GIRLS take me for granted and REFUSE TO ADMIT THEY ARE WRONG

[Ree]

so my girlfriend and her two friends had been planning to go out for a week,they were so excited,
every now and then they asked me if I will join them and i refused,I am an introvert and I hate clubbing,I would rather just stay inside and watch anime.
so the day arrived and they asked me to drop them on the road,I was looking forward to having the house all to myself,
it was late and I decided i will just drop them to the club,I didnt even park,i dropped them,made a quick U turn,and immediately started driving back home,looking forward to a peaceful night of watching Bleach,.
I hadnt even gone far,when I got a call from one of my girlfriends friends,they told me,there is a problem,please come here.
I went back,and found the bouncers had refused to let them in,the bouncers said the age limit is 25 years old,and the oldest girl there was 23,I think the bouncers just didnt want to let unacompanied girls in ,because they felt girls dont have money,
i tried convincing the bouncers that hese girls had money,since all of them were working,the bouncers disnt want to hear any of it,they gave me an ultimatum,either get in with the girls,or they cant get in.
I got a solution,I told the bouncer,how about i gget in with the girls,then leave,the bouncer assured me that if i get in with the girls,then leave,they would just kick the girls out.
I looked at the girls ,they had been so excited about this outing,sigh,I guess i could just endure one night out,
the girls paid the entrance fee(remember this,its important later),the fee for all four of us was 50 dollars(10 dollars,a girl and 20 dollars for me).
They ordered drinks(i dont drink)and food,and partied,they partied while i was just there on my phone,trying to pass time by reading jordan petersons book on my phone,time dragged by slowly,until i felt liquid on my thigh,
someone had spilled their drink on me,or at least that what i hoped,in reality,one of the girls had vomited on me,
the other girls were just dancing so I had to take her to the washroom,
I hoped she could wash herself and freshen up,but I soon realised she waas too far gone,she was puking all over herself and me,and she couldnt walk,I had no choice but to tell the girls the parties over,
the bill came,and it was 1400 dollars,
they did not have the money and so I decided to pay,under the assumption that they will just pay me back.
I dropped everyone home,and threw my stinky vomit ridden clothes in the washer.
After a week,I asked for the money back,and all hell broke loose.
according to all three girls,we should split the bill equally,despite me not even wanting to be there,or even tasting a sip of alcohol,or even wanting to.
I demanded the money I sent back,they sent it,but then started talking about how i raised a fuss over so little money.
girl1: all this drama over 20 dollars,
girl 2:imagine,just 20 dollars is what is causing this huge fight,smh
my gitlfriend: smh,20 dollars,i guess im used to partying with guys with money,let me pay his share,

I could not believe the ingratitude,they had managed to frame themselves as victims who had paid for me because i had thrown a tantrum over .
I tried to call them out on this
girl1:whats the problem?we have already paid you,what more do you want?
girl2:leave him alone,i cant imagine someone would raise such a storm over pennies.

I called my girl aside,and asked her to pick anyone from her phone book and tell her the story without mentioning names and see what the nuetral parties verdict would be,
my gf called a girl that was half asleep,she listened to the story,and sided with me in the story.
I felt like hearing that from an unbiased party would convince them that they should not have tried to split the bill 4 ways.
strangely enough,the girls stuck to their guns,and insisted that the bill should have been split 4 ways.
I wonder whats the solution to a situation like this.
I didnt want to be a tyrant and get the money just because I am big man,I wonder is there no way to make them see that bill should have been split 3 ways,(unless of course you guys dont think so).
I think that feeling of being taken for granted and people being ungrateful is really infuriating,I cant seem to find a good solution .
anyway,thoughts or insights?

 

[Warped Mindless]

Let women’s problems be their problems.

She wants to go out with her friends? Cool, she can take an Uber.

Cant get into the club? That sucks. Thankfully they can Uber to another one.

Girl wants to call you names, insult you, and drag you into drama? No thanks. Refuse to be a participant in her drama BS.

Learn to set boundaries and stop playing their drama mind games.

People will treat you the way you train them to treat you.

 

[weekendwarrior]

I'm nowhere near qualified to be giving advice but I agree with @Warped Mindless about setting boundaries.

I'd go as far as saying soft next or relegate your girlfriend for acting out. It reads like you reacted in an emotional way, she took more shots at you when she called you cheap. She will keep acting out, pushing your buttons and stretching the boundaries while you let her.

She needs to know that you find this disrespectful and unacceptable. They are all out of their minds if they think you should have to pay anything for this! If you want her to understand and agree with you, you need to be calm and explain that you were their carer, you were only there so they could have got in.

Warrior

 

[Starboy]

Are you sure the bill was 1400 dollars or did you mean 140 dollars? That seems more accurate for a night out at the club.

 

[Vision]

Yeah, unfortunately, you chose to get involved... you chose to pay... and they have no honor (but they're girls so it's not surprising).

