terms of characteristics and what qualities does she desire in a SO.

The Story
This girl was in one of my classes last semester but I never talked to her because I was so freaking nervous. However, this semester by some stroke of luck, we are in the same group for a semester long project. I got a hint that she there may have been interest on her part when she sat next to me in class. I complimented her on her attire and we started talking from there. I had to manage between talking to my friend and talking with her. I couldn't really talk to her 1 on 1 because my friend would jump in and wasn't picking up on what I was trying to do (CS guys... go figure...). Obviously, this is just speculation, but she usually dresses casual, jean shorts and a t-shirt, but that day she wore a skater dress, which is my style because I dress well myself and I like girls who are dressy/girly. I also noticed that she was busting my balls for no reason and in my head I was thinking, "WTF?" But then I thought maybe she is teasing me or busting my balls because she is horny or is testing me so I just shrugged it off and kept reminding myself, "She's just a girl. Just a little cute girl." She did pat me on the back after making a joke, so that counts as a point for interest haha? At the end of class she was waiting around for like she was waiting for something and I was thinking I should ask her out for tea or coffee, but I got so nervous again and waited for next time. At this point I wasn't entirely sure.

I was thinking about how I could get time alone with her. So in this other class I was thinking I should ask her if she did the homework and make up some excuse for us to meet like checking answers. So after class, I get nervous again and do anything. Frustrated I tell myself that I'm just going to ask her after my last class of the day.

So my afternoon class comes along, sit through the lecture, and then I post up outside the door of the classroom. While I'm looking at my phone, clearing messages and emails, and I hear,
"Hey -----! I was meaning to talk to you. I wasn't in class last time and I heard we have homework..." She goes to shake my hand but ends up giving me a dab cos maybe she thought "why am I shaking his hand". Anyways, she went in for touch.
"Yea, I was actually meaning to ask you if you did it as well. I did X, y, z problems but can't get problem a. I was wondering if you had done any of it and wanted to go over things with me."
"Ah okay, so I should start the homework tonight and we can meet tomorrow or Wednesday." While she is speaking, I'm thinking, "wow! she's moving things along faster than I am lol.." I wanted to start laughing because things were happening as Chase has written in his articles.
"Sounds good. How about you text me on... "
"Yeah sure."
"I'm free after noon. I have class in the morning and have to do x, y, tasks, but I'm free from then to X time".

So things are all set and I am just waiting for her text in the meantime.

Don't really know how to go from here... I'm sort of feeling nothing for some reason. I was definitely excited in the moment, but it's more like I am not feeling any sort of excitement. It's more so like I'm calm and collected in a James Bond kind of way. "Be cool. Be cool." This is worrying me slightly because I am thinking that I'll be boring and robotic when we are together... Is being cool and calm better than the sort of up beat laid back guy?

If anyone would like to suggest any questions for screening for desirable characteristics, I would like to hear them!

 

[Fuck This]

Hey I met my wife of 20 years in Biology lab in college. But it was seeing her out in a social setting that I seduced her.

I think that you do the classwork together, and get that done and then propose a one on one coffee or some quick bite right after where you can talk about similar interests and background. That will let you know if you feel like pursuing... It will also let you gauge her interest level. If she finishes the homework and says "...'K bye..." you are her study buddy and don't waste your effort.

 

[Nothing]

Thanks for the reply back Rocky.

I'm glad to hear that it worked out between you and your wife. I was thinking something similar to your method, but I was also thinking about how attraction drops over time and took the latter route. Below I wrote how things turned out. Maybe your method will be the one I take in the end lol!

We met up yesterday and things went over very well. She was asking me all kinds of questions and I was asking her back. I ended up leaving sooner because I wanted to check in with a professor regarding class work, but suggested we meet up again prior to our next class together. Ultimately, I chickened out and waited until today to ask her if she's single rather than on a high point when we were together the day before(didn't move fast enough). When I did ask her, she said she wasn't dating right now since she is almost graduating (aka "no"). I was so confused inside my head, but on the outside I just switched to autopilot and kept myself composed.

At the libray
So prior to the meet up, I gave her the time i wanted to meet up, but i suggested we study in the library or lab so that she would have a choice in the matter. She said the lab was fine, but then changed her mind and asked me what I wanted do. I told her I preferred the library because people may walk up and start talking to me or her. We meet inside the entrance. imagine a blond, blue eyed girl attired in a black skater dress with brown boots. She leads the way to find a spot to sit, which is great because I don't know where to go. She suggests we go to the fourth floor so we can talk and do work.

Once we find a spot, it turns out she hasn't started the work even though I asked her to, which left me disappointed and suspicious... but she didn't ask for the answers and worked on it herself while I supervised. I pulled my chair next to hers to get closer and we talked on and off, asking about each other's lives. She was much more interested in learning about me, I didn't do a good job of being secretive about my life (on and off with revealing information and hiding info so that she would need to ask more questions). Something totally irrelevant, but I just felt like the more I talked to her, the more I just wanted to correct her and argue, but I kept my mouth shut. I tried teasing her a couple of times, and we would go back and forth before telling her to focus on her work. At a certain point I had the feeling I should ask if she's single, but I didn't do it and after that moment everything was just focused on getting work done. I was so pissed at myself for waiting (Should have moved faster!!!). I end up leaving because I told her I could only stay until x:xx time. She wasn't finished when I left and I was thinking, "welp... my time is valuable and you didn't follow my instructions so... s.o.l.".

