Girl is mad for no reason

[ramshead]

So this girl seems to be mad at me for no reason. We work together and we have had issues in the past. We have been going out on and off since May 2018. No one knows we are seeing each other and it’s not in my interest since I’m fooling around with a few of the girls at the office and surrounding business. We both have made it clear we are not looking for a relationship. She has told me she cares about me a lot.

We went out this Saturday we had dinner at my place and went to the beach to talk everything was cool. We came back to my place and had sex and the next day we texted a bit.

But since Monday she has been ignoring me. We really don’t talk that much at work but we at least say hi or smile at each other. So im still warm to her and say hi but she ignores me or turns around. Yesterday an older lady coworker gave my department Hershey’s kisses. When the girl passed by my desk I said her name but she passed by really fast and I thought she ignored me or didn’t here but she came back and I offered her one and she accepted it and said thank you and left.

Today is when I confirmed she really is mad at me about something. We have an hour lunch and our lunches are 30 minutes apart. We usually run into each other on the street and walk around and talk for a bit. Today was different. I was waiting on the intersection for the light to turn green and I saw her on the opposite corner to my right walking on the green light. I wear sun glasses to walk around and I saw here look at me and pretend like she didn’t see me and kept walking. When my light turned green I crossed. I could have turned to my left and catch up to her but I decided to walk straight.

I’m not sure what’s going on. Is she already ending it, wants me to commit. I’m confused since nothing bad happened over the weekend.

 

[JacobPalmer]

Hey ramshead,

I'm going to be hard and fast with this one. Stop trying to figure out why she's mad and just ask her. That's what a dominant, high value guy would do.

"Hey XXX, something seems to be on your mind as you seem pissed at me. What's on your mind, I want you to talk to me about it."

If she opens up, great, then you can work with whatever she's going through to fix it.
If she doesn't open up, then you drop her. Like, if she says "nothing," then you're going to say something like, "Okay, well I know that's not true, so when you're ready to talk to me about it come find me. Until then let's not talk to each other." BUT you need to say this in a really warm, kind, and understanding way.

 

[naturalmikey]

a good baseline is just to assume everything any woman does is because she wants you to fuck her. now certainly this will not always be the case. but the best frame to come from is that every girl wants to fuck.

she's being nice - she wants to fuck
she's being bitchy - she wants to fuck
she made fun of my shoes - she wants to fuck
she told me i'm hot - she wants to fuck
she said i'm a stupid idiot - she wants to fuck

 

[ramshead]

Jacobpalmer

I texted what you wrote since it made sense and it’s hard to talk in person at this office since everyone can hear. Good tip

Me- Hey, something seems to be on your mind as you seem pissed at me. What's on your mind, I want you to talk to me about it.

Her - I’m not mad at you. I’m just dealing with my own stuff right now.

I haven’t replied but I know her response is bs since she’s still cool with everyone but me


Naturalmonkey

Lol yeah that’s a good mentality

 

[JacobPalmer]

Ok, well even if it is BS, I think you have two options ahead of you.

1. You just say "Ok" and then drop it. Still be pleasant and warm to her but don't go out of your way to talk to her or anything. She'll come around once she's sorted her issues out.
2. If you want to be a little more warm say something like, "Ok. Well if you feel like sharing I'm here. Hope you get better either way (because your cute smile looks good on you)." Or something like that. Because if you can change a girls mood you can really do anything.

Really depends on what direction you want your relationship with her to go.

 

[ramshead]

Jacobpalmer

So I went with the second option. I texted her

Me - Ok. Well if you feel like sharing I'm here. Hope you get better either way because your cute smile looks good on you

I usually talk about her smile or eyes. So it felt more natural. She never replied I’ll just see how she acts.

 

[naturalmikey]

I like both texts. Are you mad is a classic shit test, leaving her forced to explain and qualify herself. The second one comes across has non needy which is important. But it still lets her know you're someone she can talk to. In my mind it should come across as high value.

