Girl sent me this text, does it mean she's not interested?

[eugn23]

Hey guys,

So I went on a date with this girl. Things actually went really well, good vibe, lots of prolonged contact, holding hands briefly she was really into it. About 1 1/2 hrs into it she had to go and had to wake up early. So I walked her back to her car and even though it felt like she maybe wanted to kiss, I just kissed her on the cheek and hugged her goodbye, maybe wanted to wait to kiss her and escalate when I could get her back to my place next time.

So I texted her the next day saying I had a good time, and she texted back that she had a good time too (with a smiley face). (we went out on a thursday, she was away the whole weekend). So I texted her again on monday evening saying : Hey "Jen", hope your weekend was good. Had fun meeting up - you have a good energy to you. And if you're up for it...let's try to meet up sometime soon. What's your schedule like this week?"

She didn't reply that whole day, but then replied the next morning :

"Hey Eug! I had a good time too. This week is crazy - my coworker is leaving for LA for a week so I'm working a lot but lets see next week : )" (She's a nanny and works with another girl and gets off at 8pm everyday but now with the girl gone who knows).

Anyway, can anyone here tell me so I'm not missing anything, if she waited till THE NEXT DAY (and normally before our first date she replied within the hr every time), and if she waited and she sent that text...you think its just her nice way of saying she's not interested? Or it seems that she's not interested if she's basically saying she can't meet up ALL WEEK?

 

[NarrowJ]

Hey E,

Without asking you for a lot more information, I'd say she is at that point where she thinks she "has you" (you guys went out, and now you're trying to schedule a 2nd meet). Also, if you're still texting her first, she isn't chasing you yet

When things get to this point, any fairly experienced woman will start acting like she is: a little aloof, dodges questions/attempts to meet up.

See this post on how to handle this: Dealing with Passive Aggressive & Difficult Women

NJ

 

[eugn23]

Hey Narrow, thanks for the reply.

First, I'm 27, she's 25 (if that helps)

Here's a bit more information, some of this may mean something, some of it may not :

- I met her online, so that first date was the first time we met
- The progression of contact leading up to it was...me texting her one day and having a bit of playful phone texts, then called her the next day (so she could her my voice and make plans, was less than 10 mins and good convo), since she was gone that weekend we had to basically make plans for a week later, and I didn't want things to grow too cold so...I then texted her a small text 2 days later, we had a few back and forth...no big deal.

- Then SHE texted ME two days later (she initiated) on tuesday night, and was definitely very playful. We also talked on the phone briefly that night again (because she initiated things, I didn't think it was a big deal). Then we decided to meetup on thurs and she was even the one to text beforehand "Hey, are we still on for tonight?".

- One thing I want to mention is that - I had a lot of things going against me that night. She got held up because the parents of the kid came late, so she ended up coming 15 minutes late. Her eyes were like really watery and she looked tired. She had something in her eye (I know this sounds weird lol, but it's the truth)...and kept trying to lightly touch it without smearing her maskara the whole date. AND...it just so happened that this day the temperature dropped 10-15 degrees from its normal temp, and it was too loud inside so we sat outside (but it was cold and she had no jacket) and she had to cross her arms while sitting there, even though we joked about it.

EVEN with all that, I still turned it around...she started slowly opening up, asking me questions ("so do you like going to the movies? which movie theatre do you usually go to?"" etc., I took the convo to sex related a bit and she was really intrigued and like I said prolonged hand contact.

There MIGHT be one thing that I didn't mention too much that could have caused this but I'm not sure. SINCE she was having a good time, I could SENSE in her face that...she wanted to go and/or have me escalate or SOMETHING towards the end (she looked a bit less playful and more serious).

But I decided I didn't want to kiss her (maybe the wrong move, but walking back to the car and kissing is so cliche), and here's what happened :

I think when I leaned in to kiss her on the cheeck, SHE leaned in to kiss...and I THINK she thought I was going to kiss her! But since I did it kinda quick it wasn't that obvious, and then she let out like a nervous laugh and looked up and me nervously and said I had a good time tonight, and I said me too, we should meet up again. And she just shook her head, And then she just want to her car. It was SLIGHTLY awkard and maybe not the greatest ending, and made me wonder if she didn't feel embaressed because she thought I was going to kiss her and didn't, and it made for a bad ending for an otherwise good night. So it's possible that I shot myself in the foot a bit...ramped up her attraction for me and made her maybe hope I'd kiss her or something, and then didn't...was incongruent with my actions. Who knows.

But...it was only the first date. And it was only the first time we've met...

