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- Oct 9, 2012
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I just talked with a student who, on a date with an ADHD girl, repeatedly tried to set sexual frames, only for her to just talk past them.
He told me she was "brushing off" his frames, but when I listened to the audio it was obvious she didn't even register the frames he was trying to set.
This is something I have noticed repeatedly with more self-focused women (ADHD girls in particular): that if the frames you try setting are not VERY clear, they will often not even consciously register at all.
In the student's case, one example went something like this:
It wasn't resistance; when there's resistance, you will hear the girl pause for a moment to consider whether to respond to the frame, or she will hedge in her conversation, "Well, I don't take calls in the Jacuzzi, but anyway..." In this girl's case, there was no pause; she just went from talking about business before his comment to talking about business after his comment.
Obviously, frames not registering can happen with any girl, if the frame is subtle enough. This frame was about as subtle as a sledgehammer though, and the girl still didn't register it.
When this happens, you cannot take it personal, and shouldn't take it as her resisting the frame.
Instead, just recognize that she didn't even know there was a frame there -- it's not resistance, it's not a rejection, she was just too deep in her train of thought to register the frame in the first place.
GIRLS IN THEIR HEADS VS. FRAME OBVIOUSNESS
You know how there are really oblivious guys (we have a few of them on this forum
)? There are also really oblivious girls.
Women run the gamut of awareness, from ridiculously attuned to ridiculously oblivious.
With the ridiculously attuned types, you can set super subtle frames and still have her engage with it like you framed it on a 50-foot billboard.
With the ridiculously oblivious types, you can have what you think is the most obvious frame ever and she has no idea you are even setting a frame.
Ultimately it comes down to how focused on you the girl is vs. how focused she is on herself, what she is saying, etc.
Girls who are less empathetic (ADHD girls, female autists, etc.) and to a lesser extent girls who are extremely self-conscious (very nervous, intimidated girls) are less likely to pick up on the frames you set.
You can either be more obvious, or just adapt your seduction to the different nature of the girl.
HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH 'FRAME OBLIVIOUS' GIRLS?
With girls who are very oblivious, should you try to force in VERY OBVIOUS frames so the girl clearly gets the frame?
Or should you just not worry about it?
Personally, with girls like this, I prefer to just keep dropping one-off sexual frames every now and then, even if she doesn't seem to register it, because I know somewhere in her subconscious she still registers it. She isn't resisting it; she just isn't consciously interacting with it at all. Beyond that, I don't worry about framing things too much. I will not dig in on a frame; I'll just drop a random one in here and there then let the conversation continue how it is.
Otherwise, you continue running your seduction per usual, escalate touch, escalate intimacy, connect, flirt, get her invested, move her around, and pull.
These types of girls are the most likely ones to end up back at your place then be 'surprised' when you kiss them, even though you've been touching them and setting sexual frames (that they did not consciously register) the entire date. However, IMO, they are also some of the most likely to basically go, "Oh! Hmm. Okay!" and then you go to bed.
I don't recommend trying to force frames in there, as these girls tend to like talking and basically just need you to shepherd things along, relate to some of what they say, tease them a bit, have fun, touch, and lead. They will fill the space with plenty of conversation on their own. There isn't really a need for you to set tons of frames. Just keep throwing some sexual frames here and there even if they do not seem to register.
The student and I also talked about some ways to set even more overt sexual frames. I told him to check out @Teevster's sex talk materials and said I'd dig up some of MrSex4uNYC's sexual elicitation material and send that to him.
But in general, with these types, you do not really need to worry about the frames not being picked up on consciously, IME.
Just keep the interaction fun and connective and intimate, continue escalating touch and compliance, and then get her alone with you and escalate.
And don't take it personal that your frames don't register, if it's simple lack of registration, rather than resistance.
If she isn't pausing, hedging, refuting, etc., and is just rolling right into her next topic without skipping a beat, it's usually just that it did not register, not that she's resistant. She's just a gal who is very focused on herself.
The good news for you is that most guys do not know how to deal with this (in the student's case, he did not pull even though the date was very solid because he never felt like he got an indication she was ready for the pull; as I told him, with these girls, you just have to seed the pull + escalate to the point a pull is the next step, then do the pull; if they are having a lot of fun talking with you a lot of the time they will just go along with it), so if you can stay cool and keep escalating you are at an advantage.
Chase
He told me she was "brushing off" his frames, but when I listened to the audio it was obvious she didn't even register the frames he was trying to set.
