Girlfriend always rescheduling hangouts around her time

[Perturbation]

Hey everyone,

So recently my girlfriend of 3 years has been rejecting whenever I ask to get together but will either suggest to hang out another time or contact me later on and suggest to hang out. At first I would just always oblige because we hadn't seen each other in awhile and she was legitimately busy with school. However now it's break and she still does it, here's an example text convo:

Me: Haha come over this week, I know you missed me . Tuesday or Wednesday works well.

(a day passed)

Her: Hey, sorry haven't had a chance to to reply. I'm having dinner with family now. I don't think i'll be free the next few days.
Her: Happy anniversary though (this is just a "month anniversary" nothing important)

Me: You're good, enjoy the dinner. Happy Anniversary to you too

Her: That convention this weekend if you're free though My friend also wants to hangout but idk when :/ I might be too busy for them.

Me: Alrighty i'll let you know closer to the convention .

This is annoying to me because she's rejected the last 5 or more times i've tried to get her over, so i'm pretty sure i'm going to tell her i'm not going to the convention. I've heard it's good if they offer another time to get together but how about always doing it? How would you guys handle this situation?

 

[ProblemSolving]

Perturbation,

Her attraction to you is low at this point, otherwise she would making time to see you and she would be replying to your texts a lot sooner. If you ever invite your girl to hang out and you get a luke warm or flakey response, that is your cue to STOP initiating contact with her. Make her invest and make her put in work to get access to your attention and sex.

Make her initiate contact and make her set up a time and place to meet up that works for your schedule. Busy yourself with other things like hobbies, work, exercise, or friends until she puts in work to see you. When she takes the initiative, be warm and responsive, so she feels rewarded for chasing you.

This is annoying to me because she's rejected the last 5 or more times i've tried to get her over, so i'm pretty sure i'm going to tell her i'm not going to the convention.

Right now, you've been chasing which is why she's not eager to see you or contact you. Next time, stop initiating contact the FIRST time she rejects your offer.

Also, because her attraction is so low at this point, I'd advise you to have a "Guys Night" out at the bar with your boys, or anything similar to throw some insecurity her way because right now she's not worried about you at all.

 

[Perturbation]

ProblemSolving,

Thanks for the reply, I told her that I was busy this weekend and wouldn't be able to see her. I have backed off and am now waiting. I will continue to distance myself until she initiates again, thanks for the solid advice!

 

[ProblemSolving]

Thanks for the reply, I told her that I was busy this weekend and wouldn't be able to see her. I have backed off and am now waiting. I will continue to distance myself until she initiates again, thanks for the solid advice

Good job! If you find yourself thinking about her a lot and wanting to text or call her, then it might be a good idea to go hit on some other chicks. You don't have to date or sleep with them, just chat them up and get a number or two. This will go a long way in removing the neediness that you've been experiencing.

You might feel a little guilty doing this, but you shouldn't. Girls will always have guys giving them attention, so they never experience severe scarcity. By chatting up other girls, you even the playing field and retain the strength that attracted her in the first place.

 

[Perturbation]

Thanks for the reply, I told her that I was busy this weekend and wouldn't be able to see her. I have backed off and am now waiting. I will continue to distance myself until she initiates again, thanks for the solid advice

Good job! If you find yourself thinking about her a lot and wanting to text or call her, then it might be a good idea to go hit on some other chicks. You don't have to date or sleep with them, just chat them up and get a number or two. This will go a long way in removing the neediness that you've been experiencing.

You might feel a little guilty doing this, but you shouldn't. Girls will always have guys giving them attention, so they never experience severe scarcity. By chatting up other girls, you even the playing field and retain the strength that attracted her in the first place.

So I did exactly that and actually hung out with some of my guy friend and some girl friends. So I backed off on Saturday (we hadn't really text or talked that much during the previous week). And last night she finally messaged me and we had this convo:

Her: *Irrelevant convo opener* ended with a smiley face

Me: *Just went along with the joke*

Her: How have you been? I feel like we haven't talked in a long time

Me: I've been good just had my first Capoeira class today! How about you? Haha you were probably just missing me

Her: That's exciting how did it go? I'm ok. I have a dentist appointment tomorrow so i' having trouble sleeping....which isn't going to help my lock jaw :/
Her: Are you saying you don't miss me??

Me: It was awesome, such a great group of people . Good luck, you've been cleaning your teeth well, you'll do fine.
Me: Haha, uhm...I'm saying it felt like awhile because you missed me!

Her: I survived you right I do miss you

Me: I know you would aww <3 at least you have my christmas gift to remind you of me.

Her: True , I'm going to drive around the area to look for a place if you wanna tag along. I'm changing my clothes right now.

Me: No i'm busy today, you're welcome to come over this week if you want to see me, tomorrow works well.

And then no reply since I sent that text this afternoon. She's doing it AGAIN; trying to hang out with me when it's already convenient for her. I just want to have a night in and have sex and then maybe take her on a date. I'm tired of just going out with her when she wants to. Is this because i'm just no longer a lover to her and she just views me as a friend now? I have had a talk with her about a month ago about "us" and she said she was still "IN love" with me. I made it very clear it was fine if she wasnt "IN love" with me but just loved me and in that case we could end the relationship with no animosity. She held firm to the saying she was "IN love" with me and was glad I brought my concerns to her attention. Any advice from this update, would you say I handled things well or were places I could have improved in this interaction?

 

[ProblemSolving]

So I did exactly that and actually hung out with some of my guy friend and some girl friends. So I backed off on Saturday (we hadn't really text or talked that much during the previous week). And last night she finally messaged me and we had this convo:

Her: How have you been? I feel like we haven't talked in a long time

This is good. She's wondering why the validation tap dried up haha. The shoe is on the other foot.

Me: Haha you were probably just missing me

Don't tease her about missing you. This is behavior you want to encourage, not punish.

Her: I survived you right I do miss you

This is good.

Me: I know you would aww <3 at least you have my christmas gift to remind you of me.

Again, don't punish this kind of chasing behavior by teasing her. It's okay to admit that you missed her as well, since she's the one initiating things.

Me: No i'm busy today, you're welcome to come over this week if you want to see me, tomorrow works well.

No need to invite her over again. Remember, she's turned you down 5 times already, so wait for her to invite you on a date where sex can happen.

Is this because i'm just no longer a lover to her and she just views me as a friend now? I have had a talk with her about a month ago about "us" and she said she was still "IN love" with me. I made it very clear it was fine if she wasnt "IN love" with me but just loved me and in that case we could end the relationship with no animosity. She held firm to the saying she was "IN love" with me and was glad I brought my concerns to her attention.

These aren't the kind of conversations that you should be initiating. SHE doesn't know why she's not as attracted to you anymore, so asking her about it just makes you look weak. The real reason she's not hungry to see you is because you've been chasing her which absolutely kills attraction. Keep doing what you've been doing. No calling or texting, and just enjoying your life without her. When she proposes a meet up where sex can happen, agree and rock her world.

 

[Perturbation]

Alrighty note taken on all points. Man have I got rusty over the 3 years i've dated her! I really appreciate the coaching and fast replies, i'm learning a lot from this. I'll continue doing me and update this once she comes to me.