Girl with a boyfriend question(s)!

[lambeauleap27]

Hello everyone! Been a reader of Chase's articles for quite some time now and never even realized there was a forum.

Anyway, a couple of weeks ago I asked out a girl who is a seasonal worker at my place of employment. She has been relatively flirty and we had known each other for about a month from on and off conversations in-between our departments. We have a ton in common and connect on a lot of different levels. When I asked her out, she smiled and emphatically said yes and first offered to take my number down. I said no as that is something I just do not do and asked her for her number. So she gave me her number and we texted a bit that day.

So then I ask her to hang out and she then texted me this big long message about having a boyfriend and how she did not want to lead me on and would like to hang out as friends. I didnt acknowledge that she had a boyfriend nor did I say anything about being "friends", I simply said let me know when we can hang out and left it at that. Since then, she hasn't mentioned anything about her boyfriend to me at all and has still been pretty flirty.

I tried making plans with her this past weekend, but she said she was going back home to see her sister one more time before she moved away. She offered a rain-check, but we haven't made plans yet (she is in my hometown for an internship and is leaving in 3 weeks). My first question I guess would be is she shit testing me with the boyfriend stuff as well as the rain-check and some of the radio silence that has come with having her number the past two weeks? She always seems to text first and I do not text her unless I have something interesting to say to her.

What is the reality that she actually likes me but is afraid of dating someone so far away from her hometown? The body language and interest she has shown me seems to lead me to believe that she has a high level of interest in me, but I think she is scared of calling it quits with the guy she is currently dating. They are both 21 (im 26) and she's been with him for about 2 years. I dont want to cut ties with her, but if she views me as nothing more than a friend, I cant really see it working out for me. There is a chance she might be coming back to my hometown for grad school, but that is at least 3 months away yet. Do I flat out tell her that I couldn't see us being friends if I never got to know her as more than friends? Or do I just let it go if we never get the chance to hang out and just assume she wasn't going to break it off with her boyfriend anyway?

Any help would be greatly appreciated! I look forward to being part of the community!

 

[Seppuku]

Hey man,

In general when a girl says she has a boyfriend, it can mean several different things:

• 1. She doesn't have a boyfriend, but wants to brush you off
  2. She doesn't have a boyfriend, but wants to know if you stay around - a test of your manly resolve
  3. She has a boyfriend, but she's currently unhappy with him, and thinking of changing - she won't leave him until she's fucking another confirmed candidate
  4. She has a boyfriend, but wouldn't mind a little fling on the side
  5. She has a boyfriend, is currently happy with him, and wants to brush you off

Given the range of possible meaning, the best advice is usually to simply ignore the boyfriend statement and look for the actual facts. Always go by what she does, rather than by what she says.

Another big piece of advice is to step back, while persisting, and engage other girls. Coming across as non needy and not chasing will do wonders for you. The best way to achieve that is by having not one, but many girls in your loop at any point. If you have many, your happiness does not depend on the outcome with any particular girl. You will be coming from a position of strength in all your interactions and it will help you immensely. It has definitely helped me a lot.

Given what you're saying, and what your intuition seems to tell you, this girl could be case 3 or 4 above, so you should ignore what she says and go for it. But remember you will succeed much better if you're coming from a position of strength. So my advice is to start onboarding other girls as well and not put all your bets on this particular one girl. After all, she also could be case 5.

I hope this helps.
Cheers,
Seppuku

 

[lambeauleap27]

Thanks for the quick response. Yeah it seems like she wants some extra attention on the side. We're supposed to meet up tonight but now she's talking about having her boyfriend drop her off. It didnt occur to me that he was down here since he's not from here either. I brushed that off as well and I'm waiting to here back from her. I am talking to a couple of other girls as well and this situation doesn't bother me in the slightest. Just looking for some pointers and suggestions for how to possibly make this a success for me instead of it becoming a failure.