So thats the full explanation...and I'm not sure if she went into auto-rejection or something after that or what. But my thing is....it's one thing for her to be a bit aloof, but if she really did want to see you again...would she really say she can't meet up THE ENTIRE WEEK? Sounds like she's just letting me off in a nice way, no? What would you do in this situation?

 

[Estate]

Just a quick message for NarrowJ,
Thanks man, not sure I had read that post before.

I've got 2 girls in particular right now I'm texting but getting the slightly "excited to hear from me but difficult to set a date with" thing.

Really good post, cheers man!

 

[NarrowJ]

E,

Let me try to pick out the important parts here:

- I met her online, so that first date was the first time we met
- The progression of contact leading up to it was...me texting her one day and having a bit of playful phone texts, then called her the next day (so she could her my voice and make plans, was less than 10 mins and good convo), since she was gone that weekend we had to basically make plans for a week later, and I didn't want things to grow too cold so...I then texted her a small text 2 days later, we had a few back and forth...no big deal.

This all looks fine to me. I typically don't text other than for scheduling a date until I've slept with a girl, but in your case (a) you met online and (b) the date was a week away, so those are very good reasons to send her a few rapport-building texts.

- Then SHE texted ME two days later (she initiated) on tuesday night, and was definitely very playful. We also talked on the phone briefly that night again (because she initiated things, I didn't think it was a big deal). Then we decided to meetup on thurs and she was even the one to text beforehand "Hey, are we still on for tonight?".

- One thing I want to mention is that - I had a lot of things going against me that night. She got held up because the parents of the kid came late, so she ended up coming 15 minutes late. Her eyes were like really watery and she looked tired. She had something in her eye (I know this sounds weird lol, but it's the truth)...and kept trying to lightly touch it without smearing her maskara the whole date. AND...it just so happened that this day the temperature dropped 10-15 degrees from its normal temp, and it was too loud inside so we sat outside (but it was cold and she had no jacket) and she had to cross her arms while sitting there, even though we joked about it.

EVEN with all that, I still turned it around...she started slowly opening up, asking me questions ("so do you like going to the movies? which movie theatre do you usually go to?"" etc., I took the convo to sex related a bit and she was really intrigued and like I said prolonged hand contact.

There MIGHT be one thing that I didn't mention too much that could have caused this but I'm not sure. SINCE she was having a good time, I could SENSE in her face that...she wanted to go and/or have me escalate or SOMETHING towards the end (she looked a bit less playful and more serious).

The date sounds like it went pretty well, despite the hurdles you mentioned (temperature, her eye watering).

But I decided I didn't want to kiss her (maybe the wrong move, but walking back to the car and kissing is so cliche), and here's what happened :

I think when I leaned in to kiss her on the cheeck, SHE leaned in to kiss...and I THINK she thought I was going to kiss her! But since I did it kinda quick it wasn't that obvious, and then she let out like a nervous laugh and looked up and me nervously and said I had a good time tonight, and I said me too, we should meet up again. And she just shook her head, And then she just want to her car. It was SLIGHTLY awkard and maybe not the greatest ending, and made me wonder if she didn't feel embaressed because she thought I was going to kiss her and didn't, and it made for a bad ending for an otherwise good night. So it's possible that I shot myself in the foot a bit...ramped up her attraction for me and made her maybe hope I'd kiss her or something, and then didn't...was incongruent with my actions. Who knows.

This could be important. So, I have to ask... when she seemed primed at the end of the date like you said, did you try to pull her home? Ask her to come watch a tv show or have a nightcap or something? If you didn't, her disappointment probably started there and was doubled upon when you didn't kiss her at the end? I'm just guessing here, because if that's the case then she probably has reservations about meeting you again because she doesn't know if you're going to make something happen with her or not. Her expectations were not met, so now she is probably confused about things with you and it feels a little weird. The kiss on the cheek is really BF-zone stuff to me, and a kiss tease is good, but only in certain situations like if it's not the end of the interaction, and its possible that more is yet to happen (such as dancing with a girl in a club or sitting on a bench during the middle of a date). In your case, you're leaving, so that's all she gets is a peck on the cheek. Nothing more.

But my thing is....it's one thing for her to be a bit aloof, but if she really did want to see you again...would she really say she can't meet up THE ENTIRE WEEK? Sounds like she's just letting me off in a nice way, no? What would you do in this situation?

Hey, its DEFINITELY possible that she just can't until next week. I just scheduled a date with a girl today for next week, because my schedule is just legitimately full until like Monday. But again, it seems to me that she thinks she "has you", so she doesn't feel any sense of urgency.

What I would do is schedule the date for next week, and if she gives you a ton of trouble then either call her and iron it out (be direct, but polite) and tell her you really like her and want to meet up, this way she knows you mean business and solidify the meet. Or, if she is really difficult you can send the ultimatum text. Finally, if none of that works unfortunately you'll just have to write her off and move on to the next girl.


