Girls going off on you

[D_Smooth1900]

Hey everyone

I have a general question for the board, a friend of mine has been dating this girl for two months, the relationship came to an end the other day. But the way it came to an end is what bothers me.

Apparently she took him out to grab some dinner but during the transition they got into an argument because his ex hit him up the previous day. She went off screaming and yelling and my friend kept his cool and just watched her lose her mind. What she was saying was disrespectful and degrading.(I'll spare you guys the details) my point being I told him he did a great job handling the situation. As if it was me I would have met her challenge and escalated the situation.

I feel that as a man, no man or woman should disrespect you, and if they do you should address them and let them know your not comfortable with them speaking to you that way. At least that's my opinion, whether if it's pride or just my ego.

I'd like to know what you guys think and how you guys would have handle the situation, also were my friends methods wrong and how should he have handled it.

-Smooth

 

[Drck]

IMO your friend has a good frame, he remained cool, non-reactive. He didn't met her challenge, e.g. he didn't get at the same level, he didn't let her provoke him emotionally and act passively/aggressively like a girl. That is all good. Perhaps with some assertive words he could have calm her down, just to show his own respect for himself. Women won't respect you if you don't respect yourself. Who cares that she is freaking out? That is her problem.

When she got pissed at him she had a reason. Whatever that was, but the important thing is that she care(d) about him.

 

[D_Smooth1900]

Hey Drck

I appreciate the response, I'll take note of this if I ever find myself in this situation. Apparently the break up didn't last long. she came back to my friend place the next day and I guess they talked it out. Im not a relationship type guy, so I don't really understand the the framework behind it .i still think it was completely unnecessary for her to lose her mind over something so petty. I'll continue to support my boy and observe the course of the relationship, in the meantime I'll keep you guys posted.

-Smooth

 

[Franco]

D_smooth,

Chase just had an article up on this (in relation to LTRs and girlfriends), so I would check that out if you haven't already:

• The Key To Nipping Girlfriend Drama in the Bud in LTRs

So, if you read that, then you'll notice the situation is very different with "girlfriends" as opposed to "casual" relationships (or relationships that haven't reached the commitment point yet). Since it sounds like he's been dating this girl for only two months, then being non-reactive was probably the way to go here. However, if he was already exclusive with this girl, then how he should have handled it would vary depending on what the argument was about and how she was going about making it.

If my girlfriend ever tried to call me names or disrespect me in an argument, I would actually escalate the fight and let her know head-on that I don't tolerate that type of behavior or name-calling tactics. If she continued to go on that way, I would probably just kick her out. But it never really gets to that point with my girlfriend because she has a high amount of respect for me and generally does not like arguing about things unless she feels like she has a really good logical reason for doing so.

But in general the rule of thumb is: if it's a casual relationship, stay cool and non-reactive. If it's a more committed, long-term relationship (a.k.a. girlfriend), then make sure you address her concerns/arguments appropriately. If she's using abusive tactics and calling you names or raising her voice, then you need to meet her head on and even turn it up a notch to let her know that that is not acceptable. However, if she's upset about something and not looking to attack you directly but rather looking for you to address the issue, then the article above covers that pretty clearly.

- Franco

 

[D_Smooth1900]

Hey gents

I appreciate the replies, my friend who is a natural with woman, and who is the one having the girl problem doesn't think he needs improvement. Obviously from the replys I've gotten from the above mentioned scenario it shows he still needs more improvement. He's still with the girl, and according to him the girl has been really warm to him and that all problems have sub sided, but I'm confident that this is just the calm before the storm, untill the next time gents.

-Smooth