It's a lesson learned. The solution is to accept it, get over it, and then move on.

Look at your gf and her friends as a whole and decide whether you want them in your life or not. And if you do, like WM said, you need to set better boundaries.

If she's pushing you around now... making you do things you don't want to do, making you pay for things you don't want to pay for, etc... she's going to continue doing it and she's going to lose more and more respect for you as time goes on because you're not respecting yourself and you're allowing people (including her) to disrespect you.

You need to stop allowing that to happen. You need to set boundaries, enforce them, and walk away from situations where you're being disrespected. Getting all pissy because they aren't living up to their side of things and proving that you're right and they're wrong... that's all little kid shit. Who cares who's right and who's wrong?

They said one thing and they're doing another... and you're the one getting shit on because of it... your gf is reluctantly holding herself to her word while she verbally disrespects you to your face.

The adult thing to do is to accept that they're being disrespectful and decide how you're going to deal with them because of this. It's to communicate your boundaries in a very clear manner and walk away from anything that's even potentially disrespectful in the future. It's to take a stand for being respected as the high value man that you are.

The only real options you have are either accepting that they aren't going to pay you and never letting them put you in a situation like that again or letting them know that you don't want to ever see them again unless they show up with the money in hand ready to give to you... they're not allowed over, you don't want to see them. IMO, the second one is a bit petty and they'll probably test you on it but you could do it (I suggest just letting it go though and moving on).

And you need to let your gf know that you love her to death and you care about her but that you're not going to let her disrespect you like that again... and make it very clear how she disrespected you and how serious it is that she doesn't do it again.

I have a four step formula for setting boundaries that goes something like this...

Tell her what you want, tell her the boundary, tell her why, and then ask if she agrees to it.

So let me give you an example just for fun...

"Hey babe, I love spending time with you and I want things to work out between us (this is telling her what you want) but when you and your friends agree to something like that and then try to go back on your word later, that's not okay with me (that's the boundary) because I feel like you don't really respect me. It makes me feel disconnected to you when I want us to be closer. (that's the reason why) Can you just be upfront with me in the future instead of saying one thing and doing something else? (that's the agreement)

It doesn't always need to follow that formula perfectly... it's just a guideline that I created a few years ago that I use when I want to set boundaries.

The feeling I get from this tells me that it's much deeper than just making sure you have boundaries and not allowing yourself to be disrespected... I mean, there are a few different disrespectful things going on here... making you drive even though you're not going out (that could be a protection thing on your side too but then you're just kind of dropping them off at a meet market so... ?), having you come in and hang out at a club even though you don't club, and having you pay because they don't have any money, and then refusing to pay you back even though they said they would... that's a lot of disrespect for one evening.

The next question is... how much more of this is going on outside of that?

It's important to set boundaries, not even just to make sure she follows it... but to let her know that you have standards and that she can't just walk all over you.

 

[Skills]

so my girlfriend and her two friends had been planning to go out for a week,they were so excited,
every now and then they asked me if I will join them and i refused,I am an introvert and I hate clubbing,I would rather just stay inside and watch anime.
so the day arrived and they asked me to drop them on the road,I was looking forward to having the house all to myself,
it was late and I decided i will just drop them to the club,I didnt even park,i dropped them,made a quick U turn,and immediately started driving back home,looking forward to a peaceful night of watching Bleach,.
I hadnt even gone far,when I got a call from one of my girlfriends friends,they told me,there is a problem,please come here.
I went back,and found the bouncers had refused to let them in,the bouncers said the age limit is 25 years old,and the oldest girl there was 23,I think the bouncers just didnt want to let unacompanied girls in ,because they felt girls dont have money,
i tried convincing the bouncers that hese girls had money,since all of them were working,the bouncers disnt want to hear any of it,they gave me an ultimatum,either get in with the girls,or they cant get in.
I got a solution,I told the bouncer,how about i gget in with the girls,then leave,the bouncer assured me that if i get in with the girls,then leave,they would just kick the girls out.
I looked at the girls ,they had been so excited about this outing,sigh,I guess i could just endure one night out,
the girls paid the entrance fee(remember this,its important later),the fee for all four of us was 50 dollars(10 dollars,a girl and 20 dollars for me).
They ordered drinks(i dont drink)and food,and partied,they partied while i was just there on my phone,trying to pass time by reading jordan petersons book on my phone,time dragged by slowly,until i felt liquid on my thigh,
someone had spilled their drink on me,or at least that what i hoped,in reality,one of the girls had vomited on me,
the other girls were just dancing so I had to take her to the washroom,
I hoped she could wash herself and freshen up,but I soon realised she waas too far gone,she was puking all over herself and me,and she couldnt walk,I had no choice but to tell the girls the parties over,
the bill came,and it was 1400 dollars,
they did not have the money and so I decided to pay,under the assumption that they will just pay me back.
I dropped everyone home,and threw my stinky vomit ridden clothes in the washer.
After a week,I asked for the money back,and all hell broke loose.
according to all three girls,we should split the bill equally,despite me not even wanting to be there,or even tasting a sip of alcohol,or even wanting to.
I demanded the money I sent back,they sent it,but then started talking about how i raised a fuss over so little money.
girl1: all this drama over 20 dollars,
girl 2:imagine,just 20 dollars is what is causing this huge fight,smh
my gitlfriend: smh,20 dollars,i guess im used to partying with guys with money,let me pay his share,

I could not believe the ingratitude,they had managed to frame themselves as victims who had paid for me because i had thrown a tantrum over .
I tried to call them out on this
girl1:whats the problem?we have already paid you,what more do you want?
girl2:leave him alone,i cant imagine someone would raise such a storm over pennies.

