Girlfriend thinks I don't ask her enough about her

[lost54]

Need help.. I have been in a relationship with a girl for 5 months and everything was going great but recently she has been pulling back. We used to spend a lot of time together and lately she has not wanted to spend much time with me. The last time I saw her she almost broke down crying and said, " she feels that I do not ask her enough questions about her and that it seems like I really do not want to get to know her as a person". Yet, she still texts me all the time that she loves me and that I mean everything to her...
I am so confused and of course I want to know everything about her. She truly means the world to me and I am deeply in love with her. I do not ever want to make her feel like this and really upsets me. Suggestions?

 

[Estate]

Well what do you talk to her about if you were just sitting on the couch tonight?

Deep-diving is your answer. Do you just ask how was her day and go "Um hmmm" when she answers or do you find out how she's feeling?
I've been there... if the conversation is only surface level she'll feel like the connection is being lost.

 

[lost54]

Thanks for the reply.
Yes, we talk all the time and I do always ask her about her day, her friends, her family. I don't necessarily think we are at a lose for words but I think she wants me to dive-deep like you stated to really know her.

I really want to I guess I just don't know how. Meaning- I do have a million questions about her and her life and their are so many things I wont to know, but lately we have not had a chance to really see each other. When we have seen each other lately it has been for lunch or just meeting for a bit because we have been both working so much. So because of the time crunch we really just catch up on what we have both been doing instead of deep diving.
I feel weird asking her personal stuff by text I would rather in person... Is text ok and how do you bring this up on text?

 

[Estate]

Ask her in person... it sounds like she wants real conversation. But if you are in contact by text you can at least try to ask more emotional questions than just "How was your day?" It's a start...


Can I be totally honest though... I have felt what she's feeling. It happened with a girlfriend a long time ago. Now, this girl was amazing and I know she really loved me. But for whatever reason as the relationship went on it was *I* who felt she never asked about me. The thing was, we'd always talk every day, we'd always ask how the other was doing, I'd get a text or IM out of the blue from her when something funny happened or whatever...

.. but I can't explain it. It's like I had a whole life away from her. She just didn't seem to want to be part of it. I did a lot of stuff and went a lot of places, knew a lot of people who she didn't get herself involved with. When I was with her, she was totally in my world... but when she'd leave, I'd go do other stuff, stuff I knew she had no interest in. And it actually bugged me a lot. It was like we had our own little world when we were together and in the moment it was great. But when we were apart it was like I was just living my own life and I began to feel like, she was never really going to be part of it, she was missing out on big parts of who I really was. She didn't really know how I was feeling about anything at any time because it got glossed over.

I know that sounds really girly, but this was a long-term committed relationship and in the end if made me drift away.

 

[lost54]

Thanks. I'm glad you shared because It is similar to what we are going thru.

 

[Gonzaleth]

This is reminiscence of what happened to me and my last ex. I am by no means experienced, just sharing.

1) After 6+ months into our relationship, she told me tearfully that "we no longer have anything in common to talk about".
2) Despite that, she continued to send me "love you" texts every day. On hindsight, it is probably a habitual thing. Instead, I should have look at her actions (her pulling away, becoming less compliant and overall disrespectful), not her words.
3) Dropped a bomb into our 7th month that she has "lost interest" because of her busy work and hobbies.
4) We broke off because I thought I cant put up with this bullshit.
5) She promptly found herself another man 1 month after.

You may be around (1) and (2) in my situation? There are a lot of fantastic articles here that cover this.

Read this: https://www.girlschase.com/content/recog ... lationship

The relationship quiz is pretty spot on (at least for me). The big question is: do you want to fix it?

She is basically telling you that you need to fix things. If you want to fix it, then do it ASAP.

Estate:

It's like I had a whole life away from her. She just didn't seem to want to be part of it. I did a lot of stuff and went a lot of places, knew a lot of people who she didn't get herself involved with. When I was with her, she was totally in my world... but when she'd leave, I'd go do other stuff, stuff I knew she had no interest in. And it actually bugged me a lot. It was like we had our own little world when we were together and in the moment it was great. But when we were apart it was like I was just living my own life and I began to feel like, she was never really going to be part of it, she was missing out on big parts of who I really was. She didn't really know how I was feeling about anything at any time because it got glossed over.

I had a similar experience with my last ex, but in our case it goes both ways. We have extremely divergent lifestyle (like, seriously diverging). We meet only to have sex, have meals and coffee and that's it. She goes back to her life and I go back to mine. The tell-tale sign came when my friends ask me what she does for a living... I had a vague idea, but I didnt really know. I doubt she really knows what I do too. In the end, I attribute it to just 2 lonely people getting together for companionship. Do you feel this way?