What is going on behind the scenes is going to also be powerful. It's what Vin DiCarlo called the cosmo effect. When you get a girls friends, family, and coworkers talking about you it builds value. You have likely triggered several emotions in her. If you get her talking about you, she may become obsessed. There's a fine line between love and hate so don't do anything to exacerbate the situation. If you're skilled at push pull great. Focus more on the pull now until you have won her over to your side, then push her away. Girls are just looking for something to excite them. Clearly she likes drama. Give her a little, but I would not hook up with her if I were you. Girls you work with are safe to get in dramatic relationships with. Toy with her a little, but you don't wanna lose your job or social standing among coworkers when she decides to turn the drama up a couple notches. Play with her emotions a little, which she wants. But while you're doing that move the frame to a platonic friendship. You can open up to her about how she reminds you of your ex. Her emotions are high for you. If you can turn her into a friend she'll be a great friend that loves you. The buzz she created about you at work should also increase your social standing if there are cute girls there. Just my two cents

I probably should've read your post. She is creating drama after you fucked her. This is definitely gonna cause her to talk about you more and create that cosmo effect. I would carefully try and get out of sleeping with her. Chicks are crazy, I am highly opposed to hooking up with girls who could negatively effect my well being. A girl you work with might as well be a chick with BPD. Just stay away. I mean she could have BPD. Can you imagine finding out you're fucking a chick at work and she has BPD. She would completely villainize you. She would possibly say you hit her and turn everyone against you. The risk highly outweighs the rewards. I'll estimate probably 1 in 10 girls i have fucked and got to know was BPD. I do live on the westside of los angeles where a lot of the girls grew up rich, which certainly contributes to this. But I think it's high everywhere.

 

[Michelangelo]

It seems like she went into auto rejection after not getting what she wants (more than just sex and instead a relationship with the cool guy that got her in bed). The important thing however is the still being a cool guy part. It seems like your reaction to her cold, autorejected behavior failed her test and made it worse. Not only didn't she get the relationship she sought, it appears you even showed her you weren't the calm guy that bedded her. Instead she now sees a guy who couldn't handle her emotions and then subsequently folded frame really quickly and suplicated to her behavior. The fact that she bullshitted the excuse doesn't matter because women do that kind of stuff instinctually. Your job was to ride out that storm.

I should also point out that you should be happy things haven't worked out. You obviously have different goals than her. You trying to get back what you had is a lost cause. Unless you truly want to be in a serious relationship (and not just because she threatening leaving), let her go and continue with the girls who are fine with that situation. And as always keep meeting new girls.

 

[ramshead]

Ok guys so here’s an update. The girl came to my house last night and we watched a movie and then 2 rounds of sex. After the second time she started talking about why she was acting the way she was.

The reason is she has been talking to her friends and family about me for a long time. And everyone is telling her I’m a player, probably married or have a girlfriend; since we have been going out for more than a year know and we are not official.

She told me she likes what we have but she started thinking about what we really were and she was pissed at me. But then she said I was honest to her since the beginning; so she couldn’t be mad at me.

So she said if I would consider dating her a bit more serious and if it was ok for her to introduce me to her sister and niece. She said I didn’t have to answer right know but to think about it.

This is a tough one. She’s arguably the cutes and smartest of the girls I’m seeing right know. If I accept how can I manage the other girls I’m going out with.

And naturalmikey and Michelangelo; you both have good points. I never looked at the situation this way

 

[Michelangelo]

My assessment is if you don't want to be exclusive with her and don't want to give up on the other girls, you let her go. Definitely don't meet family, as it sends a wrong message. Otherwise you'll be in for a constant headache and drama and, most importantly, it's unfair to her. Take her out of rotation and find another girl that's okay with that kind of arrangement. The safest thing you can do is to just put her in the friends zone and tell her it's because you don't want to lead her on with the wrong expectations. She will probably offer to keep things how they were, but DON'T do it. It's a tactic to keep you around her to eventually get what she wants. Keep her as friends and keep things nice between you two and she will be a valuable preselection asset.

But if you are okay with going exclusive, then you have to be serious about it. Any waivering on your part will be a ticking time bomb. Though I suspect even if you are serious, it will still be an uphill battle. It's very hard to turn a casual relationship into a serious one. Much easier to start with a clean slate with a girl with the proper expectations from the beginning.

I say that since you even consider this a hard question, it actually makes things easy. Cut things off, put her in the friend zone and commit to someone when it's an easy choice.