FR++ Girl vanishes after great second date

[tvktvk]

Hey guys, long time no see.

Update on me: At the beginning of this year I was getting pretty tired of nightclub game. I was now at a level where I could hook up with a new girl consistently every month (as long as I wnet out 6-8 times), but I felt I would rather just have some form of relationship with a quality girl I could have regular sex with. This feeling stems from me being very busy this semester and simply not having the opportunity to go out nearly as much as I did last year. Therefore I've been relying on extended social circle and tinder to find new female prospects. Over the last 4 months I've dated 4 quality girls: one friendzoned me, one I stopped texting because she was being an annoying prude and the last two started ignoring my texts after 1-2 dates. My calibration has been off and that's why I'm hoping you guys can help me figure out what I'm doing wrong... Here's the report of the last girl I was seeing, Alex.

REPORT

Matched on tinder and first date (friday)
Me and Alex matched just before easter. We agreed to meet up for cofee after the holidays. Her avg texting response time was the lowest I had experienced ever from a girl and this was a breath of fresh air.
With the three other girls I dated this year, I tried and failed to have sexx on the first date. That's why this time around I wanted to try out a two-date system instead. The first date lasted a little over an hour. The date was a bit dull at times, but it was mostly due to both of us being hungover as fuck and we mostly just joked about it. Alex is a beautiful, tall 21 year old brunette, almost taller than me. Career oriented and not that into partying every weekend. We also share a lot of things in common, but at the date I didn't tell her too much about me. We hugged goodbye and agreed to meet up soon when we were not so hungover.

Second date (wednesday)
On the second date 5 days after the first, I took her out for drinks at 815 pm. We're having a great time this time around, she's laughing and really opening up to me while I maintain a warm but calm vibe. I do tell her much more about me on this date though. One thing maybe worth mentioning is that during the convo the subject of playing pool came up and she told me how she sucked at it. I may have suggested to teach her sometime, which might've been a bit too provider'ish. After 1,5 hour we're halfway done with our second beers. I haven't noticed the time since we've been having such a blast. I tell we should head back to my place to watch x tv show (which is both our favorite) after we finish our drinks. She says sure, but she tells me she has to catch her bus at 11 pm. This fucked up with my schedule of seducing her before 12...

Extraction and back at my place
We leave the bar a little bit before 10pm, I grab her hand and lead her to my apt. However, my mom calls on the way home and won't fucking hang up. We get to my apt, she meets my roomate and his girl in the livingroom before we finally get to my room downstairs and press play on the show. By now the time is 1015 pm and her roomate is now texting her when they're taking the bus together. Alex then says she probably has to go around 1045 pm...

Halfassed escalation
I try to not let it phase me and tell her let's just watch one episode. After a couple of minutes I turn towards her, pull up her chin and kiss her. The kiss was bad, because she was lying in an awkward position with her head resting on the wall. I comment: "Well that kiss sucked" and she repositions herself so we can properly make out on the bed. While we're making out I feel up her thighs and her boobs. She's however crossing her legs so I can't really reach for her crotch. I ask her if she's hot and would like to take off her sweater. She says she's fine and I just smile. I kinda decided here that I wouldn't push for sex since there was only a few minutes until she had to leave. I break away from the kiss and we finish off the episode with her head and hand on my chest. Around 10.45pm I walk her out, we kiss and I tell her next time she should stay a bit longer. She doesn't respond.. and after that we say goodbye.

Follow up
The next day I text her in the evening that I had a great time last night and we should see each other again soon. No response. Hmm wierd, but I didn't think too much about it.
Then the next day while I'm on tinder I see that she not there in my matches anymore. Did she remove our match?
On sunday I suggest we make some food together and watch a movie. No response...