This is something I have noticed repeatedly with more self-focused women (ADHD girls in particular): that if the frames you try setting are not VERY clear, they will often not even consciously register at all.
In the student's case, one example went something like this:
HER: [talking about taking business calls while staying in a place with a Jacuzzi]
HIM: I can already picture you in the Jacuzzi with the jets on and a martini, on a business call and they don't even realize...
HER: [didn't miss a beat] Actually it was a different kind of business, we blah blah [talking about the business]
It wasn't resistance; when there's resistance, you will hear the girl pause for a moment to consider whether to respond to the frame, or she will hedge in her conversation, "Well, I don't take calls in the Jacuzzi, but anyway..." In this girl's case, there was no pause; she just went from talking about business before his comment to talking about business after his comment.
Obviously, frames not registering can happen with any girl, if the frame is subtle enough. This frame was about as subtle as a sledgehammer though, and the girl still didn't register it.
When this happens, you cannot take it personal, and shouldn't take it as her resisting the frame.
Instead, just recognize that she didn't even know there was a frame there -- it's not resistance, it's not a rejection, she was just too deep in her train of thought to register the frame in the first place.
GIRLS IN THEIR HEADS VS. FRAME OBVIOUSNESS
You know how there are really oblivious guys (we have a few of them on this forum
)? There are also really oblivious girls.Women run the gamut of awareness, from ridiculously attuned to ridiculously oblivious.
With the ridiculously attuned types, you can set super subtle frames and still have her engage with it like you framed it on a 50-foot billboard.
With the ridiculously oblivious types, you can have what you think is the most obvious frame ever and she has no idea you are even setting a frame.
Ultimately it comes down to how focused on you the girl is vs. how focused she is on herself, what she is saying, etc.
Girls who are less empathetic (ADHD girls, female autists, etc.) and to a lesser extent girls who are extremely self-conscious (very nervous, intimidated girls) are less likely to pick up on the frames you set.
You can either be more obvious, or just adapt your seduction to the different nature of the girl.
HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH 'FRAME OBLIVIOUS' GIRLS?
With girls who are very oblivious, should you try to force in VERY OBVIOUS frames so the girl clearly gets the frame?
Or should you just not worry about it?
Personally, with girls like this, I prefer to just keep dropping one-off sexual frames every now and then, even if she doesn't seem to register it, because I know somewhere in her subconscious she still registers it. She isn't resisting it; she just isn't consciously interacting with it at all. Beyond that, I don't worry about framing things too much. I will not dig in on a frame; I'll just drop a random one in here and there then let the conversation continue how it is.
Otherwise, you continue running your seduction per usual, escalate touch, escalate intimacy, connect, flirt, get her invested, move her around, and pull.
These types of girls are the most likely ones to end up back at your place then be 'surprised' when you kiss them, even though you've been touching them and setting sexual frames (that they did not consciously register) the entire date. However, IMO, they are also some of the most likely to basically go, "Oh! Hmm. Okay!" and then you go to bed.
I don't recommend trying to force frames in there, as these girls tend to like talking and basically just need you to shepherd things along, relate to some of what they say, tease them a bit, have fun, touch, and lead. They will fill the space with plenty of conversation on their own. There isn't really a need for you to set tons of frames. Just keep throwing some sexual frames here and there even if they do not seem to register.
The student and I also talked about some ways to set even more overt sexual frames. I told him to check out @Teevster's sex talk materials and said I'd dig up some of MrSex4uNYC's sexual elicitation material and send that to him.
But in general, with these types, you do not really need to worry about the frames not being picked up on consciously, IME.
Just keep the interaction fun and connective and intimate, continue escalating touch and compliance, and then get her alone with you and escalate.
And don't take it personal that your frames don't register, if it's simple lack of registration, rather than resistance.
If she isn't pausing, hedging, refuting, etc., and is just rolling right into her next topic without skipping a beat, it's usually just that it did not register, not that she's resistant. She's just a gal who is very focused on herself.
The good news for you is that most guys do not know how to deal with this (in the student's case, he did not pull even though the date was very solid because he never felt like he got an indication she was ready for the pull; as I told him, with these girls, you just have to seed the pull + escalate to the point a pull is the next step, then do the pull; if they are having a lot of fun talking with you a lot of the time they will just go along with it), so if you can stay cool and keep escalating you are at an advantage.
Chase