One of the instances where I believe I messed up
I arrived a little early to my last class of the day that we share together. I noticed she was there to with a friend of hers. I didn't want to walk up and start talking with her because I didn't want to be one her guy friends. I started talking to this guy I was helping in class. The way we were situated in the hallway was such that I could see her over his shoulder. She kept looking at me and fixing her hair, I guess to get my attention, but I just kept playing it aloof. I should have called her over instead instead of expecting her to come over (why I thought it was a good idea to wait for her was so dumb because girls usually need some excuse to initiate contact). My actions probably took a big hit on her ego and emotions. I finished the lab due for the class ridiculously early, but I stayed because I was trying to figure out how to screen for her relationship status since i missed the window previously in the day, so I decided to help random people in the lab. I left and had the gut feeling that I shouldn't wait for her, but I got to impulsive and waited outside on a bench. The whole time I was thinking, "you need to leave now, don't wait around, this isn't going ot work." Lo and behold, she comes out and another guy friend is with her. He figures out my intentions and blocks me so I left just reprimanding myself for not listening to my better judgement.

I also think her ego was seriously tanking during our time together because she was apologizing so much for the littlest of things, among other things like not having a clue as to what to do with the homework (I guess she is getting by with the help of other students who are interested in her but to nervous to move forward).

Reflection
Anyways, I am over the event. She is ridiculously hot, but she doesn't fit my criteria relationship wise (and I was thinking "I can make this work" which usually isn't always a great idea). She offered to continue doing homework together and I said, "Yea, no problem" but I'm really just going to steadily cut ties outside of situations where I must interact with her. I definitely am not going to be slotted into the friendzone/study buddy zone. Right now, I'm just focusing on not being bitter and talking to more girls. Rejection wasn't that bad. Maybe because I've talked to more girls. After a while, I just started thinkin, "There are two outcomes, she says, "yes" or she says, "no". If she says yes, I move forward with her. if she says no, I get an indicator that she isn't open. Logic lol.

Reasons why I think she was interested
- dressed up when she would be spending extended amounts of time with me
- setup a time for me and her to spend time together (auto-investing)
- asked me many questions, i.e. logistics "where do you live"
- touching, eye contact

Reasons why she lost interest
- moving too slow
- playing aloof when there was no reason to, she was already interested
- possibly too much value (fundamentals: clothing, voice, cool and calm demeanor, pre-selection)

What to work on
- moving faster (screens out intentions as well as moving closer to goal)

 

[Fuck This]

"Not dating now" means "Not looking for commitment".

I think you have a chance at a casual social "date" where you emphasize enjoying the moment, and not trying to make this a relationship.

"hey, I think you are cool and I think we should go do such and such together. "

Don't use the word "Friends", or "buddies". Do exciting, stimulating things that make her laugh. Hug to celebrate little victories. Keep the Emotional Amplitude High...Then go for the kiss and pull back at her dorm or apartment. I missed so many opportunities to get laid in college because I didn't push the physical aspect.

You aren't going to get that during the day in the Library.

All my memorable physical relationships in college all had a kiss that occurred within 3 hours of meeting them in a social situation.

Since I've been back in the dating pool, the same has held true. Amp up the emotion, incorporate kino, isolate in a public, but not trapped, and do what feels natural.

My missed opportunities, I held back from escalating when I was in their apartment, with them alone...

OK worse case scenario, she shuts you down...All of a sudden you don't have time to study with her...simple...NEXT.

 

[Nothing]

Thanks again for the reply Rocky!

Just wanted to add that while this situation is playing out, I talked to an asian girl that I've been passing by on the way to class in the morning. When I spoke to her she said she was late to class, but it was like she wanted to talk (she got nervous when she saw me and looked down so I guess she is interested), so I'll just talk to her again one more time when she isn't walking to school but towards her apartment to see if she is interested.

Back on this topic though, in retrospect I should have said, "I didn't say I was looking to date anyone either " and followed with what you suggested to me. Man.. that would have been so much cooler...

I will try it out if she talks to me/sits next to me in class (My friend, who's in the same class as me, told me she looked over at the empty seat adjacent to me when she came into the classroom, but this guy cut her off and sat next to me instead LOL. He said she kept looking over, but Idk).

Regarding doing things that make her laugh, I thought I shouldn't make a girl laugh because it would be counter-intuitive to being a "Sexual" man? She and I live off campus, but she is 30 minutes away vs my 5 minutes. Overall, I am definitely getting your suggestion to persist, but I also have to manage this "relationship" in the sense that we will be working together for extended amounts of time and although I won't be bothered by her rejections, I can't control any feelings of awkwardness she may feel because she may not know how to behave around me in order to signal to me that she doesn't want to do anything with me in the romantic sense.

This situation will certainly be a big learning experience (every situation is since I'm such a beginner lol).