I need to break this cycle of not being able to sleep with girls through dates. All my lays are from night game... Last saturday I had my lay #5 with this girl I don't even remember the name of. While I must admit that was fun, right now I would much rather be able to sleep with high quality girls though other types of game. Looking for your guidance to help me with this fellas.

tvktvk

 

[raysidney]

Hey Man,

In my opinion, I believe you didn't get a 3rd date cause you left no intrigue for her. Regarding the missed the lay, it appears that a bit of it was due to logistics. She was willing to come home, so she was definitely interested. However, she may have been startled by your roommate and his girl, and also worried about catching her bus with her girlfriend. Those are two easy sticking points to fix.

"Around 10.45pm I walk her out, we kiss and I tell her next time she should stay a bit longer. She doesn't respond.. and after that we say goodbye."

I would caution from discussing about hanging out with her next time. Her reply didn't bode well for a third date.

"The next day I text her in the evening that I had a great time last night and we should see each other again soon. No response. Hmm wierd, but I didn't think too much about it.
Then the next day while I'm on tinder I see that she not there in my matches anymore. Did she remove our match?
On sunday I suggest we make some food together and watch a movie. No response..."

Again, I would not mention how you want to see her again. Leaves her with no intrigue.

Yup, she more than likely removed you as at Tinder match.

Don't sweat this one. Overall you did well. Apart from meeting girls through nightgame and online dating, are you doing day game? If not, I suggest doing day game and cold approach (meeting girls when you are out and about (subway, walking outside, grocery store, etc.). Barring approach anxiety (and destroying it if its an issue), day game sounds like it could help. Chase has loads of good articles on his site about day game and using cold approach. That will give you a quality pool of girls to meet. Hope this helps man.

 

[Seppuku]

Hey man,

I hope I can be of some help.

With the three other girls I dated this year, I tried and failed to have sexx on the first date. That's why this time around I wanted to try out a two-date system instead.

The model two-dates system goes like this:
1. First brief date, about 1h / 1h30. You build up as much excitement as possible, and leave her wanting for more. No kiss. Lots of tension. Make her talk, touch, some sexual framing. You don't spill your beans and keep some mystery.
2. Second date at your place, you escalate.

The first date lasted a little over an hour. The date was a bit dull at times, but it was mostly due to both of us being hungover as fuck and we mostly just joked about it. Alex is a beautiful, tall 21 year old brunette, almost taller than me. Career oriented and not that into partying every weekend. We also share a lot of things in common, but at the date I didn't tell her too much about me. We hugged goodbye and agreed to meet up soon when we were not so hungover.

Not sure what you did good here.

Second date (wednesday)
On the second date 5 days after the first, I took her out for drinks at 815 pm. We're having a great time this time around, she's laughing and really opening up to me while I maintain a warm but calm vibe.

The time to do this was on first date.

I do tell her much more about me on this date though. One thing maybe worth mentioning is that during the convo the subject of playing pool came up and she told me how she sucked at it. I may have suggested to teach her sometime, which might've been a bit too provider'ish.

Personally I have no problem with this. It's a good teaser. I tease girls about my cooking. That makes them want coming to my home. When they're in my home, we have a good fuck, and that's *not* providerish. Tease them with anything that makes them want to come to your place. What would be providerish, is you take them to your place, and actually teach them pool instead of fucking them

After 1,5 hour we're halfway done with our second beers. I haven't noticed the time since we've been having such a blast.

Having a blast is maybe good, or not. Building up emotional connection is very good, it's part of the comfort building. Being a fun guy to be with can also make you more friend material, so careful. Being funny is a no no. Sexy beats funny every time. Not sure which one of these three you mean.

Also, from your report, it is not clear what you're doing to build tension. Building comfort and emotional connection is the first half of the story. Building tension is the other half. Tension is two things:

1. Build her sexual excitement around you by being increasingly physical: voice, eye contact, touch
2. By your body language and words, keep her guessing. She's not quite sure if you like her or not.

I tell we should head back to my place to watch x tv show (which is both our favorite) after we finish our drinks. She says sure, but she tells me she has to catch her bus at 11 pm. This fucked up with my schedule of seducing her before 12...

Big logistics mistake. You should get a sense of how much time you have ahead of you. Usually very early on the date I ask her until what time she's free. For sexual escalation and sex, count 2 to 3 hours at your place, at least. Instead, you pull to your place with less than one hour ahead. It's nearly impossible unless you're Drexel or Alek.