Hope that helps!
NJ

 

[NarrowJ]

Just a quick message for NarrowJ,
Thanks man, not sure I had read that post before.

I've got 2 girls in particular right now I'm texting but getting the slightly "excited to hear from me but difficult to set a date with" thing.

Really good post, cheers man!

Estate, thanks man! I had a really hard time with a girl several weeks ago and there was a huge thread on here about it. I'll see if I can find it.

 

[The Byronic Man]

Without asking you for a lot more information, I'd say she is at that point where she thinks she "has you" (you guys went out, and now you're trying to schedule a 2nd meet). Also, if you're still texting her first, she isn't chasing you yet

When things get to this point, any fairly experienced woman will start acting like she is: a little aloof, dodges questions/attempts to meet up.

I thought it wasn't chasing if the feeling is mutual?

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I've been doing a lot of online dating. Many girls use online dating because they either have crazy schedules and/or they are really busy. So it can be tricky sometimes to set up a date, especially when you're also really busy yourself.

 

[NarrowJ]

TBM,

But the feeling isn't mutual if he's trying to get her on a 2nd meet and she's dancing around it In my experience, at least, after I've got her out the first time, she should be chasing me a little if I did things right.

NJ

 

[eugn23]

Hey Narrow, but remember that chase says that...he sometimes recommends (or all the time?) not to kiss a girl on the first date if you couldn't take her home (which I couldn't that night...she had to go to sleep as we metup late (she only got off at 8:40) and had to wake up early, plus it was like a 25+ min drive back to my place (we're in Jersey so its not a city).

So chase sometimes says if you DO kiss her but don't take her home, then it could be that you're chasing more after that. So if it's NOT kissing her at the end, what else could I have done?

And also, given the text she sent above (and remember, she sent the text the next day and didn't reply all night), you think waiting a bit would help so it doesn't show I'm chasing as far as replying? Maybe like you said, she feels like she has me now. So if I wait till tomorrow morning to text her...maybe she'll see I'm not so eager.

I'm no so sure about calling her up and telling her I like her after one date and her acting a bit a loof..not sure about that. But I'm wondering what the best thing to text her would be. Will have to experiment I guess.

 

[NarrowJ]

Hey E,

Hey Narrow, but remember that chase says that...he sometimes recommends (or all the time?) not to kiss a girl on the first date if you couldn't take her home (which I couldn't that night...she had to go to sleep as we metup late (she only got off at 8:40) and had to wake up early, plus it was like a 25+ min drive back to my place (we're in Jersey so its not a city).

Sounds like the logistics weren't the best. I'm guessing you didn't even try to pull her home since you both had the time constraint? I could go either way on the kissing, really. But, what Franco has suggested (and is working for me) is to invite her home, and persist within reason if she gives any push-back. If you're not able to pull her, then kiss her at the end. You can even initiate a short make-out session, just make sure you are the one to pull out of it first, which will leave her wondering what could have happened if she did come home with you

So chase sometimes says if you DO kiss her but don't take her home, then it could be that you're chasing more after that. So if it's NOT kissing her at the end, what else could I have done?

If I can't pull a girl home, I will at least get a hug. I just say with a warm smile "well you better give me a hug!" and unless she's just a cold, rotten bitch (lol) she will hug you. That also gives you a little indicator. Did she hug you tightly, or did she give you the one-arm yeah your my buddy! type of hug? If you pull out of the hug slowly, it gives you a couple second window to determine how she'd react if you kiss her. Something else that "well you better give me a hug!" accomplishes is you're giving her a command to be physical with you, and she complies with it. Pretty big frame setter / compliance builder there.

And also, given the text she sent above (and remember, she sent the text the next day and didn't reply all night), you think waiting a bit would help so it doesn't show I'm chasing as far as replying? Maybe like you said, she feels like she has me now. So if I wait till tomorrow morning to text her...maybe she'll see I'm not so eager.

Absolutely. I sometimes wait until the next day to respond anyway, just because I'm busy. If she's doing it, you should be too. Remember like Chase said in his recent artile, when you start doing things she wouldn't do (like not waiting until the next day to return a text because you don't want her to be put-off), then you're chasing!

I'm no so sure about calling her up and telling her I like her after one date and her acting a bit a loof..not sure about that. But I'm wondering what the best thing to text her would be. Will have to experiment I guess.

You don't have to say "I like you", maybe my words didn't come off the keyboard very well. A phone call can help though, because she'll hear your voice and remember the interaction you had and it will likely generate a much warmer reception than some words on a little screen


Good luck, and let us know what happens!
NJ