I called my girl aside,and asked her to pick anyone from her phone book and tell her the story without mentioning names and see what the nuetral parties verdict would be,
my gf called a girl that was half asleep,she listened to the story,and sided with me in the story.
I felt like hearing that from an unbiased party would convince them that they should not have tried to split the bill 4 ways.
strangely enough,the girls stuck to their guns,and insisted that the bill should have been split 4 ways.
I wonder whats the solution to a situation like this.
I didnt want to be a tyrant and get the money just because I am big man,I wonder is there no way to make them see that bill should have been split 3 ways,(unless of course you guys dont think so).
I think that feeling of being taken for granted and people being ungrateful is really infuriating,I cant seem to find a good solution .
anyway,thoughts or insights?

It may be too late, that is why is very important to stablish relationship boundaries at the beginning of the relationship.... It is 10 times more difficult to BACKTRACK and re do dynamics once they have been stablished....

- My relationships are very loving and caring and women are happy, though is super difficult to date a guy like me... But, i would never do something that i do not enjoy, and the women that i date try not to put me in situations that they know i don't enjoy in the first place, cause they love me and respect me.......

^ that should be the right dynamic, but it starts with clear boundaries and expectations from day one. It is very important to come into the relationship the right way....(that is why screening and dating multiple women is so important)

To be honest i don't think she intended the whole thing to happen in the first place... By the way i never ever heard of a club like you describe unless strip club were they do not like women to go without a male partner...


I don't understand why you dating a woman that is into clubbing like that, this is what chase and vision were talking about in the other post we went back and forth...... Your girl no offense sounds like club regular, huge red flag...

- i think you are better of planning escape or downgrading (you can't really downgrade in my opinion right away only post hard next, but that is my opinion) aka you better off out eventually it does not seem that you guys on the same page when it comes to long term too much friction....

 

[ulrich]

I’m having trouble believing that you did absolutely nothing to make these girls think that you were OK with splitting the tab.
Perhaps you seemed too agreeable, or said yes at the wrong moment or said that money shouldn’t be an issue.
I don’t know… but in my experience people look for confirmation that you are down with the plan… they usually take the smallest sign of agreement as consent… but they can’t take one if you don’t give one.

That being said, I agree that they’re being disrespectful.
Are these the kind of women that you want in your life?

If that happened to me, my girl would be apologizing and washing my clothes and promising that was a one time event.
That’s not something I actively do, it’s the kind of girl I choose.

 

[DarkKnight]

Ree... you have a history of white knighting and refuse to learn from your mistakes. All the guys above mentioning boundaries are spot on. A lot of times your problems involve saving a girl and then getting burned for it. A previous time there was even police involved and the girl returning to an ex/bad boy, something like that I do not recall vividly.

By this time you should know what you are doing wrong. And each time we confront you, you tend do defend yourself with saying you was trying to be moral or helpful. But the truth is you are white knighting.

Learn to put your foot down or keep making emotional posts like this. You are a member of this board for many years, you have no excuse to keep making these atrocious mistakes. Where is your frame control?

Also I gather you are quite wealthy in an otherwise poor area right? At the very least make your money and wealth very conditional. Learn to be a prick. Because I suspect you are using your money to try to attract girls while it should be your fundamentals and game.

 

[Ree]

Are you sure the bill was 1400 dollars or did you mean 140 dollars? That seems more accurate for a night out at the club.

my bad,the bill was 140 dollars,i was converting kenyan shillings to usd on the fly

 

[Ree]

By the way i never ever heard of a club like you describe unless strip club were they do not like women to go without a male partner.

actually it was a strip club

 

[Ree]

i feel ya man

I don't understand why you dating a woman that is into clubbing like that, this is what chase and vision were talking about in the other post we went back and forth...... Your girl no offense sounds like club regular, huge red flag..

 

[Skills]

actually it was a strip club

Wow again bro, hugeeeeee red flag like the Chinese army

 

[DarkKnight]

Wow again bro, hugeeeeee red flag like the Chinese army

I wanted to keep silent, but after this comment I cannot hahahah. But indeed huge red flag there

 

[Ree]

Wow again bro, hugeeeeee red flag like the Chinese army

lol,chinese parade,anyways still learning