I had cases like this. What I did is I bring the girl shortly at home anyway but without attempting escalation - because I know it will be bound to fail in such a little time. But at least she sees my place and gets used to the idea. Next time I try to get them in my home directly for a dinner. It's easier, because she's seen the place.

But the main problem here was the way you arranged your two dates. The first one was not too helpful I think. What you did in the second date, should have happened on the first. Build comfort and tension, and end the date wanting for more.

The second date should have been at your place very early on so that you get the full three hours.

Halfassed escalation
I try to not let it phase me and tell her let's just watch one episode. After a couple of minutes I turn towards her, pull up her chin and kiss her. The kiss was bad, because she was lying in an awkward position with her head resting on the wall. I comment: "Well that kiss sucked" and she repositions herself so we can properly make out on the bed. While we're making out I feel up her thighs and her boobs. She's however crossing her legs so I can't really reach for her crotch.

It takes me sometimes up to one hour to get there. You needed more time for this.

I ask her if she's hot and would like to take off her sweater. She says she's fine and I just smile.

If you take time and make her excited by kissing her progressively, it will be much easier to have her remove her clothes. I usually describe my physical escalation in my LRs.

I need to break this cycle of not being able to sleep with girls through dates.

All this is easily fixable. Build up tension, better logistics, take more time at home to make her horny before even removing clothes.

I hope this helps!

Cheers,
Seppuku

 

[tvktvk]

raysidney
Dude, you're so right with the intrigue thing! I fuck up all the time at the end of dates, leaving girls with no intrigue because I'm already planning the next date like I did with this girl. I've actually written down in my notes that I have to be more aloof when saying goodbye to girls and not talk about "the next time". I really need too work on that haha.

I've dipped my toes in daygame, but frankly nowadays I rarely have time to approach in the daytime. Right now online game and night game is just more efficent use of my time.

Seppuku
Thanks man, alot of good pointers. You're so right that the second date should have been a first date. I think I'm gonna experiment and create my own two date setup. By me saying we were having a blast, I don't mean that I was telling her jokes and she laughing her ass of, what I mean is that we were both opening up and enjoying each others company.

When it comes to creating sexual tension, my non verbals are very good. I was rubbing her thigh and looking into her eyes, while giving her a sly smile for most of the night. I also make sure to not come on too strong by breaking touch and averting my gaze at times. I'm however not good at creating sexual tension verbally and that's something I need to work on. I tried a few things that didn't really pan out at this date.

The logistics screwed me over yeah, haha. I'm going to ask the girl next time how long she's free for. Thanks for a lot of great pointers

tvktvk

 

[Seppuku]

By me saying we were having a blast, I don't mean that I was telling her jokes and she laughing her ass of, what I mean is that we were both opening up and enjoying each others company.

OK then, that's the right kind of blast. Emotional connection. Great part of the "build comfort".

When it comes to creating sexual tension, my non verbals are very good. I was rubbing her thigh and looking into her eyes, while giving her a sly smile for most of the night. I also make sure to not come on too strong by breaking touch and averting my gaze at times.

Good. You don't need much more than that. I do all my sexual tension with my non verbal.

I'm however not good at creating sexual tension verbally and that's something I need to work on. I tried a few things that didn't really pan out at this date.

Well some guys are good at the verbal tension, like transition into sex talk, or getting verbal compliance. I never ventured much into this, as the non verbal worked for me. On the verbal side, I just try not to give too much away, keep a little reserve and mystery, so that she's not 100pct sure she has me. My non verbals, on the other hand, are telling her I like her. So she keeps guessing. Up to you to find what works for you.

The logistics screwed me over yeah, haha. I'm going to ask the girl next time how long she's free for. Thanks for a lot of great pointers

Seems to me that you are otherwise handling things right. You just need to give a serious thought about your logistics, rather than leaving it to chance. It's a very little adjustment.

Happy to help.
Cheers,
Seppuku